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cleanse is over! sad face happy face proud face! don’t forget there’s this place. brb with a cleanse post.

lesbians might fall in love at 28 seconds. you have been warned.

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gaahaha this is my watching oprah face, prior to that dr. phil. so depressing. shania twain needed a hook to come out and yank her off, was kinda unimpressed by oprah’s exploitation of that woman’s apparent grief and breakdown. oh well you gotta get back on that publicity saddle somehow right?

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yeesh relax. yesterday was definitely one for the lunatic books.

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was quite stir crazy, vulnerable, pissy, claustrophobic, restless, sick sick sick and now i am coming out of it, the sun is finally shining. i hate that i am so controlled by the weather moodwise what am i a fucking witch? a new age crystal-wielding cosmos aligning weirdo no no i’m not i’m just difficult and stubborn and depression bothers the logical side of me, to me. i think i can outrun depression (ha) like i suggested we outrun mosquitos once in thunder bay, up that mountain amongst the trees when we realized we’d forgotten bug spray. rye considered it momentarily then we all laughed. that is impossible and i definitely do not nor have ever existed in a realm of reality that anybody else lives in. that’s city talk.

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we keeps it fubar.

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stew and i went to the brazenhead so he could see what the fuss is all about. i could go on and on for my love of pubs but no one would care. my soul is suburban, the majority of me is british i think i check off lots of isles over there um, i love cozy and i love drunks and staring at people while they stare at television and i like to stare at menus. i think i am going to start branding myself as the rainman of the foodie world instead of the rachel ray. rachel raymi. anyway. on to the next stupid thing now. i cannot stop thinking of chocolate. you don’t even want to know the food fetishing i’ve been doing. i’m fantasizing about having a feast, building it, LCBO food and drink magazine photography-level decadence. stacked poached eggs on beautiful toasted rye, yolks, yeah, full on obscenely depraved gorging thoughts like the fat daughter on the plane having a nightmare about food in european vacation. except mine isn’t a nightmare at all. anyway my next post will probably be 400 pictures of big macs.

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here we see the muscle definition a bit more. i am going to die in these pants. it’s like wearing spanx as an outfit. perfect for bloated at the drop of a hat person like me. SPANK YOU VERY MUCH. i will probably wear them on friday. come see for yourself.

melodie’s birthday jam!

i can’t remember what size this is. i will tell you when i take it off and check. maybe a 6. anyway last day of cleanse. seeing jeanette in a few hours and she will be re-introducing me to food, or food to me. excited and scared.

*i am pre-menses bloated here even so i am actually going to be or am leaner than seen here. could be. will be. you know what i mean.

clearly i cannot tell time at all, it was not four months ago that i bought that shirt. it was november. jesus i’m on six/seven months now. i looked like this:

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barf.

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holy shit i am soo much more defined now. seeing myself in the mirror today doing bicep curls i looked like a lithe olympiad. i can’t wait to start running. need good shoes for it.

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kay now look.

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slight of hand placement trickery. i don’t know why i bother i’m still a teenier torso. i’ll tell you my measurements in my next TMR post. mom, can you and lois come in next week for a workout?

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see how tight it was formfitting see how these are the worst before pictures to compare by holy crapola more fat pictures of me here. but then only a week or so later i was tiny maybe it was just the pigtails (totally) and a different shirt, or a fat day. who knows. what i DO know for sure is that my arms are no longer flabby, they’re huge still but toned huge. oh and i’m chiseled in the torso. washboard.

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here’s some content stock. this dude sent me questions for some piece he’s working on, women who blog in GTA, was sent to a couple other blogger chicks too and for some reason they forwarded me their responses as well to him before i had a chance to answer for myself, keeners. i do not work this way, so i didn’t read their responses, well i skimmed, and was annoyed (i do not like pre-influence from people who have been blogging for less a time than myself, it’s like my mom telling me about facebook). so without further ado, here is the headspace i was in many weeks ago:

How long have you been blogging and what is your blog called?

Ten years. Raymitheminx.com. I’ve been blogging for ten years.

