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and i am half-packing but i’m also farting around in my underwear blogging and checking the clock every two seconds seeing how much i can push it. why bother packing anything at all if i’m to be in a bathing suit around the clock? i was given a special hat last nite that a wakeboarder gave to a friend that i’m bringing and apparently if i show it to the guy he’ll be my puppy dog for the weekend and follow me around, give me a golden all access bracelet i’ll get the party girls on the case of that misadventure. i feel pre-maturely cougy haha. i guess i’m the kim cattrall of this pack, though it makes more sense if i was sjp oh my god why am i talking in sex and the cityisms SO cougar.

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we had soooo much fun at caskapalooza last nite. i love those nites you never know where they’ll take you then you get solid took on the most ridiculous quest ever. didn’t get any beer tokens cos we were media (everything was free in our area) so then it became a game to see how many free beers we could get. i won for getting us the most, well, practically every single one i made happen and the tokens were only a buck so it’s not like i was being cheap. it just became a “thing” and i wouldn’t let up. didn’t spend one red cent. fantastic.

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blonde hair is the skeleton key of life, it can open any fucking door you like if you know how to talk the talk. i should do seminars like tom cruise in magnolia. TAME THE BUSH!

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my face looks stupid but whatever look at this olive toga. wearing a belly bump forgiveless dress forces you to suck in all nite preparing your body for bikini day despite beer guzzling. win. win. win.

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thanks lifeexperiences for the gift cards, melodie don’t lose them.

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my favourite beer. tastes like smoked gouda. smoked gouda beer. ok well just smokey. love it.

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oh hi.

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was actually a bit difficult to lift. JD turned us down for free drinks. FINE that drink tastes like sugar piss old man breath anyway.

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great lakes brewery has the best beer tent placement with a beautiful fountain wind turbine view.

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see?

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tenderloin, scalloped potato under there that i gave to melodie and shrimp topped with blueberry something or other. i proclaimed to the chef that this summer i’ve eaten about eight thousand blueberries. i am a fucking a blueberry. the dessert was peach and marscapone cheese and more blueberries. i have more pics on my twitter which you should follow for annoying 24/7 updates.

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this tent was awesome, it’s the new orleans of the beer festival, obnoxious party scene. perfect. have a great time if you go.

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on my way out i may or may not have picked up a cop and may or may not have met up with him later that i was secretly high during hahaha. this is not his place. cop fetish! went to the sailor jerry party at that afterhours place on noble, weird to be there not crush fucked out of my gourd. they had a table of food i had to bail before eating the lot of.

ok pack attack stay tuned for wild weekend wakestock coverage.

uh oh stew finally sent me pics from all the mental hangouts we’ve been having i have to scrutinize the worst of them a little better before posting them all…

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no shame, no gain baby!

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baby got a weave!

well it’s not a weave they’re individual clips. love you tracey and shannon and redd hair studio! so easy to put in yourself i hope i can maintain the sleek til the weekend’s over. next week tracey is going to put in baby pink extensions she called me already about them she’s so pumped they’re already dyed ready to go zomg i am turning into xiaxue haha.

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i also got wedges too and blew some coin at urban behaviour. i walked into this tacky shoe store and said i have to wear wedges all weekend long what will be the most comfortable and not give me blisters two seconds in. these are the ones. love them. i am practically 6 feet tall in them.

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clipped that sucker in all on my own. i was not prepared for the attention my new head got once i walked out of there holy moly if i don’t get a boyfriend this weekend then there is something severely wrong with me. fuck that if i don’t get one TONITE then i’m goin’ nun.

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lauren o is going to put her extensions in also. hilarious.

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yep it’s me.

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pretty much exactly how my hair looked before i cut it. why did i cut it? sad face. worst hair length for the hottest summer ever. dumb dumb dumb.

ok off to caskapalooza (late as usual) with melodie and a plated dinner i am not smoking ganj today so i don’t hoover a bag of choc covered raisins and rosebuds like i did last nite after parting ways with the girls the faster i walked the more i shoveled in my maw then i hung with trish at commie’s and unloveable and then at stew’s til like 5 in the morning watching youtube videos and eating cashews and hot peppers from terroni MENTAL! i had a strongbow last nite for the first time ever pretty much and my face burned right the fuck up i had hot flashes like crazy i was sweaty as hell and i couldn’t shut up about it.

don’t worry things will get back to normal around here about a quarter to never.

xoxo

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toga dress. shitty photo. awesome dress. came in black too.

