it’s supposed to be campy and cheeky. i was kind of low energy yesterday so this wasn’t the full routine, just practise. the video below is from may 9 2008. i’ve improved no? omg play them at the same time! lolollll.
this one has 63,882 views, 100 likes, 49 dislikes. omg i am so shy in that video and dance like a total tool. ya gotta start somewhere, no.
TWO MORE SLEEPS TIL FRIDAY. i better start on some actual choreography.
i think i can get away with wearing this inside out. i haven’t decided on my outfit yet. any suggestions?
not bad for 28 huh. if kylie can do it and madonna, don’t think i’m not going to.
i do a song til i kill it and then come back for more. this song is in the opening credits of the lincoln lawyer. i have not stopped talking about that movie. it’s my new “IN MIAMI…” conversation starter hahaha. anyway i was grooving on it thousands and thousands of miles up in the air drinking sauvignon.
photos coming right up.
i danced until i was faint. i am exhausted. but i have been sitting on my ass all day. jetlag and getting back to sorts. back to work skipper. aye aye.
567 QUEEN STREET WEST TATTOO ROCK PARLOUR FRIDAY AUGUST 12 DOORS 10PM
i am listening to the lincoln lawyer soundtrack (referring to title). downloaded it instantly. watched it on the plane (and 3/4 of the fighter, don’t tell me how it ends.) and thoroughly enjoyed it now my dad can stop asking if i’ve seen it.
great afternoon spent by the pool with sarah & where she fell in love with me. she has since said she didn’t really like me all that much at this point, it didn’t blossom until she got more trashed at the reception.
we made friends with others too. these chicks were hysterical. blonde to my right is the band wife of the bravery guy (their song is on the twilight soundtrack. HUGE.) and spread eagle ginger was talking about eating carrot cake and i said hold up a sec, kay, so you have red hair, an orange bikini and you’re telling me a story about eating CARROT CAKE? ridiculous. i think we were all wasted, i couldn’t tell anymore the difference between sober, jetlag, sunstroke, sleep deprivation and semi-consciousness. ps. her open leg stance is a post-feminism commentary on drunk bachelor party men coming over with bullshit pick-up lines, “hey i was looking for the deep end.” ginger and i said in unison THAT IS THE WORST PICK-UP LINE EVER. this was the weekend of busting balls.
hey is this a fat mirror? nope just fat today.
was robbed of this pool the last two days of my trip. wahh.
i thought about implants a lot. donna said if i got them then all the stupid cutesy poses i do would just be totally whorish and i couldn’t do that anymore. good point but then, do i really even have to do them at all anymore? i could potentially evolve, no?
hells bells raymeroo don’t ever get boob implants! a cups are so CUTE and perfect and look great naked! all the cutest girls at Burning Man had a cups, don’t change a thing. you are unique (and adorable)! -liz
but then i can skyrocket to infamy fast like heidi montag and make a lot more money then retire in portland. business investment. plus they’ll take the heat off my nose.
look there he is. mega-babe. they were performing that night at the same place weezer was the following evening, a racetrack? lisa did you go to that show?
oh right these are sarah’s pictures, she had a lesbo crush on this dj. i went up to her and was like, your music is awesome. yeah cool smooth. she was playing a lot of significant shit to me, like this one jam i was into last summer except last summer i was borderline suicidal (very depressed) BUT when you hear the soundtrack to your blues while staring at pleasure crafts at an event you so belong at in a cute black cocktail dress it’s a nice triumphant thump in your chest for overcoming your demons, or basically, life is better now. music can take you places man.
our favourite bodega had all kinds of weird shit in it and a rotating cast of crazy clerks.
i’ve just decided that this post will be a classic clusterf– of photos not that i am capable of anything but at the moment. jetlag. man i’ve done a lot of jet-setting this summer. i’ve been on SIX airplanes in just over a month’s time. it becomes addicting but anyway, that’s something hello kitty would eat up there yes?
on way to airport. super early in the morning. can’t wait to change nail polish colours. brought several with me, didn’t change as i didn’t want to buy more remover. also i don’t think my teeth were adequately brushed once (ew hah) cos i brought a tube that was so empty and flat it made me look like a total cheapskate. but i whitened so my teeth weren’t that bad.
what would you call this shade? i was going with dijon. it is so sexy. the ford gt mustang. at the picnic during my one second of turn to talk when someone important came by i went MY DAD HAS A FORD MUSTANG. then a tumbleweed rolled by, i squeezed sarah’s thigh and we convulsed into laughter then she made fun of me for the rest of the day by cutting me off and saying MY DAD HAS A MUSTANG CONVERTIBLE hahahaha oh my god wait til i get to the part about what we discussed on our nobu final dinner date.
