this sandwich i must have a photo of its older price. no one is going to order it you realize? everything else at easy is already engorged price wise to begin with. the only person stupid enough to buy this is me, well, the teacher, for me cos when the bill came i said something cute to not pay even though it was my turn. who wants a raymi’s guide to getting dudes to buy you stuff? ha that won’t blow up in my face at all. teacher just said how about a guide to getting raymi to buy me stuff.
yesterday i was so epicly out of sorts we couldn’t tell that these “greyhounds” didn’t have vodka in them. yah. bill came and together both were 9.47 or something, that seems dangerously low for vodka? the grapefruit did the trick though, no hair of the dog happened. my waitress was also hung. i liked that. she’s like drink that down for me, people steal this juice (i think that’s what she said?) ok greyhounds are 5.95. we are retarded. i asked the teacher if he could detect vodka even and he was like yes. i did not. he is slightly more retarded than i am. but wow i look pretty tired here.
i sucky pants’d a starbucks brought to me while i lay facedown in my bed had time to make adventurehouse coffee by the time he arrived, i had blankets imprint on my face, that is a sign of old age i freaked out in the mirror.
i think the tumbleweeds laughing at me in my bank account is what’s getting me incensed over this price hike. i’m not broke but i am sick of paying for shit, seems to happen in phases, a week of spending on top of consuming E V E R Y T H I N G then you come across your favourite sandwich and a little wire in your brain goes snap. this will not stand. this is not ‘nam walter.
it’s a whole chicken so you get two sandwiches. alright i see that but like what about just, the ONE sandwich on the menu? i am not letting this go. 9.95 (i just looked at an older menu it was 12.50 so nevermind i guess all of the rest of this is now pointless to read) to 15.50 is massive. maybe it’s the bread that’s making me most upset, i love it and it comes from only two places in the city, which i don’t even remember and may as well be in france. the bread is that good. ok i’ll get over it there are far more important things to be concerned over. also, the SECOND sandwich is in the firdge here i’m about to go have a bite of it for raymi blog fuel. good thing my meal has two sandwiches in it what is this america?
hipster coffee birthday after my pint at cafe taste, this was hangover day one courtesy of courtney and the parkdale boys club. pending a hangover from queens of the stoneage.
now, where was we? Ottawa windows planet urg. that’s where. i just sent everyone off to the raveonettes and was talking about how i brought my laptop and i’ll just, oh you know, work? pah haahaha ah ha right. the last week of blog posts have been spectacularly riddled with charlie sheenisms i was thinking how i should stay away from the internet until monday. birthday week come to a close please thanks.
anywhooosers i’ll just throw up (hahaha) the rest of my pics i’ve already put on flickr then make like king tut and mummify. yeah yeah.
this is when i discovered making eye contact with the apple camera webcam duh. once i was finished being mesmerized by my own image of course. maybe this is why mac users are sooooo arrogant and big headed they look at themselves constantly on webcam and eventually believe they’re super fucking good looking or something.
can you give me just a little extra for free face. learn it live it love it and love me for the skeleton key top tip.
pop your eyes too. don’t forget your visine. i think my (teacher’s) teeth whitener strips dissolved by this point.
i am obsessing over my cakes more and more as days go by. i am going to carole’s cafe, i’ve been poring over cake fetish photos and now i want to love the hand that feeds some.
it was fun having my family friends at my shitty date bar. one day maybe there’ll be a raymi guided tour of the city like they do in nyc for sex and the city fanatics.
it was fun having my mom wasted off the drink menu too. now you understand me a little more, you cannot resist the temptation of that cocktail menu. i got melodie an anita’s attitude adjuster straight off the bat, reasons why require no mention. i love this photo because you can see how i look like both my mother and aunt alison. pretty neat.
don’t go all out now ma. keeding. i love this. i wonder if she likes finally having a daughter who enjoys and rivals the like and need of pink and girly things.
i got an idea. thanks for the cards dad. colleague and i collaborated on the appropriated from the internet design. my awards are scattered on the back. couldn’t fit them all. BOOM!
