it’s 4.40am and i want to die.

so it wasn’t food poisoning after all it was/is some nasty flu bug virus dave’s aunt got and one by one everyone has come down with it and i will spare you no detail. i started painfully barf retching around 7 or so and ass shit fountaining simultaneously around 8ish? that was fun. that continued until 11.20 then i passed out til 12.30 so missed the midnite gay whatever moment then started barfing again. i haven’t experienced this special sickness since i was super young. i made up for all that non-swearing that’s for sure. the later stages of my puking excursion was the hot part as i have zero left inside to give so it felt like ulcer blood town as well i’m ultra paranoid of getting too dehyrated because i had a seizure when i was a toddler from barfing too much once so having that over my head guzzling water gingerale and popsicles just so i can barf more was the best. oh and i just retched now after taking a gravol so that came up mediciney and out my nose and mouth. radical times!

if your new year’s jam licked just feel comforted in the fact that mine licked worse.

when i get my strength up tomorrow i shall weigh myself that will be fun.

dave lost 9lbs from this! i said i would go into debt booking a tropical vacation following this epic illness what gave me a sick bikini bod cos it’ll probably be the only other time in my life it’ll happen so why not aren’t we all chasing that dream?

i lost 4lbs being around dave with his flu bug didn’t eat at all yesterday aside from some cheetos (best thing ever to vomit up) so i’d say i’m possibly riding underweight territory about now. i’ll talk about my hip bones later. excuse the delerium. craving lime jello something awful.

oh man i hope this vitamin water doesn’t come up ugggggggh.

we went out before everything closed at 6 and i felt this coming on. once we hit the grocery store i knew for certain what my nite was going to look like and commenced turning into little baby lauren. i cannot deal with barfing, knowing i’m going to. i cry like an idiot and moan and you get the idea.

k bye.

these were taken well before it all went down before i showered yesterday as i knew i was going to be ill and didn’t want to look like labyrinth garbage dump lady so no i wasn’t nakes the entire time in front of everybody. omg worst experience ever, just as bad as norwalk virus. if you get it let me know.

the lamer the balance tests, the older you are apparently. feh.

love this guy.

warmest socks ever. wil come in handy for tobogganing.

garbage dump lady whom i reference constantly but can never find a picture of online. also should have used a different camera. anyway this is me like every morning.

so what’s on the ticket tonite aside from obviously getting gunned? think i’m staying local, cheaper, less bullshit and so on. and i never make resolutions but this year i plan to be way less lazy and on top of that finally get my driver’s license as well as finish my book asap and to also finally change my phone plan i am sick of fainting every time i view my bills (burlington is long distance and i have a toronto area code) and first thing next week go to the gym i am still paying for and hassle them into killing the contract somehow. i figure i’ve been quietly acceptingly paying since summer so they might give me a break.

be safe tonite pals happy new year!

i filled up an entire sheet of paper (i have sloppy shit big loopdy-loop writing) with all the chain restaurants/fast food garbage i’ve consumed since i’ve been a suburbanite. some places more than once even. oh and i lost that list. i know i didn’t throw it out it’s just tucked away some place i won’t ever find again so here i go now:

applebee’s
turtlejack’s
mandarin
red maple buffet
east side mario’s
wendy’s
mcdonald’s (REGRETSY!)
tim horton’s (somewhat counts)
chap’s (twice)(texican is NOT a word)
shoeless joe’s (FUCK THEM!)
st. louis
royal coachman
bombay something
slye fox (was sick that nite)
brooklyn bar&grill (twice)(burlington bowl)
emma’s backporch
secret favourite mediterranean restaurant (multiple times)
another mediterranean place
new york fries
thirsty cactus
harvest burger (twice)
dominoes (a few times)
pizza pizza (twice)
some other pub
my thai
queen’s head
that other pub near it
then some other pub
then the pub around the corner several times
pita pit
tons of junk food like chips candy chocolate pop nachos chili dip etc

sushi doesn’t really count except for when you get sake beer and tempura rolls which is always. i still want to hit burger king. i’m sure i’m missing a huge chunk of places i’ll re-add if they come to me.

sayonara fat ass!

this thing is going to for sure take me down for a tumble it’s so long. i guess it’s meant for permanent bride dress style material clutching or some preggo angelina sauntering.

hey dewds just grabbin’ a brew maybe i’ll catch a few waves in a few ha tubular. that is so my dad’s face. it’s cool how i have a five o’clock shadow (whatever that means)(i mean i know what it means it’s just why can’t they say mustache gristle?) now.

i heard that the longer the person’s hair is, the more vain they are. toootally have a complex about it now and have ever since i heard that little tidbit.

yep i’ll just be floatin’ on in here scuse me now.

turd face no under eye makeups (as in, centimeter thick mascara glob).

too bad no smalls. this dress is by roxy.

one day i will clean that mirror. see how long this thing is!

can it just be summer again already.

this isn’t going to get any steadier i give up.

the earth is not flat only i am.

