me: dear phil: IF YOU DO NOT LEAVE WORK SOON I WILL BE FORCED TO REARRANGE YOUR SOCKS WITH THE DAYS OF THE WEEKS WRITTEN ON THEM SO THAT MONDAY IS PAIRED WITH THURSDAY, WEDNESDAY WITH FRIDAY, SATURDAY WITH SUNDAY, AND SO ON.
YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED,
sincerely, John Stamos
Phil: AIIIIEEEEEEE
truly, michelle tanner
me: I DO NOT FUCK AROUND
meet emily
it’s her birthday this sunday and her friend lindsay wanted me to do her portrait, happy birthday emily i hope you like it.
if anyone else wants one for their friend or dog or spanish maid, lemme know.
me: i found a video of your mom
merkley???: dude thats old
me: DUDE I KNOW
holy crap
merkley???: but still totally unbelieveable
me: yes
i saw it 7 years ago
merkley???: i saw it in the sixties
me: it didnt exist then
merkley???: you didnt
me: AH
merkley???: BURN
me: you didnt either
merkley???: born in 67
summer of love
me: OLDNESS CALLED
THEY SAID CLOSE THE WINDOW
merkley???: diapers called, they said you smell like poop
me: dude newsflash, people who say poop are tragically unhip
that word makes me cringe
it’s a dealbreaker
merkley???: nice knowin ya
people who get hung up on one word are HO
MO
me: you coulda said pooh even
but NOOOOOOOOOO
merkley???: i bet you do paris hilton tilt when you look in the mirror
me: !!!!!
fighting words
me: at least i dont make my personality revolve around a question mark
Ziiiiiiiiiiiiiiing
THESE ARE MY REAL FRIENDS LEAVE ME ALONE EVERYONE!
voting begins this afternoon sometime please select me for best diarist though some of you are being little bitches about me running against dooce and i thank you for your positive support THANKS GUYS TOTALLY MOTIVATING!
this is probably the first time in my life i am attempting something when there is a distinct possibility i will lose and instead of cheering me on you guys are all OH NO oh nonononono OH FUCKING NO. shame on you.
typically if i know i will not come out #1 i don’t bother with things, i give up before even trying but not this time INTERNET no way!
in grade eight i was on the cross country track team, i know, hard to believe, but it’s true, don’t worry there was plenty of not-running involved once the teacher jogged passed and then i fake-ran once she came around again telling me to KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK. three times a week i went to school an hour earlier to run 5k thinking this is some little club and had zero intentions of going to the track meet at the end of training, so, the morning of the meet i was lying in bed exclaiming that i was NOT FUCKING GOING TO SCHOOL TODAY and it dawned on my mother that i was suppose to be doing something that day ie track competition and she forced me out of bed to school to the meet and we ended up placing first place, the grade 8 girls. i don’t remember what i placed individually but had i not gone our team wouldn’t have been first place.
the moral of the story is YOU ARE ALL ASSHOLES.
vote raymi.
one heart attack with cheese, please.
me: ooh i forgot i had those chips
delicious
Phil: lucky
i want two ultimate burgers right now please
me: haha
Phil: look im trying to be nice and calm, just give me two nice juicy cheesy ultimate burgers please RIGHT FUCKING NOW
me: do u want me to fedex them
Phil: THATS NOT FAST ENOUGH STOP BEING A FUCKING PUSSY AND GO PICK THEM UP AND THEN BRING THEM TO ME IN A FUCKING TAXI BEFORE I KILL EVRYONE I SEE
me: WOAH
AHAHHAHAHAHHAa
Phil: wow ok sorry i lost my cool
should i go to burger king and have a breakdown?
and sit there surrounded by quad-stackers crying and eating
tempting, i know…
me: i think you might have to
longest diary diarist died
my future, i am already practising.
also, don’t you just love irony?
ps. thank you to whoever upgraded my flickr account.
two things i neglected to mention from last nite: (oh yeah we went to a leafs game)
1. some drunk old guy said that i LOOKED LIKE CHRISTMAS and instead of coming up with a witty remark i said something DANGEROUSLY uncool instead which was THANKS I LOVE CHRISTMAS. and it is also an outright lie.
2. i pretty much black-out sang don’t tell me by madonna at karaoke AND i let the host make RAYMI IS CRAZY jokes about me before and after like he always does and hit the fart samples and i did not even flip out at all.
ps. somehoe my flickr account was upgraded to pro how did that happen is it because i am now the most famous person in the world? awesome.