it is my goal to be a model before my face rots off so that i don’t have to talk anymore.
war of the roses. there’s always a bouquet here which means there’s always piles of cat barf too. i used to think cats were smarter than dogs, but, sometimes things happen that make me think twice.
this is me learning. i asked teacher if i looked too much like gallagher (to quote, “the guy who smashes the watermelons.”)(ps. that is NOT comedy) to go out last night, my hair was sticking out more wildly, i SO looked like him. i am funny.
does he even know i exist at all?
team ford blogher canada babes. every time 100% when i met someone and they asked where i was from and i’d say canada they’d proclaim THERE’S A LOT OF CANADIANS HERE! in this funny awed way like they were shocked that our peoples are capable of mass-reproduction and, travel. this happened so many times and all i gave was a deadpan, “yeah.” as i had to reserve as much brain energy as i could for the rest of our conversation which was about me and selling me to them. the majority of blogher babes are mommy blogher babes so i was in the minority, which i am already used to being in cos, well look at me (yes look at me overcoming obstacles like free time and rock&roll lol) i’ve always been the black sheep. so anyway where was i, oh yes, at the nimble stand i said if you want to reach another audience, like me and mine, which is an urban party it girl lifestyle foodelitist, but i balance that with health. i am a spokesmodel for a personal training facility and my demographic is in to keeping fit and looking fit yes, and what’s this you have here, a nimble protein bar for women? lets connect the dots.
he called us all madam, was super helpful, type a perfectionist. quiet. brilliant. look at the guy’s eyes beside me.
while watching the lincoln lawyer on the plane i also kept tabs on the woman beside me watching the justin bieber movie about his hard knock stratford ontario life. kind of want to watch it. while she was watching never let me go i discussed organ donation with her (plot relevant) and cloning. i’ve read the book, adore it, and the movie is great too. i refrained from asking her if the bieber movie was worth it or telling her i was wearing his BABY nail polish at the time haha lest she think i was actually a fan, i also used up too many of my talking turns. just kidding she dug me. unlike the asshole who snapped at me for talking to rose for 3 seconds and obscuring his tv screen. i’ll tell you this story later though. his wife was a pill too. rose said they fought a lot.
party wear. haha i just got up to practise some burlesque and i just learned a new goth move called SMELL THE ROSE AND THROW IT AWAY. it’s good that you’ve been reading and decoding my gibberish for ten years now so you understand me when i say sentences like the former.
ps THIS FRIDAY AUGUST 12 IS MY BURLESQUE PERFORMANCE AT TATTOO ROCK PARLOUR. FREE IF YOU EMAIL AND RSVP. info@pinkmafia.ca
late breakfast i had delivered from ground control (major tom) (seriously it says these cute things on your phone) cos i couldn’t stomach eating that early in the morning. 1. i shouldn’t even have been awake. i slept like a party statue 2. had to get up to get my conference badge 3. i don’t eat breakfast. i am nocturnal and am perma-west coast time consummation-wise. i have to put back a pot of coffee first woah how trailer trash do i sound. sorry, i prefer, poet. speaking of TT i’m going to do a big brother post, we love shelly and how she’s always clearly loaded, sketchy and double dealing.
fit my hair in just before i left and look at my pile of nella bags over there. serious purse collector. i’ve got some major wicked events coming up will use the pink clutch for.
sarah and i make a good duo i’m already copying all of her personality that i can hahaha no kidding. she just helped me come out of my shell a little more. i would never tell her that to her face though. she reminded me of leslie so it was extra enjoyable. i need to get those two in the same room.
at nobu. de niro is part owner/founder. i asked if he was around and they said no he’s in nyc and we’re like how did you know? they get an itinerary to prep for a drop-in. i WOULD DIIIIIIIIE!!!!!!!! also i kept forgetting there was a bitch back to my chair and kept sitting super upright, rigid, like a playskool doll. good for the posture.
a drunk chick who came out of the elevator asked sarah if she was european and her drunkard bf goes NO she’s a tourist. it got me steamed but it was her fault cos she was wearing a stupid hat at the time. see my sake bamboo? we made happy hour thankfully that place is $$.
well well well worth it though. it’s japanese peruvian fusion. this is tuna and salmon. i dug the tuna and she liked the salmon.
salt and pepper squid salad. my favourite. considered ordering one more but didn’t. mistook the pepper for a piece of lettuce at one point, went with it. we know i love hot food and this was the hottest dish. i am drooling right now. raymi’s fun foodie fact: every time i think of squid i think of nigella moaning. watched an episode of her cooking it once and as she ate it she did her signature eating moans of pleasure. ok now i am grossing myself out. full spectrum people. this post is almost over don’t worry.
crispy rice cubes.
medicine.
tuna. with jalapenos.
trophy wife practise.
lil bit heavy but i’ll get used to them. bollywood starlets get ear injections to withstand the weight of their huge earrings. good idea.
MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM.
wrapping it up this was long winded enough. more trip coverage later.
ahh girl pr0n for days. the thing i regretted most after visiting this store in miami was not buying up all the crazy rings i tried on. big-ass bling rings are hot right now.
i also didn’t stop thinking about these earrings. juicy rip-offs. there was another style like them with pink bows but they dangled backward.
not showing all of the loot cos i got stuff for mom and fairy godmom too.
aaamazing. amazingly stupid but amazing all the same.
this tree ruled. dee was like, a little phallic. ha yeah, how did it get all thick up there and then all thinned out? mystery canadians will never ever know. boo.
ahoy there matey. billions of nella bella clutch compliments.
i always lose weight on vacation. lose weightion. i will refrain from requesting a scale to be sent up like i did in SB at the hotel.
they don’t have airbags in most back seats so this inflatable seatbelt is a brand spankin’ new lifesaver ford is rolling out. donna took a hilarious video of me demonstrating it right after my bongo video. why is playing the bongos so hard?
shit damn this hotel is so clever.
uh that little chick so owned me. she gave me a great lesson though and i actually got better. i asked her mom if i could put her on my blog, also a blogher, and she’s like yeah for sure we exploit her all the time too. NICE! mommy bloggers get it you know? kids are awesome. i just bought my niece a gorgeous charm bracelet i wanted for myself and a necklace in the hard rock store downstairs. i think hmm, if she were my daughter i’d be blowing money all over the place on her, right? right. i love spoiling her. last birthday i went gangbusters, my family was like woah relax there. dad i got you an amazing john lennon t-shirt.
it was nice that we also matched. kids dig me. they see me as captain kangaroo cos i pretty much am hey look at me i just jumped out of a tree, slipped on a banana peel NOW LOOK I’M JUGGLING AND READING YOU A BED TIME STORY LETS EAT KETCHUP CHIPS YAY FUN!
this is when the moment of suck began and then a crowd drew and then it was show time and then i got better. we played with balloons that farted and flew through the air once you pumped them up it was hilarious. growing up is for morons.
get ready to be irritated! these are just quicky highlights i have 400000000 pictures. my favourite part about vacation ahem, i mean, “workation” is the going home and poring through pics, blogging and reminiscing cos that’s when my memory is triggered, which btw, is a pretty good one. the selective bits of it. ford put out a great spread for us. ever grateful. wayne’s world bowing except, SO worthy.
pool i didn’t swim in. wonder if it’s open all night unlike mine. also came all the way to cali and didn’t go to the beach.
mmmmm. v good food on this trip. we were treated like the queens we are.
didn’t want to dent the hood under my weight so i improvised. the rejects of this shoot are, uh, not sexy. i need to work on my car show modelling. apparently this car runs on mushrooms.
dee rules. she went surfing today can’t wait to hear how that went.
go team canada blogher babes!
mouth-to-mouth costs extra.
STRUNG OUT SUNDAY SAN DIEGO EDITION LA JOLLA! (supposed to be like holla!)
remind me to make fun of the guy who was sitting beside sarah. SO ANNOYING. sarah spied on all his notes too. he wrote that women were weird and all the information he retained from this panel was pure bullshit. he took his shoes off, did stretches, made a lot of attention-seeking noises it made my skin crawl so bad.
no time for deets now but i learned how to write a kicka$$ proposal. it was kind of a being john malkovich moment, surreal, v in-tune with what i am obviously already doing and it motivated me to be more professional.
and i am glad i was sitting on the floor, it was better for my attention deficit disorder.
these are envirobags ADORABLE!
if i could wrap my arms around it i would have picked it up and i’m saying it cos i’m not sure if it was a dude or a chick, as the teddy bear spokesmodel had a girl voice which i found very endearing and like GO WOMYN you know? also i watched SNL in bed last night and saw a california raisin exactly like this and was like ok time for bed i’m hallucinating real life on tv now.
lisa is the greatest i am really glad we had this opportunity to connect as well as with all the other womens omg i am getting misty eyed. strung out sunday much haha.
marco han’t emailed me yet.
