things ain’t like they used to be from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

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look how blondy white my hair is. darling. seriously i am not obsessed with my own hair i am just super sick and insane right now combined with pms.

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i think these speak for themselves. more on this experience tomorrow. raymi’s first wax. piece’a cake.

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my impression of a disney princess posing as a peasant to blend in.

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tales of the super blond. erica looked up blondtourage and found that we blondside haters. hahaha.

I found this definition for blondetourage in urban dictionary. is this a common term?

The BLONDETOURAGE is protected by the BLONDEBRIGADE which consists of a tactical unit (usually not natural blonde) that protect from the haters out there. They also fend off men that are inappropriate. These smart, educated sassy girls are the ones you love to hate.

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yo relax guys. three days left for the contest. keep voting! keep entering!

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sick in bed made a circus of my nails this morning.

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last nite i drank rum and oj and read til i passed out feeling sorry for myself.

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this day, sunday, and the rain, is definitely to thank for my sickly state.

okkkkkkkkkkk byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee.

this pitch is very Zach Galifianakis and the vodka campaigns he did i can’t wait to hit it big time so i can piss off many more clients.

team adventurehouse + stew have matching red phones now. kind of a relief. i am greedy and competitive, even though i love red i love everything else too and then more plus extra, and again and still that’s not enough.

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andrew sent me along with snot rags, halls and pms chocolate. awww. inhaled half the chocolate and didn’t take vitamin c pills cos i didn’t want that choc orange flavour taste mixture in my mouth. PRIORITIES!

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feel sick still. am sick still but doped up on meds. have the itch, the sick itch, urge to go out and do things despite knowing i need a break. had three double americanos today that might have something to do with it.

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i am so tired of rudeness it just feels like it’s this never-ending ocean of choppy bitchiness waves, gossip, passive aggression and foul spirits surrounding me and trying to get in. everyone always has an excuse or reason to justify being a bold faced twat to me. it starts out by me slightly humouring it then progresses into the fascinated by it stage, then that doesn’t last for very long and i become severely irritated by it. people ask me a lot how i deal with negative comments constantly and that they wouldn’t be able to handle it. i take it and i accept it but every so often it reaches the tipping point and i have to decide to either flip out, make a scene, call someone on it. ugh. but then how does that make me look? not very good. so i cannot win. i am just supposed to deal with this abuse and not give the losers airspace.

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we all teamed up on a racist moron last nite out front of mitzi’s were saying our goodbyes and lucas goes to this guy smoking, what did you mean by “those fucking asians”? just wanted to know because my mom is asian (Phillipino) and he tries to lip us off like it was nothing and too complex for us to possibly understand. lucas and mel walk away then the guy gets drunk brave and says yeah tell your friend to fuck off and all this other garbage and then i go you know what id rather be asian than fat and short like you. he goes women always gotta chime in on things as melodie came back and we were seriously going to scrap. stew was ready for it too. this guy’s friend comes out to shoo us off him and the guy tries to barrel out the door at us again for more. called lucas pimply. i said are you serious he has the most clear skin ever, probably cos of his ASIAN ancestry. the moral of the story is, don’t talk to strangers. no just kidding. these moments happen and while i am told to let things go and rise above, no one else seems to take their own damn advice. lucas was the only one who heard him say that, he could have ignored it. i’m glad he didn’t because that guy had to go sit in the bar and think about what he said for the rest of the night. we gave him a chance to explain himself, i stood on the stoop and arrogantly bowed and said now is your chance please do enlighten us yeah it was kind of an ambush, people mutter stuff thinking they’ll get away with it. not in parkdale. not on our watch. especially when we’ve been drinking 5 hours and the waitress was a total sow to me. again. unbelievable. i was the only one targeted. i wouldn’t even open my mouth just to prove my point and she totally slammed only MY drinks down. i was so angry i almost told her off when i went to pay but i held back. i’ll save it for a rainy day. a raymi day. stewart ordered my wine for me like a gentleman and to be passive aggressive.

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excuse me miss notice how i am the one coming to pay the bill here? maybe this tip option will give you some BEING NICE TO ME NEXT TIME incentive. i was so flabbergasted i tried to do the math in my head of how much money i have spent in that establishment, the tweet mentions, you name it. it’s beyond self-entitlement too. i am a paying customer, a regular paying customer, i bring people there and this employee is just nothing but moody and rude and you’d think she’d be nicer to me seeing as everyone i go there with has been going there years, we’re all friends, pah, but no. it’s the hair, it really is. another parkdale regular said to me he was going to judge me based on my blond hair but because of who i was sitting with at the bar i was therefore acceptable. i’m like meanwhile dude i reviewed the restaurant you work in heheh. you never know who you’re speaking to in this city.

