Trapped in paradise

O_O Now watching Raymi the Minx TV o_o

Blinking from that cray wind.

Ahoy out there.

I suddenly have a hankering for the gypsy kings’ rendition of Hotel California.

Welcome to de island mon.

Step into my orifice.

One hot phone moment left bro. These things someday will be gone right?

It was 1000 degrees sitting on that thing. The heat I will never forget. I dig it man. Makeup looks better on you. A lot of freckles came out of my face.

Day one with LoLo and I get skinnier as the vacay goes on. I got poop sick somehow I think it was the water and I was damn dehydrated. Still am. Still got a bit of the craps. I played craps and took mad ones y’all.

Lets do this shit!

I never did get that two piece. Two one pieces instead. Fashion suits.

Such a ball. Where’s Raymbo?? Peace!

I love flowers.

How many hearts did I crush do you think?

Good to know!

So many desty(nation) weddings.

And bare bottoms.

Did you ever get on wifi?

Listening to Kokomo on the beach was mindblowing. The first word is ARUBA. Dad you must try it! Why were the B Boys so tropically obsessed? T-Birds, surfer girls, guys chill! Lol.

Baby got back!

So thirsty right meow. Vitamin water time ahhh.

I look cross-eyed here. You’d have to see it on the ol FBox though cos emailing from those d/l distorts and that’s the only way I get ma mom’s pictures. Nothing in life changes NOTHING. Lebowskis.

Colour everywhere it was intoxicating. Like being in a pop art candy land.

Our hotel.

Aloe Man.


Mean mom would not give me these.

Venus from New York was a major sweetheart we befriended her.

On the way there shots are nice, smiles unforced.

I was trying hard to get Susanne mackin’ up on that couger eater. I thought the civilized chat was good enough. I’ll take what I can get. Damn straight I was the bad girl on the trip. Some stories go right in the vault and then blown up with waterproof dynamite at the bottom of the Caribbean. Part of Raymbecca’s gift is hearing the good, the bad, and the ugly accounts. Get a box of popcorn. Box? Cracker Jacks?

Rode a Seadoo like a muthaf-cka several times for free.

Holmes seen here def all about ‘dat.

The only time I was in the pool ever, first day then cashed out by the pool after coupla ‘daqs and a jerk wrap. The early flight and all night did me in. Black Car Club hooked us girls up large thank you v much. “Black Car Club sets the industry standard in luxurious, safe and convenient private transportation. With an impressive line-up of premium vehicles, we offer our clients an outstanding variety of transportation options.” What BALLERS ride in.

This view is imprinted permanently to my mind’s eye.

What a convenient hat to own. Lolo has been to Aruba 6 times now. Hit ten and become a citizen!

I spy Georgia.

I found these, I styled these blabbity blah me.

She’s a juicy girl. Clem and I always debated on the meaning of the term juicy. At like 4 in the morning wasted immaculate at the Central when you have no right to be engaging in differing opinionated warfare. Awesome times. I’m never wrong and he’s a lawyer AND thinks he’s smarter than me cos he’s asian and a man. And has way more money than me ahaha.

This thing is not owned by the hotel so swim to/climb/dive off at risk. It was rusty but totally solid take a relax pill resorts! I guess people kill themselves all over the stupid place.

Oh STFU Senor Frogs lol. So quirky. So drunk white american seducing. I went there one night and it was a wild time. Hot bathroom oh my god, and one only, Seriously one? I don’t remember anyone’s names of the people I met but it’s full of young dudes and they are all about older chicks. I was a freak of nature, in a good way.

In total I sloshed over: 3 drinks at dinner. First night seen here I was sleep-deprived delirious, like wobbly wavy Johnny Depp and probably drunk. It was really windy and both misfortunes weren’t 100% my blame but still I was mortified. The best one was the comped bellinis and the wobbly table at papillon, my mom was taking a picture of us and myspace styles and I knocked her flute down to the table in to smashed pieces of glory. Swish!

This was spectacular. No funny business no worries! The boat guys were my beach buddies after a time that was awesome relief and normal? Jamming on the boat and seadoo listening to skrillex and soca and getting splashed all to hell. This is the life for them every single day on the water. When a boat at my uncle’s yacht club blew up I was like dudes get-a listen at this. They did not care at all ahaha.

Mom has infinity embarrassing pictures of me I’ll eventually have to put her on payroll and get her a better camera. Viktor said I am like a Brazilian woman, asking for this, being direct. I said if you don’t ask how will you know to receive and he agreed. Viktor I am a size small and would love a new Benetton wardrobe. Viktor was also our friend & owner of Casa Tua, we ate there 3 times and it put me back to health each time. The pesto is the best I’ve ever had and I had it twice.

First dinner out on way, no wait, this was third one out. Eating proper dinner out every night is fun exciting and exhausting, getting ready for it while you’re beach strung out and two moms yammering away my mom yelling at me to hurry the F UP and me yelling back to chill cos I was catching up on work email that has to be addressed HAS TA! Next time if there is a next time I am bringing those headphones that they wore at the Indy.

Did I mention that this all went down in paradise? There is going to be a lot of posts on it I am sorry to break it to you which is cool because (you will have to wait to find out about that part).

The most I saw of these bros were around resorts, cos they’re big time mooches.


Romeo & Juliet vision.

There I go go.

Chill dude. lol.

We made parrot friends. Went back to visit the black swan again.

Night one Casa Tua.

Island life. <3

Such a small so very far away island. Another planet. It was amazing.

