oh monday you cruel mistress. here we go again. againemy. i just made that up because my brain is made of mush now and i make up words because they are my imaginary friends. i am basically dr. seuss. how much acid did he do? i’ve never done acid and i never will. no need! ps. don’t you love me in this photo? i do. look at it bigger. this is the face i make when you’ve said something tactless and hurtful and i’m allowing it to sink in how much of an asshole you are. worked on the blue eyed silver fox like a charm, over mussels he saw the mouth pout purse and felt like a twat. i don’t know why but i toy with people a little bit, make them think i feel bad when i don’t, transfer feelings around like a sociopath a little, i’m really upset about something secret that i am hiding, what you did was very minimally shitty to me but i will let you think it was apocalyptic maybe if i am bored. i have high standards and if you fail my little tests then everything changes. i am actually way worse than seinfeld costanza larry david woody allen martha stewart and other neurotics. remember the polak i was kind of dating? he said something about online modeling and then it was over so fucking over.
i ate a lot of things yesterday. this is not from yesterday though, it was dinner with the teacher at gladstone. the slaw and the pate, the pate was a bad call we sent it back for the black bean dip. there was nothing wrong with it at all it was just too rich for how hung and teenily appetited we were. please remind me to make my own slaw.
not one non-blurry photo taken in le tickletrunk, and then the clear ones i look like a psycho so here is pictorial evidence of a brief room party. i bought all these juices, carrot (barf) aloe (yum) pineapple coconut (YUM) and ruby red grapefruit (sharp!) and i bought a bottle of stoli, soda why am i listing this it’s so pedantic. i bailed on the juno party at wrong bar, how was it? i bailed all over the place this weekend. black out on responsibilities not compromising MY LAST WEEK OF 27 i promise this will all go away really soon hopefully. what should i wear on my birthday? i’m feeling something akin to strawberry shortcake. can all the girls dress up too? i promise i will not go as insane as my ten year blog anniversary party which essentially already was a birthday extravaganza bonanza.
lets pretend that i do and just go back in time to take that in again. AGAINEMY. i need more hair diamonds that harajuku clip died. buy me some. write a list of things i want thank you.
holy blond kardashian nightmare, redd did an amazing job on my hair.
oh my god what a total bridezilla party monster. i think when i get married one day if i’m still doing the living publicly on display thing, i will have to get married in a straight jacket just for safety. with champagne intravenous sewn into the lining. i’m surprised they don’t already exist. they’re already white and all brides go bonkers.
bro and i commiserating. lots of dysfunctional hilarious family shit went down this evening. no telling family secrets though too bad for you.
four costume changes.
and a wardrobe malfunction. someone slammed into me and that entire wine glass dumped all over the front of this jem and the hollagrams dress ugh it’s a $600 dress on loan lucky i got away with it. my rib cage is hugely wide. i didn’t get to wear this one for very long oh well.
so yeah i have to go less than this but, just as glitzy. suggestions recommendations, donations, by all means… ok back to the present.
this is my journal from 2000, a period before england and then my walking around journal in england, notes to later expand upon in full. my class was just about writing, writer’s craft. i got to just walk the fuck around zone one (way posh) and write about eating drinking fucking (at 17) and also kept a scrapbook. what a time. i’ll scan it one day, that’s noel’s dream to scan all my journals and print them in a huge coffeetable book.
couple great gems in here and cute tram link vouchers, receipts, pressed flowers and empty sucre packets from pretentious little cafes i went the full arty nose in a book dream girl. i read some of this aloud to teacher and was kind of shocked by how great my writing was. poems too! what a fag. i think it’ll be worth something one day. all my journals will, which is why i took careful precise care with them, everything written is intentional and deliberate so some rich collector one day will open it up to passage about sunshine penetrating my souuuuul. dark lurid creepy pained and pompous moments time capsuled, dated. passages by a muse.
this morning i woke up not as depressed as how i woke up saturday morning. the secret to a bender is do it twice in a row i guess and get the fuck out of the house as fast as you can and by the way two things before i forget, this FRIDAY APRIL 1 is ADVENTUREHOUSE party at SALVADOR DARLING 1237 QUEEN ST W i will be there this time and i will be 28 years old. i will be severely hung getting severely sloshed or i will just be severely sloshed. we’ll see. hope to see you there. snp came to our first one, accidentally though (she didn’t know it was our night but i’m declaring it as counts), and she stayed. me and mel fan girled over her a bit in the back, mel was like did you get any pics of her? no unfortunately but anyway these parties are taking off now is the time to get swept up in the abyss.
