i want to “read” this book because i am a prevert.
what does this mean? scroll down the page cntrl f search ‘raymi’
Raymi mieszka w Toronto i lubi pokazywać swoje fotografie. Zwykle nie do końca ubrane. Ma 23 lata, studiuje sztukę, brała środki antydepresyjne, zawsze marzyła, żeby wydać książkę. Mieszka z kotem i swoim chłopakiem Philem. Pisze, co jej ślina na język przyniesie. O tym, co przeczytała, co zobaczyła, gdzie zrobiła zakupy i jaki film obejrzała. A mimo to jest niesamowicie popularna.
me: what does this mean Phil: looks polish me: yeah thanks english please
here are the parts i can make out:
raymi toronto urban 23 antidepressant phil? popular
hmm sounds about right.
Phil: Raymi lives in (to) toronto and it likes to show photos (photographers). Usually < ordinary > not up to the end dress. Has 23 lat < summer > < year >, it studies art, it took center (means) antidepressing, it dreamed always, that (in order to) issue book. It lives with cat and boy Philem. It writes, that its (her) will bring on language ślina. About it, it has read that, it has seen that, where it has made shopping and it has observed that movie. But nevertheless it is incredibly popular. ?
me: philem aha
Phil: ha yeah
me: now i want some polish sausage
Phil: sorry i just have mutt sausage
me: EW why cant guys be normal when girls say the word sausage i didnt know poland had the internet ahaahaha
i made that for fil‘s stepdad before fil and i started dating so it is older than our relationship. i cheaped out on a good gift and put together that collage and topped it off with a dollarama frame now it is worth $300 i told tod if he is ever short on dough he should sell it on ebay he said no way.
that’s tod what’s up dude. he is the one who found cid in a dumpster at the golf course he use to work at HERO!
that drink is the best and you get to keep the glass but some of it spilled when fil opened it and he had a major meltdown.
sorry buuuut my eyes are beautiful they are aqua grey golden sunsets
i told him to get those sunglasses, me 1; fil 0.
when fil lectures me i mock him and make a naggy retard face and mouth mumble what he is saying at the same time he is saying it and shake my head back and forth (my brother does it to his girlfriend too and my dad use to do it to my mom, it’s genetic) that plus my yenta glasses makes him lose his MIND. *bonus points for triple chin.
checking the side profile lookin good dawg i wish that jacket was a size smaller
fil’s mom as a teenager i think holy babesville she looks like she just came home from babysitting or something.
nap time.
we visitted aimee and dave they have funky shit all over their apartment, aimee is pretty creative.
for anyone who cares i didn’t wear make-up yesterday and i didn’t bathe either i rolled out of bed and went out with all the shit on my face that i fell asleep in i am going to do that more often i call it GARBAGE FACE LOOK.
every time i go into the bathroom at the loose moose that motherfucker is there, you walk in from the right and that dude always trips you out into thinking it’s a burglar rapist cos out of the corner of your eye you see this dark shadowy mass standing dead still and you get scared and you are also kind of drunk so it’s extra creepy. then you go back to fil and pitt and try to explain in english about him and you tell them every time you go there, so that’s like ten times by now at least no wait ten times times 4 bathroom trips each visit.
Nora began playing the piano on her own. She plays even when she is alone in the room. She really enjoys playing duets with a student playing on the second piano.
today i am emo siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiigh sigh sighhhh so look forward to some gay fucking poetry
here is a conversation fil and i just had if you cannot decipher it then you are beneath a grade 2 reading level:
Phil: brb Phil: b me: h Phil: h me: h
i am on my period and there are no tampons so i am tping it right now i will have to walk to the drugstore and get tampons and waddle with toilet paper in my pants i am a show on the women’s network right now. something about that W in the corner is a turn-off like oprah told me to watch everything on that channel and then i don’t out of spite.
