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cheese boutique history spat out scattered like by me. my mind was blown all afternoon, so much information, so surreal and pleasing and ahhh dyyyying, good dying. brain is still processing it all. have a few more vids just need to edit out a part or two first.

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hit the vault. it’s like a cheese bank. you can collect and hoard cheese like wine, age it. sell it. eat it. trade it. maybe one day we’ll go back to buying stuff with cheese and gold and livestock. you feel it could be possible when standing in the vault.

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it took twenty people to carry this in, don’t ask me what it is. it’s hard to pay attention when you’re vogueing and thinking and writing down the last thing told to you when they’re on to the next thing. anyway there are only two in the world and this is one of them, i remembered that at least.

there are in fact more than 2 in the world Provolone’s at that weight—however it’s not often done and specially commissioned…CB just happens to have 2 of them in-house and they are 1 year old….although, it sounds better to say that we have the only 2.

pretty much any and every thing in the boutique (i’m gonna start calling it that for short) is exclusive and elite. high-end for days.

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i am bursting with insider info right now also bursting with prosciutto and pate cheese (of course) olives fig and and and.

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afrim is the number one chevalier IN THE WORLD. france rolled in, did the sword anointment thing all that declared ya this guy knows his shit. have you ever been the best at anything ever? like tying your shoe? jesus. he’s so down to earth easy breezy too. as if you wouldn’t be pompous just a little bit if france had your back?

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willy wonka rainbow striped pasta in little italy pasta room. if you’re going to carbs cheat may as well make it worth it. i guess this is why so many rich people are fat.

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stop being mad at me i’ve had a busy week return my call please hahah.

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i took notes because i am an adult professional type person now. funny sidenote story, my uncle was the secretary (like a male nurse?) for this big wheel in parliament some years back, he’s retired now but anyway there was this photo pamphlet on my grandparent’s fridge of these players doing their political thing thang and in one photo my uncle is looking down at his papers with a pen in his hand and all my family would ever do is rip into him like what were you actually pretending to write while this photo was being taken, your grocery list? something about golf? meanwhile how many of us are political secretary big deals? zero. i exclusively think about this whenever i see anyone taking notes. don’t you just love my stories?

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yesterday the beast and i met for sangria and i looked amazing. he said he looked like he came from the garbage hahahah. i mention this because i have the stamp from last nite on my inner wrist. PAID. thanks tattoo. today it made me feel like i looked like i came from the garbage. what kind of ink do you use??

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to say my ass wasn’t kissed just a little bit, oh no. the big guy, father, owner, patriarch kept commenting on how beautiful i was. or was it pretty? who cares keep it coming! afrim prepared me the best lunch. lets start the raymi fat tracker right now.

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hedonistic. down right. that little shop of horrors looking plant is a fig. sorry for being the last one on earth to try one.

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just imagine what it tastes like. i bet you wish you were my boyfriend now eh.

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i have a fear of venus flytraps. anything that looks like a plant monster. so it was sort of therapeutic eating this fig. mangling it.

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fat watch. i’m angry for eating smoke’s at 3am but happy cos i probably woulda been way more hung today.

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coffee time excellent. everyone at cheese boutique made fun of my coffee. what? how do you even know what’s in here? i could tell that i’m going to have to actually show that i DO know some things about food if i’m going to hang with the big boys. i was like this is organic free trade. from home. in a hipster to go cup that i reused. i am the only one saving the planet now ya heard?

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flash pumps up everyone’s tan.

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i am too distracted by how cute i look to come up with an appropriate caption. don’t worry the conceited window will inevitably come to a close pretty soon. there’s always some sort of downer around the corner, right?

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shared my vouvray with the gang last nite. um i drank a lot yesterday. summer time in the city there is like 4 things going on daily and once thursday hits it’s a full on freak show. thursday should just change its name to friday and friday should just be saturday part one while saturday is called friday’s second chance. don’t fuck it up guys you know these things.

