she’s a catch

stepped out last night to check the shopcatch launch. love these ladies. i was uber sick though and didn’t show til the tail end. colleague’s like it’s so close i’ll drive and park and we’ll walk. guess what my answer to that was? if i was already planning to cab it that means i am in no form for the queen st west hill bahaha (if you’re from toronto then you’ll know that it’s not much of a hill at all) and i knew i’d be late getting ready. my run in the sun and rapidly declining immune system made it so i almost couldn’t go out, i was dehydrated despite chugging two cans of water while running. almost gave myself a seizure, as i was shakily opening my mail on the couch sweating profusely teacher was getting ready to meet heidi and i was like dude, you might need to standby in case i can’t dial 911. i expedited my cold by sweating it out in 20 minutes. don’t try this at home, i’m the professional idiot here.

oh hiya deb you saucy babe. i am eating humble pie for my tardiness here, tastes great!

no matter. walk in, do the thing, take the shots, drink them dranks, chit the chat and that’s a wrap. i spy richard, dude email me already you lurky louis. he was at my show too and didn’t even say hi. ridiculous. ya done been called out now, brah.

i am irresistible. you know what’s not? trying to spell it. lets take a closer look at my new grown-up look now, shall we then? what is this city line? pretty much. love those wedges, so comfortable. by AE. wait til you see my purple sequin ballet slippers.

i was starving and then passed starving cos i starved myself yesterday. dumb dumb. then i had a booster juice with a bunch of powders added.

richard showing ally my performance. it’s just as loud and annoying as the video teacher took but you can see what’s going on better so he better send me it quick. MORE SCRUTINY!

do you like how i went out as debbie gibson last night? or a vogue ad from the 90’s? i wore my heart polka dot ribbon earrings to finish the look and danced to janet jackson’s the velvet rope in the street by a fire hydrant while girls played double dutch ahahah you wish.

so, shopcatch is an app. if you’re in a hood and need to buy shoes, type in shoes and it will tell you where to get them. easy peasy. i am wary of the future, no one is going to know how to do anything anymore, such as, thinking. how many debates end in googling? exactly. we are f-ed.

it’s easy to spot the white angel head.

i liked this drink best.

the shop a holic. ahah alcoholic jokes, f-k that pink elephant. mint, cukes, white cranberry, fresh lemonade, orient apple vodka. SO GOOD.

there was neat art there. i love art, making it, making fun of it. drinking for free cos of it. being “seen”. time for another show i guess right? going to drop in on my ex’s new gallery space in montreal on the weekend, maybe take a show there too. time for expansion. like my ego.

time to be a team player! ps. if you want me to make a scene at your event’s launch party e: alex@raymitheminx.com subject: it girl. we handle pre- and post- push.

they cannot get enough of the raymbo.

hell yeah.

bonus points for this addition.

i was intrigued by, while also beguiling baldy over there. neither of us said hi. it was prob cos colleague is bald too and he was like well if he can get her… man colleague does nothing but cockblock me. don’t even think of trying this tomorrow night bro.

what’s going on here? and then i turned it off. it was instinctual ahahhaa.

colleague laughed his ass off. omg i am so lucky no one was around to witness.

then i switched it on and off a hundred more times. it was blowing hot air and noise, was super old and cool but like, i don’t think anyone would pay ME $1000 to turn the vacuum on for a few hours and call it art right?

now this is art.

i liked this one, it was a riddle, like we were in labyrinth. you must pull it twice to get it back on again.

see anyone you recognize? it was funny when people started smashing glasses. wasters!

candice and i had a great talk. it was essentially a think tank. i hope she was tanked.

she was one of the shopcatch girls who showed up on saturday to see me crawl out of the bushes and to the park for their pop up mobile boutique and now that i recall she was the type-a boss of the group. i distinctly overheard her say to one girl, now that’s why i made you team leader cos i am dealing with blaabhaha (social media gadgets etc) and i made a mental note that she would be a great team boss and wouldn’t ya know it here she is now talking to queen bee. she said she likes being behind the scenes with stuff and i said now, not that there is anything wrong with you but, i have no idea what that feels like and she said yeah and i have no idea what it feels like to want what i want (in front of camera). to switch roles for a day right?

it’s cool though that i am steering my look toward platinum michael jackson now hey.

my earring looks like i have food on my face. parkdale peoples were mighty curious. i loved this space. great party. i had a very mellow good time, it was perfect for my wimpy state.

then it went slightly sideways.

lil miss bougy paige could no longer resist the come to raymi vibes i was broadcasting. i love paige! hmm what can i say about paige? well, firstly the obvious is her blog is nail p0rn for girls as well as all things hypnotically of interest to debutantes and snotty chicks aka totally your cup of tea. think about what i proposed and we’ll talk over a minxing date on me (no them) ;).

what i love about paige is so many people i used to know are jealous of her and now that they’re in my frenemy territory as well, it’s extra silly to me, which also makes paige all the more forbidden. she has a “don’t be friends with” mark, much like i do but i have always seen through that. omg girl world is so hard and unfair. barf.

seriously, these are the shots you got me colleague?

only one of us reapplied lipstick. colleague you are going to have to start spotting me on that too.

everyone standing outside smoking gasped happily and said that is going to be an amazing shot, one guy goes, NO FLASH. haha yes toronto we know how it’s done.

my idea. my vision. credit monster hogger blogger. ooh feet p0rn.

we made it to hump day. phewf.

ought to autumn

sweater double whammy.

chill. still feeling summer strong. just preparing you know. as i have misplaced my requisite canadian fireside sweater from last season. check ya later nacnud, get that tooth looked at! enjoy the rest of the fighter.

what is the name of the gas raindrops emit?

come witness the stupid! this is my brain attempting to spool a factoid i jammed way back in the recesses of my hello kitty cerebral cortex years ago back when i was a genius. what is it called? googling is not an option. it smells like tar or asphalt. give me a kid’s show like mrs. doubtfire except i won’t cross-dress! ps. this was a sunshower don’t be jealous now. it got sunnier.

