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How to be famous on the Internet.

Here is an excerpt from a book I started working on years ago. I have ten thousand words written and I have not read them also in years. Something will be used and/or come of it someday soon but in the meantime I am lighting a proverbial fire under my ass and sharing this content with you meow while I work on other things.

How to be famous on the Internet.

Intro/Writer’s voice.

I will tell you how I did it and through that perhaps you can glean your own infamy course of action. Essentially, all the bells, whistles, and gimmicks of being an internet celebrity are merely simplistic no-brainer hallmarks of a successful businessperson. Talk a good game, be one step ahead, be smooth, motivational speaking type shit. This book is a novel under the guise of a guide. I am using talking points from my how to be famous on the internet lectures, of which I have given many, as my chapter titles. Not only will you learn how to be famous on the internet, you will also learn how to write. First you learn how to write, then you learn how to harness your writing skill for online domination. If you’re here not to learn anything other than how I do, just taking a seat along for the ride, that’s fine too.

Chapter One.

Writer’s Soul.

You might have heard of this thing called a writer’s voice. It predates the internet. I have a few writing books I’ve been gifted along the way. If one writes then one receives books on how to be better at writing which they never read because we’re all born good writers if we really love it then we do not need to learn how to do it any better than we already do. It has taken me thirteen years to get through one of these books, actually, I stll haven’t finished reading it but still, the point is they discuss writer’s voice and “finding it”. As a teen that shit was elusive to me, I didn’t get it at all. I mean, I got it but it was very intimidating to me. The voice I had wasn’t compelling enough, apparently. I was comparing my voice to ficton writer’s (It is impossible for me to write fiction by the way) voices and becoming beyond frustrated by it so I thought well, enough of that guess I’m going to Law School I am never going to make any fucking money being a writer because I suck at it, I have no voice, this is pointless.

Many years later I fell into my voice, through blogging. Write a blue streak and don’t consider it very much at all that’s what you need to do. I was trying too hard to make a voice appear which got me nothing but writer’s block and drunk. Your writer’s voice is what you really think. It’s that humourous internal dialogue inside of you. Release that guy and while I’m at it, fuck this writer’s voice shit more like writer’s soul. Sometimes when I am writing so honestly it’s like I am puking up myself upon you and those are the best pieces of writing. Here, take my skeleton and my lunch, how’d that taste?

I cannot teach you how to feel the way I do when I know I’m on a writing roll, you just know it when you feel it.

My writer’s soul is damaged and arrogant. Stubborn, smug. Grandiose. It can do no wrong so I can write anything I want without fear or thinking twice about it. Of course I can say that, that’s what I say. Duh! Write yourself into a pigeon-hole and you can get away with anything. Lucky for me I am infamous of many stupid things so when I do or say something….

to be continued.

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