it smells. it smells like i could get a lot of money for it haha. ok gotta run to the jewelry store now so excited. the ford picnic was a blast. tell you all about it later. love you san diego.
charmed him, actually made marco laugh. he asked what my accent was. everything else i am savouring for myself and the twenty women i will be addressing at dinner haha. what happens at blogher stays at blogher.
this was so fun we razzed the hell out of each other total strangers, all making self pitches and bonding meanwhile MARCO FUCKING PIERRE WHITE is doting all the hell over us me. he asked if i liked risotto al dente and i said no because it expands in your stomach and makes you all bloated (the ONE thing i know about risotto) that’s when i broke him AND i cornered him about making gordon ramsay cry. he goes, he made HIMSELF cry bahaha and that it was a long time ago. i need to go into journalism. someone needs to scoop this free agent before it’s too late nahmean.
nothing i do is creepy. everything i do is fabulous.
friggin’ piping hot and now i am full how am i gonna eat?
creep meme begins. i was too shy to ask for a photo during this and i was booze sweating profusely, faint, dizzy and charlie sheen level bipolar delirious = networking gold.
marco and i made this together it was like ghost except nowhere near first base. maybe in our heads.
i have a hundred more various versions of this.
then i met the famous swiffer guy.
and i sat on the throne. oh yeah when i posed with a california raisin i hugged it then asked if i could pick it (them) up. no way i coulda done it.
ready for my next customer, marco, don’t lose my card. his assistant minder could tell i was cruising him hard i was half smooth, blatant, retarded, demure, stupid, charming, confusing, rude, in short, perfect.
and my room looks like the tickle trunk. is that a crystal missing already or just a bad angle?
worst coffee but i am growing fond of our bodega so whatever. i see people with starbucks cups but so far haven’t spotted my sbucks friends yet. ok i gotta go. running out of little black dresses. went to a great panel this afternoon tell you about it later.
sarah blue. awesome blogher cohort. we walked into the bodega and a comatose statue of a dude goes, are you twins? uh maybe if you bothered to look us in our faces you’d know the answer to that.
went with it though.
i just bought batteries for my camera and this is where it went down, garbage deco.
there’s my palm trees. gaga for them.
the trek to and fro the convention centre. v close to our hotel. lots of walking. great for the gams.
so that’s downtown san diego proper, the gaslamp district. hotel mecca. tourist gong show holy ground.
we walked in and i said it’s like the home show except shit i actually want.
the girl crawl begins. that’s dee in the maxi dress and this is a terrible picture the old man was too busy talking to me about the cracked lcd than to bother doing a bloody good job haha whoops some hung rage just slipped out.
this chick rules. snarky. 13 year old boy sense of humour. has one signature slutty dance move. we’ve been making fun of each other nonstop BONUS we are a trio as her bestie michelle touched down, who i am also in love with now too.
button making!
this is where it got NC-17. just kidz. ha. kidding. omg is this thing on? tap tap.
i’ma stalk that mawfu-a likea panther in the amazon FOR HOURS.
marco trained gordon ramsay and allegedly was the only person to make him cry now, as i have a hard-on for that guy (and anthony bourdain, jamie kennedy, etc) and scary mean dickheads, i have to meet him. i already feel myself chickening out right now though.
mojitos mo problems. i put back two.
have twilight nerds lightened up on the pattinson thing? just look at his face would ya here you delusional twits, also, look how old we look compared to that lesbian beside me.
we partied with the chicks of this stall later in the night, bumped into them at the unicorn party that we didn’t go into because michelle didn’t have her badge and the door guy was a rude prick to us i started crying pointed at my face and said look into my face YOU RUINED MY NIGHT hahah. 70% of the time during a confrontation i get super emotional if i KNOW we are being wronged. michelle was starving, she just flew in, didn’t get her badge in time we tried it was closed and he was so so diva rude. meanwhile a fucking rave was going on behind his head it looked so fun so i stormed in and got michelle three hot dogs a bag of popcorn a big pretzel bag of peanuts a piece of cake and a mustard plus ketchup packet and waltzed on by in my dress, which was actually a shirt and michelle said i love everything about you. i said look dude i have to be in that party right now but i am not ditching my girl here so thank you for that. ughhhsblfhjulsdbiu;B! there was nothing kumbaya about him which is likely why he was chosen to be door duty, to take the wrath of gatecrashers. fort knox here ladies don’t forget your badges.
teen spending, that’s a problem? how about stop giving your kids credit cards or money? that’s retarded and backward i love it!
my niece loves taylor swift. i do too.
