raymi’s gulag orkestar from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

all along the watchtower from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

• beirut,
• toronto canada ontario queen west

ok lets wrap up my bitchy beach shots and island supper.

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duhooooye yoye yoye hi!

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i read an insult about me being a cotton candy hair hello kitty heheheh that is SO not a fucking insult.

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my hairband is directly inspired/influenced by the hot chick from gladiator.

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i need more feather earrings. in this weather they stick to your sweaty neck and turn wet, like hair, so pick your moments wisely.

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it’s fun to trash on people secretly and you can see them trashing on you from their hipster blanket but also you are blinded from the sun and you kind of don’t have any clue what’s going on. beach bums. this one guy had all these hipsters accessories that one by one brought out (a clear glass bottle, label-less from his perfect brown leather satchel, boy scout cap…)

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went in the water just once. so lazy. having it close by really cooled us off.

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beach culture/style is my jam as surf hippie athleticism is the theme and from there is a whole treasure trove of fun nostalgic links: beach boys, surfboards, palm trees, suntans and freckles, sunshine, retro bikinis, archie comics, point break, convertibles, lots of dangly jewelry and beads and braids, bare feet, short shorts, ahhhhh.

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the mozzarella. gorgeous.

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LOVE their eating forest garden.

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i think i had a dream about my mom asking about my one pink thumbnail. did that happen?

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if you wear flip flops to the rectory, get them spraypainted gold or bronze. or just go to old navy.

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disheveled beach garbage washed up on the shore, put on a shirt from smart set (that i forgot at my aunt’s) and sassed up the ‘tude. good to go.

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leave the beach before the sun goes down so you can arrive like cocktail tom cruise in shades to dazzle camouflage your bloodshot eyes.

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leave the shirt open panama jack. everyone else can go fuck themselves.

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match your headband to your flip flops.

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we had the dessert. by this point you stop caring and have beach munchies. we had two espressos two 12 year jamesons two other kinds i forget the name of, A-something long and hard to pronounce. our waitor was befuddled by my magnetic charm. so was an entire table of drunk jock alpha boat dudes, one sucked his teeth at me aggressively when they filed out to announce himself as it was his turn passed the passive aggressive platinum blonde ignoring the single file beeline of 20 men while touching up her makeup. so i looked up to notice the second half of these guys. teacher was PISSED. then we watched a gorgeous couple celebrate some milestone or other she was in a lovely white mermaid shift and he was devastating.

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peanut butter torte. the yellow polish is rather fetching in some photographs. it’s called yellow kitty, but it’s milky and a bother to apply and wait to dry so i don’t wear it often. i think my best ever photographed nail polish was this aqua green shade i’ll get a photo of it in a sec. i am going to get minxed before i go to thunder bay hopefully i will have time.

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i lost this bottle of polish though. wahh.

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dreamy.

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worst hangover ever. the strongest beers. this was the first ever toronto beer week kick off event last summer. the week prior was beerfest down by the cne and we gave’r so hard there melodie broke her foot and i picked up a cop. i seldom drink beer therefore forget the brain soul-crushing hangovers you get from it, nevermind drinking 8-10% beers with belgium brewmasters and other beer connoisseurs. ginger and i were DEATH the next day.

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by the way he’s available plus we never boned so you can get over third degreeing him about his times with raymington. he has a condo in liberty village, is an engineer, fitter than a god, a car, a motorcycle, is 30 or just turned. funny, smart, goofy, blah blah climbs mountains! skis! official pimp out here. why WE aren’t dating or didn’t, you just can’t lie to yourselves regarding sparks and chemistry plus we went into the buddy/friendship territory straight off the bat. he’s a mega-catch and i know how hard it is to find these gems.

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here’s a better photo. ok moving on.

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hot for teacher’s legs. i’ll tell you about his knee scab later.

