DEAR TONITE,

HEADS UP! I AM FEELING ROMANTIC AND SENTIMENTAL SO I WILL BE DRESSED ACCORDINGLY.

THAT’S ALL.

xx R/L.

Elizabeth: I am sending you a song (glamorous life – nitecourt – Sheila E – edit remix) and I need you to make a video of what its like to listen to it, shoot it with the camera on fil’s eyebrows

me: ok why do i have to make a video
cos its a good song?

Elizabeth: oh
well
I mean
Im inspired to make a video
so
you know
I am giving you my inspiration

me:
ok i am listening to this song now how am i supposed to feel
i feel like i am in a drum circle on lithium
ok now i am in africa
and i have dreadlocks

Elizabeth: hahah

me: oh wait this is MIA now?

Elizabeth: its a REMIX

me: ok now i am climbing a chain link fence

Elizabeth: HAHAHHA

me: now i am in a janet jackson video

Elizabeth: yes

me: and i am doing rap dance moves

Elizabeth: the one where she goes around the world
absolutely

me: and i am 35 lbs overweight
no rhythym nation

Elizabeth: oh really?
I was just about to say “and your abs are really toned”

me: ok now i am in a pillow fight wearing pink and my hair is crimped
oh now my abs are toned at this part

Elizabeth: what part
how many seconds

me: now i am collecting soup cans and letting them spill down the stairs cos thats what it sounds like
2 mins in

Elizabeth: da

me: or like 150
i like it
i kind of have to call my dealer now
now i am in a dance off

Elizabeth: right

me: wearing hi-top la gears

Elizabeth: yes
with neon laces
ironically
with your hair combed to the side

me: and making fun of other girls on the scene and i am talking about how fluorescent is dead

Elizabeth: DEAD
are you dancing with a black guy
because I am
not so much with
as for
jew know

me: YES
he is dressed like mc hammer on basketball afternoon

Elizabeth: and now I am headed to the bar
bc the song is over

me: we need to get a blog and do this music fantasy conversations like everyday
yeah now i am going to the bathroom and taking a coke dump for the 60th time

Elizabeth: haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
and Im like
“damn when I get home Im going to have to shower before I can put out”

me: or it goes past the point of being able to do it cos u did too much and you have to tell a long story about the time someone in highschool told you about a play they went to in thailand

more me pictures and some of others too, i guess, but mostly of me don’t forget.

Sabrina: Good morning

me: good morning

Sabrina: well, it is more morning for me than you, but regardless, how’re you today?

me: i am in morning mode still
i have two modes
morning and party

Sabrina: ah, that works still

this is me waiting for johnny depp.

i swear i’m 5’8.

and this is me in my dad/back to school outfit hahaha.

now here is some art, i do not know by whom, gorilla monsoon didn’t know the name of the artist hung on their own walls. geniuses.

this is the artist.

painted on canvas to look like woodgrain i thought it was real at first.

and now for these stupid dicks, the ugly one on the left said he was the artist i said oh yeah you eh? and they all laughed hysterically and i said oh so that’s you and pointed at one of the paintings (of the actual artist) and i said sorry dude you do NOT look like that, then pretended to double-take, they believed it then chortled some more so i hung back and took some more pictures to eavesdrop in on them talking about me, i couldn’t make any of it out other than they are loser douchebags who hang out at gorilla monsoon who thought they were more intelligent than me. i hate young people. we were there ONLY because the horseshoe patio was full.

i just found out this guy rob wrote and starred in phil the alien why did everyone keep that from me last nite oh man the jokes that could have been had. when dimitri said i looked like angelica houston rob said that fil looked like an even younger angelica houston and we all laughed then i said who is angelica houston?

should i do tiny blond streaks again? blond chunks are tacky but teeny ones i think are allowed.

that’s out front of a house in oakville i went to a party for a kid who turned 19 and a stripper cop showed up.

same place.

looking at these kind of makes me dreamy for bangs again. but i know it wouldn’t be the same, i’m older now, stopped smoking weed and switched to drinking instead and my face grew.

look gillian my longboard now you can be my girlfriend because i impressed you.

RIP 1049 cedargrove blvd.

these were all taken in 2004 well except for me with the tennis ball duh.

