this was taken by jeopardy king. boo ya. and also the following

that faggot tim finally wrote about me but he lied when he said get out of my house or maybe not, probably. i think i am the one that fucked off to toronto u skat.

daydream space station

hey yooooo giiiieees! remember this place?

that link is to my friend alex’s site. he’s in that smarties commerical and other shit too. no one believes i know him. i called him last nite stoned and said really dumb stuff. he went with me to the supreme court of canada party-viewing when i had the norwalk virus and i ate a rainbow-coloured popsicle with some tylenol 3’s. the spaniard (ex-bf) was there too but we didn’t see each other and he sent me a fuck you email for that very reason. anyway, the supreme court of canada was a short arty film i was in with a guy dressed as a bunny and me as an old man in a field in high park. super 8 footage sketchy silent silly.

this picture is of tyranny tyranny aka slow down coolio aka heart attack monster aka aka aka kkk timNAZI. we met on the nerve personals before they got crazy gay and his name was xanax i dont remember what mine was, maybe he knows. we would cab it back and forth all over west of bramptopia and i got him back on pills. he blamed it all on me. one time i got a morphine patch from this boozer customer guy at my hardware store job who had a crush on me and use to bring me tiny whiskey bottles on saturdays and sundays from his 24 of beer and sometimes percs. me and tim sucked out after cutting it in half, smearing it on the back of our necks and arms and then wiping it off. we were scared to experience too much pleasure. now we are angry at that stupid stupid act of a puss-out. stupid people. stupid, stupid people. (shii-ann, survivor).

anyway i took some tranqulizers and brought em over, we crushed and snorted them and the insides of our nostrils turned on fire and we coma’d it the fuck out dude. frank lived in his basement and he had a ponytail and when i walked downstairs i said whats up fags and frank went pffffffffffffft. the audacity of me is just stupid. i brought over a tiny champagne bottle i got from a wedding and tim cracked it open with a nail and a hammer and drank shards of glass. blannnnt!

we ashed all over each other on the bed and watched magnolia and everytime i listen to modest mouse now i think of tim and his ghetto blaster. he slept at my house a few times and when my mum walked in the room she said he’s black? idiot. i flipped on her.

and when she drove us places, we screamed at each other the entire time in ice rain and tim in the back going oh my god. i brought him to dirtbag karaoke and he made this other guy angry and look dumb kuz he was deathly in love with me and also was the jew karaoke host with the big gut that shoves it into you when he hugs you and whispers sleazy; “when are we gonna start a band oh you’re so hot that girl has the stage presence of a sack of potatoes…” type crap in your ear with gooey hot moisture-breath. can you say vomit fountain?

speaking of which, i shot out one of those at this afterhours in front of darkynazi when he was offering me a dirty key of coke and i said no no that’s too much and then ran towards the toilet in my skoolgirl skirt and get-up and saurav was waiting outside and they hated each other and the door magically swung open with hordes of people waiting and watching my beautiful arc of spew.

saurav this one time met me outside of the webcam model building where i use to work in the rain. i had my bike and the spaniard with me. saurav was drunk as hell and wanted a booty call and tried to secretly whisper it to me. the spaniard was miffed, we were to go to this after the film festival party where johnny soporno and giuilia wanted to fuck us, swingers that they are.

in any event i felt bad for the guy because his friends had the keys to his car and his apartment and he needed to crash someplace. sure. i give him my keys and write down my address and go off with the spaniard to the party but i’m wigged-out the whole time, worried saurav is going to fuck up. i sleep at spaniard’s kuz i don’t want a sticky mess with saurav.

the guy calls me the next day and says he was so drunk he couldn’t find my place so he fell asleep on a porch a few houses down, took off all his clothes and slept in his boxers. he lost my keys that fuck and couldn’t find them in the dark. luckily/stupidly they were laying someplace with MY ADDRESS too and you know what? someone found the little package and stuck it in my my mailbox, not letting themselves in and looting the place. saurav u retarded fuckbag.

so back to tim. i bought percs from the crazy whitetrashbag at work and me and tim would fight over them. that’s about it really ’til i moved downtown and tim followed suit soon after and we would walk to the liquor store in the am to buy grolsch.

and that’s the story of timnazi and company.