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shiny pink bo-peep and a cheesecake shooter. raymi’s diet got shot down yesterday. i wolfed every fuckin’ thing that went by on a plate or in a cup. baby it’s free mama says fill up. i have an odd version of self-entitlement when at these events. like, i specifically deserve to be there because i hustled my ass off to earn my place whereas these ass clowns did fuck all and still act entitled. are entitled. except, not? it’s all a bit of a joke to me so i kind of go dickhead cos i know they’re making fun of me anyway. the only difference is i got in free and i know the value of things and therefore appreciate them. i take nothing for granted in life which is why i chase wine with 50 tiny pretentious catered bullshit snacks. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR JETSETTERS!

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we played a drinking game. three things you did today, one of which is a lie. i stumped meredith. see if you can guess which one of these is a lie:

-i jerked off.

-smoked a j with my hairstylist.

-picked up dog crap off a patio when the dog wasn’t supposed to be on it.

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i need to do a partying seminar. all these people wanna party yet don’t know how and as if they give a care about the cause they just want to get gussied up and feel like freaks for a nite then stand around in unitards dishing out cut eye. mer and i danced like idiots until we got bored. ok ok sorry for hating all the time i can’t help it i’m very defensive and nervous and jealous.

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oh ha this picture is the worst and the best.

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i reel ‘em in with my insanity then they fall in love with meredith because she’s super honest about how poor and lazy she is and it appeals to their aging boomer white collar i can save youness. perfs.

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vip space couch.

as usual, stick me anywhere and it’s fun. gift bags were nice didn’t i already brag about how mary magdalene i was about giving mine away? the cn tower was pink afterall i hope you remembered to look at it.

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pink lady.

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another terry shot. i think maybe only 5 people give a crap about this. steph he touched your pillow.

um ok bye now.

i gave that entire gift bag away to a hobo. took out the lint pads and some dermalogica thing. i don’t need this stuff, no one does. there was food and snacks and candy and drinks in it. he had all these bags at his feet why not one more. i didn’t want to bike with it home anyway.

rode by narwhal and rode right on in to say a hello.

almost tipped her.

bringing it back ’round to adorable.

kristin is lookin’ fiiiine.

friends with you is more adorable than me.

only just barely though.

i swear to fuck it happened again. they came for the blonde and stayed for the red.

i did it skidfanie! BOOM! heard all about fubar sequel. no spoilers sorry. it’s going to be epic. i pulled out my dvd that i stashed beneath a pillow and said look what i had to hide from you and everyone felt all endeared. meredith and i were shitshowed and went off into the ether. ok more stories later baby has to clean up for a serious lunch date.

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i love when late is right on time. the rapist and i are similar fuck ups in the regard of punctuality.

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i tried zooming in, still can’t make out what he typed about me. assume something along the lines of stubborn intellectual, witty, charming, beautiful, beatific…

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he said i seemed like a different person, less anxious. i said it was because i was tired but yeah i guess i’m way less strung out than i was in february. it’s been that long. i missed april’s appointment because we meet so infrequently (cos he knows i’m not a sorry case). he said i was cracking more jokes than usual.

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cliche box. won’t be needing you today! maybe i seem different cos i wasn’t wearing goth eye makeup. or because i looked like sam kinison.

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he left the room when i took these. well, i took these when he left the room. i told him basically i know i’m playing fire with (smoking) weed but i’m cutting down. he asked how much i smoke daily i said the size of my pinky nail. he asks if that’s a gram and i laughed at him. no way man that’s like the dust you find at the bottom of my purse he’s all so do you buy an ounce a week. then i laughed at him some more. no i can make a 20/30 bag last two weeks. then about my drinking which i have always fibbed about a little. it’s sporadic. i guess i binge drink? i don’t drink daily at least anymore. my sugar cravings are due to that i’ve established and he agrees, cos i am in a constant state of withdrawal. cool! then about blow i said i’ve only tried it less than i can count on one hand since last summer. insignificant. barely a bump and i am blaaaaaaaaah aaaaaaaah! don’t need much as i’m only wee. i drew him a picture of the toronto blow scene. everyone does it and everyone hates that they do it, they all imbibe in secret. they go out saying they won’t do it then they do it and feel like shit for two days. they have friends they avoid because those friends do it and don’t like doing it alone. we all drink too much but that’s city life it’s hard, can be. then i felt i was complaining too much or whining and i said ahh white people problems and he goes what? i said it’s a luxury to be sad and he said well no not with your past was it a luxury going through all that? hmm good point doctor thank you for justifying a few more months of stupidity to come awesommmmme.

mentioned i drank too much caffeine though. at one point i thought i fucked my eyes and brain up from too much weed cos my eyes get jittery sometimes, twitchy, but then i realized i hadn’t had any weed this day but a fuck ton of coffee so, it’s the caffeine. can’t help it can’t stop it. dependent. at least i cut it out with the energy drinks.