the second thing was, the nickname of teacher’s townhouse is: the tower. so now you know.
becoming it girl. i bought this shirt from salvation army in sauga (joyless shithole) and my mom was like hmm i dunno about that i said just watch and learn, trust me.
hair theme this weekend was disaster zone. roots appt wednesday. maybe i’ll get a purple stripe. brennen said pink will not work for some reason i forget why.
turning into a skinny lil thang i is. except then i ate everything in the universe yesterday but somehow magically was not a heffer today i was ready to be down right miserable but the diva gods are smiling down on me for fucking once just until i get up off my ass and assess the situation in the mirror, i fluctuate exponentially throughout the day and monitor everything. anyway my collar is popped. sometimes when you have to make fun of jocks you’ll (i’ll) accidentally say pollar is copped. anyway here i am owning the popped collar. it’s all about attitude, teacher gave me a tip unintentionally. an outfit can work if you work it but if you go sour times debbie downer then you have to take off that sparkly shit right now and go into dumpy wagon traveler woman outfit if you fail to bring it.
my stomach is now washboardish and i am definitely flaunting it but it’s also wide and expansive with my layers and too tiny jacket so you’re forced to look at a weird big surface of skin because i am a dickhole and defiant. melodie was like, it looks like a shirt!
i go hard when i get my results because i have had to cover it up before or i dunno, hide my excessive lifestyle with drapey bullshit and high waisted shorts as spanx, you know all the doughy tricks.
i call it going beaver. like the place. i go there sloppy hot mess drunk with the family and i’m like guys I’M SHOWING MY BELLY YOU CAN’T STOP IT and they’re all shut the fuck up already lets go.
my hair wasn’t all that bad though i know it’s time to clean it up when i can sculpt it into an edward scissorhands garden creation all on its own or when i take out the elastic it stays like michelle tanner (someone buy me the book those two made, what’s it called?)
best hamburger painting ever, very meta too. i’d like to see it in a stuffy rich guy’s office instead and then stare at it psychotically while he talks numbers and i pretend like i know what i am doing and the next big thing. speaking of when is a venture capitalist going to get bored enough to take on a new hobby investment aka me? where are the dragon’s den people?
next time no burger, just choc rum shake. or burder and a stiegl. no onion rings either just too much food. i took the rest to go for melodie, but i scraped off all the flavour of my bison burger because i am a wild selfish greedy beast animal. so it was just here is a bison burger smooshed up to an onion ring that’s going soggy boy i love sharing.
cutting it close to booze store closing time on a sunday on brock, this is the best place to be, they come in droves in all shapes and sizes i couldn’t take my eyes off the outside world.
mmm god yes. deciding factor in eating here. they have rum chocolate milkshakes and teacher’s like SOLD. then the music as we were leaving got fun (and the rum did its trick) we were instantly transported to the livingroom bender redux dance party of the night prior yet in stampede. i like how teacher dances, and that he dances.
we were going through my cute pictures and melodie got annoyed and said you should just change your facebook profile photo to a picture of onion rings. no way fuck that i said. hahaha. i get the concept behind it but the overall indie hipster bait i do not have the patience for at all. oh look she’s so hot but her fb photo is a pile of garbage on ossington SO OUT THERE i just know there is so much more to this woman, she is so deep and secure that she has onion rings for a face. nice try melodie.
half the work is just in a name seriously if i was a sweet tooth could imbibe type just looking at MARSHMALLOW DREAM BAR would do me in. i’d be like well they have a point.
not bad considering the eating guilt. must be a skinny bitch this week. emphasis on the former or latter as you wish. i’m now in the strength phase of my works outs, so heavier weights, less reps. i like it.
these are somewhat beautifully obnoxiously hilarious. oh life is such a breeze.
i never see shots of myself this up close.
not much air brushing photoshop either i saw these on his camera. who cares not like more than half of you will ever experience me tangibly anyway so this is your reality of me, that’s your imaginary doll to play with. i like that one girl said they talk about my blog like it’s 90210. that’s amazing. please send me the minutes from your next blog board room meeting. i want my teeth whitened. was supposed to before but the deal fell through, i was still living in burlington at the time and afraid of the city. that happens eh if you leave your community you make a new one and then the other one seems like so much effort. that seems ridiculous to me now.
my teeth are rather imperfectly perfect. interesting and huge. one’s up one’s down, shit’s all over the place! good strong pedigree there yeah like a horse.
are you hypnotized mesmerized yet?
fine i’ll share the stage. this is the socialite i grabbed around the waist and dragged over as i said come here socialite i love socialites and i love this dress. el smootho.