Patiently waiting

The elevator doors close

Time to fart is now

ok so i smoked some pot last nite but it’s ok. i felt like shizer for 48+ friggin’ hours and it needed to be done. after not smoking for awhile and then doing so u get loser-fuckeeeed. and i cut out carbs by 75 per cent so my energy was low too. i am wondering if it is hot enough to go tan in the backyard. i’m going to sing a song for jamie. trying to decide which one to do.

strangers who knew each other very well

tim fucking write about me already you louse!

i’m starting to get bacne. ew. it’s from my long porno hair and all the fucking on leather couches. heh.

may 5th 00h15;

i’m at work now.

In my grey cerruti suit.

I’m fuckin’ bored facing this computer, again.

I know you’re an idol

i know you’re bipolar, and, honestly, i don’t give a fuck.

I’ll be reading your blog, and i’m not expecting something special from you anymore, cause i know that you’re a crazy bitch, you’ll always be, we’ll never meet, and i don’t wanna disturb your “shitty little word” by turning it into an interesting conversation, cause you’re not able to have interesting conversations.

BYE

FRED

you know, everyone assumes i’m chained to a table ready and waiting to have intimate sexy conversations with them via emails, IMing, whathaveyou, it’s ridiculous. they get all tanky when i don’t respond or say shut up or something. i have armloads of emails like this. i’ll put ‘em all up at ihateraymi.com one day someday cumday. i apologize fred for getting bored fast of oh i want to nuzzle your neck and whisper shit in your ears ew blek maybe if you hook me up with a hotel room for a few months in gay paree wherever i’ll let you talk to me like i am marilyn monroe. i have enough old men pervs chasing my tail.

i’ll try to understand when you go down on your knees in front of a man

the difference between genius and stupidity is that genius has its limits

what you have become is the price you paid to get what you used to want

and if you tolerate this your children will be next

be thoughtful. not to be a martyr or doormat to be trod upon, but to be aware of other people and their needs. to meet others with awareness and within your own framework be able to meet them halfway and on occasion go the other half joyfully.

our deeds determine us as much as we determine our deeds

perfection is to be what we pretend to be

there is nothing so ridiculous but some philosopher has said it

we are not interested in the possibilities of defeat

it struck her for a moment that she would be happy if everything was dark and empty like this, if there was no one at all in the world, just this stillness and almost perfect silence, and if it would go on forever like that. she stood and listened, relishing the idea that in this space around her just now there were no thoughts or feelings for the future.

the key to failure is trying to please everybody

after i’m dead i’d rather have people ask why i have no monument than why i have one

you kin tame a wild-cat and a panther you kin tame anything, son, excusin’ the human tongue

i never seek to defeat the man i am fighting. i seek to defeat his confidence. a mind troubled doubt cannot focus on the course to victory. two men are equals – true equals – only when they both have equal confidence. – admiral yamamoto isokoru

to get off as being temporarily insane is blasphemy. if one kills another merely animal instinct. but to go into someone’s home and redecorate, that is considered to be temporarily insane.

a man’s presence suggests what he is capable of doing to you or for you. by contrast, a woman’s presence defines what can and cannot be done to her

if sound waves carry on to infinity, where are their screams now? somewhere in the galaxy, moving forever toward the psalms.

happy belated may4th bday to lauren yer boy rob lurves you and i do too.

mom i only like black guys now. this is mc caddy cad or whatever and he sucks i think but really i wouldn’t know because i never know who is up there doing what i’m too busy swirling around with beer bottles in my hands and falling into girls who want to make me eat shit.