i have a new invention idea it probably already exists but is nowhere near mainstream though it should be i am telling you the idea cos i don’t care if you steal it i just want it to come to fruition.

REFLECTIVE TOILET BOWLS.

why because when you are doing a number 2 and right before you black out from all that pushing you take a little sitting there break so the stars fade from your eyes and then you can’t tell if there is a uh ahem *something* attached to yer star-hole so you go to wipe and then SMEAR buuut if the bowl was reflective you could just look and be all oh i have to wiggle this off and THEN i can wipe. messy wiping SUCKS it takes forevs while all your friends are drinking and waiting. sometimes you can look at the reflection of yer ass and groin area if the lighting in the john is decent the water is reflective enough but most times this is not the case and you forget to look anyway BUT if the bowl had an obvious mirror-thing going on it would just be a DUH thing to do.

i’m not trying to be disgusting even though i am i am just trying to help. you know when you are hanging with new peeps and there might be a dude or chick mackin’ on your date but you have to deuce and then you are crapping and wiping forever picturing everyone having fun making out without you? a reflective toilet bowl would rectify that asap. or you could just have magical sensitive ass cheeks that can tell if there is something hanging there.

anyway.

at 6 in the morning some fuck decides to plough the two inches of snow in our visitor lot and then did all the other buildings surrounding our building it sounded like ariplanes flying into my head, the silence of the street bouncing off the plough turning it into WWII REEEAAAAAAAAWOOOOOOOORUUUUUUUHHHHHH over and over and over and over again and again and again if it happens again EVER i am going to leave an anonymous nasty ass letter. i think people can deal with two inches of snow easily a traqctor plough at 6 in the morning is not necessary.

also the dick who yells at his ole lady next door likes to get up at 2am and put shit in the garbage shoot and slams his door again. you are not suppose to use the shoot after 10pm. i want to leave a mean note on hello kitty stationary so that they KNOW it was me who left it. how come old people get to bend the rules? i’m taking back youth, dudes, don’t worry. the ole lady came out of the elevator yesterday and cid was in the hall and flew by her legs and she is so old didn’t even notice like that scene in the professional when the old lady comes out and says why don’t you leave that poor family alone and gary oldman says I SAID GO BACK INSIDE and she nags some more and he shoots the glass window behind her head and she has the slowest reaction to it ever and slowly putters back inside yeah THAT lady is our neighbor and somehow she is still alive.

last nite two chiefs at the horseshoe told me that my utility belt was showing then i said I KNOW THAT’S BECAUSE I AM COOL and then they fainted cos i talked to them. i’ve been rocking fil’s batman shirt all weekend long i might even wear it again today it’s a total babe magnet and by babe i mean awkward simpson’s fan pube ‘stache bomber jacket wearing mawfuckers don’t you forget it.

we met up with aimoo and heather was there too, they had tickets to see priestess and to be a total judgemental snob based on the majority of the peeps at the shoe we decided to not see the band just sort of listen to them from the front then we ditched and went to grossman’s for a full on party that place slays. it’s always free and people are always shitty and dancing even a grandma got up to dance with her walker all around the place PARTY

the dude singing on keys after his set he just slumped over on his amp and snoozed cos he had the spins right there under the spotlight in front of everybody i asked his pals if he was ok and they said oh yeah he’s fine he loves the attention he just had too much scotch.

there was a bunch of white kids dancing like they were at a rave i dunno if this is a new thing but it was uh interesting they may as well of had devil sticks and hacky sacks.

see just takin’ a little break

then right back on it

their band is called the daredevils of soul and they are wicked

this guy was an annoying dick he kept yelling out let me hear your voice BROTHER over and over while dude was trying to explain his song then he leant down in front of him while dude was playing, for a whole minute. holy fuck.

you can see one of the skinny white kids doing the awkward pee pee dance and the chick in the foreground with the purple shirt and red sweater, i think she’s one of the chicks who panhandles out front of the shoe most nites. fil thought so too.

