we watched texas chainsaw massacre the beginning last nite and it is stupid because fil did NOT rent employee of the month, it is, in fact, the complete opposite of employee of the month, if you’ve seen EOM don’t tell me anything about it i want to see it tonite.

anyway, everyone who dies deserves it because they didn’t have the smarts to know uh DANGER fake sheriff, condemned town, one of the dudes was in ‘nam even you’d think he’d be able to do something other than get nailed to a table have his arms cut open from elbow to wrist and then take a chainsaw through his stomache, no? vietnam doesn’t prep you for that kind of thing? the one stupid girl does all the running around and hiding and instead of RUNNING AWAY TO FIND HELP she gets a biker dude to go back with her to the house cos his girl was shot and dragged there also, this is his only motivation, his girlfriend, i know this, YOU know this WHY DOESN’T THE GIRL WHO FLAGGED HIM DOWN IN THE ROAD KNOW THIS!? so big duh he gets cut up too, big help, thanks. another thing she walks through this little forest area to go get help earlier on in the movie and then she leads the biker dude through it again to get to the house and somehow it takes ten times longer the second time around and it is nitetime by the time they make it to the house? holy consistency!

and then later on at the dinner table she is chained to her seat and she accuses the family of incest or something like it’s her big shining fuck you moment GOOD IDEA TELL THE HUMAN-EATERS THAT THEY ARE INDECENT TELL IT TIL THE COWS COME HOME IT’S REALLY GOING TO SAVE YOU NOW.

this movie is ten times gorier than the one with ass shelf in it. haha i just went to google jessica biel but i typed ASS SHELF instead, ok, so it’s gorier and has the exact same vibe as the other one so if that’s what you want then see it.

they show how that dude got his legs cut off, you know the wheelchair perv, him. fil said he would have bled to death on the spot, you can’t just wrap his knees in paper and bob’s your uncle, you know? fil is smart i had NO IDEA you couldn’t just dress a wound in paper and it stops bleeding thank you fil!

Raymi I saw you in nyc!!

I can’t believe it! I have been reading your blog on and off for like two years – and then last… Saturday i think it was, I was walking down Ludlow street where I live and I saw you and Fil – and i knew it must be you bc of your lip piercing and I recognized Fil too – and then I thought, no but she lives in Canada, but I knew it had to be you and I almost ran after you guys like a retarded nutcase flailing and yelling Raymi, Raymi!! but if it wasn’t you then I would have been a double retarded nutcase squared – so anyway I just checked your blog and of course you were in new york – so I wish I had risked looking stupid. Anyway thanks for being funny and real and candid these past years – your blog is always good and cheers me up.

Take care,
Liz

batch 4

ONE YEAR AGO TODAY

that cat pretty much would be my best “during the day” friend if he wasn’t such an ungrateful jerk who attacked me constantly and scream-meows at me all day long.

feh.

these are fil’s text messages to me today:

Hi Polesmoker. You are pretty.

me: im taking a bath now.

fil: you are a delicate water lily in the pool of my heart

me: awww

fil: where are my emails gentle cherry blossom?

me: FUCK OFF

year agoish

i feel like i need an activity today so i am going to mail a bunch of stuff and buy hair-dye though lise wants me to wait til tomorrow and have it done at aveda with her for $20. if i don’t go out to do these things i will not go out at all today so i have to do it sorry lise thank you for bribing me with soup, i am a period monster and not very good company today.

i read in the metro paper monday this shit about the “toronto paris hilton” she does scenester magazine and goes out clubbing and writes about djs and her site gets 4000 visits MONTHLY. she wears tacky hats, that’s her schtick and basically is only known in the club dj circuit. um, my site gets that same amount DAILY, why the FUCK is the metro not writing about me? and if we have a so-called paris hilton-like toronto socialite “miss raquel” how come i have not fucking heard of her before? the metro only caters to douchebag commuters from sauga and port credit, painting this idealistic picture of downtown nitelife/culture, same shit that was happening in the late 90s, newsflash NO LONGER RELEVANT OR COOL. f the metro.

BEST SONG EVER

nyc batch 3

the shopping penguin

scuba cat!

fil is in the doghouse so he is making dinner right now i told him he had to bring home appetizer-like food as well, i haven’t eaten all day, i said it had to be delicious food that didn’t require cooking lest i splode even more i am on the total fucking cusp of menses so fil’s doghouse dwelling is bad timing, mostly for him. anyway he can tell you what he did if he wants no he didn’t cheat on me, it’s something more simple yet complex than that. i said you can make me dinner tonite to begin the APOLOGIZNG PROCESS he asked ok what do i want i said something light and healthy and delicious and he said it is hard to do something like that and i said that is what the apologizing process is all about CHALLENGING YOURSELF. so far he is doing well except he just asked me to go downstairs and put the laundry in the dryer, minus points for that one, sorry.

**update i went and did the laundry, came back upstairs and was all mmm the hallway smells like my surprise dinner (i am not allowed in the kitchen) then i get inside and am greeted by a huge plume of stingy eye smoke and it is freezing cold, the screen door is open. i asked what smelled like burning, my surprise? i will have to wait and see. i am choking and coughing on the surprise though and my eyes are watering, and i am sneezing cos the smoke is making my nose tingle. lucky for cid he is low to the ground. it’s BASTARDLY cold in here cos of the open door, i was shivering down in the laundry room and thought i have to get fil to learn me to use the thermostat again, ungh, so much for that. hey fil THANKS FOR THE SURPRISE. i am sure it will be delicious.

sabrina: I totally know people that know cory kennedy. i probably could befriend her except for the fact that i am a crazy old lady that will like be totally bitchy whenever i have to see her cause i hate scenester kids. i know tons of her myspace friends though.

raymi: dude if u know what is good for me you will befriend her and get her to make me her new accessory JEEESUS CHRIST SABRINA stop being so fucking selfish!

sabrina: bahahahaha. i know, right? i am getting old. OLD. Next week I am going to be wearing depends or something. I bet cory kennedy will be super excited to know me to know you cause then you can be my not too old friend that is fun and fashionable and awesome–and then i get sent to the “retirement community” to die.

raymi: do not present yourself to her til late-spring, after i have a fucking art show and am 15 lbs lighter, cory kennedy does not want to hang out with a fat canadian asshole, though it might be a positive thing for her like a glimpse into her future except her future is like one jillion per cent brighter than mine.

sabrina: I dunno, if you think about it–crazy artist types like vincent gallo that decide to make lil nymphs–a la edie sedgewick famous for nothing–well those girls always end up with nothing, and dead in really pathetic ways.

you will probably be more awesome and famous. the end.

raymi: well she is blessed with a remarkably rememorable name if someone had the sense to tell me to have long garbage hair when i was her age i would have cadillacs for rollerskates by now.

batch 2 nyc