-the mayor of burlington.

finalish run-through lolz

and i don’t think i had invented the end of the dance yet and clearly i forgot some parts still haha. meh. note the time on the clock too, pretty down to the wire ahaha. kate was a great help. teacher too. could not have put this together without his note taking, which i instructed (dictated) and learned to do so diligently from jazz class.

i arrived nearly naked

ooh la la allo allo! ready for my fitting?

f’n right maureen you pro!

oh you peeping toms.

back we come from cloud9 where i addressed the clientele in the room and asked their opinion on my beige vs black fishnets. the beige fishnets (italian) are actually from nearly naked, i wore them to show maureen my commitment to her and also, i was thinking of getting a beige matching set w/garters. the black ones won.

maureen got me in this lil number. you’ll see.

want these!

uh this is a hardware feature too?

i look like a swedish minnie mouse. when i can figure out how to wear falsies maybe i’ll get minnie ears and make a dance, there’s an amazing boustier that matches these bottoms.

wonder if colleague made a shopping list for his wife.

we were discussing my shorts from the bettie page store in san diego and she said she carried this lingerie set when she first opened, all sold out immediately. telling ya sisters, there’s something to this burlesque thing.

SO CUTE! AGH!

maureen was such great help i barely had to think. i look gross, no makeup, i wanted to look nice for these photos but didn’t have the time to spare and rehearsing all day in the heat, no point to shower til i’m absolutely ready to go.

who is getting hor-y?

it was a close call but i wanted to get proper retro bottoms for my first go around so the other troupe wouldn’t be mean to me. it happens.

i like eccentrics, people into the sex world always seem to be, no? free spirits. deep. nostalgic.

gahaha speaking of eccentrics nice jackie o. i love the wizard curtain too. a lot.

this boutique is a joy to shop in. this is the top of maureen’s desk.

in the event of another wardrobe malfunc. this brassiere works cos it’s still a bit of peekaboo to titillate if i don’t remove my top. did i tell you that a bachelor party hired me to dance for them at the hard rock but i pulled out cos i chickened out about it. that has bad news written all over it. we made friends with this nice crew of dudes and one huge guy agreed to be my bodyguard. would have made a hundred more bucks than i did for my night at tattoo, which i think was pretty generous too. ka-ching step ball change tap tap aaaaand curtsy.

the italian stockings are amazing in quality, very strong, no holes or runs yet.

i had burlesque tunnel vision so i didn’t get to browse as much as i’d have liked so i am very grateful for these shots. butt cleavage undies are my current favourite flirty bottoms.

now this is more like it.

practicing my dance. the lingerie had to be able to fit beneath this dress.

this is how i convinced maureen that i was awesome.

if you want my bottoms go get a pair and say raymi sent you (BIG DISCOUNT ;)).

maureen and i will be collaborating much like lady gaga and her stylist, astrid kilcher and the beatles, warhol and edie. BABOOM! there’s one more i was thinking of i keep forgetting. hmm. oh i need a dress for a huge celebrity gala i’m attending (and bringing tracey the minx as my date) this thursday. teeming with VIPs. fashionista blogger, designers whomever, get in on this OPPORTUNITY. can i say who’s hosting it yet colleague?

haha i look ridiculous…LY AWESOME!

i will use this to parody the iconic pamela anderson cleavage cascading hair forward playboy shoot when i have time, also, i need a playboy bunny suit.

sometimes when teacher and i are goofing around and he zings me too hard i put my hands on my hips like this, begin raising my left leg and declare HAVE YOU EVER BEEN KICKED BY A NAKED PERSON BEFORE? ahaha it looks crazy, and is semi-scary. like, a naked guy smiling. ew no don’t smile! what are you doing? stop that!

i also have a dominatrix true story up for grabs for any racy publication out there wanting it as an exclu$ive, starring yours truly of course.

ok, so we’re starting a wish list right meow.

and if my weird day-lit sam crenshaw face startled you here it is again smaller.

speaking of sam crenshaw how much am i totally him?

titanic moment, she was like, do it for the money, our name is all we have.

wish list. i’m down to 120lbs now. what is happening! i gained an inch in height too. 5’9. just saying.

and we have a winner. when and where and how soon can i next wear this? i wore it with my shorts actually. done and done.

hot hot euro garters.

everything on me and what i am holding is what i walked with. very satisfied customer.

nice blink.

these please!

need all the help i can get in the chest. garters are so hot.

sometimes we don’t need to say anything.

this’ll do. yes the garters snapped look better, sexier. war time. prepare for battle.

i literally stopped traffic. no bragging. factual.

hello men. wave.

the girls walking up went silent.

here they come.

thanks maureen you sweetheart godsend! we are taking turns kissing each other’s butts. she said i must have been an angel sent to her. AWW! she is so dope and will help a sista out don’t be shy to pop in there. vey pro-fem. oxox

she also knows about every eccentric in the hood. love that.

happy monday friends, make it a good one!

much love,

your pal raymi.