oh just dropping this cute little spazz off at woof and shloof. shoof is yiddish for something i forget. you look into it why do i have to do all the work around here jesus.
i don’t own a dog. my dog mentality is such that, i don’t know what the hell is going on over there you know? i feel like it’s a huge responsibility and i may as well give birth if i want to be held accountable for another’s life and overall well being.
rocky was in heaven. he’d never had a spa day before. you’re welcome rocky you can pay me back in form of a round or two of drinks. your mother was away in alliston battling some serious asthma at the time so it was the least we could do, someone is suffering so lets get you pampered. ok that joke fell flat.
there is nothing like being patronized about doggie world. luckily i saw an episode of dog whisperer once so i was fully prepared for this. i think you’d want to let your dog loose for a day with these types of people who are dog knowledgeable and maybe sort of insane? i think everyone is insane for whatever field they’re involved and thrive in, you’d have to be. why would i leave my dog with someone who didn’t operate mentally in dog vs humans world? but still guy, i borrowed a dog for this so that should tell you right there how far you can go with me.
jesse knows his shit. everything he said i learned in one episode of dog whisperer, ok maybe from oprah too. wait a minute, didn’t that guy get the dog whisperer show because of oprah? pretty sure he did.
if i was a dog i’d love this place. great facilities, very spacious, and dog friends to run around and play with plus they walk you and give you loads of attention and consider your feelings and other new agey dog stuff.
catering to the st. clair crowd too so, haha snicker, demanding elite twats and their precious little baby wabies as clientele woof and shloof know how to play the game. these are all my opinions by the way as a professional person of the world constantly collecting data and uh, drawing conclusions and such.
dogs leave scent messages everywhere. rocky is picking up his message and leaving a voicemail in return i guess. he’s saying no, your message sucked, mine is more intelligent.
the dog castle can also be used as a time out those arched doors below there, you slide a slat or cage whatever down the front. i can totally picture a wastecase stuffing himself in there at a party and us all locking him in. claustrophobia freak out to the max. i think if you punished a dog this way they’d learn their lesson straight away. shit’s scary in there i think.
so apparently this whole time jesse and rocky were having a conversation, an unspoken one. rocky was running around the place and jesse was talking to us but really he was mind fucking rocky. brilliant.
he was letting him know who was boss, lead alpha dog. i am not going to acknowledge you until i am ready to, type thing. i also learned that from the dog whisperer therefore it must be true cos it was on television. when someone tells you they are having a conversation with a dog i dare you not to explode in a fit of laughter. i think i was drunk still from gorillaz.
some dog politics water area. jesse turned the dog battle on its ear and gave everyone water like moses or something. makes good sense to me, different heights for different dogs and even the little guys can sneak in there for a drink and then someone can do some garden watering too?
pee bells. training the dogs to ding them when they need to go wee. smart. then you have a bell at home if you were a keener. ding the bell when you go out with your dog for a piss a few times and see if he gets it.
pomeranian’s hair doesn’t grow if you cut it so, don’t cut it. you can trim the under parts though. rocky got his butt cleaned, nails clipped, other dog stuff i forget and wouldn’t remember or know about as i am a cat person.
humans aren’t even supposed to be allowed passed that barrier. seriously. i was like uh how am i supposed to review your facilities if i can’t go and review your facilities? raymi always gets the vip treatment so i got to climb through that little door haha kidding. that door is for when tons of clients come at once just let ‘em loose through the doggie door and sayonara suckers.
we’re being told here not to leave rocky, i got all nervous like ok we’re walking away now which is the same as leaving, right? dog whispering is insane, there are lots of rules and careful considerations. jesse got up to leave us with rocky in his arms and then i started to feel separation anxiety. dogs pick up on that energy, so it’s partially for the dog but hugely for the owner too. their mandate is to make your little guy as calm and happy and “spaw”ed out as possible and then they email you a report at the end of it.
so proud of rocky! jen said it made her smile when she read it. i love the extra mile they go. now, the fabfind deal has expired but if you go within the next month and say you saw their business on raymi’s blog, jesse is willing to give you a discount. i can’t remember what it exactly was going to be cos he was dog whispering as we were getting out of there so you’ll have to talk to him. they do dog sitting too. clearly.
after my morning at the dog spa with rocky (you’ll see that later) jason dumped me at queen to head off to his store and i rounded the corner into a raymi fan.