Do you make money off your blog if so how?

Absolutely, it’s my prime source of income. I’m a full time blogger workaholic psychopath. whups i forgot to expand on this part. if so how? ugh annoying. companies spend zillions trying to figure out how to crack the internet money making code and i’m supposed to just reveal my secrets (that aren’t so secret) or summarize ten years for you? i am too bitchy to expand upon this right now also i think the answers should be obvious as they were to me ten fucking years ago when i started this stupid fucking blog and why nobody else seems to be able to surmise it on their own just makes me unbelievably bonkers like i wanna do a symposium and when it’s my turn to speak just roll my eyes at the audience and call them idiots. woah rageahol. told you.

What sorts of clientele do you attract via your online persona?

High end, wary of me corporate-types. Cool hip elite degenerates. Creative young impressionable artists. Socialite, literary celebrities, musicians, actors, scenesters, admirers, haters, little raymis, perverts, trolls. Split even female/male audience, tipped in the favour of females, ideal target market.

How do you feel about terms like “blogosphere” and “new media” and “social media”?

I feel like, duh, what’s your point? Because I’ve been around for so long, I feel that others have been asleep at the wheel, which is why I have affected this chip on my persona’s shoulder. I’m proud and psyched about the next whatever direction it’s all going to take. Psyched for the future, I mean that honestly. This decade dot com era has a kinetic energy and I have a huge invested personal stake, it’s exciting.

With blogs exploding over the last 3-4 years in Toronto alone, do you feel any sense of duty or legitimacy since you have been doing it longer (this might not apply to all of you if this is the case please don’t feel bad or get mad).

I think it’s great. I like being a blog grandmother. I like that I was in the right place at the right time. And I like that I have the right makeup; equal parts creative and business savvy with stubborn determination. The more blogs that sprout up, the more I excel, as they inspire me and force me to ride the crest of the tidalwave. I always wanted to be a rock star, so this is my band.

Some blogs are getting funding now, like Steel Bananas and Joyland and other things like that. What do you think of this Government financial intervention?

This is the first news of that to me. I am an independent contractor, and like any other operating business, say, Stan’s Grocery or Mary’s Marmalades, that’s them, this is me, and I have a drive to make money, publish a book, and expand. Great, cool. This country has money for its art, and more people should be making art. If it takes federal funding to make that happen, so be it.

there’s a bonus question i’m working on now. time to get pretentious! just walked the dog and now she is in love with me again.

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i’m sick. i thought it might just be a mini one. not so. throughout the early evening my sickness expedited itself. i think it’s moving through me faster because i am cleanse detox clean as a whistle?

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teacher is going on a date tonight. well at first, last week, he said he was hanging with his bud which i quickly figured out was a lie and asked if it would be problematic if i was here, maybe he’ll have to go f(inger)-bang (his problems away, inside PBC joke) at hers, i mean “his” insert dude’s name there instead.

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it’s pretty saboteur of me to keep coming ’round here like i do. so what we are friends and i know i’m #1. now he can go with all the pieces of internet dating trash he wants.

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you better come up with a back up for getting over me type thing. no. that’s cruel. we’ve just eclipsed dating or i got my way into the friend zone, down with his homies too. don’t let a girl do that to you if you are in love with her because your friends will continuously throw your needing to wean off of her under the fucking bus daily. it’s complicated is the short of it. i am addicted to complicated. i was born complicated. i came out of my mom so fast i fucked up the doctor’s shoes and was like, that’s right.

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the teacher drove me to metro yesterday to buy sick supplies. i said i am dyiiiiing. he said no don’t cos you know i’ll be brushing your hair then. !! i go what?? he said yeah there’s a high probability of me keeping you around for a little bit, so don’t die. i said i am going to put that on my blog and he’s like go ahead. i said i would ask my audience if i should be scared or worried. haha sure psycho. this is all going to end in a big messy disaster or i just get to abuse and treat him like shit for life. it’s twisted, i know. it’s because he’s a teacher, he has to boss people around all day. it’s like when cops see dominatrixes or anyone in a position of authority likes s&m, they need to get it back. works for me! i would absolutely love to scream in a judge’s face, horrible dehumanizing degrading insults. so fun. then a stack of money in an envelope. you know my email, i’ll be discreet lulz. i’m already celibate too, that’s another beauty, no boning.

