the following is a three-part tweet story with a bonus “nothing important” tweet for good measure. #respect. (read it bottom top thanks).

Ps. my Last V-Spot. Another one is coming out tomorrow I think.

Now, the reason why this is so good is because the ad has effectively tugged on my heart strings. My “I want that” has shifted to I need that. This yearning has compounded from the child getting up and reaching, the setting location of Piccadilly Circus which is already romantic escape enough as is but I am looking to an airplane jet-setting off to Spain and thinking of drinking caipirinhas.

READ THE REST

Hope your Monday was killer.

We had an amazing awkward hotkward lunch party on Friday. Supes awks and hilarious. I’m hoarding some majorly awkward photos from that day I’ll spread around tomorrow at work can’t wait. BEST.

I work right beside that blue recycle bin to the left you can’t see it though. Hipster girl is so not a hipster irl is why it’s funny/awkward. She almost went goth. Two bros wore wigs of mine. There were some intense get-ups.

Buffets are awkward enough too, no? Yes. I had barrettes on too.

Said Courtney Love barrettes left over from said costume and barrettes borrowed from said niece who cleaned me out of a lot of my coolest items I am still discovering here and there and blowing a gasket about. My black keys shirt!>!!? COME ON SON! No. Just no.

Here I am being awkwardly amazing for my senior kindergarden birthday party. My brother and I have ten day apart b-days so we always threw joint gala affairs that were off the chizzle. Our friends all had a sibling of the same gender and age as us/each other so it was like a no-brainer. This party in particular is filmed and we watched it a lot because of everyone was dressed ridiculous for the time, like mega-fashion look out!!! was happening everywhere you looked and it was all terrible. It was basically The Wedding Singer I am pretty sure that movie was based on this party from when I was in kindergarden that is all I am just saying relax cut it out don’t have a cow man play some Michael Jackson.

I cannot get over my face here. It is epic. Perfection. I am jealous.

We agreed we were reversies Mary Kate and Ashley Olsens as each girl plays the opposite to what they are IRL in character on film or tv – edgy plays reserved and vise versa and sooo not to be insulting but obvs I’m the edgy one here not that I am bragging I would so totally much prefer being a sleeper and come in with less noise but that is not the way shit rolls so whatever.

I have wanted this purse since I was 27. That is how lazy I am. Sister bought it for me as a surprise when she left Canada I think I’ll probably bring it there it’s a great size compared to the dorky little thing bf got me.

Us in MTL. Miss my Papa so much already can’t believe it. I’m going to read at the service wish me luck. Beside him is my great grandfather, papa’s dad. J Kerouac’s Uncle. Closer relation. He was such a man, my mom’s absolute hero she adored. Oh man so many emotions. Asked my mom why we all looked like Home Improvement. Nana laughed, she got that one! Cool vest mom.

One of my dance recitals. My mom dressed me or fought to, like seriously? Thanks for that. Your personal style also lacked.

I was work clothes shopping the one day in between my papa’s passing and this night we were called late to hospital so I was a trainwreck the next day at work I think I left early it is kind of a blur. Then the next day I left early because he died that day. It has been all business and not much time to allow it to sink in, it has been a crazy week. Yesterday I was a wreck too everything hit me. I try not to stay too present in the moment because I can so make myself get emotional just like that. I love my work it takes me away and everyone is wonderful.

We had no idea at this point. Thought he might get better, he wasn’t out of the woods but it was assumed less touch and go. All these gentle hospital sayings to distract from the awful reality. I had this similar experience before too with a better outcome from another family member, the jarring-ness never changes no matter who it is you are always fleeing through the hospital in a panic. I granted myself access to entering the emerge via side nurse station. Fuck that I am not waiting death doesn’t wait. Okay I’ll stop now time for a drink.

Since I last blogged, the worst and unexpected thing happened that you might probably know about already and it has been difficult to blog since then – for lack of time, want, as well as not knowing how to dive back into it. Cutting off a post midway is always unwise, and lazy. Trying to continue the story with images of your last weekend is hard enough, more so when you know it’s only going to lead you to a dark place, a sad one.