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the back zzzz k bye.

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how could you hate this face, how could you possibly disagree with anything i say, ever? jesus there’s some uppity twats in the city and on the internet. kind of sick of all of you and yeah well obviously you’re sick of me too, go back to being boring snobs ripping jokes to shreds forever then i’m not going to censor myself until everyone in the world does enough sit ups and way to turn that entire thing into a fat war, really it was about ordinary complacent lifestyles.

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the irony is you’re whining for niceness and concern for your fellow man meanwhile you open the hate floodgates on me, you wouldn’t last ten seconds reading the spiel that came through yesterday thanks to you. the moral of the story is, society can judge me but i can’t them. BORING!

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in other news, of the blogger bunch heading to collingweird for jockstock tomorrow i am the true amazon of the bunch so i suppose it is apt that we had a nice little fat war pre-a billion photo ops in our zeugari suits, many of which were designed specifically for kim kardashian. i tried on some of those but my ass isn’t badonk enough. my problem area is my love handles. after this craptacular post i’m buying wedges. this suit is one i chose. pretty whorey.

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finally aunt flo arrives so tomorrow and the next day i won’t be that much of a whale. can’t wait for ridiculous tan lines. ok maybe i should actually go for another tan to jack it up a notch. i have no time NO TIME for that starting to feel last minute stress. i have extension appointment today, everything i thought was yesterday was actually scheduled for today. idiot.

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also this nautical one. we have 4 suits each and can only wear them, well on camera that is. so weird what is this a paris hilton vegas pool party appearance? yes, yes it is.

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i hope we don’t get roofied.

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yeah, it’s going to be mental.

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um, no. i regret not grabbing it but oh well. my fave is this other beige sparkle two piece number with hippie ties and blue beads as well as a one piece white suit with a braid up the torso. i have never been to wakestock but i’ve been told there’s a lot of people who fancy themselves quite a bit, sports groupies and guys who dress like pro athletes. we got a sample of how dudes react to the four of us walking as a crew by a construction site on university last nite wearing normal clothes so it’s a safe call that there may be some guys acting ‘tarded about our “happening”.

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commie’s dreamy juke segue.

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went to the real jerk with ginger for supper pre-kini try on. had never been there before. gazed lovingly across the street at dangerous dan’s and fantasized about their booze milkshakes mmmmm. someone asked how much i spend on food cos there’s a lot of it on here. i go out to eat with dudes and men feel obligated to pay, try to go dutch as much as possible or when i eat solo clearly i’m paying but yeah, i’m a foodie and i eat feelings instead of saving to buy a stupid gadget. i blow my money on dining because that’s how i get through a day. frivolous, fleeting, but it’s still something. so in answer to your question i do not know how much i spend on food i’ll mail you my receipts and you can do the math haha. i do not cook at home, i eat for free at work, so it balances out. i also know how to eat cheap. somewhat. well i used to.

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jerk salad. i starved all day, worked out, ate a healthy lunch.

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our server gave me a bit of attitude cos they were slammed and understaffed. oh well. great food, very tasty. talked us out of the jerk shrimp cos it was the spiciest thing on the menu i wish he didn’t. ginger said people eat hot food (i accidentally typed ginger said hot people hahaha) cos they get a high from it (i knew that part) because the body thinks it’s in pain so it releases endorphins to protect the body from the pain. makes sense.

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and because we are no longer friends, yes believe it or not this chick is someone i know in real life, considered a friend etc etc etc, here is our email volley from yesterday while i was trying to do my thing out in the stupid world. annoying. you go on a tirade in my comments attempting to diss me to pieces don’t expect me not to drag out our garbage email for material. she has her points i have mine. how do you type a jerking off sound effect cos i’d rather be doing that right now than copy and pasting this retardation. we had a goodish run, you were always sort of an ice queen bitch, an acquired taste, as am i, but really you went too far with your stand, it was exhausting. you can’t force people to agree with you by insulting them and trying to out-snark them.

+++++

hey dude I’m not trying to bust your balls just saying what i found offensive. fat people gat shit on alot, more then they deserve, writing that shit in contrast with the going to the gym entry is just , I dunno.

Do you see my point?