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the open air ferry is fun but annoying cos it goes to hanlan’s from ward’s and you’re like totally ready for the mainland by the end of your day. we bumped into a colleague of teacher’s who was awesome just coming back from the nude beach, totally jazzed about it and talked at us at mach ten. greatest guy.

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a very fun day.

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i love me a good sit when i can get one. where is your favourite open space to loiter in the city?

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this was that greatest guy ever’s fault and i was too polite to let him know. his bike’s back tire snagged my toenail, gripped and RIPPED it. teacher knew immediately but neither of us let on. guy knew he stubbed my toe. i am a lady and there is no need to make someone feel bad.

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EVEN WHEN THEY DO THIS TO YOU!

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and the best part was he came back on his bike while we sat on the front steps of that hotel and i dug through my clutch for a bandaid. he’s like hey guys you’re still here what are you prostitutes?? um someone has spent a little too much time in the sun at the gay beach haha but anyway no we’re just um, i’m, trying to call someone? i hid my bandaid beneath my blackberry for fifteen minutes while he blabbered at us and bled profusely, stifling pain wimpers and girlish tears. the rest of the nail came off the other night. it’s fine. i am resigned to the fact that i will never have pristine feet. they get a lot of abuse, work out, running, dancing, shoes. i have a good base so that’s fine.

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assimilate. it’s my only good shirt so i have to see my aunt again soon haha.

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i had the chickpea main. SO GOOD!

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teach had the bison burger. food is better at the rectory. thank god as it’s the only restaurant on the island.

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we amused our waitor with our odd orders. i am unconventional. nothing i do is ordinary. nor will it ever be.

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alyssa is my little raymi TMR bad ass ambassador. she is serious about this. has done boot camps, takes advantage of all the classes they have available, learned to better her diet via the nutritionist (i haven’t even done that) and has shed pounds too. she’s trim and toned and getting better and better. i on the other hand, well, look. i have photos of myself in those shorts from months ago and i am not as teeny as here. i can’t get over it. the other day james said raymi you look fantastic or something and i said yeah and it’s a fat day too and he says well i see NONE of that. i guess you don’t have fat days anymore just in your head and it’s linked to your menstrual cycle and eating guilt.

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such as this. essentially bacon and eggs salad. precisely that. following a charcuterie board. so much meat. i saw the words saucisson sec from the french menu and that was that. try to adhere to a vegetarian’s diet when you can for the digestion and health reasons, not politics. do vegans listen to ozzy?

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the creamsicle. boozicle. oj, chai vanilla (milk), vodka, shaken over ice generously, pour into freezer chilled lowballs. breakfast hair of the dog beverage, further take on the screwdriver and moderated version of the central’s creamsicle martini which is: triple sec, vodka, cream, orange juice shaken. sometimes i’d use milk instead for the skinny chicks, or just anyone. i am against cream. anyway this drink is always a hit. i’m a good bartender fyi.

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AND chef. applewood smoked cheddar, our own bbq jerk chicken that we marinated for hours, bbq char grilled red peppers with blobs of smokey chipotle salsa. high end nachos.

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oh right and i threw extra jerk sauce on it too. sometimes we don’t have to do it cos of all the food orgasms i give him. this photo was retweeted by lots of foodielitists. that’s a big section/portion of my brand. maybe i’ll make a circle graph (statistics are all made up anyway) raymitheminx.com is 34% foodie 40% tits 26% FUCK YOU.

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how come every time i buy or do something it goes viral? sigh popular girl probs. the second branch on the hot girl problems tree is HOT DRUNK GIRL PROBLEMS. it gets funnier and i bet when i do a set will go full on meta when i start railing on my mom and she’s in the audience at the time and i can look down and go MOM! in pubescent acne teenager face voice. do you want to hear some of my material? prepare to get russell peter’d.

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so like i realized that i was subconsciously turning into my mother to beat her at her own game. it’s my only defence against her. i think that’s why we all turn into our mothers so that they can fight with themselves eternally. then i talk about facebook and other shit. cannot spoil.