i watched all of me you and everyone we know last nite in bed while fil was asleep i was pretty wasted so all the sketchiness wasn’t such a big deal like oh yeah that 4 year old is getting kissed romantically on the lips by that cougar, fine.
before that we watched the family stone i LOVE that movie anyway i already saw it, though despite that i still asked fil questions about what was going on and it was his first time seeing it. I AM FUN.
hmm maybe if i sit in the same position all day and i don’t do anything or very little i can slow down my bleeding and then i won’t have to go out and get tampons fil can bring them to me A+ for no effort lauren! ok that’s about 7 hours let the fun begin.
the super’s wife let herself into our unit cos i didn’t make it to the door quickly enough, uh next time you better have a vacuum in your hands lady. she’s sweet cos she remembers cid and says she has a cat that looks like him. fil and i have thought maybe she could feed him if we wanted to go away for a week, i get the feeling though that one of her top 5 jeopardy categories would be snooping so maybe not i mean, i would much prefer a friend snooping through my shit and at least if they came across a dildo it wouldn’t be a huge disgusting mystery or anything. anyway i wanted to sleep in some more but landlady and duder came in to change the fire alarm. this building is really gung-ho when it comes to maintenance and upkeep i think the fire alarms in our townhouse growing up were a thousand years old, anyway it’s nice and all but i don’t need a fucking print-out for everything that goes on in this building, fil likes it though it makes him feel like he is part of a club.
a lady died a month ago who lived here for many years and there was a note taped on every floor and in the elevators about it, i wonder when i die if i live here still what my note will say THAT YOUNG FUCKING WHORE WHO THINKS EVERYONE HATES HER DIED WE DON’T KNOW WHEN THE FUNERAL IS AND WE DON’T CARE GOOD RIDDANCE.
HAPPY SECOND ANNIVERSARY LAUREN AND JAMIE! LAUREN YOU ARE THE LOVE OF THAT DUDE’S LIFE I HOPE HE IS GETTING YOU A PRESENT ON TOP OF PAYING ME FOUR HUNDRED DOLLARS TO POST THIS MESSAGE ON MY BLOG. CONGRATS YOU TWO! XO YOURS IN CHRIST RAYMI
so last nite was a gong show as is usual when pitt rolls into town seems like the more i told him to slow down and pace himself the faster he drank it was also nice that he was dressed like a dad. we took him on his first hipster outing to the horseshoe and he was awed, i kept telling him you know this place really isn’t that cool you know i mean the billy talent kid hangs here and with that the billy talent kid walked by haha. i got blogspotted and pitt tried to mooch in off that and then he made the guy talk to tony pierce on the fone. die mannequin was playing, we didn’t go to the back and watch though but that one chick flew by us out the door to the street to play her guitar (cordless) that’s fine and all if you are i dunno iggy pop, but, well, you get the idea. it’s a good picture though. lots of scary ghouls and people who look like guitar hero characters were on the scene, this girl sort of flirted with me with her eyes in the bathroom.
the swedish snake aka sundin
we put pitt in a cab and sent him on his merry way back to mississauga then we went to chino to meet with samirsharpiesandrostefan chino made me and fil pay ten bucks each to get in, ten bucks for one hour til last call? the dude at the door started naming all these djs SO they are worth a ten dollar door cover, he may as well have been telling me the alphabet, i don’t know who these people are more importantly i don’t CARE who these people are, i came to drink and see my friends, play car alarms music go right ahead. next time, we will need the secret password, sandro. samir was in the blues cos he dropped his $800 fone and it is now busted, sharpie was wasterrrs i love wasterrrs sharpie!
that’s pitt talking to JEFF MAREK look notice how he is in love later after that call pitt was all YOU ARE AWESOME RAYMI THANKS FOR HOOKING UP THAT PHONECALL FOR ME THAT WAS LIKE A GIFT YOU GAVE ME THAT’S AMAZING haha.
the guy who blogspotted ME whom pitt made speak to tony piercewhile he is talking to tony pierce.
