merkley and i were just arguing over who has less friends, something we talk about at least once a month, and, while i do have friends i feel like i don’t have real friends like the friends i have they have other friends that they hang with more frequently than me you know call each other daily how are you doing type friends where with me it’s more transient and i guess i am jealous of the former, the only friends i seem to be capable of attracting are annoying sucky boring hangers-oners types, ones that are the complete opposite of reliable and have absolutely nothing to offer (lise i am not talking about you heh). cos lise is a friend that has other REAL FRIENDS. so is sharpie. i guess i am referring back to when i lived in oakville and sauga perhaps.

days when you are completely sucky and depressed you want a friend to just completely distract you from it but then turns out your friend is beyond incapable because they are waaay more depressed and they just make you feel worse these types fucking annoy me, cos when i am moody i suck it up and seclude myself until the wave is over, i don’t want to infect anyone with that shit. i have depression pride i suppose like yeah i’m a miserable mess but no one has to actually witness it, that’s just selfish.

so days when i do need to hang i end up not hanging cos i know i will not be good company, then other times when i am unsure of my emotional stability i wing it and meet up with someone and then go into a sadness spiral cos they did not measure up to my fun standards.

you see, this is going to sound so self-righteous ungh, people like me “bipolar” people such as i, are extremely talented when it comes to having fun and making jokes and laughing 95% of the time, those times are very high, but the remaining 5% is totally low in comparison, while for a “regular” “normal” person that 5% would be a typical day you know, satisfactory, but to me/us it is complete anguish, sort of.

someone will be like what’s wrong and you are like OH EVERYTHING and OH EVERYTHING means some minor thing that happened two weeks ago you are finally blowing up about and then after going over every single minute detail for 2 hours you feel all better but still your day is tainted and 95% fun-time will not be happening.

this concludes friday’s bipolar manic depression lesson.

i should compile a best of writing about having no friends posts and make a drop-down menu for them and then people can leave me comments saying always HEY IM YOUR FRIEND when i bring it up but then it goes back to normal them not being my friend calling, writing etc like um no you are not my friend actually

i made gin and san pellegrino w/ cucumber drinks last nite and i am making up for it now i was having one of those dehydration dreams where i am drinking from a gallon of store-bought going to the cottage water jug then i woke up and thought mmm san pellegrino would be so refreshing right now SO TOTALLY WRONG so to make up for it i chugged some two day opened coke, v. bad idea. now i have this acid reflux nausea bullshit and i am still pretty thirsty but i think i will wait til i feel normal again before drinking anything else.

yesterday i exchanged that ugly shirt for a skirt and new tights these girls were all OMG whatever happened to just plain regular black tights meanwhile i am clutching white with black polka dotted tights, i was crouching down and they were standing above me at the socks/tights kiosk and i guess felt superior, but then i stood and was a thousand feet taller and they immediately became very humbled and stopped talking.

with our hmv certificate i got the cat power cd, office space and lock stock and two smoking barrels dvds, i also grabbed hulk cos it was only 7.99, fil is going to return it he says though i bet he will eventually succumb to comic book super hero temptation and open it.

puberty what’s that?

movie theatre wii sports

unicycle dance

gross alert too drunk

raymi: i want to dye my hair

fil: no i like the colour that it is

raymi: you don’t even know what colour it is right now i just want a change i want a white stripe in my hair like rogue

fil: ew no you’ll look like an old lady

raymi: i already AM an old lady nobody likes me anymore not even you

fil: …

raymi: thanks for confirming that with silence

i think that i will draw george clooney next i figure the majority of my readership are cougs who would like to masturbate to a drawing i did of george clooney, no? samir said i need to do bigger portraits so i bought bigger canvases i am going to do some massive ones eventually, i am aiming for a spring art show this time I MEAN IT.

i am pissed off cos i wrote this funny little anecdote about how fil and i are taking turns correcting each other and he said it made him look stupid yet he is allowed to make me look stupid all the time on his blog. ANGRY.

from here on in i am no longer blogging about fil so say goodbye to my blog.

did anyone watch that beauty and the geek show last nite? man it is uncomfortable to watch. those girls are stupid as hell and those guys are just too too nerdy i bet it’s fake it’s just not possible to be that nerdy/dumb.

good morning raymi

guess who stayed home from work again? i can tell he is on the road to recovery cos he has gotten his bossing me around energy back as well as his pointless corrections and never ending questioning the way i do something ability ahh true love. for example:

fil: why did you open the kittens calendar?

raymi: cos i needed to know what day it is

fil:??

raymi: i need another one of those desk calendars where you pull the pages away everyday

fil: and you don’t have a computer calendar?

raymi: no the only way i know the day is if i write on my blog or go to gmail or myspace

fil: cbc?

raymi: whatever

so yeah the black dahlia was pretty much garbage we had to watch it on subtitles cos fil refused to put the surround speakers on and i couldn’t hear the majority of the dialogue cos fil kept coughing anyway despite all that i doubt i would have been able to hear anything anyway it’s one of those mumbling movies hey maybe it could go on a date with miami vice?

it wasn’t all that bad it’s decent enough entertainment but the campy oldschool acting is completely fucking off you will probably be angry the majority of the film. hilary swank does a good accent. uh. there’s lesbo shit too with nudity, score on that. scarlett johansson is a meh in this one.

when you watch the bonus features you learn that the dude who wrote the book that this movie is based on, he made everything up, so that’s a piss-off right there cos you’re forced to learn about zoot suit riots and all this extra bullshit of the times and turns out it bears no significance whatsoever to the story.

that would be like me writing a holocaust novel and putting cotton candy faeries in it and unicorns and elves and other bullshit just because i was fascinated by them? how fucking selfish and arrogant is that other than extremely.

omg bees! and i REALLY wanted to swing today! apparently dude is severely allergic to bees i didn’t know there were two types of allergic, severe and severely? how about calling the bee police next time so you don’t have to pollute the environment so much way to go america.

i’m running out of blog motivation so here is a list of things i just purchased:

red wine
three canvases
olive loaf bread
spiced gouda
hot salami
caesar salad mix/bag
paper towels
coke
oj
vitamin c halls
rapid relief tylenol gel caps
espresso
three microwave cuisines i forget the names of nor don’t care about
rented the black dahlia which will probably be stupid

there’s a new click klak store on bloor and i stopped myself from buying something well i wasn’t intending to buy anything anyway it’s been there for over a month i dunno how i didn’t notice maybe walking with my head lowered has something to do with it. now we are going to take three weeks worth+ of recycling downstairs.

i am in a bad mood.

fil said he would watch me play wii sports after him playing zelda all damn day long i tricked him into agreeing by saying I AM PLAYING WII SPORTS AND YOU CAN WATCH and then we argued and i said FUCK IT THEN then he had time to think about it some and i broke the silence by saying i told off someone in my comments for disagreeing with the amount of pepper i ground onto the tomatoes anyway he said he will watch me play for a bit. oh and not to mention the fact that i went grocery shopping. i have a three day sickness window and what fil has now is ever-lasting tomorrow i will set up a tent on the balcony to avoid fight explosions. me pre-menstrual + sick fil = just wait and see.

i can tell i am pre-menstrual cos something like the amount of pepper i use and disagreeing with it can make me fly off the fucking handle i’m one of those has a major flip out a la tom cruise in jerry maguire and then gets sent to anger management for a year types.