whiner Wednesday

Happy Wednesday! The sun is shining bright and burning in my eyes, it’s pretty alright better than grey skies where the entire world feels encased in smog, ash, winter clouds with floating Eeyore’s. With a name like that how can you be anything but depressed? Speaking of which, it’s mental illness awareness day #bellletstalk which has always been kind of black comedy to this guy – thanks for inventing a depressing theme day during such a depressing month. I guess if it was during the summer no one would care because sunshine. And wow what a depressing caption for an amazing photo of these two ladies (hi Casie!) and I whoops!

Lauren threw a housewarming jam with her bf and got all us kids back together for a reunion, well for me it was a reunion because I never go anywhere or see people but it was a sweet time and can’t believe it is such old news already c’est la vie!

I cannot even believe that I have not blogged this photo I milked the hell out of as a facebook profile last week or so. All these social platforms and instagram selfies my mind is getting too old and cluttered to efficiently process, like a robot breaking down on the assembly line.

Unless I am having a stroke in which case I have blogged these before. Glad we could sort this out so openly together.

Dieting kind of makes you mental. You really have to have a good back swing for every thought that goes through your mind which usually tends to center around seeking comfort in forms of eating or drinking. I kind of started drinking again, not a lot, but just kind of threw in the towel in exasperation and because I had dried out I notice the difference in happiness factor like night and day from drinking and not drinking. I am starting to stress myself more and more because I have a clock on me with this getting fit thing I’m doing so basically dieting is a headfuck, not drinking and/or drinking is a headfuck – combine the two and you’re one fine blended walking emotional disaster case who is most definitely p-m-essing too oh great so there you have it, the fine use of blogging at its, well, finest.

It was a super fun time. I think I get sad when I don’t have enough fun. But adults are not allowed to have fun because life is not about fun all the time which I disagree with so I feel constantly at odds. If your blog is about fun and you’re not actually having fun then you are pretty much fucked til it’s funtown again I don’t make the rules I just kind of abide by them.

I bought this postcard because I know a girl who has an instagram account with this name she’s friends with my friends blah blah. She died last week. Super sad. It’s kind of a wake up call, for some of us our lives are shorter on this earth so we should probably just live our lives exactly as we like and not be afraid of haters, who come in all shapes and forms. I am probably my own biggest hater and you are yours. I’d rather be my own champion. I’m trying. RIP Meg. You were full of so much light.

I’m as sensitive as a flea. A glass of pop (killer band name fyi) can really lift me up and is considered a treat to most, a cheaty treat and sometimes necessary. Sorry but I must tweet that I am enjoying a full sugar beverage right now the world must know.

I had two nightmares that I awoke from this morning, the second one I just didn’t bother trying to get back to sleep so I have been awake for awhile. So tired. Going to pump some iron and Raymi aerobics after I blob.

Ha thank you Jules.

Time to dye my cousin it hair again soon.

Lots of hatitude lately.

I finally used this bag. I likey.

Well, I see this post as going nowhere so I’ll wrap it up and get to other things now. Have a chill Wednesday.

don’t like it don’t care

Hey guys!

Sorry but yesterday I just “couldn’t even” and today I kinda feel the same but that’s fine because I bet a lot of people can’t even with my blog somedays anyway.

(I came up with that joke in the kitchen a billion hours ago).

I always feel like sharing negative news with the world is damaging because it bums people out, literally, twitter followers reduce because THEY CANNOT DEAL #feelings.

Which sucks for the sufferer because there is no outlet, no relief gasket, or pea trap (you like that one?) but if you let it out you just feel even worse because there it is staring you in the face.

Although I do enjoy getting sympathy greedily from others no matter how much it makes me look like a baby, well, I do not like that. I like to look about 20 years old tbh.

Speaking of, hi mtv kids it’s like 3 years since I was on that broadcast of Creeps and I look like this now.

Jk obvi. is that mean? Can you be mean anymore? If it’s just pretend for like 2 seconds (for forever on the internet).

A fullblown cougar is what I actually look like that’s right watch out.

FUCK I wrote all this before my blog got wiped out (host, server, something) and then I really almost lost it there so I am going to just hit publish now and go eat lunch before I have a meltdown with my new lady friend who lives in Burlington and has for all this time, local people for the win!

ps. I am still OCD on ello don’t forget like I’d let ya.

never blog when people are over

Hey guys. Sorry for sounding like an idiot yesterday. I am only apologizing for yesterday and not for any other day I was an idiot, take what you can get.