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i watched fear and loathing in las vegas last night for the first time amidst a hayfever 24 hour sniffle head fog delirium. it was a bit much. a lot much. i also went out as hunter s. saturday night. i love how this photographer has accurately captured my donkey/unicorn likeness. thank you. we watched narnia last night (somehow i missed out on the caspian one) when i arrived to teacher’s from my “friend’s” aka date. so much lying going on!

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i took a ton of pictures just now and i look like an overtired garbage truck in the majority of them. pre-menses, sick haggard on top of cleanse = am i finally showing my age now? (een told a lot lately that i am looking 24/25 and that some of my peers might be lying about their age cos they are looking wretched. mean!!!!) oh the lovely self esteem ups and downs. one day PMS land will exist, stay away from the nightmare fun house what with the fat water retaining pig giants that chase you down the haunted hall of fat mirrors AGHH!

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melodie opening my birthday gift. i want to take her to a spa. any spas out there wanting a blog feature of model melodie and raymbo bright floatin’ around in mud and white towels ahem, raymi at raymitheminx . com you know it.

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i lost a client cos of this bullshit. so square and backward.

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what country do we live in again? a fascist regime one apparently? why are you advertising with me? who made people aware of you? i know it was your lawyer, married into the family lawyer too who freaked out but when i told this to many people they found it beyond laughable. what was the big deal i was just making a pizza anyway haha THAT WAS OREGANO!

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lady gaga just came out that she smokes weed when she writes songs. i said SEE! to my mom and she goes ONLY WHEN SHE IS CREATING! um. how the hell do you think these posts get written daily? sometimes i have the harshest writer’s block, so i sit down and go through my pictures from last night and then he story reveals itself. passages and doorways in my head open up and i remember. something will be triggered and i decide ok do i go emo, do i expand on that gibberish or do i keep going ADD all the way. i went on a date with a celebrity this year. he writes his content, the show, and gets lit everyday while doing it and this show is on a conservative and big known network, with high (lol) ratings, everybody watches it. i find this hilarious. i also have photos of the entire date from start to finish to morning after walk of fame. we shared a doob on my way out, both off to our monastic secret stoner worlds of writing. he was a good lay.

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i think i exercise my brain too much. i told my shrink that i have to change it up. he was impressed and amazed at my sobriety. i said i had been doing some cheating here and there but all in all i was a completely different person than the one who manically unloaded on him six weeks ago.

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i write choose your own adventure type posts. i begin several stories at once and finish none of them. each one containing something heavy along with and i freak myself out of divulging the rest of the story.

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this is me trying to hide how sick i am and feel. i was clogged up and it was making me feel disgusting, unattractive. there was no chemistry between us. we sat like statues watching his stupid idea of a movie for a second date. self indulgent drug bender garbage, hey man, i prefer my own highs, listening to your trip is just as boring as listening to your dreams. i do not care.

he thought he had lead me on. the thing abut date culture is, you become privy to information about yourself bespoke by someone who does not at all know you, handfuls of mini-immediate judgments offered on your way out, it’s so unnecessary and rude. i am proud that i have more manners than the majority of people out there, say or think what you want of me but honestly, i can paint any and all of you in such a horrific light you would actually have a nervous breakdown from the bad that i see in you yet choose to overlook and ignore. long story short, you shittier than me!