We are all gassed here. Viktor lubed us up thanks buddy!




Girl gang!

Later sk8ers.

Palm Beach baby!

I went for a seashell loner walk yesterday as the sun went down and listened to tunes.

Tres romantique.

Here Raymbecca! Writing your name in the sand made me cry! I was kind of drunk too haha. A man from Toronto put his hand on his heart and then that was that!

Here Arran. Your comment won because you said all the right things.

More of these when I get home. Internet is slow here.

This means my sweetheart. Mi Dushi. It sounds like douchey. Obvs I’m a big fan of it.

Can someone get me the episode of creeps already so I can upload it to youtube holy f-ing crap thanks.

These shades bring out the nose of my nose. I believe Jules picked them out. Hi Jules!

My #PBENation playboy bunny ears and made the last call of happy hour in the nick of time.

Send me your playboy bunny ears pics babes please.

Hi mom.

Fresh meat.

I want these heels mom.

We walked home after dinner, karaoke wasn’t happening. You don’t need to party all the time.

Black swan! I saw it first.

It came right to me but I didn’t have any food.

Victor (at the bar, also owner) took a shine to me (don’t they all) he’s a french guy from Montpelier and has 4 girlfriends. He said he likes “womens” like me “so much”. Raymi vortex hold on tight buddy. The food at Casa Tua was v delicious.

We’ll probably party at the mill one night.

I just told my mom I would throw a rock at her she is driving me insane. What else is new. yes I love my mom blablall lal blah but AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! How long can you handle hanging out with your mom for? This is why we drink. Lois rented us an SUV for two days we’re going exploring later on. Mom thinks she’s getting shotgun the entire time.

Gorge hotel grounds.

With these guys everywhere.

They call me mellow yellow.

Guess the foot.

I’m going to miss this so much.

Where’s Raymbo?

Best shirt ever. I need more like this.


:) :)

Sun in my eyes. Nice crotch shot.

Blaha cheeky shirts everywhere.

I can’t sand it!

Second night. My nails look way worse than this now. I didn’t bring polish. I should get a manicure.

Drink fail.

We had dinner at Gianni’s. I had a salad. I’m going to stop pigging out on buffet bacon now.

Tracey you owe me some drinks, cheapskate.

Time to go get my tan on.

I found a new job jajajaja.

Crazy cab. I was dancing to the tunes so the picture turned out this way. My mom has hilar pics of the interior.

No one knows how to take pictures here apparently.

Aruba Raymi out!

Ariba Aruba ARaymi

So much for washing and blowdrying my hair yesterday.

Saved you a seat.

Some of the resort iguanas are missing arms and tails cos people step on them (I think) and then they take off without the rest of their arm. That’s the breaks when you mooch around resorts bro.

Palm trees are my favourite.

I was getting stinkeye from a potato when I was posing for this. It just makes me puff out my chestsicles even more. Don’t frown on vacation it looks so fugly on you.

Secret people watching and photographing is awesome. Is that a potato?

I want to go to there. But I don’t want to get dragged on my face through the sand or the water on the way there so maybe not.

I am making lots of new friends. They all run away from me though :( haha.

They don’t call me bum bum Lauren for nothing.

Should I buy this? Also comes in black. Hmm.

And this? Looks awesome on me arse. Yay or nay?

Yeah and so what? More like it’s 12 o’clock somewhere. Idiots.

Aloe man! An Aruba institution. Lois has seen this guy before years ago. There is a job for everyone. I think the sun fries your brains after awhile. I feel like one day away from being Aloe man myself.

Mom and Lois. $49 get real.

Haha nice.

This hat reminds me of the chick from Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. I didn’t buy it.

I need some Paris Hilton shades. There’s a bag of them in my tickle trunk somewhere beneath all that crap.

Oh look it’s Blurren.

Boat slide! I also rode a seadoo in the Caribbean sea it was bananas! On that tube draggy thing at the very end we hit some wake and I flew up like a ragdoll and slammed back down on my neck. Great thanks! It’s all good I am fine, I have 9 lives (knock on wood).

Best bathingsuit ever. Going to buy a two-piece today. I tried on a monokini but I dunno, I am really in to the print but they have the potential to make ya hippy and wide and by you I mean me.

Georgia and I pulled a prank on one of Lois’ friends who is staying at a hotel down the beach from ours. He hasn’t figured it out yet who it is lol. Good!

Ze prank.

Ze mum bum. I pantsed her when we got out of the water after our tube ride and a guy gave me a thumbs up from his boat ahahaha of course mom screaming out only draws more attention to it.

Wonder what stupid crap I’ll get up to today! Haven’t d/l my shots from last night either. We had dinner and some dancing. People can smoke in clubs here. BARFFFFFFFFFF.

Obviously I wanted to climb up in there. I didn’t.

Birds and lizards everywhere.

Happy hour is a fine and happy hour indeed. Actually it should be called happy hours but that’s just me. I had a seabreeze. I like seabreezes. I used to drink them when I was 16. baha.

On the seadoo my top kinda blew down but I didn’t care and the dude didn’t notice. My hair was hitting him in the face. When he was driving it his long island hair was in my face too. Go with the flow mon.

Miss ya like a hole in the head.

ps. gimme some voms and I’ll mail the best one a present. What size are you?

Aruba Raymi

Time go go boogie at the hotel Manager’s party with the Wine Ladies + the girls. White dress or bathing suit with shorts? We soon shall see. Aruba is ten babillion times better than therapy. Love RTM.