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the sauce bowl made me think of swiss chalet dipping sauce omfg and then we had some last night at teacher’s folks. it was kismet.

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emma’s last week.

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gym three times a week.

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carrot celery juice.

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at the marriott. all three of our room keys wouldn’t swipe. de-magnetized i guess. they sent up a hip hop drawlin’ guy who was just oh so cool after the second time i had to call down to the concierge and slammed down the phone, the ladies heard it down the hall but the concierge had hung up before that so to them i had dramatically diva’d struck again. lois laughed her head off.

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i will replicate this pose with another outfit.

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complimentary gold status buffet 6-10AM. this time i actually ate food then had the most energetic workout ever. i am going to have a bowl of cereal before working out from now on instead of caffeine and crazy.

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you’re not supposed to dine here if you’re getting the special status, you take it into another vip lounge. we didn’t know that but i liked eating out with the commoners cos of the sun that comes in the windows and high ceiling. when my mom came down we moved to the vip room which was also nice.

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ok that’s it for me today boys and toys. tonight i’m checking out the bovine cos my lady friend allison is doing a new night, i’ll be casing the joint for my next shit show. there’s a stripper pole in the back i hope still. i want to recreate a mangos type thing cos there’s a stage in the back and front and i’d like all sorts of shit going on simultaneously i think i’m club 54 now maybe these celebrities would stop dying if we had another one of those. i didn’t realize that was mike myers until the credits you know ahhaha. oh shit there’s no more stripper pole.

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allison is a penny laner if ya catch my drift. she has an amazing bowie tattoo on the back of her neck, is that the nape? we go back tons and she has big jugs. see you tonight!

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Here is my florence solo my aunt captured. it’s nice to see it without having to cock my head to the extreme side. thanks again kristin!

cosmic love from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

I can’t even watch it anymore though i can’t stop analyzing my fuck-ups and sloppy moments. meh. all i know for sure is i am topping this. Last night i practised two new dances. solos. toss-up between two songs, one being this:

This video has been viewed 63,558 times. my dance will be way better than this one (i’m 24 here)(and was a different much more shy person then) IF i go with this song. i tried doing l’il kim’s how many licks. way too vulgar. way. but i know all the words. that’s a show for another day, or life. i’ll be keeping my other solo song potential a secret for now. we were supposed to go on my uncle’s yacht today but apparently the NE winds are puketastically strong which sounds like bullshit, i don’t hear or see much wind right now. so looks like there’ll be time for brunchtime with degenerates today at some point. nice. i have to start packing up the tickle trunk and be out of there by next weekend so i conveniently booked a mini holiday between now and then so i wouldn’t have to do that BUT consider this RAYMI’S TICKLE JUNK SALE head’s up the day of moving i will be leaving (nice) piles of my worldly goods in the yard so if you’re keen on knowing where to go to nab your little raymi collector’s items just ask. that’ll be next saturday AUGUST 30 and i will probably be speaking in tongues by then.

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this is what i look like when i hear about your shitty catty behaviour and luckily i’m so pretty i can allow my mom to post photos like this of me on the internet, cripes.

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look i made my own juice and was insane for the rest of the day for it.

oh yeah i just remembered all the comedy practise i did last night and teacher was a super big help. i am preparing a set. comedy topics so far: hot girl problems, my mom/family, me/blog, frenemies. bucket listing life in full-effect. brb buddies. STRUNG OUT SUNDAY IS HERE.

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that’s weird but i was in a MUST SHOW THEM EXTREME TO THE MAX MUSCLES AND CONTROL whimsical mode.

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and then i almost fell over trying to do a back arch. i cannot do a back arch. i always try.