why do my ends go so thin and pointy like that why do i have christina aguilera dirrty hair what am i a fucking bratz doll?

amazing choc/peanut butter melt-aways. i brought up mint choc earlier because everyone got mint chocolate melt-aways in their stockings, had to help pre-pick them up for santa and i was like hold off i don’t want that shit sorry. they were out of the big size peanut bars so i got these little dudes instead. not the same apparently if they’re teeny. the point of this story is i made fun of the term (concept of) melt-aways for ten hours afterward. isn’t melt-away redundant?

boxing day shopping roadie necessity.

got that for nana, filled it with rosewood (banana republic, smells so good).

nana opening it.

nana enjoying it replete with nana face.

nana’s blurry tree.

this is what i was stroking my hair with. hahahuhhhh.

jeez relax calvin klein.

roomie for the week. barkley. enjoys barking also known by me as BARKLING. for example: why is he always barkling? he also enjoys nervous piddling.

and tons of weed. no just kidding.

the last few hours have been hellish. dave is extremely under the weather and i am terrified i’m next, this one’s a bad one. might be food poisoning though i doubt it as his aunt just had this on xmas day. i am a total total loser when i barf, i have a massive spew phobia so i am hoping big time it doesn’t come my way.

two things i haaaaaate: mint/chocolate combination and orange chocolate combination. blech. the mint/choc is thanks to my stuffing a junior mint up my nose once to gross out my brother, it got stuck then burst, melting and oozing down my nasal passage like the worst coke drip you will ever have and ever since i cannot stand the shit and when people hear something so ludicrous such as disdain for mint chocolate you have to tell them why so i’ve retold this story infinity times. i hate the flavour of orange and chocolate because they just do not go and that’s that. dave got one of those orange things for christmas (also doesn’t dig on the flave) and it was pretty funny seeing him pretend to be pumped about it. the only good thing about it is slamming it into a table. right now those “slices” are sitting pretty in a paper bag in a cupboard but will soon be at the bottom of a trash bag instead or maybe they’ll stick around for desperation stoner snacks.

FUCK SHIT PISS CUNT COCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK SHIT COCK PUSSY DAMN DAMMIT FUCK YOU FUCK OFF FUCKER MOTHERFUCKER JESUS CHRIST!

ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

haven’t been able to swear since christmas eve we have house guests who aren’t for it. i’m actually doing quite fine but i sound like the biggest geek ever and removing a chunk out of your vocab not to mention a whole wack load of material leaves you with like, nothing. smiling and nodding and agreeing haha. lots of inside jokes too.

oh and according to wii fit i am 20 years old. can you imagine being twenty again?

sorry for lickin’ bag blog-wise. haven’t been feeling it nor have i had the time. here’s a video to get you started (wow i literally just uploaded it and some loser parked in my youtube already one-starred it so gay i so missed the shittiness of the internet while on hiatus pfft fuck everyone). this christmas has certainly been a long one and different. awesome gifts, so spoiled.

biosilk rules, you can also use it on your skin. thanks alison!

here‘s a set from xmas eve at my dad’s with some other bullshit in it uploaded a few days ago can’t be bothered to transfer.

here’s my dream summer maxi dress though.

and another garbage awesome christmas house.

cool effort, burlingtan.

finally have the house to myself time to get baaaaaaaaked.

oh look it’s raymii.

implementing new jeans into my wardrobe have to learn to be ok with them not being super skin tight. they’re ass hanger-offers like hi guys i had no idea these pants were perfectly slouched around my hips.

you heard it here first, junky is in for twenty-ten.

these are my two rotating holiday outfits so if you see me in one it’s cos i wore the other one the day before. just helping.

requisite tree pose. like why? for my nana? like she cares.

ghetto red tips.

XL? yeah thanks mom but no thanks.

festive.

now you know how nice my family is to me. secret’s out you dicks! that’s my mom’s writing and my brother’s drawing. there’s fifty billion of these since the beginning of time. anther fave nick was to refer to me by bee stings. assholes.

mary kate vortex.

took off my awful nails swapped for some sparkly red.

i loooove that there’s an f21 at mapleview mall so much more room to shop and less twerps milling about getting in your way. the shirt, ring and charm necklace i merry christmased myself from there.

that too. scratch on wrist is a mystery.

this little fiesta number i got for ten per cent off cos i take after my mother, well, there were some material pills (quils?) pokin’ out and it was the last small.

an unrelated haha. thank bri.

just a teensers update for now. hope everyone’s hav’n a swell holiday.

look i made you a poster for hanukkah! or a desktop for kwanzaa!

time for hung shopping (haven’t used that word enough today) i just realised tomorrow is christmas eve and i was planning to grinch it out this year but all the sudden i got guilted feelings over it so everyone’s in luck they’re getting some cheap kitschy joke junk gifts. i might have to start drinking right now to power through this next week. seriously it’s tomorrow why didn’t anyone tell me? i thought christmas eve was friday!