i like that stouffer’s is pushing me to be more of an alcoholic than i already am by suggesting i drink white wine with my portobello penne, thanks guys!
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i like how opening a new package of toilet paper makes you feel like anything is possible in fact i get that feeling everytime i open something new like, a box of crackers or something i derno, nice. but mostly with t.p. and i’m not being all double entendre here like ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE/I AM GOING TO HAVE THE BEST BOWEL MOVEMENT EVER i mean it makes me feel all romantic new beginnings type stuff.
oh just go away.
i <3 pregnosaurus rex!
jessica simpson’s new video
fucking love it.
i just spent 20 minutes googling stephanie tanner and jodie sweetin cos i am fully fucking stir crazy and sweaty hot loony from being in all day with fil who is bed-ridden and whiny and keeps pretending to be paralyzed and helpless on the bedroom floor with my stuffed animal shoved in his underwear.
from now on my look will solely be inspired by stephanie tanner. that is all, so fuck off boho chic olsens!
i am going to get my wine on cos i can’t take it anymore.
yesterday i naired my bikini area and fil walked into the bedroom with me lying down with all this white cream spread everywhere and i said looks like i have a massive yeast infection eh? i got some between my legs and yesterday everytime i pee’d it felt like muriatic acid hitting my labia BURN CITY. also it smells like farts. yesterday RULED!
Dear Amanda Peet
you are my BONER OF THE WEEK
you win because you scared the shit out of me in saving silverman and you wore that shirt that showed your entire coat rack figure that you could like look inside of when you leaned over because it was basically two baby bibs taped to your nipples and you were a psycho controlling cuckoo bitch i <3 you.
you also could have a mushroom cut and it would still work in fact, your hair isn’t very original or interesting to look at but it doesn’t even matter cos your personality and caterpillar eyebrows totally take over and i am like WOW.
in igby goes down you humped macaulay culkin’s brother and you didn’t even give a care and i was like ME TOO AMANDA!
you were also very good at mindfucking jack black and steve zahn in saving silverman i was like ooooh she’s good.
it would be cool if we were friends cos you would make everyone feel inferior and they’d say snarky things like OH YOU ARE HANGING OUT WITH THAT AMANDA PEET WOMAN TODAY RIGHT? all jealous-like and i would be like YES AND SHE SAID THE MEANEST SHIT ABOUT YOU THE OTHER DAY!
i would feel inferior all the time too and like a huge slob cos your nails would be all did and mine are all ripped and hang-naily and no one would look at me anymore but that would be ok because you would be my friend and i could borrow your stuff sometimes and tell you jokes about napkins until you got bored of me bye.