what’s wrong sandro?
i stared at that girl’s ass a lot the part where the thigh turns into ass and i compared myself to her for awhile and then felt psychotically jealous of her, i had a lot of think-time cos everyone was like i’m going to the bathroom i’m going to smoke i’m going to the bar etc and i sat babysitting pints FUN then i guilted/blew up at samir saying WE TOOK A TAXI HERE AND PAID TEN DOLLARS EACH AND WE ARE SITTING BY OURSELVES AT THE FRONT and it worked cos he came to the front then moped about his fone and i made sharpie paranoid about her jacket cos she said it was at the other side of the place all by itself? so she went to go get it and then didn’t get it? that was funny and samir got all anxious and we played the WHERE’S MY WIFE game where he says where’s my wife and i say FLIRTING WITH BOYS and samir’s face contorts with multiple emotions all at once, RAGE DESPERATION CRAZY basically.
pitt is peeing behind that dumpster. oh yeah at the ‘shoe this dude goes up to pitt (pitt is my height 5’8) and this guy is at least 6’6 and he says THE LEAFS SUCK and pitt doesn’t really notice cos he is on the fone with tony so i screamed back at the giant NO THEY DON’T and he goes yeah they do and i say NO, YOUR FACE SUCKS!! and as it came out of my mouth i actually had a gander at his face and i winced cos well, your face sucks was a little too perfect a zinger. anyway it was fine cos he’s a mtl fan and his buddy is leafs fan and they fight about it all the time so he wasn’t going to knuckle sandwich me or anything and once i knew that i turned all tough and put up my fists. i pictured myself jumping on this guy’s back and punching the world and yelling and somehow coming out a winner. fil said nice one after i said your face he thought it was amazing that i said that and i was thinking oh how sweet you are going to get your ass kicked now cos of what i just did but at least you thought it was a nice burn.
we woke up today about noon well more like noon thirty and i could hear the dude’s next door’s shitty guitar music holy fuck we have lived here over a year now and that guy’s skills have not improved in any way whatsoever so i motioned to knock on the wall to shut him up and fil freaked and grabbed my arm and said uh it is during the day on a saturday what kind of an asshole neighbour are you?
i’ll tell you
A NEIGHBOUR WHO IS AT THE END OF THEIR FUCKING ROPE LISTENING TO THAT ACOUSTIC SHIT GARBAGE EVERY NITE AT 2 IN THE FUCKING MORNING THROUGH THE BEDROOM WALL
fil said i can’t even play that well so i got up out of bed in my underwear grabbed his 1971 gibson SG put on the strap, jumped on the bed and stood as close to the wall as i could and commenced strumming like a fucking lunatic until fil grabbed the guitar away. no fair, you can’t hear an electric guitar through a wall sans amp.
on monday when fil goes to work i am going to plug in his guitar and just wait out that prick from next door.
so lindi ortega is really talented and all that but her professionalism is lacking and i know that sounds weird coming from me, i just can’t like her now cos of the unfunny anna nicole smith joke she made at the beginning of her set RIGHT before she started playing, so stupid. she goes oh i’m playing with ghosts tonite, on drums is steve irwin, on bass is anna nicole smith and everyone went OH OOOooh. aimoo went TOO SOON and everyone laughed behind us, i cupped my mouth and yelled NOT FUNNY and then lindi goes “dry sense of humour” trying to back herself up, sorry dude there’s dry humour and then there’s disrespect, to which you displayed the latter of. halfway through her set she made another joke about anna nicole smith which i didn’t hear but i’m sure it was TOTALLY HILARIOUS BECAUSE MAKING FUN OF THE DEAD IS SUPES FUNNY! nice fuckin sideways hat by the way what are you, newsies?