her teeth are brilliant, i think she’s the wife to be of the gym owner. you can have your teeth widened eh i think xiaxue had that done, these alligners you wear at night stretch your jaw/teeth so then you have a toothier grin a wide ass smile like julia roberts. so many things and beauty tricks out there. i’m not saying this chick had that done i am just comparing everything about myself to her, naturally and i’m thinking as a blog reader would, judgmentally.
ok i need a tan or something. my look kind of works but kind of chloe sevigny pasty white chalky? like looking into your face just bored me immensely yet i cannot look away from it, freak stop it.
i don’t like my pose. necklace chain needs to be daintier.
your hero is slouching, wearing flat shoes and still taller. tallest.
that’s paige. she is still breathtaking. i say still because like me, she is aging. gracefully and beautifully. look at those teeth. so many chicks have shit talked this girl and despised her old blog sorry for dragging that up i just like how one in particular that i know did it years and years, so bitingly jealous of paige it was hilarious to hear her whine. such anger and to provoke it too ahhh, best. yeah fuck look at her she’s beautiful, no contest, maybe get over it though? ps. i’m on my way back to my pioneer village in ten minutes so drink all the free wine you can lets get out of here the stew should be about ready.
haha. that’s pastel supernova. her pin up calendar is in our kitchen. we’re going to do a cute fitness dancey video together, flirty fitness pin up style. yes?
ok it’s safe to say i was in every single picture blogged so that’s a perfect game. just as exciting as golf maybe? totally. is it drinking time again yet? it’s my birthday soon AGHHHHHHHH! yes you can mail me a present just ask.
some stories you can’t tell. not these though this is just me having dinner with my colleague like it’s nineteen eighty-seven. the teacher always gets a kick out of my “the colleague” statements.
i find that i am always talking about myself and what i do because i am always around new people and they fiind it interesting so the vacuum of you continues.
they recognized him here from the guu’s out west. i absolutely loved this place it was perfect for the time and setting and the roadhouse yelling surreal atmosphere. i want to take my dad and brother here. i think the speedy hyperactive vibe would be too much stimulation for my mother. sorry.
i look old. remind me to never do that again with my eyes. it’s ok i see chicks with crow’s feet and thanks to seldom smiling as a kid til well, 26, i have no face wrinkles really. maybe under eye lines.
deep fried bacon. i don’t know the names of any of what we got, again, he ordered. fine by me i was a rake this night anyway and james at TMR the next day said i was looking really thin. meanwhile look at all this shit i ate.
he spilled beer. this pose was his idea. i said i bet they think im gwen stefani looking for new harajuku girls. i was eyeballed walking to and from bathroom. red lips bow blond leopard print giraffe skin tight pants.
that kavin guy was there. this was a british band, the big sea power? British Sea Power. i pay about as much attention to bands as i do art, remember i spent 5 years of my life in every single venue in toronto every night of the week pretty much how many bands is that again and more and more keep appearing. it was fun. older crowd. i looked hot. i danced, he danced.
reclaimed one of my swarovski bracelets from mel. gave her another one i don’t wear. problem solved. oh i just remembered to take pictures of my juices.
serious shiksa bait. is there a section for shiksas on j date? i’m not jewish but i can try haha who was i making that joke with again? joke? more like serious.
they LOVED the tickletrunk. we like springing the tickle trunk on unsuspecting person’s once they see the lay of adventurehouse (we HAVE to start blogging there again party next friday april first) they walk alllll the way to my room and are like bang pow sunlight marijuana sauna sixteen candles.
that’s my poor little rich girlfriend we have adopted. my ex brought her around to boehmer a few weeks back remember and he’s the one who wrote me from wherever in asia about seeing someone read my blog in an internet cafe weeeeeird.
no i like the secret garden more. that abusive little sick kid who couldn’t breathe air spores so he stayed in his room with the curtains shut and then a chick much like me shows up and is like Fuck That and puts him in that old ass wheelchair and they break into the secret garden cos she has the key (how did she get that again?) and (i read this twenty times and saw the movie obsessively cos i didn’t like people when i was 12) then the little crabby rich heir was pissed when the girl necked the stable gardener boy (who always ran horses out on the moor oooh so fucking HOOOT) and um they closed the garden up cos the mother died but then it was ok cos they could all lie in the grass together holding hands the end moral of the story don’t let your suicidal teenage daughter watch it unsupervised. no just kidding. it is a bit of a wicked dragger movie NO ONE wanted to watch it with me ever.
