bitches im getting this fone for free!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

email me if u think you qualify they want toronto bloggers or vancouver bloggers mostly!

cid needs anger management

he is trying to fit in my bag, i try to help and he wants to destroy me wtf.

we played ntn last nite aka buzztime at a bar and i was cheating off this old guy beside fil and we were taking it very seriously and timing bathroom/smoke breaks even. i heart trivia.

ONE YEAR AGO TODAY:

This is how you go crazy

You move to toronto when you are nineteen years old and then let crazy fucked up people move in with you who take advantage of your generosity and you work as an online prostitute and you date an abusive drug dealer who cheats on you and you do blow every other nite of the week and then you go to los angeles and smoke weed until your brains turn to dirt and you go to the loony bin and then you go back to canada and stay in the loony bin for a little while longer and then you get out and seclude yourself in a tiny town where you don’t know anybody for six months and then you gain some of your confidence back and go out on the town one nite and you meet another drug dealer and date him for six months who treats you like shit and then you finally lose your cool again and dump his ass once you get all skinny and manic and you can no longer smoke weed because it brings back terrors of 9/11 and generally some uncool shit.

When you are in the loony bin you spend a lot of time with people who are far more crazy than yourself and you take everything literally because that rational part of your brain is so doped up and the schizophrenics scream at you and the fucking senile split-personalities intrigue you and the christians terrify you and on and on until you realise you are pregnant and you just can’t believe your luck.

dear noel

cid is sleeping on a garbage bag on the bedroom floor right now and it is funny cos he could be sleeping on a cushion or cotton sheet instead but he chose a crinkly garbage bag cos he has a sense of humor.

consider this a suggestion free blog from here on in, comments are fully allowed but unwarranted suggestions are not permissable. if someone wanted a shaved beaver they would HAVE a shaved beaver. that is all.

ps i am never nairing ever again never! yes i’ll shave here and there but my area is just too sensitive and the last few days have been hell a la ingrown and red itchy blotches FUCK THAT. you see, i’m one of those GROWS ON THE THIGHS TOO girls so i have to shave well i use one of those battery shaver things that fil uses for his face haha so i can’t have a bush unless i want to have hair shorts (fil made that up yesterday).

anyway i really do enjoy tweezing my ingrown hairs for ten minute spanses of time at least ten times daily but with these nair ingrowns it’s been like thirty times a day and i just don’t have that kind of time.

i mean if i wanted to look like i had herpes or whatever I’D GO AND GET HERPES NOT PAY 8.99 FOR A BIKINI KIT TO GIVE ME FAKE-HERPES!

GO TO MAJORMAKER.COM to see the music video i am in with other toronto hipskags. click on multimedia and then watch the WINDOW video, it’s pretty obvs. which one i am, black hair side pony and swoop bangs and i’m the first chick and i jump onto the guy’s lap on the couch OOH SCANDAL. enjoy! the song’s good too. i’ve already watched it ten times.

i feel esoteric rage right now for no good reason other than i am bored it’s mostly pretend rage but at least it is fun like starvation rage sort of. starvation rage is the best cos you can scream your fucking head off at someone and then go YOU KNOW I WAS HUNGRY WHY DID YOU SPEAK TO ME WITH THAT JOKEY TONE OF VOICE IT’S BASICALLY YOUR FAULT I RIPPED YOUR FACE OFF!

yesterday we got denied ferry access on the way back to toronto cos the ferry was full and there was only like ten of us and i was so mad i couldn’t speak, my eyes went in different directions and i zombie-walked over to a bench and pictured murdering the little vietnamese dude who closed the gate down on us and i swear to fucking god if someone tells me that vietnamese isn’t relevent to my story i will jay and silent bob you like NOW. anyway it felt like a war movie or the war of the worlds where tom cruise is trying to get his entire neighborhood on that boat and then it blows up anyway or something i was picturing the ferry exploding and being like YES.

i was already picturing us in the car on land and thinking about canada’s next top model and red wine and cheese and the little man was taking away my FREEDOM so instead of zero to psycho i removed myself from us ten dawdlers who were all shooting the WTFs with each other and the WELL I NEVERS and i sat on that bench in the shade under the tree and slaughtered people in my head.

maybe i am getting my period soon or maybe it was the hash? RAGE HASH!

*whoever has the best rage story in which you were so angry you couldn’t speak and didn’t do anything out of shock wins a postcard.