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I’m sorry you came here.

Should I do one of those year end posts? Do I even have anything to say to you guys (always) anyway? Did I learn anything worthwhile this year to warrant one of these things? Who even am I anymore and what’s next? There’s lots of pressure on bloggers to deliver, to have all these grand wisdoms (bordering on delusions) about life and lessons and I know I have my Little Raymis who look to me for guidance but when I clam up it’s like eeeeh now what? This year has truly been transitional for me. I’ve learned that people only want to know the dirty gossip, the deets. They like to see heroes fall and they love to talk shit. I’ve learned that I’ve spent the last 12 years of my life as a sort of performance artist and I put myself last way too fucking much. I am a pleaser at heart and I will go the distance for people who don’t deserve it just to see it through if anything comes back to me. It doesn’t. Well, maybe. I made my mark over-sharing and now I am afraid to. Funny that. I find that I am good at it, unraveling my Craymi stories behind the scenes delights my friends, frights them. I had a stressful month, couple, several of them. Lots of bad luck it has been hard keeping my head above water to be honest. Someone almost died and keeping that a secret has been toxic if I said who they’d lose their mind but I hope that was a wake up call. Someone lost their job and that affected everybody, everyone is crabby and in each other’s way drinking a lot to deal what I have learned is when it’s bad, it gets worse and keeping a brave face for the internet throughout has been trying. I feel like everyone goes through some shit it’s just a part of life but when you can’t see the end of the tunnel it does get pretty suffocating and for it all to go down in the winter, ultra challenging. Being stressed out of my mind made my period wicked late. I took three tests, all negz results obvi but yet the paranoia cycle frenzy that goes on in a woman’s head is unstoppable. Plus I’ve been eating like crazy. I figured it was just stress and lots of sadness but each day that passed it was like what’s wrong with me bro? Then I’m all, what had happened was I probably drank away my fertility for sure, for certain. Or I changed women circle cycles, chalked it up to cosmic witchery. The amount of times I cupped my breasts to decipher if they were a) fat girl breasts b) pregnant girl breasts or c) premenstrual breasts is uncountable. Being bloated forever when I am vain as fuck hasn’t been fun either and is at root the control board for all of my moods if I am body unhappy then you best believe I am upset. Plus no one even blasted in me TMI sorry but I’m saying whatever I want from now on this thing so deal anyone who is related to me. I’m tired of being afraid of speaking my mind, very tired. No matter how many bitches (and trust me there’s lots) talk shit about me on Christmas night in a bar I haven’t walked in to in over a year thus successfully destroying a would-be relationship for me. Friends, what I have learned this year is that people want to see your ruination. They love it. And after the year that I’ve had it’s like how dare they. I’m sure I have just as much dirt on these horrid women too but moving on I got my period today so I’m back baby. Kim Kardashian gets knocked up by Kanye, Raymi gets her period. Best day ever.

So, I put my wants and needy needs on the back burner the last little while. Not selflessly, just more so in a resigned fashion and going with the flow. Life is short but you shouldn’t rush things or flee all the time. You should face your demons and this is the difficult part. Acceptance. Accepting that you’ve been doing it wrong and it’s time to stop. The infuriating thing for me is the talk. I actually lead a pretty boring simple life these days IMO so making up lies about me is super hurtful. I don’t do that to people. I forget my own infamy sometimes I see myself as some quiet old man feeding ducks from a bench with Christopher Walken pants hiked up to my tits. I am not that guy. I am Raymi the Minx with an illustrious past and reputation and Toronto is a small-ass town and people like having me out of it. People going out of their way to sabotage me is a bitter pill I’d like not to ever have swallow again. But I will, and that’s that.

If you guys are going to learn anything this year, please for me make it that you drop the ‘s’ from anyway because anyways is not a fucking word. I hate hearing you say it and secretly suffer your stupidity. It’s all I ask for now, 2013 lets do this.

20 thoughts on “I’m sorry you came here.

  1. Calm down Raymi, It is not that complicated. I read you because you are funny and dramatic. It is tough on me too, I have an English Degree. My English ear rings from run-on sentences, poor parallelism and street lingo. However, I just love your very creative neologism. You are probably not running out of eggs either, but your bio-clock seems to be ticking very profoundly.

    Love, g

  2. Gerard, you are and always will be a cunt. Happy New Year. My run-on sentences carry a tune, a blood melody.

    Hiya Kylie cutie stay cool!

  3. Hey sweets, I cheer not for your ruination, but for your success! 2013 is going to be a bad ass year, I FEEL it. Here’s me, giving you a huge hug.

  4. i have an english degree and i love ur writing style. that’s why i’ve been coming back for whatisit…. 7-8years now? language is alive and ever changing. people get wayy too stuck in their proper grammar police boxes. AND there’s a term, condoned by exclusive academia, that gives writers immunity from grammar cops: “artistic license” durr.
    also you are the 2nd person besides me that had a MAJOR pregnancy scare this month… boobs, bloat, late, mind games, not believing the negative result…. all of it. cosmic witchery indeed.

  5. While you’re dropping your “s” please remember it’s “I couldn’t care less” because when people say they “could care less” it implies they do care which is the opposite of that which they are trying to say. AnywayS, happy new year! Oops. Anyway.

  6. i only hate “would of”…….people have forgotten the word have exists!
    happy new year you are awesome

  7. I think the way you feel when you wrote this is not the way you normally feel.
    I hope you feel better, and get restored to sanity when you go insane.

  8. So how weird is it for you people are in a bar talking about you in Cincinnati Ohio?
    Pretty weird I bet.
    Well I love you and I hope you find peace in 2013.

  9. I’ve always said drop the haters
    life goes through cycles, there are good times,bad times,loving times and self loathing times
    all of those times are great opportunities for change

    You can only run so many times and for how long till it gets more than old
    facing the demons and the truth is painful but necessary for any kind of growth
    saying goodbye to people don’t care,places that don’t work ,destructive useless patterns bring you closer to a genuine healthier soul.

    So Goodbye to 2012 and Be Hopeful in 2013!!!

    Be Hopeful that it just might be good for something!


  10. I enjoy your long, tortured, thoughtful posts the best. We are so selfish, your readers. We would have you go through massive self-reflective self-revealing bare-all revelations just for our selfish desires. But I think the majority want to watch you not just survive but thrive, rise, conquer! Go Raymi!!!

  11. Raymi, you normally filter your comments for a positive feed/image/everyone love’s you. Why allow Gerard’s message? Just wondering.

  12. Is 2013 the return comment drama at Raymitheminx?

    I always enjoyed the flow of conversation in your comments section. It brought your blog to life and made it feel like a small, exclusive community of intelligent, but very odd, oddballs to whom you occasionally threw a sideways glance.

    Your Mom’s advice is good for real life, but not for Internet page views. It’s been way to quiet in your comments for the past two years. I don’t think you should allow genuine haters to comment, but people with differing opinions are not necessarily hatrs, and remember, as you have repeatedly told us, you are not your blog. You are Lauren White, Raymi is just a part of Lauren White.

    I keep tuning just because.

  13. Raymi, I’ve been reading you since forever it seems and you’re one of the few that still keeps shit real and interesting and gut-busting funny. I am feeling buried under so many piles of terrible mom blogs and all the talented, interesting original bloggers are just hiking a trail of tears to extinction and I AM SAD! Keep on keepin’ it together, girl and may all good stuff come to you in 2013!

  14. Keep it real no matter how you feel – one of my latest Raymisms. I don’t know how to be other than me. There’s another. Thx Francine.

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