I posted this on my FB, if you’re my friend you’ve read/liked and/or commented on it already. Thanks so much for your kind words and support during this difficult time. It still has not fully sunk in and I doubt any of us will be getting over it any time soon.

My Dearest Papa, you were the sweetest most gentle of men – so kind and, so very calm. You raised us up when we were down and always had such beautiful wisdom to impart when we felt lost, you found us with your bright outlook. Even if we did not know ourselves, you knew us well – I was always amazed by the things you shared, not a thought ever spared. You took the time to comfort your family in times of need, you were just always there and it is such a privilege ever having known you Papa. You taught me if I dressed like a lady I would be treated like one, so I stopped dressing like a complete slob at 15 I never forgot that. You told me about your paintings from your many travels with Nana and your sentimentality has certainly spread to all the rest of us sensitive fools. It was so hard to say goodbye to you today, you were so special to me and a hero to us all. I have faith and hope that Nana can be strong right now, we are all rallying around her – know that you are so loved, appreciated, adored and admired. We were all there at the final moment and happy that you could be comforted, not alone, or in pain as you went. I will always cherish the last weekend visit we spent with you and doubt that Christmas tree is ever going to come down.

Even though my heart is breaking I am happy that it is an angel of which I’m writing about, before and ever after – you were an angel in life. Je t’aime Papa. May you rest in peace and we will meet again. Your inner and outer beauty lives on, as well your incredible hairline. Love you forever, Lauren.

It’s really hard looking at these pictures. They stir up a lot of emotions and feelings about this wonderful man. I’ll just get on with wrapping up the ones I have left over from the weekend before I head over to my Nana’s.

I was pretty zonked on Saturday yet had energy but there was no way I was going to miss out on the tree. That weekend is crystal clear in my mind.

My mom said she has no idea how this martini glass turned out to be so large-seeming and yeah it looks huge but it’s just “normal” size.

The next day we went to the hospital… My uncle bought this bear.

You’d be surprised by the nice things one can purchse at the hospital shoppe. Nana calls it the shop, like just going ’round to the shoppes. So British that gal.

Papa and I had a nice talk about this painting and he told me he would tell me the rest about it later and repeated it as a promise that he would be around later to tell it and I had the distinct feeling that he would not and resisted the urge to insist on hearing the rest, about the painter, but it didn’t really matter. What only mattered to me was just sitting with him and talking by the Christmas tree, it was relaxing. I will probably cry like a baby all night long when I go there.

Of all the ornaments and xmas-y shit we unpack and put up annually, this mouse is the most important thing and we became increasingly agitated until it was located in the last box. I stole it when I was about 4, I can’t remember where from. It was almost discarded and seemed like it was meant for me to take, I might even have found it in the neighbourhood park but I gave it to Nana to keep the heat off me and my guilt/shame likely erased its origin.

See, he’s busy. It’s no secret my family is comprised of eccentric sentimental weirdos so it makes sense that the importance and value of this shitty mangy mouse is off the charts. I was like, Nana, you BETTER FIND IT and she was all I KNOW! Then my mom got in on it and was like OMG WHERE IS IT! bahah. And I swear to god if it ever goes missing/gets thiefed, the world will stop.

It’s so precious that we’re afraid to display it too much out in the open. I will probably stroke its hair and nose until it’s bald plastic gahahha. Nana used to keep it in the xmas seasonal branches and flowers at the bottom of the stairs and if you were in-the-know you’d see Santa Mouse as you went up the stairs, you might even say hi or make a funny squeaky talky voice for him. I might have missed my children’s tv show calling in life.

That’s your hero. I could have easily worn this sweater today at work for awkward lunch work party. Man that was fun and a much welcome distraction.

I bought Nana that bird in a cage you know that already if you’re a Little Raymi thuper fan. Notice how I only talk about all the crap that I buy Nana like I am a saint? Whatever. What the hell did you get her? Exactly.