there was a time when we had a few cut outs gracing our ecclectic wayne’s world basement where all the kids would come hang and get smoked by me on nintendo, they came from queen video. we had austin powers, steve martin in his silver disco jacket from that televangelist movie he starred in unless i am hallucinating this. we have pictures of them i’ll find them, or my dad can cos they’re at his house. so funny though. we are a film buff family and favoured customers so we called dibs on all their promotional movie crap and THAT is why the independent vendors should always be patronized and shown love, plus we had a family account and i could rent anything i wanted. we had the tommy boy one of david spade and chris farley too. it seemed normal?
my favourite stall. those jars are filled with advil and other women problems-aiding items haha. i am going to raid everything today.
love this. creepy abandoned titanic feeling, or no, the poseidon adventure. i do not exist in reality, i reject yours and choose hollywood’s.
like being in a ship.
how darling is that, intentional?
i know right? dreamy!
thank god there is food everywhere to keep the traveling booze show alive and for once i’m not the only ring leader phewf.
gorge evening.
beauty. why am i blogging through a luncheon right now so stupid. it is my compulsion to do so.
this is torturing me.
i just pout scowled at myself in the mirror over this one.
gorgeous outfits everywhere, lots of fashions, these girls sure turned it out. oh and ps. thanks for everything ford this has been such a peach. tomorrow at the picnic donna said she’d drive my sexy ass around. i can’t wait to introduce her and her gaggle to my coug crew, awesome worlds colliding, such positive female role models and i realized last night that i never really got along with girls my own age, it’s always younger or older, wonder why that is. older women check you while women your own age do it behind your back. Buncha see you next Tuesdays. donna how was dinner?
my mom’s posse last night at the jazz fest. see? they totally belong here.
modern spaceship bocc basil and tomato bites on focc i think. bocc focc do you even know what the hell i am talking about anymore?
like, totally.
sigh. those ships.
mom is that her?
this daddy woody allen look-a-like blogger was milling about so we fucked with him a bit. super lovely guy i’ll go fish out his card, i gave him a 5 minute serious blog consult in between razzing him about not having his wedding ring on, dee loved it and i said i am SO my mother’s daughter haha oh god.
i waved at him across the way cos i wanted to be on camera and then he like, stops filming ha.
checked out the view a lot. great reception.
that woman was lining up mojitos. i lost track. actually if i listed every alcoholic beverage i consumed yesterday the intervention party would begin immediately instead of tomorrow night here. tickets are $25 bitch say what i do not buy tickets. nuh uh.
my profound inspiration i guess that’s why this blog either sucks or is mega-awesome. hay-o.
very cute party branding. seeing the word blog everywhere made me very happy.
there’s my girl hi donna!
i party stalked the woman in the purple maxi dress a bit, with a baby pink pashmina so fabulous.
ha.
dude. bad pose. so awkward. if i sat you’d have seen my underwear which dee said happened to katy perry. i haven’t been up on my sesame street i’ll have to google that one.
what is this now hall of shame reject photo pile? yup.
oh hi there who’re your friends?
happy women make the world go round.
i think they put out more too. i just made that up.
fabulous blogher babe. go big, wear that dress, amiright? she said she kept being stopped about it.
don’t pass up an opp to flatter and compliment. positivity spreads.
sarah lives in philly, is from calgary, as is michelle. i should bone up on some jokes before i catch up with them.
i wonder what ridiculous outfit i should create for today.
giddy-uppa. pre-drank supplies. we did not get those shots ugh the last time i did those i punched my brother in the head with a left hook. he totally deserved it though.
costume change!
sarah said this is disgusting. sounds like tramp talk to me. booze whip cream. can i bring these home? should i?
STAY CLASSY SAN DIEGO. i wanna watch ron burgundy SO EFFING BAD. we’ve been making nonstop references.
her view.
oh wow look in the mini mirror it’s my teeth biohazard warning bottoms upside down.
awaiting michelle’s arrival.
holy lesbo seduction set-up gahaa.
funnest hotel.
look tarek! i guess that means this leather tone is chic yeah? my clutch goes missing like a chameleon on that thing.
don’t even start on the courtney love thing i am just waiting for these locks to grow to my belly button and then no one will f with me ever again. this one guy called me courtney all night long and i wasn’t even that much of a shit show. it’s ok, one woman yelled at me I LOVE YOUR HAIR! or your hair is awesome so that set me straight for the next 24 hours.
i will be looking back on this experience super fondly and so totally will be saying yes if i am invited back again next year. maybe do a talk?
til then, village of the damned out. adios muchachos.