so the colleague and i went to beast. those asian dudes over there stared at me a lot. colleague told me i check people out way too much. can’t help it but i am going to stop.
bone marrow. i am officially a wild beast animal thing. i will eat the inside of your bones. joe is going to cast me as a vigilante bikini clad psycho grindhouse gang chick in fact and i’m getting melodie on board anyone else interested? that’s pig’s ear on the side, could have given waaay more of that. tastes like delicious kfc. auld spot has a great pig’s ear salad.
my burger is under that egg. and those high-endy tater tot things were nice and salty and contagious i barely looked at the menu my eyes were super blurry tired so i think i convinced myself it would be sided with something light. i’m tired guys your hero wants a break i’m blind by nightfall zzzzz. sad face. no wait happy face on my burger of what i don’t know.
i decided yesterday that i cannot be anybody’s anything right now. i am also doing (and have been doing) a vow of celibacy whether you believe it or not.
there was no way i was eating that thing with my bare hands are you kidding me? so massacre it is. my favourite. reminded me of breakfast special at the white oak mmmmm going there again as soon as i get an oakville boyfriend.
i was alone. britt never got back to me. i was nervous. i walked around mildly inebriated sobered up from the cold. simon greeted me. i picked him up off casie’s blog in the comments. man of the hour catch.
here’s where it gets interesting. see that couple so obviously talking about me over there rudely right in front of me, i didn’t know i had captured the evidence which in hindsight is hilarious. this guy is informing this girl, his girlfriend, all about me. i could feel it, i couldn’t hear it but i pretended i didn’t notice and kept shooting all the random boring crap in the room meanwhile she is nodding at me at everything he is saying as he is gesturing at me it was fucking bullshit because i could see her getting a crash raymi course (which she is agreeing to all of like yep she looks exactly like whatever it is you are selling her as fucking RUDE) from this asshole who thinks he knows who i fucking am? you don’t know who i am.
oh look mr. smug fucking asshole there he is again. this guy goes up to simon later on, dude, it’s raymi, that’s fucking raymi, in this way like i am the enemy. now, one, i do not know this guy, and I’M not the one walking around talking shit. simon and i are sitting on the couch i was just talking about my experience thus far in this crowd, and i mention this couple that were so clear as day speaking about me, simon asks who? i point to the girl in the red dress and he goes oh i know who was talking to her those are my friends, we make some jokes about me being paranoid then move on but it’s still in the back of my head.
he sees it’s bothering me so he goes over to whatever the guy’s name is and before he can ask if they were talking about me (this is turning into bigger of a thing now and only because i’m kind if sort of his date, secret casual date and now my honour requires useless defending) he says the “that’s raymi” line and before no, it wasn’t slagging it was just, he’s starstruck. yeah right bullshit i so do not believe that for one solid second.
he comes back, yeah he was talking about you and i think he sad you fucking idiot people can see you when you’re talking shit about them you know. girlfriend is like you’re such a fucking asshole or whatever i’m told. then i go to the bathroom and she and i pass each other awkwardly. this pair is going to be back at the after party so for the love of party it has to be sorted. gay right? i told him i wouldn’t make a scene or confrontation don’t worry, after i initially said tell me RIGHT NOW what it is he said because i’m going to confront him. that stressed out simon so i said fine i won’t i’ll just obsess and fester about it all night long and then write about it in some vague manner on my blog tomorrow.
the only responsibility i am going to take on any of this is the fact that my reputation precedes itself, people in toronto are intellectual obnoxious hatery self-indulgent speak before thinking or knowing types and throw a notable person like me on the pile, it’s only natural to talk as much shit as possible about me until you move on to the next. i do not fault this clown.
i enjoyed the four cliquey art scene nerd chic chicks who were actually just nerds. the prettiest queen bee of the lot smiled a lot and the others looked kind of miserable. these are the things i perceive or invent, hierarchy scenarios and what not.
i asked what it was he had said about me. he said i was self involved. self obsessed? one of those things. yeah well that’s my fucking job ok i actually went OUT to an art show, something outside of myself, something NOT about me to get away from me you know.
other than that it was fun. i was the odd man out. i just actually wanted to go to my dad’s last night but britt reminded me that we rsvp’d to rockstar and the allure of this art thing, so i am kind of pissed and disappointed a little in my night. you can’t win ‘em all lebowski.
the awkward continues. no just kidding. i just music hogged. i also invented a drinking game in the kitchen if you stood on the white kitchen tiles you had to drink. it lasted two minutes.
i cozied up to that beatnik chick for a minute. she was sweet. anyway, simon was like, i’m sorry about your life basically. you can’t escape it, this lead to that and the other and well yeah. the end i guess.