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i know starbucks is for assholes but they just have good shit mang. everybody does it. skinny cinnamon dolce latte is my bag. don’t worry i make up for it by drinking lots of hipster coffees.

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melodie’s love potion tea for a wedding. i say call it lover you should have come over. or be my husband. jeff buckley tunes.

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bought this yesterday at that weird grocery store in parkdiddy. celery and cucumber too. this blows your head off. such a good heat.

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hipster house hipster house braaaaaaaaah beware the hipster house!

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hipster fridge with hipster things to eat and hipster drink!

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wakame salad the only picture i took with my phone at sushi on queen last nite pre-concert with the beast. we undertipped cos the waitress pissed him off. i tipped more for my 12 dollar bill the other week than we did last nite on 60. yeah the service was shitty. don’t expect rock and roller treatment in a borderline fast food atmospheric setting you paunce.

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obnoxious boat.

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my couch was hit by a drive by slobbing.

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roots appointment this afternoon and then i can shut up about it for awhile.

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i take these vitamins daily. that mess is not mine. that is the bodum i bought from starbucks to replace the one i smashed. that is the last vitamin spazz package i have left.

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hipster wall hipster wall!

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looks better arranged the other way ’round.

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this grandiose proclamation of indifference is for sale.

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better.

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HIPSTER HALL.

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HIPSTER LIGHTING.

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hipster hips doing something not caring ahaha ok i’ll stop.

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see how i have no eyes without eyeliner? no wonder i can’t see shit at night when i’m biking.

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ginger green tea.

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the tits painting is of me when i online modeled at 19 by jamie. miss that guy.

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had a grand ole time.

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i am not in love with her anymore. she diva’d out about cameras. my guy told me pre-hand to hide mine well so i opted to not bring it and just take a few with my phone. then at one point in-between songs she gets all mean girl about the red and orange lights from the cameras in the audience. so catty like, “and that orange light see it doesn’t do anything..” in that attitude voice she has in all her movies, what? at that moment we almost just left it was so bullshit. we had a handful of drink tickets still though. i was pretty gunned. gave one away to a chick cos beast blocked her view i hugged her and said sorry it’s only temporary we just fought our way through the crowd to get to this bar and everybody is mean. then fucking deschanel says that camera thing. vip was sucking cos no one was dancing because they had to not waste one solid second of staring good and hard at zooey. if no one’s revealing the good time they’re having it pisses me off.

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massively starstruck all the same. i get it, artists are into MOMENTS but seriously get over yourself what age do you think you’re living in? it’s the digital age baby. why don’t you have a long boring conversation about facebook with that girl who could never spell. also, have you heard about these things called marketing, publicity, promotion? sorry just a bit exasperated as this comes up for me way too frequently, people get pissy, they want to be heard like it means something like i care if you care that i exist so openly on the internet. balls.

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have leftovers. sound academy knows how to win me over that’s for fuckin’ sure. vip access up the yin yang. tia carrera was on the scene too!

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anticipation. show was sold out. beautiful music, beautiful girl. too bad she’s an uptight vegan who doesn’t like tofu and is allergic to gluten. hahaha.

ok moving on now to my next big stupid whatever thing.

go to narwhal tonite for this party it’s a big deal. kristin got stripey marshmallows and prosecco for it. adorable. i’m going to try and show my face prior to the rethink romp event which you can still get tickets for. the CN Tower will be pink tonite because of it and supporting breast cancer awareness. don’t forget to feel yourselves up girls.

kinda boring kinda shy kinda getting used to dancing shy in a bikini kinda hating body right now.

i did one to midlake that’s way more interesting but the audio spits.

felt it was significant to capture my first piece of pasta in months like when i went through mcdonalds drive thru after not consuming the shit for 3 years! worth it. i dumped 1/3 of my portion onto beast’s plate.