Do you see your own point dude? Who cares I was eating and thinking about what I saw before me and it was all true, why do you get so damn incensed you say cruel shit a lot. There is no correlation between gym fat books couples at all. It was a concise commentary that I barely even had the time to make and now this bullshit. I love fat people and I care for them so what I saw couples that let themselves go, that’s what I fucking saw the end why do u have to joan of arc all over it? Do I wish we were all healthy myself included yes. Its more a reaction to our fast food normal guy society and that’s it.

how can you say “it was all true”, you don’t know any of these people? how can someone who gets so indignant about people judging them be so judgemental towards others? I say some cruel shit? what about what you say? you really think that anyone sees “I’d happily sit on the book couch with my fat husband” as a compliment???

Do u go to stand up comedy and debate every single fucking joke to shreds? I SAW SKINNY COUPLES AND FAT COUPLE HAPPY AND SAD AND RESIGNED THEN I BLOGGED ABOUT IT sorry for having functioning eyes and being intuitive maybe ill go back to making no conclusions ever like a simpleton shut the fuck up xenia Ill be sure to interview every single person I encounter from hereonin for your sake ok? Because lord knows there is no such thing as educated guesses. Fuck.

“educated”?? HAHA Maybe you can ditch the “I’m a peeerson I have feeeelings” act now for when people make “educated guesses” about you.

Wow cunty. An educated guess is acquired knowledge based upon simple observations drawn from the subject placed before you, you don’t need to burn 4 years at ocad to make an educated guesstimation. You learn that in grade 11 law class you sensitive bafoon.

I’m not talking about school.

You wouldn’t last ten seconds. You are a massive snob too dude can you go hassle someone else now thanks for ruining my WORK OUT the only thing I am obsessed with.

of course not, I’d have to go on a defensive fat shaming rant.

Bullshit

And again ESL I was using fat for more than what it stands for. Crucify me for blogging lazily more please.

My point was that your post hurt my feelings, and its not just fat, its bored trapped unhappy cattle and their fat husband. I stood up for you before when people said shitty things about you and I’m standing up for these people you say crap about because it bothers me and its GROSS, sorry you can’t relate. Clumsy blogging? maybe was the first thing you should have said. Can’t deal with the fact that was fucked? Whatever I’m done.

Its just a blog post xenia. Did I say I hated these people and they deserve to die? Commentary on society, a generalization based on a brief encounter I am allowed to make observations jesus.

Thanks for sticking up for me but holy christ this isn’t a war u don’t have to battle every single snide remark, way to be. I’m sorry it hurt your feelings. And I’m sorry losers degenerated that into grammar war. If u fail to read multiple meanings and blow up like that don’t expect others to not nitpick.

wow ok Hemingway sorry for failing to read multiple meanings in a post about how you saw fat couples at the bookstore and decided their lives were pathetic

Wow yourself to getting incensed about nothing that has anything to do with you. Its called blog fodder take a relax pill. Ill wait til all my friends and family are in shape before I ever say the word fat again

++++

aaaaaaand TGIF. omg it’s thursday nevermind hahaha.

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i am addicted to working out again. thank FUCK.

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pre-work out meal. the grocery store down in manulife was closed (my gym is in the hood where i used to live) cos they’re renovating or putting in a loblaws so rich people don’t have to ghetto shop at whatever it used to be so i had to eat at the starbucks in indigo. i had so many funny little thoughts about people in bookstores then i told myself to just shut up. proud i stopped self from blowing money at h&m and also for finally meeting up with ryan for a sweet check. money money money smiley face. ok here is what i thought about people in bookstores from behind my shitty red fakebans and greasy hair, i looked at all these couples (jealously) who looked bored out of their minds and trapped (fat)(normies) and it was clear that to go to indigo was their “day” their “thing” so they rush around to make it happen then ignore each other for hours walking about in search of their next read that they will then ignore each other even more so by later on throughout the week until next weekend to do it again. fun life? kinda felt like watching cattle, like edward norton on the plane in fight club or douglas coupland in every single douglas coupland book. chain bookstores are the mcdonald’s’ of settling. what are we going to do tonite hon?

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this plus weed equals 1000000 reps and spinal injury.

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i have nothing to say about this.

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fuzzy patio queen. i love tourist cheeseball town and i love that they rubberneck and i love that attention, if you’re lonely go to queen/john area and pick up.

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new cameo from ardene.