get a load of that handprint haha rowr. this is walter, he’s welsh like me (i become more of a certain part of my heritage when i come into contact with others of the same origin uh was i hallucinating that walter was welsh? who told me that?)
and that’s for these two only not some psycho out there in their silence of the lambs house licking their lips right now. by the way a video i put up years ago dancing to goodbye horses (it’s in silence of the lambs) has not only SO many views but, the most psychotic sketchy rude terrible and disgusting comments ever. go look. people talk to me like i am living in that video. death threats. stupid movie quotes. ugh. i approve all of them too as evidence plus, they’re not even humans to me, freaks who worship a fictional character (buffalo bill)(was he fictional) in a cross-dressing scene when he says i’d — me, i’d — me hard. they ALL say that in my youtube comments. dad don’t look.
this was a fun day. dan had already done his own workout before i showed up at my regularly scheduled thri-weekly work out so he did extra working out. impressive.
and walter hustled his ass off like never before thanks to yours truly i am told. i can’t wait to have a rematch with them. that’s anthony behind me, he works out the same time i do three days a week with the russian nightmare, seen in the red on the left. that’s andrew i’m following, we work out on mondays.
aw look at the cute little bunny go. sorry dudes but my brain goes like this weekly: motion room, no motion room, motion room, no motion room, cover up being hungover at motion room, do i do boot camp on saturday or do i try and be good on my own aaaand it’s motion room again the point is you turn into a hamster in the brain after all that working out and start referring to yourself as a bunny rabbit (i am hopping after all)(she has a point). i’m fine with it. i need some structure anyway.
ugh lunges i hate them. my legs are always sore from how hyperactive i am. my legs are what propel my brain around and make weird activities and things that i do happen. seen?
today my legs were really sore and i had to explain it was from some extracurricular stretching i do on raymi time. off hours. which essentially is on the clock cos the show never stops i am always collecting and gathering data, content, stories… the point is james can we focus on upper body today please thank you i think the gams are good to go.
and so i don’t like lunges very much but i know it’s all for the greater good. doing weird strange precise bicep curls and having kash obsess over my form and pinching my back has resulted in a defined back. i didn’t know that was even a thing! or achievable. i thought well this pile of potatoes is what i have and that’s what i am so i’ll try to make do. nope. you can actually be a transformed person. i am drankin’ the koolaid for sure now guys.
this move is crazy neat you arch your back and if you want maximum results fire your core do it super slow and squeeze your butt, you squat down onto the ball, NOT sit. sitting only gets you a fat cubicle office ass, squatting gets you in p0rno. that’s raymi words of wisdom of the day (don’t worry there’s more).
cross-overs with the medicine balls. i love them. then you pick it up by squatting lift it up in the air and squat bring it to the ground again, kick it to the side like in soccer and catch it with your other foot, also like in soccer then do it again. i fire my core and flex my butt to get optimal results because i am smart like that. i picture myself like a super hot famous celebrity running like a maniac or kicking the shit out of a boxing bag with my sweaty gym clothes strangling and clinging to me but also getting looser cos that’s what happens when you work out and so i think YES my plan is working i rub my palms together like the bad guy in a cartoon, i’m getting fitter and better and younger and hotter and then there will be NO stopping me. hey whatever it takes to get through a friggin’ work out eh.
each ball is a different weight. my blue one is heavier and it matches my outfit and my form is terrible. back is too rounded and i should be looking forward, back should be flat. i know better now. the lower you squat the more you feel like a gymnastical animal from the forest of exercise ready for attack.
this is the one that kash is obsessed with which is fine cos it’s slow and gives me a chance to enjoy the sweat storm raining out of me because i am a garbage bin of toxicity. oh look i’m doing weights by myself in the mirror reflection over there (only two spots on this machine to do this move).
i had noticed the exquisite pose i had landed and it needed to be shared with all of you. i am my own director you know. my colleague once asked if he should tell me how to pose ever, to guide me and i said no. there’s a code in nature, in the wild, by photographers (think national geographic), if a lion is taking down a gazelle, even though it’s sad and we want the gazelle to outrun the lion and survive, the photographer cannot interfere because that is the cycle of life and the food chain and all that therefore, don’t tell raymi when raymi is being raymi how to pose. unless you want to be yelled at in front of everybody. the only time i’ll listen is if i’m making a fat chin face though then by all means, or if the lighting is bad and casting dark circles (or illuminating them) OR if i’m being paid on a real fashion photoshoot. gun for hire. flash the vanna whites aaaaand next scene.