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nice dress though right. could be a shirt. this girl is all legs so that won’t be happening. some bitch tried to rip on my mom for daring to post photos of her gams “at her age” well fuck you lady, when you have great genes you show them off until you die. how oppressive. that’s just a desperate last ditch effort to paint another girl as pathetic because she is brazen and proud, just cos you can’t or don’t do it doesn’t give you the right to be such an asshole. i know hate is coming my way a week ahead of it coming because i KNOW the certain cuckoo circle of fan hater girls who are OBSESSED with me. it’s gross. like i should dress like a mennonite cos a fucked up chick can’t handle my sexiness? bitch you’re the one reading MY blog here why do you come back for more if you couldn’t handle it years ago? ps. sorry that even my mother is hotter than you. pps. not sorry. i have rageahol right now. comes and goes. being a blogger is like being a painter. i can say any stupid shit here and you are like whatever dude keep it coming i don’t care WHAT colour as long as you paint.

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i can’t quite do a full arch but i think eventually i will be able to. why or what for? i dunno. i want to be like the nightfox french guy from ocean’s 12. just lean right over into a tai chi balance hover twist on a dime. if you’re able to do that it means your have a legit 8 pack. working out is addictive and after 30 you should keep at it in order to stay young. you’re doing your bones good.

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not a bad perfect little black dress right? so slinky and breathable.

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she actually loves/loved this. she put her head into my neck and drooled! while purring! she’s like a little statue fawn and has learned to enjoy being cuddled this way to avoid clawing and sticking to me. they called her the terrorist before i arrived but toward me, nothing but pure adoration. she really loves me. sorry but it’s true. not sorry. people who write about their pets are boring and insane BUT when the cat is already old and set in its psychotic ways and i can charm the hell out of it under 4 months and not even know it’s fucking name (STILL!)(she has 300) that is a blog bragging and a half.

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she is nuzzling me here. so funny and adorable.

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this dress is meant to be a skirt too but it’s a bit loose on me so i hiked it up. major short. i may belt it and wear it out somewhere, i just don’t know where to. jarvis street? lolz.

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he was asking for broken doll. someone learned a lot from their days watching ANTM. before that all my poses sucked.

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so it’s a bit of a posey dress cos it’s not meant to be worn this way. funny when you get a dress hand me down, any woman will MAKE it work or fit but if in a store you’d be like, not bothering. you buy the ultimate thing you want, the ultimate purchase. a must! i gave lois a dress too (from urban behaviour) and she wore it all day. yay!

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my hair was kind of insane and ratty. the toronto heat is ruining my game. this dress is by guess and uber slutty. bit out of my comfort zone and i’ll have to be zero per cent bloated.

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broken doll? i’ll give you broken doll.

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there’s a lot going on here too (the dress flare)(flair?). notice how i changed my hair and accoutrements for each dress change? aren’t i so nice to you?

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i’m sucking it in so hard here. after this little fun photoshoot i was WIPED. this looking good stuff is work you know, the photos the outfits the everything. what should i go back to being a potato and take pictures of storefronts i can’t afford? COOL BLOG!

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i have three or four different haircuts going on. i am very progressive like that.

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where could i wear this?

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i’m holding it up a bit, it gets a lot longer and in a neat way too kind of shell shaped? i don’t know how to describe it and you don’t have to pretend to care either.

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there is one more dress that we forgot to model. it’s blue and glitzy and perfect for a wedding. SNL is on in 15 mins hope it’s a good repeat. major hangover day. went to visit teacher’s folks and a hot tub soak. sorted me out. poor winehouse. plus that crazy norway thing whaaat? the summer is bringing out the cray cray.

my dad is probably bummed right now about amy winehouse. i left him a voicemail but they were playing a gig. he is the one who started calling me raymi winehouse.