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laundry sweater mountain is growing.

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here i am reflecting on my manic day. at least it was sunny. still can’t find my winter boots. or one of my jackets. or my favourite sweater. grand.

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Salena says

Getting drunk and working out doesnt merit needing a business card. You are basically a kept wife, minus the whole “husband” thing.

that is the dumbest comment i’ve ever read. i wouldn’t be able to get drunk and work out if not for a business, or a card. you’re beyond backwards and the icing on the idiot cake is this whole kept notion. kept women don’t work. i work. in fact today i did three business-related things across the city, no wait, 5, all before 3pm. what the hell did you do? oh, read my blog, said something catty and incorrect on it. cool life you have.

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motion room assault today, sweated a lot. from sickness and working out. felt great. some dizzy spells at points. now off for my first wax everrrr. loaded on advil and dayquil. and coffee. ok bye.

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need new business cards stat.

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got adventurehouse together last nite and stew for an #INQNYE pre-union also a reunion as i haven’t seen stewart since i last bumped into him at unloveable and i don’t remember when he and melucas saw each other last either. so basically last nite was party practice sit-down and i even made a mini speech that was ten words long hahaha.

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THIS IS HOW YOU USE THE PHONE. pre-demo before they all get theirs today.

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feelin’ flu-y.

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on a strongbow kick right now maybe i am trying to convince myself it’s summer.

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throat hurts so much i want to swim in that right now.

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raymi the zombie was here.

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she likes love.

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learn it live it love it, stewart.

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fooling around big time. lots of fun. so excited for NYE. the contest doesn’t close til the 19th so you still have time to enter and vote on photos. please don’t pick losers to party with us thanks. we have high party standards.

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wait’ll you see the videos i dunno if i have the nards to share them. totally hilarious and snarky. even made one explaining how my name is pronounced. maybe i’ll redo that one with my mother.

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melodie loves the artwork/instructions manual.

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this phone has many valuable and useful features. it might get you into the circus.

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it makes you look like this. swear to god i picked it up and in seconds i looked like this. obviously works.

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it’s also a wonderful roti eating companion while all your friends go out for a dart.

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fits in your sock.

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apologies for my weird lumpy body shape. thermal pants baby! twenty seven years of trying i quit.

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i am a ginger magnet. derek is really funny.

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i didn’t know mel could do cross eyes. i can’t do it without a guide. you’d think my humongous nose would be adequate enough.

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it’s lucas’ job to learn us the INQ chat 3G. i love thinking holidays ahhhh.

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first a toast and thank you all for coming and being apart of my exploits.

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party backwards through tiiiiime.

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rugged roti.

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getting the hang of it. easy peasy.

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lamb sweet potato roti. yes i went to mitzi’s two nites in a row. private party at parts n labour and i was too sick for boehmer. will save that for week’s end.

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stewart is pumped can you tell? he said he’s been bragging re: montreal. well, good.

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what’s the purpose of life if not for bragging and influence? you are my party ambassadors. embrace and enjoy it.

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do i look smart?

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i’m gonna have that thing glued to my hand 24/7 hahahah.

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‘scuse me i’m on a very busy imaginary important call.

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stress tore out some of my nails on the weekend. the cycle of life. they’re still long but not as long as they would’ve been.

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ok doke dudes gotta fly, again still time to enter to win this trip for you and three buddies. upload a party picture, be of drinking age, and canadian. done and done. see you in canada’s france very soon.

note to self: sweet potato fries fresh out of the oil burns your esophagus. just add a dash of salt and rosemary. mmm. hahah. gunning for your job, dan. you can see how anal i am about getting every fry out of the seasoning bowl. we made a lot for april. (do you like how i pretend to know what or where an esophagus is?)

slightly embarrassing. evidence of how neurotic i am. nothing prepares you for sizzling hot egg flipping spit oil IN THE NECK. uploading more footage. it’s a sicky sucky snow day plus menses isolation party afternoon. no it’s not the guilt got to me i am truckin’ it to my meeting afterall. two hours late.

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hello! hallo und Willkommen. i tried to translate hello and welcome to russian but i don’t think you can read that and babelfish is racist against polaks they don’t have a translate option and this joke’s steam just ran out. здравствулте! и гостеприимсво i look like a babushka puffalump i stuffed the biggest sweater into that jacket and now its life fulfillment has been achieved from when i bought it 9 years ago for two dollars at salvation army on battleford road i knew one day some hipster would faint in desire from seeing me in such a backwoodsy adorable cuddly huggable oversized steamy oatmeal number. wow arrogant much! (i’m gettimg russian spam comments now from inserting that crap up there so you better of LOL’d.