there was a boner horny mob party of three dudes standing next to me and the one guy sitting down was laughing hysterically at every fucking thing she said between songs, holy desperate. as her set carried on everyone at ciao edie was yelling and talking during it, that place is not a good one to play if yer the headlining act cos by the time you play everyone’s wasted and talks over you ok so everyone’s bla blahing all around us and i don’t care for once cos i’m intoxicated and i have already decided that i don’t like this woman and i’ve been quiet and polite during her set so i feel like i am allowed to say something to aimoo who is on my right, away from the horny mob so i lean into her and say something i forget what and the fucking guy sitting down turns and gives me a nasty look the I FUCKING HATE YOU STOP TALKING LOOK then he turns away quickly like a coward and continues to watch the set and my mouth is open still i’m halfway through a sentence and my eyebrows are now raised, i look at aimoo and then at the back of that guy’s head and say DID THAT JUST FUCKING HAPPEN? DID THAT GUY JUST GIVE ME A LOOK BECAUSE OUT OF EVERYONE TALKING IN THIS BAR I AM THE BAD PERSON!?! he didn’t look back at me again.
that’s THE LOOK guy before his horny mob friends showed up.
what’s that dude’s problem over aimee’s left shoulder?
back to lindi, i get that she is pretty and all and skinny and sometimes girls feel guilty about being pretty and skinny, kind of awkward about it so they talk loud and obnoxious and say abrasive shit to make you focus on that instead of how they look i know this cos when i was skinnier i did this a lot, it’s a verbal dressing down i dunno, it’s real, i’m sure you know a girl or two like this ANYWAY it can be very decent if the shit you say is ACTUALLY funny but when it isn’t it’s a bad taste in the mouth and i know coming from me queen retard #1 is hypocrisy BUT i would not ever stoop so low as to make fun of steve irwin and anna nicole smith.
andrew showed up halfway through to join in on the drunkening that was good and as the room cleared out after the show we were part of the last stragglers and i turned it into a retard dance of 1 and i danced into tables and chairs do NOT dance in YOUR DAD type boots from payless you cannot properly master any of your jazz moves. i just asked fil if i looked stupid last nite and he said YEAH YOU LOOKED LIKE A FUCKING SLUT.
ahahahhahahahahahahahaa perfect.
then we came back here with aimoo to play wii and i made two separate salads consisting of greens, goat cheese, chicken and jerk sauce very fucking delicious and fil ate 9/10 of both rounds then went to bed before aimoo left and screamed out goodbye in his underwear from beneath the covers NICE HOST. aimoo purposely left behind that huge bottle of crown that’s fighting juice yo i can’t believe how much of a lightweight she is i thought tall people could drink a lot more? here are all the drinks i had last nite keep in mind it was a friday so don’t go all tsk tsk on me this isn’t the christian sobriety blog you motherfuck:
1 3/4 shot vodka oj
1 3/4 shot crown diet ginger
1 pint of amsterdam blond
2 shots jameson on ice
1 3/4 shot crown diet ginger that i had one sip of ow my head hurts now from typing what i drank out.
oh yeah i got it into my head that everyone would notice that i wasn’t clapping after lindi’s songs and then she would look at me and say something and then i would be snarky about that joke she made and then she would ask me to leave and i would say give me my five dollars back and i’m gone and then they would refuse and then the cops would be called and then i would be in the drunk tank not writing this blog post right now i figure in this situation i would be in the wrong cos i am the patron not the talent and all, that’s pretty much the stuff i think about when i’m wasted and spacing out, nothing deep, no need for all that. (to be existential about it, no one is paying me to clap. i mean, I paid to see some music and i’m also suppose to clap on top of that? what kind of shitty deal is that anyway? how about be happy that i am even there AT ALL.)
i did like the opening act i forget the name of fil knows, the girl singer let her friend get up and finish her last song and the girl screamed I AM REALLY FUCKING DRUNK BLEEARGH and continued singing, her enthusiasm was 100% i liked it and she had a red headband on and smiled a lot, smiling is the new good.