i watched her last performance and it was really hard to take. yeah whatever she turned into a junky, she was lost to it and it’s sad and selfish when that happens. some people think they’re invincible from these reckless things because they cheat death for a long time (aka ryan dunn, jackass) but you know who wins in the end always? death. that shit is risky and when you get so far deep into it, we know the inevitable especially when you have unlimited money for your fix. we glorify drugs through rock and rock enables the usage and somehow justifies it. is it the dumb ones really who stay hooked? kind of but no, when you are pissing away a god given talent you are an idiot. when the drugs are doing you, in, you would hope the poor soul would look around their den and go oh my, this has gone a bit sideways time to shape up. we don’t know a person’s sadness ever really, and the crazy things fame does to a person. history repeats itself and no one gives a fuck. tmz pops a boner and makes a little more money this weekend. what did we learn from this? when the autopsy results come back telling us what we already suspect, what then? why should we even care there are many countless tragedies daily. are we all opportunists repeating the same passive aggressive grief? years ago i became engaged in a very awkward bar fight defending amy winehouse’s honour, barely a fan, no more or less than you. i am a fan of humanity, think or say whatever you want about me, i know that i care deeply about people and even if it ruins a night i will let you fucking know it when you are a despicable human being i will show you what despicable really truly is if you cross me. the bar fight debate fired me up back in 2008 so much cos i have an injured bird saviour complex. we knew it would go this way but back in 2008 you think she’ll wise up and kick it and get better and over it and reinvent but no, some people you can’t save, are utterly unreachable and stubborn FROM the addiction, which they got in the first place who knows but the fame propagates the shut-in hotel behaviour and i dunno. no need to even dress this up as anything else than what it was. it just sucks and now here is my eulogy. really i am writing about kurt cobain, or all other heroes when one of the “greats” dies. we feel abandoned when fuck, when was the last time i even thought about amy winehouse? she’s out of her misery now. she gave’r a little too hard last night and hopefully her dad can be proud of himself for all he did to try and rescue her from herself and i sincerely hope he doesn’t feel a lick of guilt. who knows maybe she did it purposely? she kind of was for years right? anyway. addiction touches everyone’s life in some shape or form and i don’t think it’s something to be taken lightly, or made fun of, or snarked on in internet forums. what did we learn from this? tons. when a public figure overdoses it illuminates the pink elephant and i say hell fucking yeah. wake up call people.

now i’m off to catch up on the norway thing to really drive this disturbed feeling over the edge.

xo

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HEY RAYMI I LOVE YOU! So here are some new ones, the metal ones are made fron spoons forks and molds of barbie faces. The bottom ones are a mix, one soapstone thor amulet (replica of a 1000 ad thor amulet found in britain). A barbie zombie stigmata one. And 3 with images from my digital art covered in resin. They all have just a simple chain but can be put on anything really I have a few more that arent done, more spoony forky metal types haha Not sure if any of these grab ur eye.

Cheerio
Mike

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fuck those are so cool.

mike is having a show on the 30th at atomic lollipop? what the hell is that? this guy is horrible at self-promotion. if i made stupid necklaces like he coudl i’d be fucking rich right now. incredible get it together bro. i think i’m aiming toward one of the fork things, once i get over my hangover i’ll study these pictures more. kay bye.

u are an artist and marketing is a big component to this crap. tweet?

i know, i am a shitty bidniz man
i try and trick my wife and sisters into doing that kind of stuff for me haha

http://www.atomiclollipop.com/
there will be an atomic pillow fight and a unicorn parade at this
thing, and a bunch of japanese bands
i’m trying to get some godzilla headed necklaces on the go for it

BONUS FRIDGE MAGNETS TOO!

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heartbreaker stripped from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

haha my tan lines. legendary. they are! they’re even in a song! written! about me! my tan lines inspire music! i can’t stop exclaiming!

this is what our night in thunder bay is going to end up like.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5967709914/in/photostream

but right now i am this.

Portrait of Raymi from Capability Gray on Vimeo.

heartbreaker from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

Realizing Grade 7 secret jam amidst undying NIRVANA devotion. It also would be cool if kate middleton could do a little dance video in HER smythe blazer. i bet she can hoof it.