here is a roast Pig. wuz served to us starving students in OxforD, though, 2 thirds of ‘em were jewish and/or vegetarians. meh. more pig For rayMi

Haven’t been here in awhile, now. meh. I apologize. Krismus wuz dysfunctionaL this year, as per usUal. I sit there, receiving gifts that are to ‘Add’ meaning to my life. I still am not certain what to do for new year’s and that troubles me. i feeL this tension and anxiety every new year’s and this oBligation to do sumthinG spectacular when every year it’s Krap and i get bored and wish i wuz at home. But wHen i stay home i wish i were out. Damn vicious CycLe. Maybe i’m juSt blue. mayBe i am just Lazy. Anyhow, here are my resolutions for the New year — Therapy (get to the bottom of all this anxiety) Weed (buying a quaRter 2Morrow, asap). No more meaningLess Se x .

Rite now my head hurts and that blast of Aspirin aNd childRen’s tylEnoL helped me to no End. it’s 4 36 am and i Kan’t sleep.

Q: If you kood be any animal, what animal would you be?

A: You already ARE an animaL.

Ffuk, Raymi has given in to the xmas shooping heLL scene.
here is whut she bought:

Barrel of monkEys — for ex.boyfrend

Austin PowerS, Carnaby Street outfiT, action figure wif pull string — mum and bro’ (they will share it).

John Lennon cartOOn action figure frum Sargent pepper’s cartoon — dad

plastic Bowling set — neice

walkie talkies for boss’s sons wif 9v batteries.

soaps and shit — boss

I’m dun. gud. I hate crowds. I hate shopping. I hate crowds of people whilst shopping. i hate krismus. I hate krismus and shopping for it at the same time. Maybe it’s only this year. last year i loved krismus. meh.

RetarD gurls like Raymi should not be allowed to paint their tOenaiLs becuz they are impatient and forgEt they haVe to wait for the paint to dRy and then it geTs all smudged and stuCk in the crevice where the nail meets skin and they end up chipping at the polish and picking at It withiN days and then iT cracks off, making them look like 12 year-old craCkwhores.

Painted and chipping fingernaILs GivE away yer aGe.

Today wuz horrible. Raymi lost her hat AND wuz set up wif a creep frum the net. Never Agen. i knew straight away, even while i wuz walking towards him that he wuz mister SO WRONG for me. He’s not a smoker so i made a point to ChaiNsmoke even tho’ i had aN empty stumak and felt dizzy doing so. I ordered a French Onion Soup wif extra Garlik cuz i knew he wanted to waggle his tongue ’round in my mouth. eww. He kept trying to puT his arm around me and went, ‘Ahem’ then moved in a lil bit kloser to me. He’s probably reading this rite now and is planning a way to track me down so i think i’m gunna go back and edit out sum of the extreme personal info ie, the town, city and CuntRee that i live in. My apologies for any discrepEncies.

I tried to hook up wif a sumwun to have sex with to get my mind off the netFreeK but he wuz bizzy so then i went to the mall to look for a new teddybear to try and make me feeL better but kood find Nada. I tramped around the throngs of xMas shoppers feeling sorry for myself and krying when i bumped into this family i use to babysit for and always thought me to be ‘perfect’ with no ‘emotionally eFFed-up glitches’ so i sed that the bitter wind made my eyes tear-over and theN i knew i wuz gunna lose it wunce this lady knocked into me wif her bags so i took off.

I’ve finally given in to tacO HeLL.

I’ve reached that ultimate Low. alrite alrite, i’ve always been here, but i’ve finally Admitted to it.

This wuz taken in Oxford. If you can see thru the swarms of the faggy tourists there’s a cluster of squatting girls. why they’re there is kuz we had thrown this raggeddy wallet full of receipts and 1 pence coins on the grownd and sat ‘cross the street to take pictures of all the scavengers. this one girl was so annoyed that there wasn’t any money in the wallet she got up and slammed it into that nearby garbage can. I fished it out, crowched down to make as if i were tying my velcro shoes and left the wallet there. the fifth time ’round, a man and woman ran to the wallet, the man yanked it up and shoved it in his pocket and they ran like fukk. we followed them down all these back streets and markets until they were just gone. the fucked thing was, these two arab guys were following us kuz they must’ve thought we were stupid tourists who kept on dropping their wallets. By this time we had gotten bored with the game so we hopped a doubledecker back to SummerTown leaving the Arabs safely behind.

Our fanastiK hero’s mugshot frum her TubePass. Whudda Glamour Shot. the photoBoothes o’re there are wicked! This chik wif her brit accent sez over the speaker,
“Now, you realize that if you are not satisfied with your foto graff, you can select NO and start again.”

Laura, wait wait wait! you and yer old man broke up?!

After one nite of partAying and boozin’ it up in Sutton (London) at this PubbyKlub called ‘the Litten Tree’ I had to Krash at my frend’s, cuzin’s howse and had to sleep in this bunkbed. This shot is actually very generous in making the bed appear to be bigger than what it actually is. I was drunk as a fiddler’s bitch and not even halfway thru’ a dose of E and i had to smush myself into the bottom bunk. I scratched my face and arms everytime i rolled-over frum the bedsprings sticking outta the top mattress during the nite. it was complete drunken and eFFed up HeLL. I didn’t trust taking the topbunk cuz i knew wif my luck I’d roll off during the nite and die. when i’m sober i sleep like a rock. When i’m drunk i kick and toss and talk in my sleep.

Maybe i’m a witch.