Jules came over and my other friend came over and we were blabberfaces seriously non-stop from the moment she walked in til the moment she left I don’t even recall if I took a breath once holy hyperactive. When friend 3 arrived with some Coronas it was all over from that point. Yeah yeah I drank. It sucks when social things appear and all you want is beer. The upside is I am a wastecase after only one and there is no chance in Hell I can go back to drinking like I used to. It’s out of my system again so I doubt I’ll drink again for at least 2 more weeks yet. Yes. Two whole new weeks of boozefree day ___ status updates that make you want to rip your (or my) hair out! Don’t like it don’t read it ya silly goose. If you can’t stand me anymore, why are you here still ding dong? Something Little Raymis have been wondering for more than a decade now.

Be enthralled that I blog here at all anymore cos I don’t want to be wasting precious ello moments responding to people I don’t know with smiley faces and “I know right’s” I was worried I blew it by mentioning it too much cos the follow numbers started slowing down yesterday and leveling off but I guess people need to sleep at some point no.

You know when you see your out of town friend when they’re in town and then that’s it? You did your friend duty? But then you hang and you both agree you need to do that again before they leave? That is known as a friendship success!

No matter the 8 year age difference between us we are exactly the same maturity level. I’m gonna have to make some new younger friends from the mall food court once she leaves ew how creepy is that haha. See how profile pics have a weird grey line down the side of my photos? That’s fom my phone. Time to start using my real camera. Habits are hard to break.

This Kid Rock looking guy who was serenading Emma’s last night chose ME to stare and fixate on during his whole set, I mean, bubbly loud Jules certainly helped with that but I was like at the point of fullblown conceit from the attention and needed to check out my face situation. I think Kid Rock likes girls in long hair with hats. Guys are pretty simple like that.

It would be nice if that mirror was clean and the garbage wasn’t there.

I don’t know what it is but sometimes I really enjoy looking melancholy. Except for when I truly AM melancholy I do not like the world to know at all.

This is my I’m a big masculine looking stud face. You know you would. Make use of what the good Lord gave ya.

Almost killed myself yesterday from eating an undercooked egg. The soft boiling of an egg is a delicate procedure when you are a Raymi Lauren.

I have the face of a villain. I am destined to play one someday. I was cast as Scrooge when I was in elem school. I play a good yelly boss asshole type everyone who knows me and can’t stand my bitchy shrill voice IRL would agree. I think that’s why I’m a born leader because I can project my voice and out bulldog someone else who is also an alpha. When I hear stories about people not sticking up for themselves because they have nice gentle shy meek voices it makes my blood boil like I need to fiercely fight their battle for them and get them what they want/deserve out of life because some tyrant or other is taking advantage.

At 5am I had a jerk chicken bathroom issue. Normally my body metabolizes and proces spice better but not this time. I think with beer nothing sticks to you it’s all fire and reckoning ahh gadd that sucked haha.

I kept saying omg doesn’t it look like me at first glance. No one agreed once but it didn’t stop me from pointing it out ten more times at least more like yeah I wish I looked like that. Being a mature adult person is being able to admit that you are not the hottest. That’s why when I lived in Holland one of my favourite shows was HOTTER THAN MY DAUGHTER. Gahah can you believe that, what an awful mother right however, the concept was the daughters actually dress like garbage trash slobs which automatically make the moms hotter. Sometimes though it gets a little Maury Povich. Dutch sister would have to translate for me the whole time though.

I made fun of Jules’ busted docs and she made fun of mine. Fair is fair.

She put on all my hats, looked like Chef Boyardee and woke up like that with her curls.

My thumbnail is torn off now. Back to the drawingboard.

I don’t think I posted this normal version one yet there enjoy.

This was the day those nails went to shit.

This was the day I gave Erykah Badu a run for the money.

Back to innapropes! God I need a life. No wait I have one it’s sepdning time hunched over a laptop curating pop culture insanity.

Just weighed myself on my home scale and am lighter than have ever seen. The scale at my place and my bf’s has a differnce of ten pounds.

Okay I am tired of this now. Jared’s coming over today for a Boylord afternoon.

This is how I typically look before instagram filtration has its way with me.

See you around cool guys!

Love this song right now.

viewing in real time

HI I’m blowing up on Ello that is all! Hard work pays off! When you sign up for ello I’m one of the suggested profiles to follow. I hope this gets me hired somewhere. I only talk about it incessantly because it FEELS GOOD BRUH. Like this tiny pocket of glitter and sprinkles and smiling faces at you when everyone else is so what these people are like GIVE ME MORE. New audience! Dutch ex bf said if I hit over 10,000 that’s when things happen. Product seeding? F yeah! Here is how I won the internet a little,

Open up say awwwwwww!