happy birthday! no really, it’s her birthday today. she said her and her friend saw me last night but didn’t say hi. i asked where, strachan? where the hell is strachan i was pretty mangled last nite. her dog is strong and totally pulled me down the sidewalk. i totally forget your name sorry. also hi to the girl in the acc club bar last nite try and resurface that email you sent me.
i am blog spotted daily. multiple times even. not bragging just fact stating. i also brush my teeth and blink daily. see? was that bragging? my niece asks me about that all the time it’s really bad for my ego. i call it blog spotting cos that’s where my blog began, on a blogspot.com makes sense right.
then i did something i said i wouldn’t do since some retard left me a hater comment from the drake posing as management. it was skidfanie’s birthday on the 13th so i picked her up a little somethin-somethin. ew i hate that saying.
you’ll have to wait til she opens it. i wanted to spoil/surprise her this year as i completely forgot her bday last year when i was living in burlington. omg it’s been a year now i can do raymi archive posts again though i dunno if i want to open up that can of worms. hmm. anyway i forgot last year cos i was in a serious weed life changing fog. no excuses i am a good friend and i want to be even better. I AM A PROFESSIONAL FRIEND. hahaha.
i seriously have not vacuumed this rug and i bought it in january. oh the secrets contained. probably hash crumbs too. apparently the vacuum doesn’t reach my room?
i was becoming really worried yesterday that my outlandish bloat was getting severely out of hand but then i just got my period like a normal person. so used to it being late forgot all about it. phew thank fuck.
i am so scattered and busy i can’t even get through a magazine. the sun through my hair makes it look extra spinstery. this photo reminded me about laundry in the washer my favourite part in laundry time is transferring it to the dryer. i am marge simpson. only 12% of the time. nah, more so old fashion.
steph get here and entertain me already so i don’t have to work.
aw i just received this little love letter:
Hey,
I’ve been meaning to drop you a line for a long time but always chickened out. I’ve read your blog (the only one I do) for the past few years. I’m highly addicted! I love your postings, slayer style and food critiques. It’s no stretch to say that you have influenced me and upped my game with food and clothes. Anyway, don’t know what else to say except that I think you’re rockin’ and keep doing what you do – it’s fucking great.
A silent supporter and blog lurker,
Mel
everyone who sends me nice emails and i say SO BLOGGING THIS and then i don’t i apologize it’s just that i am so overwhelmed and busy and disorganized. i read them while out on my blackberry and then i get home and everything’s gone into a blackhole. thank you for taking the time to write to me i will always appreciate it. from now on be sure to attach a photo along with, of yourself or a pile of clothes, a present you want to give to me…
happy friday dudes.
i am going to do tricep extensions until she gets here and some laundry. there’s prosecco in the fridge i forgot to get oj though maybe i could squeeze apples into juice? just kidding i am not that insane/domesticated/desperate.
update: steph has been at poor john’s she threw rocks at my window and rang the buzzer for an hour. guess the doorbell no longer works. now i can buy oj.
wasn’t really planning to review the show last nite but a few snarky tweets made me change my mind. now i know gorillaz has a stigma attached, cos they’re so mega and there’s that thing one of the gallagher brothers said about damon albarn being a bandwagon jumper when he started gorillaz (sour grapes liam) but anyway in this situation when it comes to blur and well, gorillaz, your opinion means less than shit to me. i love this band. LOVE. i don’t care about any partial thought, barely formed, in relation to any and all things gorillaz and/or blur because. you, are, wrong. period. i’m not even saying it to fight i’m just saving your breath and my time.
that shit was soul cleansing and life changing i always sound like a gay drunk hippie when i actually enjoy myself cos i’m so used to being miserable and bored usually, easily. impress me and i’ll give you a beejer.
i was really inspired too actually. i have been a blur fan since i was in grade 7. more so than gill. i have a boatload of useless blur trivia taking up invaluable space in my cerebral cortex. did you like how i called myself stupid in a smart way there? anyway, damon albarn is undeniably gorgeous. i have pined for that man like you wouldn’t fucking believe. studied his mannerisms, maybe even emulated a few. my nickname in school was bluren. i know. go to town. the point is, he’s so fucking good looking but does he ever make mention of it?
no, i don’t think that he does and he’s got every reason to hold that over the gallagher brothers’ (whom i’d also lay in a heartbeat) jealous/rivalry. he just focuses on his art, his music, and that’s what makes him untouchable and on top. leaves the ego out of it. that’s what inspired me. i’m going to stop acting like king shit from here on in now basically. well, i’ll at least try.