I am trying very hard not to bum myself out about this right now. I’ll just stick to narcissism. One of the many best things about my Papa is he encouraged my mom and I with our photography, never ever ever said anything snarky about it like so many other people in fact he’d say that my mom needs her own studio. He was so fucking nice like that it was so touching to hear all his commentary, normally there’s at least three other people talking all at once I would always zero in on him though and clear the airspace, tell everyone to shut up Papa is talking. People just aren’t classy in their youth, or as classy you know we talk with gutter mouths, like garbage sometimes so I view their verbal diarrhea as pollution, offensive noise especially when someone so gentle and sweet is speaking who means so much to me and every time I ever last saw him my heart would hurt because I knew it wouldn’t be long.

I see some of him in my face sometimes too. I see all of my family but certain hallmark features, like eyebrows, are him. Almond shaped eyes, that are tiny. Sometimes I think we hold our mouths and smile similarly too.

In the one below, where he isn’t featured I see him. I think when my pupils go big, when I’m on coffee and the smile, teeth?

Anyway do you like these poses?

Nana is owning me at the pose off. Look at mine.

Do you think Nicki Minaj would be my internet celebrity friend on account of our shared interest in singing?

They were best friends to the very end. He was 84. I have never seen anyone be together that long. Married 57 years. I’ll get back to you on that if I am off by a year or two.

Nice one Eddie.

Miss you terribly already.

He played Santa every year. I remember my first year sitting on his lap hearing all about the North Pole for a solid hour, I was enchanted, mesmerized and kind of knew by the end it was him but still this man, my papa, was a magical man to me, kinda Santa and my Papa at the same time and I was already having such a dope ass time chilling with my cousin and family then, uh oh, Big Bird shows up – my big Christmas gift and it nexted everyone else that year. You played a cassette in his back and he was a sister (brother) to Teddy Ruxpin (for dweebs!) that year. My papa had to put white in his eyebrows to commit, and he did. Everyone else had Grandpas with white hair and mine had dark black hair with a french man’s widow’s peak, like Dracula. There is a picture of this moment I will share later.

The next day we got a call and I didn’t realize it wasn’t a routine hospital thing, my mom and Janet at once were like HOSPITAL WHY?? They know my Nana and Papa’s routine, I slept over with my mom that night (we are buddies, we hang) and so we rushed to the hospital frantically, he just had pneumonia out of nowhere because the day before he seemed completely fine.

My uncle. Okay I gotta go sorry for blabbing your face off bye.

Me today.

Also and me right now. Watch it. Listen. I have to write the eulogy tonight and the obituary.

Stay sweet.

It’s a Nana thing continues…

Every year we do Nana’s tree, you do it once and she’s all, again please. SO it’s a thing. You can’t back out. I was ass tired on Saturday but I soldiered up, put on a collared shirt and headed over. Now that I’m a superstar with a proper job plus other cousins were over I could duck out the odd while to have a tree decorating beer/champers breather. It was a delightful dysfunctional family thing-thang of a day. The Kerouac are very expressive people, never a dull moment.

These will be in Craymi order of events, as I pillaged my mom’s FB pictures after the fact of uploading my own snaps from the day/kend. Went out to eat after the tree because everyone ate the perogies Nana made while I was talking to Papa about those special deep topics one shares with their grandfather because you never know how much longer they have left, as effectively stated and repeated by my mother and Nana for the last decade. I needed to go out for real food after all that champagne. Plus drink more.

Oh boy what a drama (that’s what we say in Holland) and while trying not to get too personal about it, my grandfolks are at that age. Mom and I both received private number missed calls, my sound was on silent and she didn’t answer hers but it was Nana from hospital. We went with my Uncle and we were all kind of crazy about it, in disbelief, scared, nervous, stressed and chugging along. We look to the adventure aspect side to things to self-preserve and we knew it wasn’t “the moment” but it still gave us a scare that is for sure. Emotional roller coaster weekend.

Well at least you look fabulous mom.

Life is precious, blabbity blah. I have wanted to spend more time with my Nana and Papa for awhile now, I have not seen my own friends in the city in awhile either, since a long while and as each weekend slips away from me for this, to do that, I am reminded that it is family that will always come first. Friday I was a disaster and exhausted Saturday for it. Sometimes I fee like I am 45 years old so when my younger cousin exclaimed she thought I was 22 I loved her. They have no concept of time, there is no possible way I could be 22.

Also, whether I like it or not my mom is always taking photos so if I look like sh!t I’m f’d.