oh god man look at that hair. ahhh thank you brennen demelo, you genius. how to do pr0no hair 101. guys help me pick the best raymbo hair photo for a sponsored by brennen advert image on my sidebar.
i last minutedly felt like a cow and skinny day went away (full time pms now) so i wore black to hide it all. haha check this out from gill’z bday april 2009.
hey i’m working here, do you mind? that’s what you say to strangers in real life who have problems with the happening they walked in on. this night not necessary, everyone was loving it.
and now i have a reason to hostess. my cuisine is perfect and requires no extra sodium to taste and i always heavily crack pepper into my concotions but why not. i took so many more pictures of these today i hope you don’t get sick of them.
i said, and, where the hell will i wear these which made my brother lose his mind laughing cos i said it in the snarkiest way ever and now i am wearing them like crazy and i look crazy in them. they will be great with daisy dukes and a simple shirt, starbucks liberty stroll and jumping in water puddles.
my swarovski lois loot. she is taking me and mom to billy elliott next week. pumped. i’ve been wearing the hello kitty necklace round the clock as well. i might attach my other swarovski hk head to it as well one night.
i crawled out of my vortex to go to the spoke for britt’s bday. i sat by her folks and charmed her dad as much as i could. i said my dad adores britt and her dad is like well where is he then? everytime i played with my blackberry he tsk’d me and i would make up some stupid funny excuse/lie about what i was doing.
it was a set menu. it was like a wedding. that’s the scallop starter. i chose the weird salad. i was afraid i wouldn’t be able to stomach anything. i said to the folks that if britt and i are going to remain friends we’re gonna have to better plan this birthday party staggering thing.
weird salad and my drink, campari and other things. campari is a digestive so it’s a good drink and a sipper cos it tastes disgusting. my mom had some of my campari-ish drink at watusi and was grossed out. i have tasted a lot more of the world and i’m a boozehead so i’m now in the grossest drinks ever phase of my alcoholism. the next stage is cold turkey. sandwiches. mmmm.
birthday girls. old girl (someone actually said that in my comments) on the left. i said in my card we should stop having birthdays at 29, kay? god i am that girl now saying those cutesy cathyesque age quips. GULP! our outfits are kind of coordinated which we did not eve pre-plan or even speak prior to this. i was fancy clothed frantic.
see total wedding. pricey too. i’ve been used to being treated for too long. oh well worth it. it felt adult. britt’s dad was like where is your boyfriend. i stared at him. then i said five different answers.
i don’t even want to talk about how sad this is. britt smashed it. i assisted in that. i said put it in the bubblewrap for safety after she opened it. we both thought it was a bubblewrap mini bag, it wasn’t, it fell to the floor. i got this photo at least. it’s sad because i thought about it for a month before i bought it and even posted it on my blog that i would get it for her, it is perfectly suited for her livingroom, or on her bedroom armoire. we all know how much thought and focus perfectionist gift givers (me) put into their gifts. britt’s mum was like oooh you must feel SO bad britt. HAHA nice one mom. anyway i will see if they can order another or get her the other snowglobe i momentarily considered getting, not as great as this one though. so sad. RIP emo snowglobe. you were not cheap. i slipped it in there a few times that it was designer. whether that is true or not i dunno. if you’ve ever bought such a frivolous expensive thing before as a snowglobe, unless you are one of those disney arrested development collecting freaks, you have no idea what it’s like. maybe the shock of saving your money for something more important is something to make you snicker over here. i DID immediately say once it smashed as we were picking up the pieces, don’t cry over smashed snow globes.
yeah it was the year i became uber hot again and i was in the globe and mail for you know what and well, it was great just because i changed my life. just some crap you put on an envelope as an afterthought of deepness that you know will go in the garbage anyway. next year when she turns 27 i will have a LOT more to say. OMG GOOD LUCK WITH THAT ONE DUDE! i think britt might be more superstitious than i am?
dude i heard your entire business call while i was in the bathroom don’t remember it wasn’t anything secretive or particularly all that juicy. i held out hope though.