all pretending not to notice meanwhile russian nightmare is fully mastering the skill of not looking/looking (and simultaneously being a garden ornament statue) i bust him all the time he’s cute and shy around me, very polite. could probably drop kick a nuclear warhead i swear but around me, total f–ng puddy in his shy little turtleneck/t-shirt combos aw. maybe his arms are covered up and down in tats? one of andrew’s is (trainer behind my ball).
third set of these you’re more focused and less back talky. well, not so true for me cos by this point i have exercise endorphins hopefully and then i ride that high and just sputter out nonsense and noises. like normal.
raise your arms slowly and expertly and fire your entire body, the entire f’n thing i swear you will feel great and wonder why you worked out so sloppy all the time before.
unflattering lighting a bit makes me look borderline cellulitey. i assure you i am not. the moral of this story is look at my body now thanks to TMR, soak in that definition and tone and i will only melt away more and more so. i might even do a cleanse mid-april. lots of changes ’round here i tell you. thanks for watching the lifestyle challenge with me, you can spy on all motion room going’s on on their facebook page. you can make fun of me in pics there. i’m not tagged in anything so go nuts.
TGIF BYE!
+++
email from an ex boyfriend of the day:
Hey,
I am in Bangkok right now at an internet cafe, and yet again. i found a traveler reading your blog.
I didnt aproach but just thought you should know.
Ur huge in asia.
hope all is well. My gallery in montreal opens in June. Make some art, ill give you some space there!!!!!
um i should post huuuge photos of myself more often wow fun! so maybe i will. hmmph. think of all the goodies i could go back and blast out super huge.
wait what? what do you mean we’re not supposed to be back here, no, hold on, i’m in charge here you can speak to me i was told it was ok by, by what’s his name, the promoter. heheh this conversation might actually take place later on tonight.
new wallet. another poketo. why i have slacked on replacing for so long is atrocious i am ashamed i was using that piece of plastic for so long all raggedy and ew. anyway pumped about this one.
i so want these from studio brilliantine someone buy them for me for my birthday so i don’t have to i have to curb my frivolous spending. they’re salt and pepper shakers. adorable. so raymi. it’s ot crazy hoarding if you enable it.
darius said this was liz taylor eyebrow. i didn’t know she died until i got to mitzi’s and he said so. he was shocked. yeah i so totally do live in a bubble. yikes i look a bit tired here.
a fantastically blazingly brilliant force field of ignorant bliss bubble come join me sometime. today’s dinner menu: ginger beer, jerk sauce brown rice tofu peppers onions medley and lots of water. concert outfit, concert. guess which one.
i loved this man’s print and the sun coming in he represented i dunno, comfort and style and a classicness. she who busted this photo was the teacher’s top piece of fish round maker always favouriting him. crass a bit maybe yeah maybe so.
are these too much? ha what am i asking/thinking never too much. i’m going to be simple and sparse with them, creative. i’ll use the royal princess crowns up first obviously and a subtle base colour.
stepford wife in training headquarters signing off, roger, over and out.
ps. lucas just came in and said the best thing ever. band name t-shirt something for sure.
Hey guys, Easter Bunny HQ (EBHQ) sent HR (that would be me) on by to show y’all how it’s done easter egg hunt styles, you best not disappoint me now. i am SO wearing bunny ears for easter weekend and maybe a playboy costume. do ya hear that casie?
naw just kidding this is what i’m wearing tonight to a concert i am practicing outfits i don’t think anybody else will be dressed like this, but maybe they will after looking at my blog and going out to dinner to a vegan restaurant or something.
oh look me dancing after my workout last week chez TMR. sorry couldn’t help sneaking these in just like my colleague couldn’t help sneak taking these photos.
thanks to being good now i have dropped two pant sizes. a pair of pants i bought and never looked really good in finally, i look good in them. better than when i bought them.
PBC meeting last night (parkdale boys club) this will be your greeting mint in our white trash las vegas roadhouse themed boutique hotel room, two chicken flats, two choices of dipping sauce, wet nap, booyah!
we entertained tracey at the bar. i said lets just get drunk here and see what happens. that we did. good and early too. i am riding out my 27th year excuses excuses yeah yeah going with it. darius was back from st lucia.
one of our best sayings of the PBC is you can’t fingerbang your problems away. really truly, doesn’t everything end in fingerbanging? it shouldn’t though. damnit i was trying to become a lovable G rated hero for kids now. i will i totally will phase out the seediness beginning april first. APRIL FOOLS DAY CUNTS! just kidding. no i mean it but anyway you do not have to FB her and i don’t mean facebook, kay? what i mean is kids adore and hero worship me so that’s lucrative, i dress like a big kid, live like one and will only continue to more so in the future. get ready for the shift. get ready to speed snore. think nickelodeon.