If I gave myself the nickname “Nana” with these glasses on to my family it would spread so I have never said that out loud before now.

My mom got that for her, it is similar to a photo of my nana and her sister as little girls. You know that eerie haunting way of photography from long ago.

Aerobics dance break sorry!!! Kind of a spazz basket case from today. TBC…

Perfectionists.

I am ripping myself off for my blog birthday yeah fuuuuuckeeng right I’m awesome. Maybe I’ll give you a little more 411 on some of the randoms I’ll come across as some images in my archives seem to have disappeared/didn’t make the migration SO I cannot do the chronological blog year 2000-2013 of a photo of me from each year, I will try to stay true to that but here’s a smattering of oldies from each era. Lol.

ps. Joey and I up there are being interviewed about something here, Net Neutrality mayhaps. Then we spoke on a panel about it at the Gladstone an everyone said we sounded like Paris and Nicole afterward. JEALOUS. We were like, you need help? You gotta dumb this shit down for reals. Then they got all geeky on it. See exactly my point, if no one cares no one helps. Stop it. We mean girled them right back. Daps Sass. xo.

Well here is one of me from my London/Oxford UK my tube pass mug shot and I look like a Japanese cartoon character. Note I was a devoted Vice, uh devotee since I was 16. That is where Invented Raymi the Minx on their message boards I was very passionate about that and lurked them from England blabbity blahhh. I blame this cut on Milla Jovovich i was like I look like that bitch and she is rocking that f-ing haircut in Joan of Arc ughhhh. I was in England for a Writer’s Craft Journalism course that I aced. I partied but I didn’t miss a class.

I also like to draw did you know that? I have a side idiot art blog called DRAWING BAD. Indeed guy!

Don’t ask me how old I am here but wow, just wow. Embarrassing an awesome at the same time what nerve I had man also what nerve being so awesome. This got flagged on youtube I danced to something else and an illustrater sketched me as a cartoon, I’l track that down too remind me they’re awesome.

Oh here they are. Ok tht one is huge I’m too lazy to fix it.

Omg his stuff is amazing he has done a lot on me check it out. Much obliged thank you.

I’ve never seen this one before and I think it is based on this video of me being a hippie.

Wow I can’t even watch that one lol.

Here I am on my ten year anniversary party and wow what is this pageant wars? YES ALWAYS!

This night was nuts I could have bagged a famous bro but I went the high road. Carly and I lost our shit about it in the bathroom though and we were also in the middle of hanging out with Uncle D the Ass Man all in all and insane night but super fun and weird. This is the basement of Tattoo.

One of my first talks and I rocked it and I was nervous and Sean Ward and I drank beer to pre-game the jitters then it got fun and I learned a lot plus became rather pumped up about myself and here I am actually showing them my traffic stats which were mega insane at the time but OMG unheard of today! LOL. I made them pay me too that was important. Official.

This picture is gangster. Sorry for choosing all the same hair era pics I shall try to diversify I think I’m stealing your bandwidths too a am searching in flickr for raymi the minx.

Me at 19 in NYC. That was probably one of the most cray periods in my life, well one of two but all rock and roll pure n through and when my blog first exploded into popularity I was a cult hit Two years in. Now I am as boring as marmalade heehee.

Warwick Castle, me 17. Being a cheeky piece of shit. Look how hopelessly I dressed, that hair had many different elements I was also into Republica, was in England it was cutting edge. I choped off Rapunzel waist length blond hair. I am an idiot. I altered my life.

Me last September with hair extensions in. hair hair is getting to be long yeah yeah I say that aaaaaaaaall the time. These extensions are in Holland right meow.

She Does the City made this about me. Jen rules. Congrats on the Baby!

Err me in a fat period in NYC 2006/7?

March just before I met my bf in Aruba, In this photo my life is completely different an I have no idea whaat every pohoto is like that then haha nevermind. This is doing my head in “looking back” and all that. Al owe rented a movie. It’s my dad’s actual birthday. How odd is it that I should start a blog on the same day as his birthday? It’s all in my archives check it out yourselves.

Fan art.

Me in Oxford at 17.

When I was on the front page of Youtube.

One of my blog banners from when I was 25.