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i swear to god fur hats and platinum hair is like walking around as a giant boner it’s obscene and i am LOVING IT. no more bunhead for me not til spring. it’s curls and straight and long and sleek. al was like did you have a night bath? kind of accusatorely (that is not a word but i am using it because i am manic right now trying to get this out and on to my board room meeting. yes. and i am wearing thermal pants to it because i am sick and a sloth) like a bath at night is one-upping everybody. i was sick and indulgent, drinking havana and kuji mango then red wine because i’m out of pain pills and it’s cramp time. hella bad. disabling sort of.

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i made myself the hottest veggie stir fry knowing it wold trigger my cramps but also keen on a magnificent heat high. what can i say i like it cosmic. anyway i doused wasabi powder cayenne chili flakes and green chili paste and it still wasn’t hot enough so i rang darius for a mitzi’s night had a major hankering for the mados. james says chicken wings are super fattening and i kinda knew that already but he really drove the point home so i was thinking of getting a salad and dumping mados all over it but it was nachos nite.

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i was super bloated and crampy and stuffed my gut under/into the table. fuckin’ hot. but i’m telling you it’s the hat what saved me. pure angelic.

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look how long my hair is getting and how fat my face. darius and al went out for a smoke and came back to tell me that all their fat goes to their face. my brother said that’s what happens to the kerouacs so i have a fat face complex huge time. james says it goes to my arms. all your eating, arms. consider last nite the very last pigging out til post NYE. i only wanted nachos to shovel mados with (darius you are a pussy, i fully had more mados than you) but then they said it was half price nachos and well, like a house of cards, we fell. darius is really funny he called me a pussy right back, yelled it out loud. doesn’t put up with my shit. no one really does anymore. everyone hates raymi wah wah wah.

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movie shoot photo interlude. they asked if we were working with them. um, yes, duh. it’s the hat and the tall french inspector (darius). we looked chic and blended very well. a guy with an expensive camera and i stared at one another, he was staring and staring so i laid on the pearly whites and the cute voice and waved and said hiiiiii grinning more, then showed my dimples. then walked away with snowflakes floating in slow-mo under lamplight in that awful cold. we were the only ones in this moment. he looked over his shoulder at me many more times until darius and i were gone. at this moment another woman was talking to darius. it was a cop scene, an ambulance was there too. we thought a real incident had happened when we were coming upon it from king. oh my god i can just talk and talk and talk right.

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eating spree.

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my hand is floating and pure example of the benefits of wearing black. i look tired too.

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no off button. i’m like one of those fat kids who just keep going until they’re eating napkins. thanks weed!

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we psycho-analyzed the girl in the second act. darius backed up my observations. al was telling me off about, everything. i can’t even tell you the good bits about anything anymore cos my parkdale boys club are mad at me. so darius is my next star hahaha and i’m letting a different one take me out somewhere expensive tonight if i’m not too sickly. listen, we’re all adults here. urban adults. if one of my pack wants to take me somewhere nice because he likes my hair, then i shall oblige him.

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darius has been picking up too allegedly. three in one nite. it’s the coat i think and the tall and the winter desperation. we’re all looking for bed warmers. ewww my uncle said that.

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do you want to watch my next cooking exploit at BOOM college street location? throwing a hangover holiday brunch party DECEMBER 21 1PM i have 24 spots available so email rsvp: raymi@raymitheminx.com it’s going to be fuuuuuuuuun.

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pop art. i loved the colour cross-match.

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get out of bed around 11 or so. make coffee for everyone. wake n bake. start drinking about 1. diet cran oj vodkas. girl weekend. early to bed on friday. i guess i am an old lady by now, in to bed early with me. britt made many comments about it. raymi the pussy.

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tree trim was an all afternoon lazy affair. need to dig out last year’s ornaments, cool black matte, sparkled balls and hearts and stars. very gotham.

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we made dance videos too. starring this hero of course. who knows if they’re usable.

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dad did the lights.

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grandma/grandpa’s tree ornaments. sentimental things. nostalgic. explosion.

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kinda dr. seussy. which is my tree decorating style this year apparently. stoner decorating is hilarious. you get super anal about certain garland tinsel ornament placements. after seeing britt’s tree though, wow, that is what real anal is about. we were so wound up from coffee driving life i dunno we did all her dishes together when back to the city like psychotic robots. she goes monica. it’s my favourite. i am all about control right now, the more i have over things, my environment, tasks completed, structure, order, routine, ahhhhhh like a steam valve releases in your mind.