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this is from last week i love how trish snook it up on fb and didn’t tag me haha. i went there last nite in the same sweater and said um i wore this sweater last time right? stew laughed yes. i thought i was being unique turns out i’m just a lazy slob. gimme a break i just got off work.

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stew is soooo hot!

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had the largest wakame salad afterward then sashimi platter, passed on the sake (15 bucks for a small are you insane with greed!? must be cos they’re right across from king eddy).

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lent casie the tank, ride safe babe! we got a loft in blue mountain for wakestock this weekend. floored. have a bathingsuit fitting tonite, not floored for how not beach-prepped my body is, not to mention pms bloat guh. does zeugari make tents? i will also be wandering around in hair extensions too, so rock of love hahaha. my long weekend blew, i cried myself to sleep practically every nite so be happy for me for once.

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saw inception the other nite with craig. he is the worst movie date ever, talks through the whole movie, takes eleven pisses, then i felt mean for shushing him a lot but whatever man you can’t talk through that kinda film! he also pointed out how young all the actors were, um dude that one guy from third rock from the sun is older than me, at least 30? ps. who cares! we had fun at jack astors though, well i did. i have fun anywhere, really.

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shanghai lettuce wraps.

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i have a photo standing in this exact spot and im ten pounds heavier at least. it was after samir’s film short viewing had a party at brassai. that girl in the mirror was staring at me cutely on astor’s patio and i feel specifically came in to chat me up, which she did and cos i have the game of a gnat, your hero blew it. she said she liked the colour of my hair.

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had lunch at terroni with elitist whiner. my hair was retarded yesterday. i love terroni’s patio why haven’t i been back there before? i think the place intimidates me. you can count on me loner-dining there many times in the future.

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i forget which one this is, i didn’t eat the chickpea (polenta-ish doorstop) thing. whiner did.

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pretty shells from the vongole.

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nice eyebags.

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much better. new yenta shades oy vey!

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fabulous sanctuary.

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bellini. peach schnapps and champagne. never thought to try that. i like when you learn a new drink you drink it until you can never ever drink it again. like pimm’s cups we are so done.

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i want to stamp this on customer’s foreheads.

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ok i want to go to italy now.

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appetizer quatro. i know i whine about being fat and blah blah blah but really i ate like a bird yesterday normally i hoover and punch a motherfucker out the way of the platter, this time i was a lady and you were the tramp.

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was a bird up til the gelato. i actually wrote WAKESTOCK on both of my hands at work last nite so i wouldn’t snack in the kitchen.

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oooook i just realised how boring food posts are.

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decent.

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truth or dare party at stew’s. thank fuck i didn’t get this one.

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stew got my dare, make stupid voices for each animal and make them conversate for up to 2 minutes, no laughing. pictures forthcoming of me pushing a dog dish across the floor with my nose and mooning our neighbor’s house for ten seconds oh and wearing a helmet in the street til a car drove by. thanks guys! stew line-danced while singing achy breaky heart in the street. ahh parkdale, we blend so well but hey guess what you can find it using GPS. ha psyche! but only once you’re done jerking off to your adult dvd on your plasma television but don’t get cum on the keyboard. ahhaha what just happened there?

SEE YOU BITCHES AT THE GYM!

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nothing like waking up to cold coffee you stuck in the fridge the nite before, strong bodum coffee you left on the counter before leaving the house that day. my gym is open til 5 today so i’m blasting over there as soon as laundry finishes up i’ll toss it in the dryer try to fix my face into that of a cherub’s and not an i worked an all nighter then took an hour to fall asleep face. i feel less miserable today, yesterday was like a 9/10 of miserable. my own fault. i get really bratty when i feel like everyone else gets to go away and i’m left in the city on a long weekend. like i’m the only one here so i party as much as i would if i were outta dodge then i wake up hung in the city, not as fun as waking up hung at the cottage BUT at least in the city you have options in lieu of passive aggressive manners at someone’s cottage and your cottage booze bloat doesn’t go away until you land back home no matter what. inescapable.

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this miserable shit happened to me last summer, and every summer of my life now that i think of it, just now it’s more pronounced cos it’s curtailing an insane period of balls to the wall single girl lifestyle. essentially i feel extremely isolated and exposed. i spend a lot of time alone but then i also get recognized all over town (whilst alone) then gawked at and emailed about it or made fun of for it (all over the internet) so it’s like i’m the loser in the playground kickin’ rocks with my hands in my pockets being like come on guuuuys! it fucks with your head just a little bit i know much of it has to do with shyness which no one believes i actually suffer from (ha suffer) but it’s true. i know i can fit in anywhere but unless some sort of red carpet is rolled out for me i just don’t show? i am a complex piece of shit. have fun with that.