g’nite granny

TIME TO OPEN UP RAYMI’S MAILBAG:

we’ve heard from this guy before, and i have never met him.

email one:

take a swing at me

I miss you ..try to tear me down destroy me make love to me like you rape me wtf your a hottie welcome to earth sorry i’ve been hurt for a while…I could use some real drugs take me down let it burn… faith and hate we’re not perfect…jesus quit reading and fall in love hurry i’m getting older…

email two:

Take my hand… we’re leaving

oops yess drunk again
physical pain…

email three:

broken

I wanted you to know….I miss you your pretty and I will never have you soo sad ..i’ll keep in drunken touch…the worse is over now…..only xtc to cum…heheheheheh broken someday
Jeffg
–
The only antidote to mental suffering is physical pain…

that is all.

i had to shave my elbow hair i got a huge dye stain on it i don’t know how cos i was wearing a little black sweater/cardigan when i dyed my hair anyway my elbow is bald. i am wearing a towel outfit right now huddled at the computer spying on people, the big towel is wrapped around my body the other one i am wearing like pavarotti, a cape, stupid. i have to make the bed then we are going to spend our xmas gift cards oh i just remembered why i came on here again to begin with i have to look at the bay‘s website to look at everything on it that i may or may not buy. i’m thinking new shoes or stir fry pan.

new shoes for reals.

ooh that would be so dope if i could use my card online and pick out what i want so i can spend a little more time in my pavarotti outfit.

right now i am partying with guitar hero II fil was going to get in the shower but my singing and partying and general rocking out enticed him over to play a couple songs first. he’s all let me play i’m all NO. i want to have a party just so people can come over and watch me play guitar hero II and take pictures and put a spotlight on me and give me a headset mic cos i sing along with all the songs i can see myself getting a record deal out of this, if so does guitar hero get a cut? anyway this is just a nothing post to remind you how fucking cool i am. i am basically the bassist from magneta lane when i play guitar hero so now you know.

last nite i made us vodka olive martinis cos we are classy now and holy shit before sipping one you totally forget how loaded they get you it’s zero to inebriation to can’t speak english let alone any language other than stupid. we watched employee of the month, it starts off all funny then fades into meh. there’s a john mayer song innit HAHA. before the credits we pretended we were jack black narrating his tenecious d trailer IN A WORLD LIKE YESTERDAY ETCETERA TOMORROW SOMETIME THIS SUMMER BUT POSSIBLY FALL in that movie narration voice he does, after about three sips of a martini, it’s like bla bla i am wearing a lamp shade on my head everything i say is hilarious shut up so i can say more hilarious things.

then we got into a HUGE fight but we’re cool now.

one part i liked about employee of the month was when dane cook suggests to his grandma that maybe she shouldn’t rely on lottery tickets for dough and she says uh do you think i should be taking financial advice from you? and he goes SCORE ONE GRANDMA. later on she reminds him to clean his balls. wicked. i like when grandmas are sluts, it’s iffy when it’s a mom but a grandma somehow can get away with it? oh my mom’s a grandma too but she doesn’t look like one, you have to have the whole mumu white hair in rolls big glasses look going to get away with saying WASH YOUR BALLS, i think. pedro is in it too that was a nice surprise.

try NOT to watch this

An alcoholic meth addict stripper throws food, spits, plays the music of Nine Inch Nails or some ‘industrial’ band that aspires to be Reznorian, and engages in a fist fight with her sister that goes from in to outdoors. She is nude throughout. This scene is from A&E’s Intervention, a show that advises viewer discretion.

my papa, ed, first cousin to jack kerouac, likes to party.

albert on left, jack’s uncle, my great grandfather.

nice wheels, ed.

he told my nana he would be a millionaire, she bought it. ahha. check out her pinky finger, that’s where the weird alien curve comes from. it’s their 50th anniversary next year.

ooh la la nana

eileen the pin-up, this is a no pants zone.

photos taken from my mom‘s blog, there’s more over there to look at.