Hi Raymi –
Been a long-time reader of your blog-o-saga, and have to mouth off and say that this year has been the most amazing, basically because it hits home. I’ve had a parallel experience similar to what you’re going through now, but this is coming from the other side: I’m the guy in the equation.
Catherine and I were in love – the perfect couple. Passionate, common likes/hates, popular, and so verrry comfortable with our situation.
Till she told me out of the blue that things weren’t working, that there was too much she wanted to do with her life that didn’t include me. She wasn’t living enough for herself. The last thing she said to me was “Please, give me five years”. And she was out the door.
I won’t rag on about how I coped – this isn’t about me.
I didn’t see her again; even coincidentally, we didn’t cross paths. But, through friends and acquaintances, I heard she disappeared and decompressed for a while, traveled, broke her ass getting a degree, did all kinds of work, exorcised a few demons, and in the process, became a better and happier person. I knew this wouldn’t have happened if we stayed a static couple.
Since the cut between us was clean, my head assploded when I picked up the phone 5 years later, and heard her voice. Apropos the situation, we made chitchat for a bit. Most of what I had heard about her odyssey was true, I mumbled a bit about myself. Then, she asked the inevitable: “Want to get together today?”
Sigh, hem-haw, erm, (heart sinks), “No”.
Why? Because if we got back together, even for a day, I could never survive saying goodbye to her again.
And I’m too proud of Catherine to lay that shit on her.
I see you, Raymi, like I saw her, and I hear her when you have to lower yourself to defend your actions.
Go for it! Just be you, because you’re doing it right.