gratuitous nail post. i love them long i am trying so hard. but i ripped some out. when i get stressed i take it out on my nails. flipping through a magazine in the bath that i couldn’t read cos it was in french i noticed from all the ads that long nails is a plus it amps up your pretty another level. so go for it champs. i’m trying very hard.
last night al said i would be way prettier if i talked about myself less. whatever that guy motormouths about hisself at mach ten 85% of our club meetings. we call it al-a-wisdom, al-a-vision, other ones i can’t remember maybe darius will put them in the comments. the best is when he gives me life advice and stuff about my blog and what i have like we sit there arguing the same side of the fence every time then get aggressive and zing the hell out of each other.
then we did something we never did before we took it to the beac, our sloppy mobilized. well i guess they do this all the time without me actually one time when darius dropped something off he had his friend with him from england or some place and i was like hey can i come maybe (even though i was in sloth cave girl tan mode) and he’s like no, no girls allowed. fine bye.
it’s snowing forever. actually i came up with a new song yesterday it goes to the tune of you don’t make friends with salad: THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS SUMMER, THERE’S NO SUCH THING AS SUH-MUR.
it’s called bush meat in the book the darling, when they killed the gorillas during that whole civil war liberian thing. that’s a great book. if they could do a movie of rule of the bone, also by russell banks, i would just simply die. it’s on my top 5 fave books list. i put the bone from the cover in one of my paintings that anita bought for radmad. they gave me a framed photo of it for my birthday. here it is unfinished.
blog slave helped me sort out my outfit when i showed these together at first it was like hmmm nah it’s just TOO joe fresh no, smart set? something shitty. which works like a charm on me cos i am such a penis head. everybody knows that penis plus penis (outfit) equals amazing.
weird unflattering kind of super flattering no? and also, to whom do these nylons belong? they’re mega spanxy, i dig i dig. prob casie’s. she always leaves an article behind after the slaughter.
it is my dream to recreate the girls in the do you wanna franz ferdinand music video in beige nylon bra and panties and hosiery like this, hot mess hair oh yep and mega black smokey eyes, kate moss.
blog slave said it’s not fair that i can be so cute. the guys are defenseless. don’t let me get too big for my eddie bauer ivy league con artist britches now.
no idea how but i’ve picked up a new adorable bad nervous habit of licking the side corner of my mouth when i am thinking or talking or i don’t know, what is it that i do exactly? when i work out too.
grabbed some of these why not blog slave? i bought them a week agoish nicked back from the teacher’s fridge. it’s my birthday. it’s true.
ok bye now kids i have minx work to do.
by the way next friday APRIL 1 at salvador darling is another adventurehouse party. this time i will be there. it will be a post birthday party for me as my birthday is the day before. it will be lighting it up and maybe wearing some kind of pink explosion of cupcake cutiepie madness i think.
i just remembered the black keys are playing the amphitheatre july 8 i NEED vip for that. make it happen i don’t care how and i’ll make it worth your while. gosh i’m so cute. i liked my face yesterday i got it to be dewy for once and not scraggily caked on makeup spackled as is typical and we already know how i felt about my hair
good turn out. i love liberty village people. went to metro the other day and it took ten minutes longer to figure out what i wanted cos i was distracted by all the perfect pretty chic robots was also spotted by a piece of fish i never met.
we had work to do. the white wine and the cheese is partially responsible for this morning’s teeny wig out. that cheese was so delicious though. rosemary cheddar. i ate 15 million cubes.
whipping your camera out helps cancel out half the social decorum disgraces one is wont to do and if you dress like sideshow bob that too. oh i get it now, she’s creative, of course. that makes sense look now she is standing on her head. neat.
i discredit myself way too much i learned the other night. yeah yeah that’s going to stop right now. i’m proud guy. this website is climbing in rank, what i say matters (on google, for business) whether it’s meaningful meaning (it isn’t) to you, what i feel matters most in the world fiscally is business, therefore, what i say matters. now hit a gong or chime a bell or something while we move on to the next picture and verbose caption. no discredits here move along.
ok i lied i had a tiny bowl of pasta, it didn’t aid in my anxiety attack though, if anything helped manage it. i went out empty stomached. some of us might have been totally blotto by the time we left. not me though i was just dizzy from spinning and clumsy. i’m always clumsy though. a day is not a day unless i walk into something or step on a catapult and launch my groceries into the sky. whoopsiecakes.