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i had some great customers last nite and was on my chatter game, great tips too. one was like are you drunk right now? no, i’m just an idiot and it’s strung out sunday. they liked that. i called them pisstanks, they liked that too then i got them calling pabsts shitty beers so every order we’ll have three shockers and four shitty beers please. they tipped me a cool hun then i traveled to the other side of the bar upstairs to another gong show party. you sort of get a contact drunk being around revelers, it’s nice, healthier and cheaper. gave me the idea that maybe i could actually like, stop drinking for once. which i plan on doing all week. suicide sober week i got no choice if i want to look good at wakestock this coming weekend though there’s caskapalooza on the fifth and a fancy three course dinner i have media for, taking melodie as my date. i’ll drink water. pfft ha. i’ll sip beer. sipping isn’t drinking. it doesn’t count.

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it’s not that i am an addict (so am) i am just addicted to any and every single thing. i am a compulsive consumer because i am sad. if it’s not drugs it’s food if it’s not food it’s clothes if it’s not clothes it’s hair. i have a hole in my heart and it will never be sufficiently corked, not until i am a wife, that’s my story and i’m sticking to it.

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can’t be bothered to rotate oh hey i am in desperate need of a new laptop and i don’t care what kind, i’ll even convert to mac. i’m not broke i just don’t want to dump a ton of money so if you are some sort of big wheel in the computer world please hook this a-hole up. laptops are cars are bloggers, kind of severely important. endless blog pluggin’ too yes? call me. i don’t want to start using my new camera until i have a new laptop cos d/ling pics onto this POS will just be a nightmare and part of why i have been phoning in posts as of late is because this guy bums me out so hard every time i fire it up. i should just wipe and reformat but that would require too much time, so many docs and photos to sort through i’d rather lie down in traffic.

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britt had a mad hatter tea sangria party yesterday it was delicious i feelings’d ate her entire table and i didn’t have any tea either. i bawled a bit too. thanks for witnessing that everybody. britt says many would kill to have my life yeah well they can take the rest of my summer then and i’ll have my life back come autumn, no problem. true i am in pre-menses mode so everything is enhanced. mental mental mental.

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i had a mountain of bread all around me, mini mountains.

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went to queen’s park with my aunt to check some of the irie music fest, good little hang before work it was.

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i fucked up that part above the chain, chain guard, right. my right heel hooked and blammed it up so the peddles couldn’t peddle thank god for hand breaks if this happened with the tank bike i’d have died. i fixed it by myself because i am a lesbian now and only lesbian girls are handy. sometimes i have dreams that i am working at the hardware store still.

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paddy showed up and goes oh are you going to play kickball too? um no i am just an idiot.

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guess which ones i ate.

WORST SUMMER EVER THANKS ALL FOR YOUR HELP AND PATIENCE BYEEEEE.

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someone open the window and let the some of the self-absorption out please. jesus.

it’s kinda strange and hard having an “easy” life. or making it appear as such. people kinda let you be a shit show cos they expect it and then it happens and they’re like well them’s the breaks look they’re doing it or being that, pretty much par for the course. i’m kinda tired of being a kid all the time. absolutely sick of drinking. bored by it. still as fun as it is i know i’m just pouring booze all over my problems as a temporary solution and it’s all justified because my life is about fun and fun is about parties and parties are about wasted. shit cycle.

when you’re a magnetic force and smart you can pretty much do whatever you want, get whatever you want and that’s great but it can also be dangerous in a way. dangerously awesome? when i hang with casie it’s thrilling and electric and i know it’s going to end in nonsensical rambling drunkenness BECAUSE we are on top of our shit, can afford to be slightly fucked up fuck ups cos this social media racket is a bit of a joke in way, it’s still fresh and you’ll have it under your thumb for the next while until the next thing comes along to be dominated. this is why i think i have to call in some will power reinforcements when it comes to all the freebies (booze) cos there’s only going to be an ass ton more of that to come in the future.