Also I am still body obsessed working out. In one month you will see why.

Jules is over too!

TGIF!

sexy stepping stones

Hi!

So, granted, yesterday I threw a gossip grenade into my blog, created a “crisis” drama and boom goes the dynamite it worked. I’ll be sure to mention yesterday next month at my social media talk. So many old fans and friends came out of the woodwork, it was pretty great. One guy was like part of me hopes you are just trolling us that is genius! Should have thought of that years ago! Remind me to do a seminar on trolling. Thank$.

Here is one of my notes on YOUR SOCIAL MEDIA GAME I may as well do a note to self right here right meow I don’t see why not? I want to write it down before I lose it, then we can get back to talking about yesterday.

So, you see how I partake in a lot of tomfoolery, “different” avenues, show a little skin, say wild and grandiose things (it’s in my nature, sorry about that), go bowling, talk in length about food and my body and weight issues, drinking, drying up etc.. and lets see now if you are trying to get your own social media game on.

Now, would it be silly if as a real estate agent, for example, with a twitter account (tied to your blog) if you tweeted about an improv group you joined pehaps, or showed your clipper ship set progress and maybe shared your political views which your territory might all be in favour of… no, not all fun and games gets us paid or laid BUT it actually can.

Showing that other dimension to your character, your persona, as a needle in a stack of real estate agent needles is KEY in getting ahead. P-e-r-s-o-n-a-l-i-t-y dudes. Stand out in the crowd. Look good. Don’t like it? Then why are you in the business of selling houses, all elements require good looks in taste, aesthetics, and appeal. Aside from image, we want personality.

Yesterday I went for a screen test, and it was my personality that won them over above all else. Secondary to that, my looks. As in my body. They loved my personality so much they want more of it. “You’re attractive and engaging and I knew that after meeting you for only a few minutes. You have the same presence on camera, as is indicated in your screen test. This is a huge plus and a real draw for us.”

When America’s Next Top Model had the season where they wanted to get America’s Next Top Branded Model, they wanted it all. They wanted all the work done for them and that is what social media game is. Just because my numbers aren’t sky high doesn’t mean I am a failure. half my audience silently lurks me and always will. And soon I will be exposed to a vast network because of my sexy stepping stones and overall comfort in being exactly who I am.

Anyway I will elaborate more on this for the talk I just needed to get the beginnings started then I have to write my bio so they can start promoting it. I have written a bio for myself so many times it deseves its own book.

Oh yeah! A girl I interviewed for Playboy before was in the office I went to yesterday and I was starstruck. It was a sign for sure. When she heard Raymi the Minx she goes YOU’RE RAYMI THE MINX! Marches in and we shook hands. She is a force to be reckoned with, mad respect.

So, being surrounded by large and in charge bitches is going to do well for me. I only feel more empowered moving forward now. My good friend told me to get out of my comfort zone a couple weeks ago and I could not stop thinking about that because no, I do not want to leave the comfort zone ever because I have fucking had enough but we all know I’m not done fighting yet and I haven’t accomplished half the shit I’ve set out to either.

I was also elated to see how not old I looked on camera too. I am a lot healthier than I was when I was on MTV and my hair does not look all fucked up either.

Here is an amazing email I received yesterday from my gay bestie drag Raymi the Minx:

yes…. if not now, then when…. it’s also a Tracy Chapman song that says that. Look it up!

Your rant on MTV is perfect…. sometimes I think I should try to get on 1 Girl 5 Gays, but all gay comedians in Canada are trying that, and I hate that show….. live viciously by your own standards and the success will follow.

The speed at which someone gets famous is the same in which they become unfamous. (maybe) Be a slow burning candle! But also a slow burning candle that puts themselves out there. If I have to wait until I’m 45 until i have my own sketch comedy show that runs 3 seasons…. who cares? U know what to do!

Post more nudes! Ur hot! It’s your obligation!

Maroon 5 Is The Worst!

OMG I love him I’m so happy. Have a wonderful Friday everyone see you on facebook or twitter and instagram byeeeeeeeee.

These are for fun stills and not how I “really” looked on camera. I’m so glad I went for that tan holy crap.

Kathleen finally for her art! She is awesome love her.

I like biking too you know.