this one is THE BEST, our commentary is pretty good. this pulled me out of my depression in a maje way. rob goes irish sometimes too, that is not a real irish accent but he IS irish. he referred to himself as an irish beast before i started calling beast by beast. he also thinks he looks like beast. the world is getting smaller anyway i will never forget this moment in time and the feeling of a flute’s echo coursing through my entire body. haunting and soothing. very shire. i want to go to ireland like yesterday. i won’t shut up about this band because i left the house wanting to blow my head off and they changed that.

so my brother he snaps at me at the end here haha fucker.

oh fiddle.

shy dancing loser from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

lets do this.

creature of habit.

dinner with jack hanna

christ my hair. what a penis.

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i just saved so much lifetime because i’ve learned that i can just plunk down the url to the photo w/o ten other html steps wow sorry i’m mindblown at the moment. i need a cigarette.

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blurry scene. it’s like a mini vacation in bar mercurio. so italian so squished so high ceilinged so saw it in a movie once nostalgic poetic dark cozy christopher walken meeting madonna in that music video where he kills her?

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mustard theme.

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i’ve been comin’ here for special occasions for five years now. weird right? well, i don’t like things to go to waste and i discovered this place so, it’s mine. annexing in the annex.

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BLAM!

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the carpaccio is still great, it’s been better though. i bet you can’t find me a better plate in the city. must be the truffle olive oil.

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the portion is significant too.

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did a bad thing. pasta. ate it. they split the portion because they’re evil. ricotta ravioli and tiger shrimp pesto. ludicrous.

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beast claims not to be a dessert guy. we didn’t talk while fastidiously fighting over the chocolate/whipped cream, moaning. realised hadn’t even touched the strawberry tartufo. oh my christ food reviews are the gayest. complimentary door stop thrown in for good measure. didn’t have a bite.

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wieners.

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what stupid fucking pose am i doing now? i have to learn how to work this hair or i have this head cock to deal with for the next year. shit. i know, draw more attention to it!

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dating raymi the minx looks like this. what? i am so listening.

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he said it was a place he would have gone to with his dad. it’s a great place.

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secret spaniard.

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great torso stance. i’m a potato.

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can’t even fit you in the frame.

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look at this pose. someone’s been practicing their casual demeanour.

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see tyler, that egg bbq thing.

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lost season finale outfit. didn’t even get to it was watching the recap of the last season. lost is so much work.

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street style scout, person: raymi. style: french native woodland elf.

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yes, definitely french.

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ughhhh i look like an ant. a teenage mutant ninja ant like my mom calls them cos she forgot they were turtles HELLO we had all the action figures and video games, watched the show incessantly, had a board game. i brought beepop or rocksteady to school in grade one and someone stole it. how hot would it be to go as april for halloween? fuck halloween i can go as her tomorrow for that superhero party.

sorry, sometimes i get sidetracked.

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angus beef burger on the scene.

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penis noses.

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oh my god i am breathtaking.

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yeah you’re not bad either. it’s bad though when your blackberry camera is of better quality than your camera-camera. hopefully i just jinxed myself into dropping it down the stairs so i can get that new one (psst lia).

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obnox. brandy snifter. fun at least? or more annoying?

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broke my earphones the other night when i came home from work on my bike late (sorry dad) and i got spooked by a noise, earphones dangling as i’m locking up bike as fast as possible to get inside safely, noise startled me and got tangled on my bike. no i did not wear these out in public i don’t have the self confidence for that. i get enough staring problems as is barely walking a block why do i need to throw earmuffs on in the summer time to encourage more?

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beaver outfit. no this is not a public restroom it’s our water closet. that toilet paper thing is great for limited space. from ikea.