My roommate when I lived in Brooklyn. We were together when 9/11 happened. She has twins now an I am now the age she was when we lived together.

Nana Papa and I just chilling out.

Blondetourage <3 4EVR.

This is my vimeo avatar and I am never going to change it ever because I will never ever look that good ever again. Well maybe we’ll see haha.

20 in NYC. That restaurant is gone now.

Have a wonderful day! Thanks for watching

quad blogger from raymi lauren on Vimeo.

Happy Birthday Julia Blogerts! 14 Years and you still won’t shut up. I’ll always be your Raymesy.

Hi everyone. First let me preface this by blaming everything on you in some capacity that is somewhat feasible to fall for, then I will say I wanted to leave the muchos important post below room to breathe before I started in about my stupid self again. It’s my ex’s Brother-in-law if you must know *bombshell* like thee ex, yes, that one. Although there’s like several of them (shrug) it’s the only one that matters as far as I’m concerned. As much as I enjoy lurking a couple of ‘em on twitter just to see how much I can repulse the shit out of myself, they were really nothing to me in hindsight.

Anyway a FT job kinda saps you of your blogging mojo now I get all the fuss over people whining about me being such a good blogger cos I didn’t have a 9-5, yeah whatever I am still exceptionally interesting, talented, funny and good looking though so there’s really no excuse other than the infrequency of blog posts and me-time that I’d rather spend geeking out online because I am one of those needs to be alone types to wind down. Trust me there’s a line up for my dance card and it’s flattering but I get the sense that some people are beginning to get T-O’d with my no-shows. Like sorry I’m a hermit on the best of days.

The last thing I want to do on my day off is get on a train to Toronto, and walk. Or think. I want to be a babbly mess in a blanky pretty much. Man I’m crabby, just go with it. This is me as a crazy person in Chapters at some point on the weekend. Then two old chicks sat down beside/behind me and talked. I lasted all of twenty minutes before I passive aggressively sighed and left to sit by the kid’s train toys thing where more loudness and playing happened right in front of me but then I was like dammit I’m here committing to this Mexican chair loud ladies talking stand-off that they didn’t even notice was going on. Old me would have blasted them away with something snippy, but new me is cool, calm and collected and thinks about the know-it-all fugly troll inner-monologue of judgement and disdain for your hero. It’s a book store. Basically a library, so why are you chewing the fat in the only designated reading section you lazy self-entitled gas bag cows?

Red 2 is a little too campy but still super good. It’s hard to enjoy movies sometimes when you’re too busy deconstructing every goddamn element like a Scorsese dickhead or something but I just can’t help having an analytical mind that 1. catches everything and 2. is always right about those things. For example how they always play dopey music whenever Mary-Louise Parker is doing something, “acting” I mean. This is to show us that it’s quirky and, it’s safe. No offense to her she is pleasing to look at and the make-up was cosmetic, lighting great and I’m sorry she died in Fried Green Tomatoes I really am but her schtick is tired and painful at times. But I championed her rival comeuppance/alongside Catherine Zeta-Jones.

Oh yeah, on Thursday it’s my blog’s fourteen year anniversary. I will definitely blog that day. I don’t know why but it’s like blog law to blog on your blog birthday. Next year will be 15 years omfg so I guess I have to so something incredible for that milestone I’m thinking something artistic like get Banksy with it. Who the hell even knows what a year from now will even look like. Our shoes will be flying with exhaust pipes on the side.

Yeah I dunno. Yolo.

I threw half of this out, it got cold and I wasn’t feeling it anyway. Tomorrow I have frozen swedish meatballs THRILLHOUSE!!!!

On birthdays they do a solid and get food, throw a party whatevs so we had Mexican. I had a chicken rice bowl. It was awesome. Hence why I have swedish meatballs on lock down tomorrow. If this blog post is too intense for yo I will understand if you stop reading right now. Bye.

Same day (as the top photo of me) moments apart in window light. Selfie pro-tip I mean, I do not at all look this pretty IRL in real life I look like Ja’mie, yes a dude in drag (with pretty eyes) I am cool with it. Or Lady Gaga, we both have the big nose fucked up face that is somehow attractive thing going on that I have mastered the art of appearing to be good looking for fourteen years and that my friends is why I should win the lifetime achievement award so I can just move on and get full-fat already holy geez good grief.