me leaving with my present. a stuffed unicorn. it’s special because if i go online with the packet it came with a star will be named after me. i will be calling mine 123 penis lane. that has been my fake address for every single thing i have ever had to fill out an address for something you just know will end in junk mail. i can’t wait to visit this actual address some day. that will be the day. no wait. i think i’ve been there many times before already hahahaa. oh man rough birthday week is how all these blog jokes are brought to you by.
had a pit stop at teacher’s to try to nap, mostly to digest then i almost bailed on adventurehouse III but i powered through. paying for it now but a duty is a duty. glad i went and that guy came to have a mini business chat talk with me after he bought me a shot. we are doin’ lunch. i was like mmhmm yep yup sounds great good good ok so do you have money? things are great and fine on email but then when it gets to money talk all of a sudden this GREAT idea for YOU and your blog that benefits you zero, is not worthy of paying you for the work you do for it/them. silly gooses. the guy was like, we want the best so i came to you. damn straight hustler. i’ll sell a ketchup popsicle to a woman wearing white gloves, i will. (tommy boy ref)
they played a special one for me, that gorillaz empire ants song, a lounge lizard trip hop version. jason osler makes fun of me on gchat once a week or so about the one song i listen to. hey guy i don’t listen to it anymore. he texted how my bday was and said don’t say to read your blog. ha. therefore i forgot to text back to it. therefore he will never know. i’ll just email him this blog blurb.
under a year ago i brought a parade with me back from wrong bar one night. this girl was part of that herd. the adventurehouse allure is strong and almighty. tanya our bar house leader said now that she’s met me she understands the tickle trunk addiction. she is amazing. we are going to do some fun collabs together coming up just you wait and see. pressing publish now. i still have my mom’s photos to show from my birthday which everyone has seen on facebook for days now, and then my own. ooh i just remembered snl is on tonight. i don’t know how to work that tv thing so maybe i’ll just stick to being a hunchback and maybe saying bizarre stuff on my tumblr though by the time i read through this the gang will be back from the raveonettes show and will take over the place. remind me to ask my brother what he wants for his birthday. last year i got him wallabees. i’ve wanted my own pair for too long now. maybe i’ll just ask my dad.
happy saturday.
BY THE WAY i am doing this tomorrow please come. it’s a charity for japan party raffle prizes bands jamboree! stewart and i are hosting it! we are going to co-ordinate outfits and be the BEST!
WHERE: the great hall (queen/dovercourt) 1087 Queen Street West 7.30pm.
Prizes:
more donations today. got some tickets to see in conversation with woody harrelson, beautiful earings from dean davidson, 2 gift certificates from passage tatoo, a dine alone package 3 gift certificates from parlour salon for cut and colour tickets to cut copy, tiesto, protest the hero, timer timbre, Case of wine plus 8 glasses, dress by Valerie Osumek,
we have dinners from the drake and watusi, jewelry from ashley winnington-ball and kvell & co. clothes from las valentines and cry wolf, steam whistle tour for 10, passes to hot docs, imaginative and the reel asian film fest, cineplex package including tickets to the opera, band merch, pieces from lots of local artists/photographers, a signed bat and ball from the blue jays, a makeup set from MAC and more
Comrades, I am hosting this charity event, (yes, it is true I am just as shocked as you are) tomorrow night apparently during a blackout i said YES i will totally do this with you Stew (my boy twin) and now it’s happening, tomorrow. Come gab with me and support JAPAN cos something bad happened over there to good people. I don’t know about you but I have some cosmic Karma to turn around, I’ve been selfish for too long tomorrow night at THE GREAT HALL queen/dovercourt 7.30pm raffles bake sale other things and so on. we’re a finite resource we have to help our friends in need.
i quite enjoy looking at these i just exclaimed, what is wrong with me? i want the entire set. i want to fill them with sparkles (in theory) i won’t no worries, one day i’ll for real use them as salt and pepper shakers. i’m going bai ling.
i need all the help i can get to get through this day and night. i canceled my work out today. tomorrow i’ll boot camp it. i canceled that too. pray for mojo.