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melodie told me to go courtney love with my roots. i am too elegant for that. well, i’m the complete opposite of elegant therefore i cannot go courtney love.

wow my blogging quotient is going to go up up up now that i learned that new trick.

stoner chat date with spliffanie later this rainy afternoon. then she and him. who’s going to that? and to prove that i like zooey (two o’s!) more than you here’s my boner of the week post from july 7 2006. wow i just re-read that post, in 2006 i was a 23 year old idiot. big time. and now i am a 27 year old idiot. big time.

oh snap.

reviewing dance videos.

how can you get shy all by yourself but dance maniac in front of hundreds?

yesterday was pay day. today all i have is dance and then sweet fuck all (which is when the best things go down) til tomorrow wherein i have an appt with psychiatrist which is probably the most self indulgent of all, maybe. get party script off i go then it’s she and him (get to stare at zoey deschanel) vip sound academy and if that other bar across the way isn’t filled with execs get to have to self. drank tix with raymi the minx printed on them specially.

when they run out, get more.

thursday hair did with rose oh yes then rethink rhomp at steamwhistle (best gift bags ever) superhero theme can go dressed as any retarded fucking thing i want. friday cheese boutique is putting together a delectable lunch spread for me and we will discuss a collab. they’ve been spying on raymi for two years now. in-between all of this i will be power-guzzling wine and high-fivin’ every goddamn person i come into contact with. don’t work til saturday, wouldn’t have minded but oh well. i am also leaning out.

thanks for hitchin’ a ride on the bipolar express.

oh and melodie just told me terry’s gonna be hangin’ around the house soon. two words: FUBAR SEQUEL.

BOOM!

we’re goin’ to lady gaga at the end of july. we have two pairs of 4 tickets. for two dates. we’re going to flip the second set of 4. going to the first show. good seats. i have a date spot. you have to pay for the ticket though (cheapskate) this is the first ticket i have paid for since, um, a looooong time ago. also most expensive. worth it. tell me why you should be my date. you have to put out and buy all my drinks. YOU CAN EVEN BE A GIRL. and we’re dressing insane too. you have to dance on your chair. i’ve never planned so far in advance for something, paid for something i don’t get for months. we’ve been patient. so the extra four tickets for the second date are available for sale. email me if you’re interested.

i have this photo on my phone and stare at it when i get emo hahaha. something about the rich green leaves on a cold summer overcast day kissing at your window.

have your heard that jaydiohead karma police mash-up? well, you should. track 3, no karma.

++++

Kenneth Carr June 7 at 9:17pm

not that it matters, or that it should matter, but i’m not exactly digging that clamshell on your forehead in those fucking floppy dog redneck t-shirt photos. probably the lighting, it looks especially “deep” in those photos.
what happened to your pussy? i haven’t seen it in awhile. did you kill it? perhaps it got lost? tell me you ate it…

Raymi Lauren White June 8 at 11:55am

what the fuck are you talking about don’t ever write me something so irritating and confusing ever again. my time is disgustingly important and limited.

a girl artist wants this shirt baaadly, wants to pay for it and do an art trade. i was like for how much, she said 20 i said i was thinking more like 100 hahaha greedy guts and well, it’s one of a kind and it DOES say bob on the back and it IS my colour and i DO love it and it fits so well. i feel justified in selling things i love at inflated prices because owning them has made the value go up. a girl bought a stop die tee off lucas just because she knew raymi the minx wore it once. STRANGE. anyway, nebraska and i, we’ll do this bartering back and forth email dance for years to come until the shirt is backless like my queen t-shirt i gave skidfanie. speaking of, we need to do a resin raymi stoner chat asap.

Dear Raymi,

Hugs,
Amanda Panda

Hmmmm I reeeeally love this shirt and its one of a kind and says bob on the back but I’m into weird exchanges and money so u say a number first and ill decide. Start high!

Ok how about $20 (USD) and this scarf :

I am at your leisure to negotiate further.

fuck i was thinking more like 100

20 isnt worth it sorry its one of a kind
that scarf is amazing tho too bad it isnt scarf season

Haha. Sorry I am broke and jobless dude. But maybe when I get a job. Also – if you ever get tired of it … ^_^

And yeah, maybe in winter you will be more receptive towards it.

We can keep this nebraska tshirt dance going for years

shit i should just do it based on how adorable and flirty her correspondence is alone.

REAL TIME UPDATE!

Ok I managed to ho myself out.

Hit me back.