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watched 15 episodes of 30 rock yesterday. i identify with liz lemon far too much i was inwardly cringing at native richard gere’s when he’d laugh at all her gaffs, nerdy sayings, foibles.

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not embarrassed but, i don’t feel the need to lay claim to another’s character and project it on to myself. i don’t need you to see me in a certain way to feel better or more interesting. you will find these things out on your own time.

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he called me a charlatan. before that, a fraud. i hide. i am gamey he meant, always playing games. i have a mask. i can go between raymi and lauren. people always need to analyze me and tell me their findings like they’re personality detectives and they have outwitted my personality, or, personalities.

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i look gruesome dark and kinda edie trainwreck skeleton here and bonus i am pointing to a now-defunct empire. was eaton’s an empire? i think so. i heard tommy hilfiger stormed eaton’s when they went under (what happened there again?) to snatch up his merchandise so people couldn’t purchase it at insanely discounted prices. is that evil? i wore a pea jacket of his for awhile that was my mother’s and this hippie chick i used to sleep with said he was an evil man and i should cover up the hilfiger modest centimeter square-sized flag logo. i considered it. it was at around the time i was heavily into media advertising in high school and i had adopted an adbuster’s idealism, non-conformist epithet. but really, it’s cos i was a cheapskate and broke most of the time. eventually you get older and you crave quality goods, they are a comfort and they represent comfortable living, achievement. status. suffice it to say i did not tear the tommy flag off my jacket. one of my bike’s is an eaton’s too. leant it to casie.

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my dad was so happy about the tree and not having to decorate it himself, or period. he went over to bob’s to party for a bit and beam about his daughter and her friend britt. bob drove by and saw jersey plates in dad’s drive and then the burlington times hotline was ablaze. he said is snooki over?? raymi’s big news over there heheh i am a thing of lore now like braveheart whatever his name is they’re all AND HE IS 10 FEET TALL AND HAS SWORDS FOR FINGERS AND SLAYED MANY BEASTS!

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does this feel like you are putting a tree together yourself?

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i look like my grade two christmas pageant angel costume. seriously. cheapestly constructed outfit ever compared to all the portuguese kids and the italians i was like lisa simpson in a homer-made thing except the neighbourhood seamstress did it. you’d think chicks who could sew would know style. nope.

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snack time flash blow out.

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recipe: three different kinds of cereal – kashi clusters, some bran high fibre thing and a sprinkle of just right (flakes) add three mini cups of to-go lunch bag yogurts, and a lot of blueberries.

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pop art that shit.

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house overtaken.

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today james called me a diva a billion times. i get really angry and collapse in laughter out of frustration from not being able to stick up for myself cos he does it right before he tells me to begin a set of something, the plank or lifts. he says i should get a shirt that says defensive on it. i don’t deny it. he doesn’t understand why i get defensive though about being called a diva because i yell out fuck you i work VERY hard and he says he knows that i do but i’m also a diva. i didn’t know you could be both, thought you had to be one or the other. he goes wow, you learned something, monday december 13, 10.30am… SUCH A SMART ASS!

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anyway i feel amazing after today’s session. i hit the elliptical for 5 intense maniac minutes afterward. i learned that a picture of me is going on the new flyers. hahahamazing. james says if it works out i’ll be their spokesmodel. i said yeah sure it would be an honour (it would) but also no problem f that i’m going to be in playboy too so never you mind worrying about me not getting fit. i am obsessed and driven. you guys can go check out the motion room for free you know, see how you like it. they’ll give you a session and they won’t intimidate you into feeling on the spot to sign up right away. it’s just as much as a gym if you do the math but you actually see results, it’s a tough work out that challenges you and helps with focus. i am way happier since i joined. i look forward to it too. there are so many benefits.

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these are only interesting to me. rocky was wedged in like a weirdo.

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that’s his chair though. he is like a dog. we are so gay for him.

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coffeeing up for city time.

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i am blown away by the cereal i have and leave and forget at my dad’s. my diet there consists of malbec cereal lots of coffee and supermarket sushi and salads. clockwork.

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raspberry strawberry apple flavoured optivia (what weird word am i thinking of) yogurt. flavour pow. love kashi. used to go to stewart’s all the time after a late central shift to smoke pot and inhale kashi til 6am. crazy summer eh guy?

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think i’ll have a good soak and a read now. lookin’ good monday! reading two books at the moment. superdad and sarah.

cramps dyyyyyyyyyying.