left camera at home these are all shitty bb photos. the nite was for me and dancing. once i saw the first visual projected like something straight out of final fantasy my heart melted and i was so happy. such pure escapism the entire show all of it from start to finish. a billion thumbs up from my biased opinion.
they had a brass band and tons of singers. it was beautiful. i’d d/l plastic beach if i was you. best album to date. every song i love, is danceable, drag raceable, get highable.
this song was the best of the night, halfway through little dragon comes out and the song gets good. she was wearing a silver disco jacket it sparkled amazingly and she danced how i dance. i went bananas.
that’s me testing out a hangover patch. i’m not hung today so i guess it worked though i only had a couple gins so i don’t think i’d be hung anyway. i’m going to get a ton of these for my gift bags. you slap it on 40 minutes before you start to give’r.
ginger has this ugly little scarecrow in his room. i crashed there last nite after space weed and sushi. his bed is like one of those thousand dollar jobs all foam core whatever and it destroys my back every time and then i always walk home from the distillery to parkdale checkin’ work emails the whole way making calls like a total business guy idiot dressed like a softball player extra pounding an americano wearing flats and that’s what does me in double whammy. after this weekend i’m making time for a chiro visit. clem call me.
so in summation, those expensive beds do nothing but harm. you’re fine on the floor.
ginger’s friend thinks he has mental problems cos we’ve never banged and probably never will now it’s just funny cos look at us don’t we look like we’re a doing it simpleton couple just havin’ a casual hang in front of the tube watching our game? ginger’s co-worker is all SERIOUSLY DUDE WHAT’S YOUR FUCKING PROBLEM DO YOU HAVE MENTAL PROBLEMS YOU HAVE FUCKING MENTAL PROBLEMS hahahhahaha.
going to gorillaz tonite with gill and the gang i can’t remember the last time i did something just to do it like regular people. my life feels like it revolves around getting some, and blogging. when i engage in activities purely self indulgent ones i feel guilty like i’m supposed to be out hustling. never forget the joy of life people. rob said he forgot why he got into making films after awhile cos it becomes actual work doing shit for other people, you forget that you started this for you and now i’m taking a dog to a fucking spa tomorrow. hilarious.
for the love of blog and writing a book is why i started making a name for myself out here in the urban artistic wilderness. it’s a nice life but once in awhile you have to actually work hard at it which is where i pull suck attack stunts. would i be happier if i chose the “easier” route of 9-5 professional? maybe. doubt it. i don’t think i’d be happier any which way i’m just not meant to be a happy type so really it shouldn’t matter what i do. though, money is pretty wicked.
wow tangent. end.
i’m in a stress vortex so i had trouble sleeping last nite and now my back is fucked but i don’t have time to be in pan right now i am pushing my body’s limits.
melodie thinks i might have this disease i can’t recall the name of. my stomach can get bloated at the drop of a hat. maybe i have an allergy? the fluctuation over the span of 24 hours, 48 hours, is night and day. i can look like a rail and then i can look like a whale. sick of it.
sass styled this outfit. she wouldn’t let me get this one dress i wanted just because i could squeeze into it so i said fine then go find me something awesome.
talkin’ caterin’ lookin’ like what women actually look like when they party plan. when i got to britt’s she was mashing something at the stove she looks at me over her shoulder and says she didn’t look like this three hours prior. said she looked like a wreck. the horror of the early dinner guest. there’s always one (not me) and you have to babysit entertain and you look like a tornado spat you out. put that guy to work.
two nights ago? on the couch. we watched the joneses and royal tennenbaums. i love rt so much but it always makes me so sad after. if any dude reading this looks like (or can) luke wilson in the suicide scene after he shaves all his beard off i will wed you AND sign a pre-nup and give you half of all future (currrent) earnings. you will need a designer tennis shirt too.
don’t even get me started on how long her hair is. a jealous (not a real) friend would tell her to cut it and give it to charity like she initially intended. fuck that babies don’t need wigs, that’s pedigree baby you hang on to that mane and you snare a man post haste.
totally forgot we had dessert after mitzi’s mmmmitzi’s. i’d be a rail or starved to one if mitzi’s wasn’t around the corner from adventurehouse. those nites you just can’t stave off hunger anymore it’s the only place around.