DEAL and i’ll throw in the raymi scent free of charge.

christine ordered herself a pair of gold tubeflops. see how i can sell sell sell just about anything? EXCUSE ME, PEOPLE WITH MONEY I HAVE INFLUENCE. i want to see a picture of the gold ones like right fucking now.

mango tour courtesy carlton. look at this non-touristy land he has in jamaica!!! um guess who’s down for that? rule of the bone is one of my top ten books and a good portion of it takes place in jamaica. LORD’A MERCY!

this is what i look like after crying off and on all day. i can’t remember who but she said crying makes you look prettier sometimes. vulnerable? same as glassy-eyed blotto drunk. combine the two.

cheese too. does your bar let you do this? i’m glad we’ve expanded our drinking hemisphere for strung out sunday’s mess club, rob. before this we were at, where else, mitzi’s and took in the best soul healing irish band. i’ll post some videos in a bit. I MEAN IT THIS TIME.

heard music when i was trying to disco nap saturday evening and it was actually carlton’s reggae backyard garden jam. i was close to scaling some backyard fences to say hello. next time i will. and yes i called him carlton banks. he said it was a nickname anyway.

two kind of mangos. so great. i love people who carry food with them everywhere. especially organic indulgent delicious foods.

this was the jamaican one i think.

erry’ting irie now.

sure i’ll have some more.

oh look here i am right now smiling.

nails time. shower time.

miss you like a hole in the head.

oh man what a weekend. so many cool things, so many uncool things. definitely running on steam. empty. almost fainted at dance today, well practically did. luckily and coincidentally it was during this part of the do your duty dance where we take a knee so i was all wobbly weak teetering and had to put my hand on the floor then i timed it with the canon arm circle wave and went to have a time out. i was so weak from exhaustion heat stress starvation dance dance dance physical activity in the heat and anxiety. had an attack, took part of a chill pill waited out the panic attack (typically 20 minutes) then it goes away and then you turn into a zombie from the ‘pam. yesterday i ran on empty too and the day before that and the day before that and pretty much every single day before that since back to i don’t know when. it just feels like i am going from one hostile environment to another and there’s something stressful behind each corner some of it you can predict but can do nothing about. cannot adequately vent about it here.

my cousin came out of the closet and family things for him are not good. this was my phone call en route to dance, sort of a mini-crisis sponsor chat during the 15 min ride of meditation i had planned for. then attack at dance. then some shit after dance. and some shit yesterday. guh. anyway. there i mentioned it, released it and now can carry on with the week.

my nap was great. i always feel victorious when i nap like when i blow my nose properly (i am nose blowing deficient) as i never nap, feel like losing the day is a horrible offense.

the first date i went on friday was a bust. not to dog him, but no chemistry. he talked about his sister too much and was a little rigid. very cute though. jewish. photographer. errr. anyway. i took him to watusi and wouldn’t you know it our girl the waitress was there and this time we did our secret spoke club wink wink at each other. quick changed in the bathroom off to czehoski and pass date one on to date two on my bike practically in front of czehoski’s ahhhhhhh hi ding ding just meeting my gf meet ewan mcgregor looking guy drag to harlem underground where THAT waitor says to me at the bar in front of erin who i bump into that this is the third time now he’s seen me with a third guy. that guy needs to learn the spoke club code of mistress silence like my watusi girl hahaha. date two was better than date one. walked all the way home in the rain. late. woke up early for work. and so on. saturday nite made up for everything though.

rob is on the way over to look at how bloodshot my eyes are from bawling them out.

here i am in date two outfit.

date one does not know about my blog. date two is an architect.

pretty indulgent. afterward went to sweaty betty’s where i tried to be a baller and bought 18 year shots of jameson. kind of a dumb $30 last call thing to do but funny, sort of? i live like a begger, tips to tips mostly, no savings. out of control. i don’t think i can even afford to be blond anymore how tragic is that. hilarious almost. i have to stop slacking now i have so much opportunity here i’m done being a child.

this store confusd my brother.

you can buy me one of these any time now.

guess which one i picked out for kamila.

my brother is a hunk and hailey is just gorgeous.

oh crystal. slammin’ outfit.

right down to these puppies.

dr. robert killed it. we want them back.

…as Gord has said “It’s not like it’s some big mystery, it’s practically on display”
The world loves a fighter, Lady. Keep fighting.