+++

me: we need toilet paper
does ******** bring that
are u going to swing by the lcbo on yer way home

Phil: nope you get to go get some

me: do u want something other than wontons i mean as well as

Phil: oh i wasnt planning it

me: cos i might get super greedy and like eat a huge portion of the sing verm
haha adorable “might”

Phil: oh maybe we should get something extra AND WHY HAVENT YOU ORDERED YET
order a “spicy peanuts chicken”

me: mmmmmmmmmmmm
why did reading that make me super horny?

Phil: ??? i dunno

me: bring home some beer maybe please asian beers

Phil: k
did you shower?

me: uh
no comment
why cos u want to do me

Phil: maybe

me: maybe i will eat in the bath because i am a fat disgusting elvis presley

me: woah.

Ryan: this is funny
people get road rage bad eh
my hippie friend cut off someone and got followed and beaten up by vigilantes once

me: good

Ryan: i figured you’d like that story
it was his own fault i hear
he was really being a hippie about it all
saying things like chill and
mellow out

me: OMG
how did he cut them off
if a hippie EVER told me to chill or mellow i would slam a fucking WWF chair over their head

Ryan: it was really more of a hit and run sort of thing
switching lanes, hit a car’s ass then booked off

me: well there you go

Ryan: so these alberta nationalists followed him until he stopped
you know those guys in the monster trucks who put their heads out the window and tell people to go back to africa or asia
and offer them airfare or busfare out of canada every chance they get
couple of them guys roughed up the hippie as they waited for the cops to show
and then the cop also charged the hippie for spitting up blood
it’s illegal to spit there
don’t blog that though

me: woah why not!
i already did the other parts
i fucking hate alberta
why cant i post that

Ryan: fine i hate alberta too

me: ha
why do we hate alberta
we just do right

Ryan: yeah it feels natural doesn’t it?
there might be reasons though
they were colonized by americans, their upper class is nearly still 100% american, they’re big oil like cheap arab countries who did nothing to attain their wealth

me: they suck
ahhh
born rich stupid

Ryan: whereas ontario has a history of working for it
yes
and yet they complain about ottawa the loudest – hold our government hostage

me: well everyone’s feelings regarding toronto are just hilarious

Ryan: they’re separatists anyway and no one wants them
yeah tron funkin blow

me: oh shut up thunder gay

Ryan: whatever toron-hoe

me: HO
moron
torongardentool?

Ryan: d’oh
more like thunder fuckin A
ok that was lame

me: HAHAHHAHA
no that was wicked

i’m going to eat my weight in chinese food later and gonna start googling pictures of it now to torture myself.

refresh if comments are fucking up and not showing sigh.

+++

i now invite you to see how much further ryan and i went with this provinces hating tour, read chad’s post then the comments.

yesterday was a skinny day.

that pose was specifically for me and i am not lying.

this fucks with my eyes.

bumped into my old partner in crime the blond girl.

meeting of the…

oh i get it, sorry i pass on grass. that’s dimitri and joe. joe is not in the burning brides.

girl in the red is toooootally posing.

uhhhhhhhh i was in the middle of talking and bossing wendi around and she took that.

these are not in order i don’t care.

that little sprite who looks like aaliyah is allergic to peanuts and then i talked her head off about it.

fucked up wendi’s drink at gorilla monsoon (i know that place is lame) and then made her eat her hotdog on the patio i forget where i was going with this.

this is hysterical to me right now.

me: remember cheese crackers last nite

Phil: mmm roquefort

me: haha what a gay name
i just destroyed a banana

Phil: you are a gay name

+++

i just googled angelica houston and found this:

* The 4 dresses included (from left):

* Sharon Stone’s gold/grapevine beaded column from 1995 film Casino.

* Cher’s red beaded column worn in 1992 film The Player – also worn by Angelica Houston on Vanity Fair 1990 cover.

* Brooke Shields red/black beaded dress with red/black fox trimmed coat worn for 1983 Cosmopolitan magazine cover.

* Diana Ross’s red chevron beaded dress and coque feather boa from concert wardrobe and 1999 film Double Platinum.

from this barfular society ezine called socialwhirl hahaha. ew, society. i dunno try THE REAL WORLD. the real whirl. ew whirl.

+++

Ryan: is it fucking snowing there too?

me: NO
is it snowing in thunder bay!>?
its warm here

Ryan: this is ridonkulous
i was sitting in the lake drinking beer like last week
yeah now i’m watchin it snow
those poor tomatoes

me: heres a tip, MOVE
take a picture email it please i want to blog it

Ryan: yeah that tip got a laugh and a nod
ok brb

me: dude i thought thunder bay sucked before
but now
i am speechless