the tofu sticks are great you can choose from all the wing sauces for dipping. i always order at least two. then i ask for another kind for my wings that are also a completely separate flavour so i come out of there with four different flavours minimum. yes, i am insane.
gorgeous girl. i was blogspotted in UO yesterday (hi danielle!) by a girl who is interested in doing a show on me. she said she was keen on sass for it too as well as meredith. i casually say oh sass is here too and screamed up through the stairs at sass to come down. funny moment, the girl was not expecting for sass to be with me i guess it took adrenaline courage enough to approach me, she seemed a bit overwhelmed. i really had to take a leak and i also had shopping on the brain. i love buzzed shopping. had a mimosa at the gladstone with lunch. love the slaw at gladstone.
that woman in the back was reading about longing. i overheard a hipster yuppie say we want everything and we don’t want to pay for it, over a pint with another yuppie hipster. oh men. business. you are so my type.
at the height of intervening with that lunatic i opened my fortune then i howled and snickered. i had had e-fucking-nough. since then numerous other crazies have sprouted up in my inbox. i guess they were there all along but maybe it’s the change of season, i dunno. just leave me alone guys unless you’re movie star handsome don’t fucking bother me i have no time for your games i mean it. output mode only.
it always goes down in the kitchen. people will talk you to death in a kitchen. don’t you love that at house parties standing under unattractive overhead lighting and someone with bad beer breath is close talking to you about their fucking job. ugh.
my date was all the way down the hall stuck in a polite adult party manners vortex so we blasted the tunes to taunt and show what’s going on in the kitchen haha so he’s like sitting in a chair listening to britt talk about whatever the fuck forced to pay his new guy dues meanwhile out of his peripheral vision, down a classically long toronto house hallway…
do you remember when they tried to have an intervention for the mom on arrested development she shows up they’re all completely polluted shitbombed and are like mom you have a driii-kennng problum hahaha.
it was a failed intervention but it was the best family party drinking celebration we ever had. if you can get me the exact quote that would be appreciated.
which is like 365 days a year 24/7 but it’s nice to have an official day to honour it though and a day after to sleep it off. i actually wasn’t as wasted as everybody else just in a good mood and happy for somewhere to be. simple shit.
drew a new chair on a bigger canvas yesterday. it is just as retarded if not more than this. definitely more. sass had to help me sketch the finishing touches cos my brain shorted out, was roadblocked by perspective of the arms and ugh, i am demented.
i like some of my pictures to be sideways despite this being meant to be portrait. it’s cos i am tall i can’t get my entire body in if i do it landscape, which i prefer over portrait cos it’s more aesthetically pleasing on my blog when i do a photo overload post. when i thrust my camera into your hands and say landscape i can get a bit snippy if you don’t listen to me and do portrait. do me landscape and do me head to toe and never from below otherwise don’t do me at all i’ll find some hobo off the street to take my picture. i am the boss and this is how i like it, no arguments.
there’s always a mixture of portrait and landscape shots from my reel of the night and i want to use everything but i know how sloppy it looks to jump from landscape to portrait. landscape is always dominant. every so often there’s an annoying portrait thrown in i just can’t not (neurotic perfectionist) blog.
so in order to bridge the gap and make an effort to unslop it up i force a caption about said photograph or something nonsensical, non-sequitor, to make a big chunk of text beneath it which makes more space on the page before the next grouping of landscape pictures. see?
it’s always been my secret smug amusement that i have so much fucking traffic and such a mental looking blog when there are numerous, countless, beautifully designed websites out there with no readers.
and now i have to write an article about my experience in the middle of nowhere writing and going crazy by a crazy. i am also drowning in party planning stress it’s like planning a wedding for yourself except you have to alert all the media about it too. nucking futs. the party essentially is going to look like my brain. there’s going to be tons going on up in there. i want to model it after a holiday party, no christmas jingle bullshit i mean, just big. BIG BIG HUUUUGE. raymi@raymitheminx.com if you want media guestlist invite i need to start collecting numbers so i can work with my caterers. this is a party you will not want to miss. everyone else the online ticket pre-purchase will go up very soon. NOVEMBER 11 at wrong bar. puh-uh-uh-uh-umped.
britt’s mom’s signature casserole. i was aghast at the components after shoveling a ton in to my mouth. miracle whip is NOT an ingredient. i said this tastes cheap, as in, delicious. gotta be velveeta something or other. once a year i guess is ok.
the flash is fidgety you have to hold a light source to trigger it sometimes if the battery isn’t cranked enough and so people look like idiots holding a candle.