i am going to wake up at the crack of dawn to get a spot on that patio first sunny warm enough comfortably for patio sitting. nah actually that day will take place in bellwoods with melodie.
i have zero attention span for this. are people actually listening here? or are they thinking about drinking wine and ensuing taught bodied acrobatics?
yup this is happening. nothing like wine rushing to your head and blood at the same time. kids don’t try that at home because you aren’t old enough to drink yet. burn.
very graceful. i just kind of swung there a bit til i got the courage to do a flip and positioned my hip bones properly. i am gymnasticy, acrobatic and athletic. there really was not a need to worry about what dumb moves i was doing. just saying.
i haven’t been taught how to twirl spin yet so i’m just getting my sea legs on then in walks some guy to say stuff to me that i forget i was too hyper and excited about this trapeze don’t interrupt girls when they are playing unicorns we can’t hear anything you are saying it’s like guys and videogames and sports highlights (of the game you just watched WHYYYY do you need to now watch what you just watched again you drive us NUTS! we know it’s cos you want to stretch out ignoring us as long as you can but jesus can’t you just turn the channel already we will continue ignoring you too promise).
then i pretended not to be greedy for three seconds and had a chat, of which i am still none too sure. slam dunk networking at its finest. i think i mainly only remember conversations when i am the main focal point.
i was happy to have the help no thanks i do not want that thing coming down with me gripping it and my face like the power of grayskull slamming into the floor.
here would be my chin up lecture probably i like how our feet demonstrate our respective body languages here. me playing agreeable liar, authority figure and sly back up from right to left.
thanks to being a bean stalk that guy went up to the topmost rung, proud to say and in my head here i am deciding whether or not i am capable of doing what i am about to do in front of 100 people.
i felt like i looked stupid here slooowly spinning but i am actually firing my core muscles and actually working out but to people standing around smugly judging lazily with their shy wine cups it just looks like a starfish in pain. that’s how your face is supposed to look when you rock your core. hi shannon you looked great last night.
bummed i didn’t take any good ones or any period of april doing this. my arms were too busy shaking from nerves and adrenaline and the hunger weakness remedied with wine.
then a lesson in spinning. you stand there and move your torso slightly to the left or right whichever way you want to spin, winding yourself up like a clock and then you reverse wind let go like a top and off you go lift your feet off the floor.
wow my hair was getting out of hand. i eventually fixed it. ally behind me is so funny. give me your pictures before no one cares about this anymore. you have less than 24 hours. you too owen GOD.
if you spot somewhere on the wall like in ballet pirouettes you can make yourself go faster. you get really dizzy though. my eyes were skitting back and forth megatime when i was done. trippy. more danger. my favourite.
give me a break look at those lights it was cooking beneath them. also i have the ladylike persperation of john candy, who sweated in the shower even and we all know how he ended up but do i look anything like that? i can sweat from just sitting still in a blizzard.
whatever kick it out. ok gang this is pretty much exactly how you should do an event as a visitor from another planet like me. eat and drink everything in sight, test out every single thing there is to play with, only talk to people who are connected and can wash your hand and you theirs, then leave with as many swag bags as possible. me? three. great socks reebok thank you.
then i finally fixed my hair and april and i took a wizz. actually no that’s not true i didn’t take my first pee til later on at my next venue. thanks to pantyhose you can forget you haven’t broken the seal yet.
then i went here to go pee. first i walked into that tvo social media party at the ossington and was immediately like, no. i wanted to actually be there for it but for reasons i cannot explain (that i do not want to explain) i left. first not before i was busted by corey mintz in the back room though. awesome. he introduced me as lauren. course he did. i know what that guy’s all about. nice to see you broseph. i saw rannie in the crowd too, he was the first face i recognized and that’s how i knew off the bat what was going on in there. i left with some earphones i don’t think were meant to be free sorry tvo. i also recently discovered that red flag and corey are cousins, second third or something. awesome my world just gets smaller.
what’s your type is one of my favourite guy questions to ask. one guy said without any hesitation, LIBRARIAN. i meant like, princess blond, hipster, red hair, you know actual concrete details not a vague huge margin of a woman type. which in actuality can say a lot about a type. he wants a hot brainy whore essentially is what that means by librarian.
this is why you can’t have me. look at that. there’s not a butterfly net big enough can scoop me up forever and pin me to your wall. only if that butterfly net is held by a dowry and someone ready to make little raymis in two years and all the yuppie white picket fence trappings of perfection that go along with. deal?