There’s a bottle of vodky in there somewhere YOLO.

Oh yeah baby what’s my name. This is a stupid license plate yeah go ahead haters track them down and tell them I said that not like everyone else in Ontario hasn’t already said the same thing. When was that a good idea? Never gonna regret that one? It’s almost as stupid as tattooing MINX on your arm I mean, what an idiot.

Do you think you’ll be remembered or go down in infamy and even if you go down in infamy will they still remember you?

Fourteen years eh.. I remember it just like it was yesterday, starting this thing knowing it would make me famous and all I would have to do is minx the fuck out of people with my writing and my emo face and wild nonsense. AKA be myself.

Should I be MORE successful to date? Heck yeah. Should I have made more effort? Oh yes. The blogging industry has imploded in on itself. I know that I am the real article, originator… you know all bloggers have to kiss each other’s asses and they all despise one another, cut each other’s grass and only appear when one or the other is “doing better” to get the spill-over then go on to brag about themselves. Rise above that shit, be above branding. The moment we started talking about ourselves as brands it was all fucking down hill from there, we got greedy real quick and sold out. Everyone knows sell-outs die out.

I’m happy to still be an old school blogger, a purist. An idiot talking about what I ate and who annoyed me in suburbia that day. I don’t know what the next chapter will be but I know it’s not the final chapter yet. GONG omg emotions. Thanks for sticking with me all this time folks, you/it means the world to me. xo Raymi The Minx <3 Goodnight.

This family is very important to me. Please watch this and consider donating and helping out. Thank you. It would mean the world. Bryce’s life.

And read this too please. Oakville mom refuses to put a price on her son’s life
People suffering need support from politicians. Thank you!

HI! LOL

Hi friends, real or imagined. On the way to work selfinator. I take them for my bf but who am I kidding, I am taking them for you and by extension, me. I am sorry I am full of crap all the time but I just can’t help it.

There’s a selfie influx lately cos I have to look good daily and my motto has always been if it looks good then shoot it. Baha.

That’s the money shot though. If I could just look like a hot corporate Geena Davis like always, life would be good.

Serious business now. How to be Emo in twenty seconds.

I should have taken a picture of the discarded pod casing pile massacre, I eat like a frigging idiot.

Sent one of these dumb ones to bf and he said my hair is getting really long now. Yassssssssssssssss.

I love waffle thermal shirts. I wear this one inside out or the proper way dependent upon how I am feeling. You can take the girl out of the grunge but you can’t take the grunge out of the girl.

I have one of these bottle stashed in every pace I could possibly need it lol.

I had cheese and mango for lunch part one. I’m beginning to forget things I bring and leave in the fridge then my stomach will growl and it’s like wait a minute…!

I better get my movies back tonight. When people lend out your shit w/o your permission it’s like, at what point did that seem like a good idea to you?????

I think people identify with Wes Anderson because he touches on everything ultra mega fantastically nostalgically kitschy and hipster, reuses the same actors whom to which we also identify and so he has “a thing” in fact he has many. And we want in on it. Like come on, Bill Murray? If your thing could be Bill Murray wouldn’t you call it a fucking day too?

This one was meant for my frame but I printed it too big so I put the special place Holland park bench photo in instead. Someone asked if I photoshopped it cos it’s so green. Nopesters!

Shrimp Diane is my jam. BRB #maybe.

PS A NEW V-SPOT CAME OUT TODAYMI CRAYMI BUNNY EXTRA! EXTRA! READ ALL ABOOT IT! <<< Click that ish.

V-Spot 4 in particular was the feelings for me. It’s like Life of Pi in 5 minutes, bawling. Well played Google India. <3

Cheers to me yo. Celebrate your shit doggunnit!

Cheers to me indeeeeed. A real stamp is being designed for my side blerg bar. Having access to designers now is great. btw don’t I look like a pimp? Heidi Fleiss was always a role model of mine just saying, before the going to jail thing I mean. She ran tings!

Me in Holland. That was a fun night. Okay I have homework to do bye xo.