i will probably paint over the word BILBO what the fuck is that? i’m going to add more little drawings of things to it and paint them all in. when i am painting i think of emo things to write about, stories mainly, for example paperback writer was on itunes and i was thinking that that is how i communicate with my dead grandparents or my memories of them by listening to the beatles then i was like what is this right now the bell jar? the only way i could get away with writing shit like that would be as a fictional character in a book and then everyone falls in love with that character, emoisms and all OH I LOVE JODY SHE WEARS LONG BILLOWY DRESSES AND HANGS IN THE SHADE ON HOT SUMMER DAYS SHE IS WHIMSICAL AHHHHHH.
cos i’m losing weight FINALLY yesterday i decided oh i can go out with my face exactly as it looked when i woke up with all the make-up i fell asleep in including tomato sauce from the night before on my chin and scraggily rolled through a field down the longest hill ever on speed hair, all i had to do is wear my huge octogenarian yenta sunglasses and a fugly toque. bingo. i’m wearing the jacket fil got me two christmases ago from le chateau these days that i stopped wearing cos i thought it made me look like a sexless potato, it had this faux fur collar attachment that i took off so now it is a detective jacket anyway the point of this is you cannot go out looking like that in the fucking winter cos by the time you get home your face is penis red pink (ahaha) and your hair is crazy ugly looking and if you met up with one of your friends they would be all uh what is going on in your life these days? you can pull it off in EARLY spring on a cloudy day but you cannot get sweaty at all cos if you do your hair turns greasy and your carefree thrown together outfit looks scary.
hello cid
anyway i am enjoying dressing like a homeless man. i was waiting for fil at union station in the doorway upstairs and this homeless guy was eating a hotdog staring at the wall, he turned and gave me “the nod” and i gave it back to him. i think he could tell that i am one degree away from being full-blown crazy myself, maybe that’s why homeless people make me feel antsy, everyone else too.
i am finally adding little drawings to the canvas i painted last week, i hope i don’t fuck it up. it’s going to be a collection of various bullshit drawings, nobody famous, sorry kids.
OH i got some good eavesdroppings from last nite and here they are:
this chick was leaning on my jacket and chair talking to this dude behind me at the bar waiting to order drinks and she says SO I AM SUPPOSE TO HOOK UP WITH THIS GUY TOMORROW AND I SENT HIM AN EMAIL TODAY AND I CALLED HIM AND HE DIDN’T REPLY OR ANSWER and the kid says to her OH IS THIS THE FORTY YEAR OLD GUY? she says yes (clearly they are both age 19-21) and they both laugh and the kid/dude cockblocks saying WELL HE IS PROBABLY TOO BUSY WRITING HIS WILL.
cid kept looking at my new retard velour shirt like it was a friendly couch to sleep on so he is having a time out right now. i wasn’t sure if i’d keep the shirt it’s kind of like something nerds wore in preschool, i guess that’s what makes it “cool” anyway too late i took off the tag just now. this is the one i got, in navy, small.
last nite at the bar i was spacing out fil was in the john and these two cougs are like staring at me and smiling and i’m sort of ignoring them checking them with my peripheral vision and one goes HAD A TOUGH DAY? all sweet and i look at her and go WHO ME and then realise she is staring at this dude standing behind me and the entire bar erupts in laughter like we are all in on this funny joke so i say WHAT DO I LOOK LIKE A LOSER referring to my being in a daze sitting by myself, despite the joke already had passed, so the answer to my question was YES.
i bought the good the bad and the queen yesterday so far it is meh i’m glad i didn’t buy the $35 tickets, the show is at the koolhaus, that place makes me anxious and on top of that i would be even more anxious going into the pit of poseurs trying to get all these good pictures of damon albarn. not fun. the only way i would go back to koolhaus is if i had guestlist and/or i REALLY wanted to see whatever band was playing.
i told fil that we have to do it at least every other nite from now on whether we want to or not, for exercise. last nite in trying to get him to walk to the store for me to get me smokes i said OK YOU CAN CUM IN MY HAIR and he said he could do that anyway i said no not anymore you can’t from now on you need permission then i realised i was speaking really fucking loud to the whole bar.
Your quote today: People have told me, family even, that i just have to fucking deal with it that i am never going to be famous or whatever so i should just suck it up and do something else. i have a lot of anger still about that, a lot of fuck yous to be handed out in the future, basically.