that ring my mom gave me, she was wearing the matching one and the heart necklace too (she always does this) and then alll night long kept trying to daps me and said SHAZAM. mom, STOP saying that it’s not funny. then she’d do it again. shazam. uh whatever everyone last night was kind of obliterated it was pretty great to have? this is where the post ended. wow great headway. i think the teacher walked up to me and then we immediately had business to attend to.
got some great mileage out of these balloons i brought them to adventurehouse party last night. which i am presently recovering from. what else is new.
stressed out face. yeah you can come yeah no worries. then a revolving door of ex bfs. clem loved it. each buy me a drink then leave, i introduced zero to the teacher, who was also ambushed by an intimate dysfunctional family sit down ha ha and they are like who is this guy? i haven’t been telling anyone much of anything lately, keeping cards to chest and so last night at the spoke for britt’s bday she’s like why have we never heard of this teacher before?
i’m starting to enjoy myself without under eye mascara globbed on. i’m so insecure about the size of my eyes. i have to get over it. when i live healthier and get more sleep i won’t need mascara anymore.
it’s cyclical this blog crap thing. another person said my mom and i focus too much on beauty. why aren’t people allowed to do that? beauty is a skill.
i cleaned up the bender when i got up, sloppily so. my niece picked these out for me they’re like rubber boots flats and very comfy. thanks hailey now i can still be a kid and say well my niece got me these so it’s ok to have strawberry shortcake feet and be 28.
you should(n’t) see what my hair looks like today. love to see how far i can stretch out not washing it after a dye job and toning. secret princess skid rat. cousin alex told me when we were teens she hadn’t washed her hair in TWO WEEKS. gross.
remember these pics? so 2001 nerve.com profile. that’s how we met people to fuck and party and have threesomes with back then. there needs to be a more elite pof.
oh teacher’s here time for brunch see you later with more dumb stuff xoxox.
carole’s cheesecake really impressed me and everyone at watusi i want to get raymi cupcakes or something. i ate the chocolate with my bare hands. the other one is coffee, my special request. i would die for some more right now.
ok here is what i got up to today this precious of days what will one day likely culminate into some kind of national holiday. what the hell is one supposed to do on their birthday anyway? what if every day it’s like your birthday already? extra greedy makes me feel extra crazy you know. i felt guilty all day though that might have been the hangover of feeling like i fell out of a plane this morning. i slept in til it felt right, late ten thirtyish.
looked a bit of a ghoul. i will perfect a method of face statue sleeping some day. once in a blue moon i awake with my makeup pristine still from the night before, one time recently at the motion room i was hungover like you would not believe and james was like, you look great minx. i couldn’t believe it. what luck. i hope that happens to me again tomorrow cos i have my friday work out in the morning. can you die on april fools day doing jumping jacks the day after your jinxed birthday of all birthdays where you will drink the bar? yes definitely probably likely because the headlines would just be too good to not die tomorrow. fool dies on april fools day not april fools day joke. ok no more death jokes. today at least.
and then my second last night of not being a geezer was spent in a most awesome way with 3/5 of the park dale boys club. i can’t do math nor can i keep track of who is in my stupid imaginary neighbourhood club, i think a couple boys have disbanded because i wouldn’t sleep with them.
anyone who can look this good from below you know is a ten. blue eyed silver fox met me here last month and was evidently threatened by brennen which is silly cos brennen is a kitty cat. he asked about him and i was like haha that guy is so nexted. hope he comes out tonight. ughhhh i just got cramps. let the bitchy begin.
i walked to shaw and called courtney. she was right beside me on the other side on queen i waved frantically all around me like your stupid mother and she just watched secretly. then we went on a bender and you know the rest.
teacher had a hamburger at the beac i had the carpaccio again. courtney had wine. we had eaten at beaver before and the service was bad and so was the food sorry but you dropped the ball. also the gladstone did too very uneager to sit and serve us. wednesday night i think all restos have their shit staff on shift. makes sense and therefore do not go out to dine on wednesday nights. courtney already had a fight with the drake on the internet so we couldn’t go there on principle. what got me is, no offense, but courtney is NOBODY haha, and they made amends with her. drake has given me a bit of badness before and i have received no love. my friend(s) work there too so like, what the dilly? anyway we went to the beac and i had salad number two. i think i have to start eating at home.