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he said i needed to be with someone creative. funny, i never even said i wanted to be with him. i said the only difference between us is i am not narrow-minded, he agreed. he had a big problem with my taking pictures and i took very few. i was repulsed by that. i said you know, it’s only going to get worse, you must adapt along with society and not expect it to adapt to you. he’s late thirties, i find older guys are very stubborn if they’re not on internet board. it’s an inferiority complex slightly, like, there’s a big legendary party they never went to. they fail to see it’s not too late. he basically inferred that he couldn’t handle raymi the minx. a girlfriend on the internet (jealous, can’t control her) so i said ok i am out of here and left. he’s like, did i upset you that much? no, i am sick, i don’t want to watch this movie, you’re frosty and wasting my time. i could see being his friend but if he can’t handle photos then that’s a chunk of my content time gone and if he’s going to make pissy observations then why even bother? i stopped myself from yawning when he was talking about his job, you know. he said he was feeling me, just can’t get over the photos. wow so amazingly lame and i refuse to stop doing what i do. it’s like i love you, now change! no.

i sensed this fight on the horizon so i made it happen. i stoked the flames. i would be miserable forever if i was with this guy, emoteless and then i couldn’t even take pictures of my plight? FUCK THAT capital F-U-C-K THAT-A-TAT-TAT! how controlling. he said that photos distracted me. whaaat? also that he doesn’t capture his life. which i find absurd and stupid. in this digital age, it didn’t happen if you don’t have photos. it’s BECAUSE of photos that i get to have this wonderful life that i live. you know what my job is right now? my actual job is CLEANSING. isn’t that amazing? and then after that it will be something else fun and unique. i get to design my job by the week, whatever i want. sky’s the limit not no fucking guy, limiting me. so, this guy was my first date in two/three months. i gave it a second chance because it was my first date in two-ish months. i am green again. next time i will go with my immediate gut instincts. i have no time for dating, it isn’t even secondary on my list of priorities right now. as lonely as i get and as frequent as my late-twenties going to die alone and ugly barren spinster nightmares arise (every half hour) i am not going on date sprees again. i have to put me first. which is why when teacher comes home tonight if i am here i will probably razz the shit out of him in an unhealthy way. i am torture incarnate. i shouldn’t be here. he drives me insane, but i cannot be alone and i am too lazy to go on dates. i am a fucking asshole. his friend said he should break up with me (few weeks ago) and he’s like nooo but i love herrrr. i am like that abusive boyfriend you lost your friend to, you just have to let it die on its own, there is no reasoning, period. except, i’m not his girlfriend. simply just walking across the room is power over him enough but we are friends. i keep justifying it in my head like that. he said ok you’re not my girlfriend but maybe someday you will be. do not feed my ego like that.

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obnoxious. yes a classic but for this time it wouldn’t fly. there’s nothing insightful about drug use. we’ve already learned that it makes advertisers jumpy. i have a lascivious article sitting on a shelf cos it’s too provocative, waiting on a certain advertiser, ok well clean it up then. no no we like it the way it is. ughhhhh. too edgy, not edgy enough. fuck it. i have never cow-towed i’m not going to start now.

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accident close-up.

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my sweatshirt is adorable. better keep your boyfriends away from me.

ha kidding.

CLEANSE DAY 14 is on thursday. i am two days away. thankfully i have minimal appetite today. i might be having cleanse-ending anxiety i am afraid i will balloon right up. Jeanette has been wonderful and amazing, we’re meeting up tomorrow. i know lots of you have questions so don’t waste her time but i’m sure jeanette would be happy to help guide you in your own cleanse/detox/fasting pursuit. i am proof that it works and worked. she has many other clients successfully on cleanse, post-cleanse. i want to do this again very soon. my program is somewhat extended. i’ll be on probiotics and other intestinal drawing pills, they’re at home i forget what they’re called. anyway she has a facebook page so like it and find other hippies like you to talk about shakes with.

maybe i’ll have a bawwwwwwwwth now.

alright one more. i am sick. bath time. i am starving too and dying for food but the huge mug of veg broth i just pounded filled me up i am adamant about closing the cleanse off with a strong finish. i think i might be addicted to restrictions.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4fAnhv3JrVM

i think this goes on a bit long but teacher says it’s hot so whatever. enjoy. i used to do this song for karaoke all the time and choreographed an entire dance to it with kristi in my diningroom when i was a teenager. COOL! should i lead a hole cover/tribute band? obvious answer is yes.