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we got last minute second city tickets because of what huge giant deals we are. well, were already on the gretzky’s patio and figured why not. it’s like ok we can get this now lets get a luxury aircraft painted gold, so easy smooth talkin’ criminal-like. it all sounds like bullshit when you talk about it to someone who has no idea about blogging or twitter or who cares, but then they see it in action and yeah, it’s a little crazy for sure. for sure. inviting you to things you’d have no business being at back in the day, events for elitist rich nobodies for example, but now they know you gotta be there too rollin’ with them and their bored boring faces because you’re the internet big wheel making their cogs go round holy crap dumbest metaphor but anyway the point of all this is i’m done dickin’ the dog it’s time for bootstraps to be pulled up and owning august.

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colour me party guilt.

off to brunch think tank meeting, then britt’s tea party, then work.

what’s the point of this long weekend again?

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Got your package. The shirt is boss!

<3

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not in hiding haha just ahh blah bleh. you can keep up on my bullshit via twitter though i’m frequently saying things i shouldn’t be over there.

i went to the gym yesterday for the first time in ever, unfroze my account, i’m done paying in september but can work out til march. fuck yeah.

finally also got my grandpa’s bike off fil and rode it around oh my god it’s like nite and day having gears, so speedy. can’t believe i’ve been suffering and torturing myself with my tank of a bike for years. which i left locked up by ginger’s place yesterday in the distillery. place bets on how long it takes me to collect it.

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i’ll do a proper post later.

xoxox

oh and i wear dumb old lady shorts now as well as lifeguard shorts i hope that’s fine with you.

granola city update:

mitzi’s ranks 4th so far. tops is easy’s then gladstone’s then drake’s. no wait i forget i have to think about this more. i’m hung from work last nite. shots forever. it was a good nite. empty city on a long weekend very mass exodus everyone forgot about us. curly haired fuck and i are hanging out, he is obsessed with finding some polarized sunglasses. the jerk is going to panama next week. i wanna go away so bad.

after wakestock i’m fucking off again somewhere.

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hello frenemies. i have not been on the back of a bike in a very long time. once you have the cow and all the milk for free you can kinda just send it out to pasture no? i stopped enjoying being taken outfor bike rides and then started getting really nervous, one time i squeezed fil’s ribs so hard on the qew i practically bruised them. we got off and he turned around and asked if i was nervous or something, oh, you could tell? well anyway, yesterday i re-learned that i really like sittin’ on the back of those things crouched over like a fucking monkey and i look pretty good too. you should try it.

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there’s nervous parts like when you accidentally get on the highway i picture dying a thousand times and being run over by every single vehicle behind us (dad you should stop reading) while at the same time you’re like freeeeeeeeedom.

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i kind of got super fucking sick of telling you how miserable i am so i decided to share it in real life instead. my new buddy stu who lives across the street from us was like do you write about it in this way cos it’s kind of beautiful. no, i don’t unfortunately, i write about it exclusively in this annoying manner that’s just like oh come on! anyway i decided to take a mini blog break not that anybody noticed except those who hate me.

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dad wants me to move to burlington. fat fucking chance. i do have a great time when i’m here but the best part of burlington is that i get to leave burlington. and then come back. dad if we had a pool i’d consider it. also a better computer not my old POS laptop.

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i stole this off someone’s facebook. it’s for you. starring you. about you.

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holy shit i have a lot of photos stacked up i’m behind on. this is sunday night on mark’s condo rooftop. gorgeous view all around and hilarious scene of other condo owners drinking their booze remnants. americans need to experience a few sundays in a row in canada when the lcbo closes and everyone gets desperate. i wonder if we’d all be raging alcoholics if we had liquor access 24/7 every day of the week? or would we like, be normal?

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the family had a yard sale that turned into drinking party. wicked. i slunk home and was like oh great they get to see this walk of shame, went up to my room got a pile of vintage dresses and brought them down. one sold and it wasn’t even vintage, nor my dress, it was casie‘s she gave me after the mtv party so i didn’t have to go home in that peach berserk dress. it got 4 dollars and it was a nerdy dress anyway. i’ll buy you a box of cereal casie and then i will eat it all myself. none of us are eating right now anyway cos of wakestock next weekend, speaking of which you can get ticket discounts using our blog promo code whatever that is like i pay attention to things what where am i, burlington?

password: partygirl limited time offer dudes. 3 day pass! collingwood. wakestock. public enemy! mEEEEE! jocks. sluts. bathingsuits. fights. blackout drunk. killer!

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that awful weather on saturday toyed with my hair large. smart day to give yourself a bangs cut. i was desperate.

