Yesterday it seemed like a good idea to pop an oxycontin after a few beers and then go to work. Wheeeeeee! This dogface mutgirl who likes to hang around kept hanging around with her stupid eurotrash guyfriend and i’m all, don’t you have someplace to be it is 2am and you live in Scarberia which is ten jillion hours from here. And she is all, no i just wanna be here and meet everyone. Unnngh. Then it seemed like an even better idea to go to Fran’s about 4 in the morning and eat eggs florentine with eggshells innit and a reuben and other gross and disgusting things. i played loud rock and roll music on the jukebox to annoy everyone in the front of the restaurant. my nerves were bad so every loud noise made me jump and spill water or drop something on the floor. Our server was a douchebag with ten holes in his face and eminem-style hair. he fucked up my order. cab driver was a jerkoff who locked the window so i couldn’t close it any further. i’m like, come on, i know i’m smoking five cigarettes back here, still, a little compassion please.
sniffsnaffsnuff.
So then i almost had a barf-attack at work every ten minutes but then the nausea would pass and i would fall over in my stupid shoes and drink bad coffee.
I will go eat something now.
Ooooooooh. Today is HomosexualModnite. Mebbe i will go to that. Mebbe.
and btw everyone i am not a lesbian. i just never write about all the boys i am having sex with because they would be insanely jealous and kill one another. i just like to write about girls a lot because they make me feel insecure, shy, stupid, inferior, nervous, ugly, fat..etc etc and i wish i didn’t act like such an obnoxious dork around each and every one of them.
i just ate a whole brick of spinach most likely from the year 1975. what’s up Vitamin A + C!?
Oh, not much thanks.
Then i tidied up the furnace room a bit and i found these sad bastard lego things that were never opened so i put them together whilst eating brickspinach. One being an ambulance the other being a robot person. If you send me a fantastic electronic message that makes me not-bored and/or angry, i will personally mail you the ambulance. it is mega-cool.
Before all this, i folded my underwear and socks into tiny little fold-packages and squished them into my top drawer and then i went crazy and decided to empty out all my drawers of summertime slut clothing, put that shit in a bag and hid it in the furnace room.
i am still on a “i am the best cake maker in the world” high.
Now I will go take a bath and rub myself with the big pink loofah that looks like cotton candy.
i have decided that i am going to smoke cigarettes in my room for the evening and it feels very good to do this. I have not taken the white trash pills yet but i will. i will. the cakething is the best and only cakething i ever made. i have icing on my chin and dried caramel in my hair. i hope i turned the gas stove off properly. i don’t want to not wake up tomorrow. i am sad because i have just one beer left.
Today was is and right, feels like, the day without people. i was mega-bored. so i just made a cake – yep. strawberry chips and caramel and vanilla frosting and sprinkly things. i am too proud of it to eat it. it is pretty lopsided though. oh well. i’ll eat it for breakfast tomorrow. i saw Master T at the supermarket. he bought catfood. i also bought another one of them homies from the gumball machine and then this other dude spotted the minx and helped me figure out what to buy and not buy for my cakething. that’s about it. that was my day. oh right i worked. and i made french fries. did laundry. now i am drinking beer and mulling over whether i should take these white trash, get-me-fucked pills.
I don’t even know if the furnace dude came by and you know, i don’t care.
post-script: I found those glow in the dark star stickers on top of the fridge. score!
post-script II: I also noticed that i do in fact have cupcake baking tins on top of the fridge, of course after i made the cake. i kinda wanted to make cupcakes ’cause then i coulda walked around handing them to people and then feeling good about myself and generous.
post-script III: Coolhandluke wears a towel underneath his robe. wtf?
I just realised the furnace people are coming today to service that shit. This means i have to stick around between the hours of 1 and 5. Well i guess it doesn’t really matter ‘cos i know the second they show up i’ll be in the backyard or the bath or whatever and i won’t hear the door. Story of my life.
$10 – pizza money
$80 – cabs
$10 – gift
$4 – breakfast
$55 – army shit
$3 – Burger King
$6.75 – TTC
$15 – gave it away
$35 – more cabs
$126 – jacket
$70 – Honest Ed’s
$6 – Tanning salon
$63 – Hat/scarf
$5.15 – Tallboys
$20 – steak and other crap from KoS
$20 – hair dye shampoo/conditioner
$12 – smokescoffeewater
$8 – sox
$19 – groceries
Where my money has gone over the past month. Well, only the purchases i can remember.
How do i dispose of a huge box of styrofoam puffs?
I’m pretty psyched to see i am sixth on the list when you search for homeless people and there dogs in toronto pics BUT i am more psyched to see that i am the only one who knows when to use “their” instead of “there” or “they’re”
Today it is all about being tired and cranky and wearing halloween costumes all day long and eating stale muffins and grease and pizza and not walking for longer than three minutes. i think i am in love with the sound of jet engines and fingernails on chalkboards. Unnngh… Did you know that i am thinking of opening my own cheesy themed sex hotel? It’s true.