takin’ a break. brad was calling her lunatic all day and by night’s end she finally relaxed and went cuckoo fun times like the good old days. it was agreed upon by one and all that we are all insane and completely fine with that.
round one, sorta not fully cooked. it’s ok i am an expert on salmonella poisoning i’ll take over. brad was relieved. go give’r guy this is woman’s work.
couldn’t find one of the racks britt neurotically tucked away so i just balanced the crescent pan right on top of the turkey (covered in tinfoil) because i am an animal and a problem solver.
did you get enough dark meat renita? that’s when mental overload was in full swing, ok one person wants dark meat assembly line that turkey back into the fucking oven NOW and crank it.
a couple friends had dibs on this and i got tired of looking at it. i will make another one. britt has been eyeballing it since 2008 and makin’ comments. fine. she is good to me so i’ll get her back. also brought some cheese boutique goodies over as penance for being late.
i am totally wearing a britt dress. it’s mine though just never wore it out. halfway through the night as i was fiddling with my ample bosom i see britt’s glazed over eyes and say yeah this is a britt dress and she goes yeah it IS a britt dress. got it from the same store i bought that other black lacey one the city wants.
half her friends think she modeled blythe after herself. half my friends think it’s me and i’m that much of a narcissist. people see what they want to see.
tickle trunk room is totally clean now since these were taken i spazz neurotically cleaned it after britt‘s thanksgiving dinner last nite. she’s our monica and puts so much effort into perfection then i show up as she’s unraveling from the stress and take over and get all the (undeserved) credit. i saved the gravy. i brought goodies and a painting. i love my friends oh so much. i can’t remember the last time i ever did anything in the city for a holiday, it’s always been family suburbs, no brainer that’s just want you do. i think everyone this year is happy to have a break from it.
too soon too early for this hat and all the attention it brings me. i’ve been away in hiding now back to the city i have to readjust and gel. people who say gel you must be skeptical of this type of person. sleazebag terminology look for the signs.
handy little bottoms. i wear my stevie shirt pantsless lucky i put those things on at all. i was preparing to meet up with sass whom is never wearing underpants and the shortest of skirts ever. i was on my way out in this thing for a drink (with one of toronto’s lovable douchebags haha) and melodie said ok you look fine but be wary that other women are going to be making comments about you. i threw a tiny pair of shorts into my purse just to be safe. never put them on. i don’t care what women think or say about me. men either. i am not in the business of caring anymore i am too old to waste energy on insecurity. i am a seasoned urbanite. sometimes getting dressed for a nite out it is totally like preparing for battle. i know i will encounter someone who will not like what i am wearing and feel threatened by it. you should never let the unknown ghost of the night variable hinder your creative provocation. go. then go further.
i like this piston place. first timer. first nite out back in your city it’s great to go to a new place you still feel like an alien on another planet. i was leaning against the bar and a girl comes up to me and asks if i’m raymi the, minx? yes i say. she says she’s got a friend who’s obsessed with me and has to meet me. this is why it’s ok to approach me and not be nervous (i know there’s a lot of you out there who let the moment slip by) because i am actually more nervous than you are and i right that by disarming you straight away. i complimented his jacket said i’d noticed it before, i’m a step ahead of you and noticed you first. turns out he’s the owner of two restaurants on the upcoming raymi masterpiece dinner theatre tour. small world. small town.
fully fuckn giver too. you see why i need to leave the city and my life constantly i have several core groups of people/friends who are willing to gong show it up just like that no problem at any second.
then the punching continues. the guys pretend to be stressed out about it. they do face shots even. hardcore chicks. i just hugged myself nervously safely behind the bar in shock. man i’m a wimp.
went to clem’s to hang with lenny and have an old fashioned late night deep chat like the olden days where there was no punching. just a hot tub and teppei too.
can’t wait for whenever you americans celebrate t-giving a month from now and i get inundated with hapy thanksgiving messages on fb and email and in comments. you realize i’m canadian right and i don’t celebrate when you do, we get it over with first cos we are awesome and have more time to prepare for christmas. thanksgiving comes out of nowhere and we get’er done then move on. so, this year when you have your usa holiday please refrain from wishing me a happy thanksgiving. pretend i’m a jew and you’re about to tell me merry christmas. don’t be so oblivious and self-centered and assume the rest of the world does everything america does. i love you all, despite your faults. xo rlw