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i’ve been going on a granola hangover brunch tour of the city. next i have to try the drake’s. this is the gladstone’s. very nice.

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this is a million in the morning after a massive bender.

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easy’s granola. tastier than drake’s but heavier. they don’t have mimosas but they have vodka for their caesars, so get them to make you a screwdriver with their amazing fresh oj then you won’t have to kill yourself.

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craig and i have been pals since i was 19. he is kind of super irritating but in a comforting way? he’s friends with mark. this is about the time we were getting kicked out.

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matching white shoes (reason for weird embrace shot) i hope he goes hipster cos he kind of dresses like a total doofus some of the time but he gets away with it cos he’s a normal guy in the i don’t care category. he doesn’t really “get” the whole white shoes thing right now, meanwhile he wears crocs. so…

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sometimes i could just puke and puke with envy.

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mark and his hot gf made us fajitas. such great hosts. i brought a bottle of tequila so i felt like i made something too. i made awesome.

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saturday’s shitshow was unnecessary. i shoulda just went home. lesson learned. niagara street cafe is a black hole that sucks you in, hours feel like minutes. i stole that off kat’s twitter feed. way true.

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time to go home, homo.

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the beet salad at mitzi’s sister is sooooooooo good.

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i always overpack when i come out here and then i end up going shopping. i essentially come out here to lose weight via tanning. tan. go shopping. watch tv with my dad. and dye my hair, which i will attempt once i fire this post out. i am super unhappy about that hairpin, too thick for my fine little hair, they fall out of my head then i walk by a mirror and see hair sticking straight out.

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my dad can never get over how tall some people are. hey, do you like basketball? beast gave me a ride instead of flowers. works for me!

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emo emo emo i’m so deep and dark i feel things immensely barf.

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quick change into denim diaper at barangas. knew i’d sweat like mental in black jeans so i planned ahead. guy was jealous. helmet hairrrrr.

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i went to salvation army to find a jacket even though i have fifty appropriate ones at home. no jackets were found so i wore my dad’s vintage stoner levi’s one. i used to wear this all time as a teenager. it is pristine. oh i just remembered i left a 20 in the pocket.

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aha cool timing randy pulling up behind me. i thought my dad was going to be really nervous about us going out for a cruise like he was when fil and i would, i was half-dissappointed that he wasn’t.

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shirtless to the last second no need to sweat unnecessarily.

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anyway it was a good time. i wasn’t dying inside like he was worried about. we’ve been chatting awhile and basically don’t care if we date or not he just wanted to meet me because of my hilarious profile. i killed my account in the middle of a thousand pending retards wanting to hook up. done with internet fuckers. his friends are all awaiting my blog review too. ughhhhhhh. damned if i do damned if i don’t. if i don’t say things assumptions get made. if i DO say things ten billion more assumptions get made. maybe i should just start meeting women off the internet instead hahaha.

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stu and trish and the rest of my sunday evening. trish and i went to elementary school together FOR THE MILLIONTH TIME. stu lives across my street. we went to some bar i forget the name of but is below whatever party we were at thursday nite (this week has been retarded, fully) and then the beauties guy showed up and i was like hey i’m the girl in your video the one with the ass musta been fun going through that footage hey?

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so he has a bike AND is an engineer. what are the odds eh.

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ginger too. my dad says his buddy bob has a theory about red heads. they have anger, moreso than the rest of us. um, can i get some scientific data on that please?

+++

and now for the entire reason of my coming out of blog-hiding, my mom is driving me up the wall about this photo contest she’s in and deserves to win because she actually captures oakville on the daily, loves, lives, breathes oakville with her camera meanwhile some other dicks are in the lead for email-blasting their shots of themselves out so do me this solid and vote for Tracey W please christ so she can stop emailing me about it. here’s one of the shots:

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photo 191

and the other

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photo 225

she’s got tons more you can click on to get to the top of the pile but i feel these two are already winning so they may as well receive the brunt of your clicks. she has many more photos to see and vote for that are pretty epic, i’m awful proud of her photography skills even though she thinks i’m not. if she wins she will take me shopping and i will film/cover it all for you to see just how insane life with my mom actually is, the blowhans of blogging if you will.

vote for every tracey w photo you see PLEASE! like every 6 hours or something also go to my mom’s blog and talk to her about it, ask how you can help cos i got shit to do mang.