I know the relate. Failing grade 8 and 9 once each. Quitting in grade 11 because I couldn’t stand school and lived in a fucked up house. Later, at 21 telling people that I was going to go back to school and get a degree or so….so many fucking naysayers gave me more fucking fuel than I needed. Years later after having recieved two degrees with honors and a great career out of the deal I see the fucks and laugh. Over all, I did it to prove something to myself. And no, university isn’t the be all end all…its just what I had to do for me.
woah good for you dude what do you do if you dont mind me asking yeah peoples stupid comments are great motivating factors and help push you to succeed they think theyre bringing you down and they are but mostly theyre helping you better yourself haha
Ironically, I’m a school teacher. Grade 6. I say ironically because I was a little bastard to the teachers when I was a student. Smoking lots of dope and partying all the time on weekends. Now I’m paying my dues. Its a good gig. Money’s decent. I work with good people. Plus, I get to play floor hockey with the kids at lunch to keep my arse in shape.
Another perk is that I have a wireless computer right here on my desk so when I get all my work done and the kids are working on something I get to read Raymitheminx for afternoon entertainment. Not too shabby.
holy fuck i go out for a few hours and come home to this and then i sent it to everyone on my gchat and they are all yeah we knew that an hour ago pfft.
how tragic depressing and disturbing. i had this funny little my day out post to write but i would feel like a cad if i did that now too bad it was cute.
FINE i bought a new shirt from american apparel and i asked the sales girl how it looked on me and if the colour was ok and she was like meh where are you going to wear it out just anywhere? and then i got in my head that she was imagining me wearing it somewhere cool and how stupid everyone thought i looked ok SEE how dumb that is compared to anna nicole smith’s death!?
i get interviewed all the time right cos i’m insightful and other things so here is some blog filler and if you are a highschooler doing a report on blogging, you can copy my answers and make them your own, i mean, what is the internet for if not for stealing?
how effervescent or durable is the process [blogging]? how effervescent or durable is the fame?
you are using some ridiculous words here this is a joke right? is anything in life durable, or permanent? i’d like to think i’m establishing something with all this work i put into my blog, laying the foundation, i dunno, something like it, something so i won’t have to always explain myself to people who do not blog or read them, cos a blog isn’t concrete, is it, so it can be difficult to convey to people what the draw is, what my deal is. when you say oh i won some blog awards to them it’s like i was mentioned in the yearbook as funniest girl, it’s something, but mostly nothing. the concensus i find is that blogging is frivolous and not worth the time, which i completely disagree with. this thought typically comes out of the mouths of those inept, lacking in creativity and originality type people. seeing you create makes them feel lazy about themselves or sad that they didn’t end up doing the one thing they set out to do in life, so they project their insecurities about that onto you. i know i’m going off mark here, but this is how i feel about it, from a personal standpoint, people have told me, family even, that i just have to fucking deal with it that i am never going to be famous or whatever so i should just suck it up and do something else. i have a lot of anger still about that, a lot of fuck yous to be handed out in the future, basically.
the worst thing about being a blogger: is it the shameless self-promotion? (that’s what my brother says.)
well your brother isn’t very smart cos WORST and SHAMELESS are oxymorons, aren’t they? there is nothing bad about shamelessness, why waste time feeling shame, i don’t understand. i like to think that i have a unique style to my self-promoting ways, that my fuck you pay attention buy into me is funny haha, and at the end of the day if people aren’t they can tell me to fuck off, it’s not going to hold me back. blogs are self-promoting cos they originated as and still are journals, go to your aunt’s house, find her journals, read them, who are they about? YOUR AUNT. a blog is the same but it is on a computer on the internet, get over it.
we played guitar hero again last nite don’t worry i won’t write about it again EVEN THOUGH I JUST DID OH SNAP.
i finished off the irish whiskey cos i am a rock and roller and fil had orange juice.
a ten year old left me a comment yesterday, i hope it was someone fucking with me.
i am in a spending money mood i think i might go do that seeing as i am up a bit earlier today. i have to finish a canvas and buy some more. i want to buy new clothes. you fucks not wanting my raymistore selections i am just going to leave them all in a bag on the street or something, i have too much shit i don’t wear. so far the crazy dress and green sweater are takers.
still haven’t had a cigarette no i haven’t quit i am just lazy and it is winter i am however more boogery and phlegmy cos of it, not cool.