or tights. anyway off to my first hangover drink of the day, not bad, laterish start. i think birthdays are people’s personal st. patrick’s day, and christmases. i tidied up the tickle trunk yesterday somehow magically while hosting courtney in my room my clothing pile was so huge when i started then it disappeared so when i go there later in a bit maybe i’ll try to lie down in my bed for once for a disco nap. i’m so not a napper though. i kind of want to buy little thank you trinkets for everybody tonight just try and stop me.
hope to see whoever is coming tonight we have two cakes. did i say that already? my colleague is being a pill and not sending me photos of them to pre-brag it’s my birthday dammit.
over and out. i’ll finish the rest of my eyes (makeup) later before dinner so if you see a person without facial features walking around telling flowers and hydrants it’s their birthday today, that would be me. i’m going to visit every shop i love and see what free shit i can get today. already have a pint and shot (i’ll skip the shot) and a snack on the house waiting for me, guess where. no don’t i am too stupid to hold a conversation with anything outside of a houseplant right now. talk to me after i swim around a frosty golden lap pool a few gulps. should i write for breweries?
good morning, well, afternoon to everybody else with hints of normalcy in their lives. here i am hung at 28. it’s sinking in, i haven’t had much (TONS) time to reflect but i think i’m good with it. established last night with courtney that it’s ok to be 28 because you’re stiiiiiill clinging on to youth but totally over the mature girl threshold. things start to matter. i am tired of how tiring i am to everyone about everything and i apologize for all of this, i mean it. why do i have to make a big production out of everything? why not for one but also, i see how it stresses everyone out around me and i feel like a disgusting human being for it however like in mean girls, it’s better to be involved and suffering than to be outside the sparkly pink raymi tornado of things, yes? i’m relieved to learn that a lot of people share a birthday just before and after mine so next year we can get a circus tent and no one gets to leave until they’ve reached black out. i am already planning next year’s fete and i was just apologizing for all my excessivities. learning is for students.
pink world is growing. i said to courtney and teacher that i actually felt, i forget the words, annoyed maybe, by myself and they were shocked in a facetious way. i think people feel all sorts of crazy around their brithdays so i’m just going with it, one second i am like BRING IT while another, oh noes and now if i die it won’t be significant enough cos it won’t make the 27th jinxed year curse but hello, how is dying at all significant anyway i’m not special enough to die yet.
or i’m too special to die either way i’m destined to be tortured on this blue earth for lots longer yet now i have to join arms with the yuppielite safety generation and start wearing elbow pads and eating muslix and vitamins buh-oring but live forever vital.
ok enough with the heavy shit. i went and got minxed yesterday after my hair appointment, i was late for both. no more being late now that i am 28. lots of rhyming things with twenty eight too. fate great mate plate chate date satiate (ooh fancy) and so on. yesterday was a skinny big mac day so i got to dress like a slob. the slobbier i dress the more arrogant i am in the head you can and should apply this to other girls for fun to see if i am right. i also went out with warlock party statue from the night before face, not at all hot shoulda seen me with the hair dye in out on the street like david bowie labyrinth rock of love disaster.
we got retarded in the tickle trunk last night so i could only bear to deal with a minimal amount of photos, i have a huge backlog too, and now i’m at the tower and my laptop is in my room therefore you get blasted with blackberry phone it in shots.
love these metallics, minx was especially keen on me going metallic even though i wanted the pink plaid. which i will get next time. the blue really brings out every single hand flaw (engorged veins) and whiteness overall so if you’re going to do anything blue/metallic your hands better be pretty.
gah what do i wear tonight? do i buy a new dress? too hung for that? and too hungretarded to build a new outfit and i don’t know where we’re going so please tell me precisely what to do. it’s your duty as a canadian citizen to assist your internet darling for her birthday journey, pretend it’s war time (isn’t it always anyway?). haha i just had a flashback of looking up at darius as the giant twin tower that he is the other night saying raymi, you are not only the biggest in canada i think more like all of north america. did that happen and isn’t that redundant too? picture two cavemen in my head taking turns banging rocks together to try and start a fire right now because that is what is happening with me and trying to make thoughts happen.
