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the lover isn’t listening.

I realize I might be depressed. Ha. I was trying to figure out what I use to do to feel better, or instead of going out, and it was blog (talk about myself). I derived enough friendly satisfaction from it that carved out more online social intake. But when you blog less, people interact less. When you blog you end up hearing from all of these long losts, out from the woodwork.

Or maybe it’s spring and I do not possess special powers. Whatever the fuck it is I’m running with it. Waking up with options on a Saturday and then kinda being into none of it, shows me I am bumming right now and the only way to get out of it is to get out from under it. Blog session begin.

Where to even start Doctor, hmm.

Well, I know we’re not in it alone and everyone I seem to know is borderline glum right now. We are all sick of the weather and the last week in weather was, ballistic. Abysmal. At least my vocabulary is expanding.

I think I am addicted to weird and when I’m not doing weird I am blue. I think loneliness drives you crazy too. And love.

When I took this picture a bro (southern man) said I should buy it. I looked at the price tag. $300. Yeah sure I said, I totally need this. It was the dumbest exchange, and there was a bit more to it, but it was something none the less.

This was after the greasiest brunch on the sweatiest sunny afternoon. Oh it was good.

An outright fantasy compared to the shitty weather here. I wonder how my mom is doing, she just got back from a cruise with my Nana yesterday. The first thing she mentioned was weather. Oh please, you don’t even know lady.

I can’t even think of little stories to tell you when all day all night long I am constantly thinking and climbing through delightful little dramas but, when I sit down to do this I clam up. I think because there is so much more to always say, and you can’t so you try and tell stories around it instead.

The party don’t stop no it won’t stop.

I am considering going on tinder out of sheer boredom. That is probably a turrible idea. AT least Ellie Goulding is next weekend with Tegan and Sara.

It’s been a big week for someone though. Look at me looking at my mom AHHAha. Rob Ford personally invited me to City Hall. FACT. I didn’t go because I knew it was for some kind of up to no good kinda thing. Cray knows cray. However I did not know that was the kinda darkness. I feel bad for addicts. That is all.

AT least I have the lake in my face everyday.

And I live close to town. Which I never go to. Because the weather. We have bikes we plan to take all the way to Hamilton along the beach, barrangas, it’s gonna be a great summer.

And I started running again. Jokes I haven’t but I will. Along the mansions of Lakeshore while composing my next story about 6 months in Mansions, from the time I was 20. It was amazing. Lindsay Lohan was on my street and we locked eyes. She was filming portrait of a Teenage Drama Queen. I exploded loudly out of my house slamming the screen with my longboard while she was on her bicycle and I ruined the scene because she looked at me. It was awesome. I just came back from Los Angeles for a month and here was Disney, all over the place.

Busy work week with more busy on the way. Busy busy busy :). I love where I work and who I work with. We had a beer yesterday and watched motivational youtube ads and shot the shit. I am starting to dream more and more about work too it’s interesting. Haha. It takes me awhile to feel accepted or not feel hated at all times but I like where life is going and I am very happy about the work I get to do for the clients that I have and sometimes I have to pinch myself. I have work friends too and they are hysterical. We have so many crazy ways of blowing off steam together, we are a great unit support system blabbity blah worrrrrrrrk. Lol.

It’s probably definitely why I don’t have a life anymore because I am so fulfilled there, intellectually, stimulatingly (not a real word) and so I don’t feel the need to go out anywhere after work. Tan, groceries, lcbo, home, internet, occasional travel, global crushes, sleep, rinse repeat.

Writers are known to be monastic in a sense anyway. That’s what Natalie Portman said about ballerinas when she was training for Black Swan. You’re welcome. I just don’t want to die a spinster so there’s an underlying present anxiety at all times churning beneath my surface and I fancy myself a catch, the laziest fucking catch so I’m doing it to myself really.

I noticed my white skin was making me look like the crypt keeper so I did something about it. When you’re so wasp white your dark undereye circles become more pronounced so tan it up bitches.

My desk is a little PeeWee’s Playhouse. What of it bro.

Uh, guys.

Do not get me started on Metro.

There will always be the arts. Writing is infinite. Not to be a goon but I guess I am dating writing. And buzzfeed. Sometimes Jezebel those annoying fucking feminists!!! Haha. And my pen pals. I started watching Mad men too and it is mind blowing to be a copywriter watching that shit. I love it. I love life. I am just a morose entity and need a full time babysitter boyfriend. Though I need a lot of distance too. I need local friends who aren’t stupid young boys only. HAha. This blog post should have been called I NEED.

I need to hit publish and edit all the things I just said now.

I might upload some videos. Have a great Saturday!

6 thoughts on “the lover isn’t listening.

  1. “The laziest f–ing catch” is an interesting description.

    Good post Raymi. Take ‘er easy.

  2. Writers are known to be monastic in a sense anyway.

    Most creative people can be this way.

    great post. Lets get those bikes out soon.

    Love you talented girl.


  3. body is not self. neither are feeling, mental formations, perception and consciousness.
    everyone is glum cause everyone is infected with Borrelia burgdorferi.
    Scary shit. watch the first 30 minutes of “under our skin”. (as soon as they start talking politics eject disk and throw into trash).
    i have always despised your high waste pantaloons.
    good song.
    happy b-day.

  4. Sorry (not sorry) but I have a million pairs of pants like these from Europe. Whether it is a thing or not, it is my thing.

  5. Thats true. never apologise. despise was a bad word choice and its always been ur choice. u pull off everything, of that i have no doubt.

  6. this is inspiring me to write more, and not feel bad about being a loner! that last breakfast looks so good. I am eating so much bacon and I know you were wondering! It is VERY useful to remember and rethink about the things you did that make you feel better. You know what to do!

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