this is when brennen was like ok get the fuck out of here you’re late. he had to get to fashion week too. that guy is massive i am lucky he does my hair. he put collagen in it this new serum from loreal which in hair world is a big deal, my hair is softer than feathers right now i’ll post photos of the syringe and bottle it was very mad scientisty.
some loser on blogto left a hater comment beneath a feature on brennen saying if they blogged about it would he bleach their roots for free too? haha fuck off fuckhole, no. you are a nobody with zero influence and if you blogged, no one would read it because of the former thing we just talked about, you’re a tree falling in the woods and not only is no one around to hear you falling, they’re all busy furiously beating off to me over here. also, its more than bleaching, he tones my entire head and it lasts all the way to the next roots dying/growing.
ha ha woah brennen you look like harry and the hendersons today amazing look. brennen gave me some wicked advice about men and love life and all of my stupid bullshit, he is like a guide, guru. every big leaguer i have ever met always comes with a gauntlet of sage wisdom and all of it is correct, always. these are the people you listen to. anyway, one of bren’s other clients came in and immediately said she had cheated on him with another dresser because she couldn’t afford him. girls know all about that. i sat there smugly, well, more crazily reacting to my hair being rinsed, i have very sensitive scalp and when water goes over the back of my head it tickles. so i have no make up on, crazy tired face and no eyebrows, my hair is in a wrap, salon cheater has no idea what’s going to come out of that. earlier i said don’t look at me now because i promise later i will be a butterfly.
he gave her a great fringe, she was transformed. i was like are you sure you want to be the bangs of spring/summer time of your life? she was like yes, holding on to the cover with nicole richie’s new hair on it. the point of this story is no matter how amazing her hair was, when she saw mine blown out she was stunned and said i WANT to be blond too. this hair IS magical. really is. before i could tell she was a bit annoyed by me talking and spazzing out in the sink beside her, she was kind of type a, anyway i knew her kind and once she saw princess head she submitted. thank you for that brennen. i looked at her and was like this is going to be a lot longer someday maybe, in a year, long barbarella cascading curls and THEN, watch the fuck out. she was impressed, agreeable and nodded. she looked super hot too that was a mega necessary transformation, half feist half jennifer connolly.
before that, not my best work or look or angle or anything but, i looked like this androgynous male model. we have the same features, dark eye/brow penetrating present excellence (do not steal that) my brother too, matching mole.
we wear our scarves the same way and i think the same scarf, eerily similar from what my grey scale vision skills tell me. by the way is there such a thing as selective seeing? like selective hearing? i think so.
i need finger bling. i called courtney’s rings, first necklaces (i think i had a brain stroke) and then i called them bracelets. finger bracelets. bracelets for your fingers. guh my brain is exhausted right now you should have seen me try to type the word eerily up there, took several attempts. disaster. courtney says she is wrecked too. thanks PBC. her bday was sunday. we are the same age. i love her. she has hugging issues, she said i clang (clung? ha) to her in bed a couple months ago talking til 5 in the morning. i only did it to tenderize her a little she is too frigid but at least she doesn’t hug herself in photos anymore or cross her arms as much. rayminfluence is working.
rayminfluence could easily be a class. no wait i think you are already in that class. have you become more stupid or more enlightened since reading my blog?
oh yes next time i’m getting pinky metallics or something. kathy said minx needs to design a custom raymi decal and i agree and will keep repeating it until that happens. it’s that or noble peace prize. which one am i closer to?
aaand publish it’s motrin time.
+++
Dear Lauren,
You inspire me! I read about your workouts, you following your dreams, I see photographs of the art you make– and all these things you do keep me motivated to do the same things!! You often mention the negative criticism you receive from your blog, but I am here to tell you that there are many positives that result from your blog as well, so please remember this.
I wish you a very happy birthday, and may you have many, many more happy, healthy, successful years ahead of you!!
