SO Rebecca.
Classy and Sassy Toilet tv show. That’s a clean floor!
Everyone (not me!) was spilling drinks on me it was ridiculous. Just as my shirt would finally dry it would happen again good grief and so I changed.
Okay bye bye.
Monthly Archives: March 2012
Oh you didn’t know? Bout the Stella and Raymi Show?
She always interrupts exercise time she just loves me so much we don’t know what to do!
Ain’t nothin’ but a Yay Cray
I don’t know how successful a blobber I shall be today, there are stars floating in my vision and it looks like I have 20 fingers speeding typing this crap to you right now. I am on the mend from my weird flu one part party one part, flu? But only in that it’s maybe mid-way point but I am still deep in the throes of it. Oh boohoo what else is new whining on a blog everyday what is the diff between that and not being sick? Hmm, well cold medicine for a start. I guess I eat a little less, and I couldn’t sit up at all yesterday. This is what’s in store for you if you catch the raymi 31 ways to die virus. I think I need to re-word that one because it might make the viewer think that I am turning 31. Which according to How I met your Mother is a disgusting age to be. But 28 is alright. OMFG it’s my last month of being a 28 year old and a week has been wasted trying to act like an 18 year old so there must be a lesson in here somewhere people. J/k like I give a care about anything ever party on wayne.
I like how Rebecca has to tell a story about every thing she pulls out to show us like how I do too but this was funny because she said AND I GO OUT SHOPPING WITH THIS like hello is there some other purpose for, this? And the second funny thing about it is she thinks she should get a medal for it too I threw myself on the bed laughing and no one knew why I was laughing which of course made me erupt in to more giggles for it. That is probably when the atom was split and the sickness started its thing.
It’s just desserts that the next coming day’s posts will all feature how I did this to myself. Colleague asked if I got a flu shot and I don’t believe in that hocus pocus baloney, I believe that people SHOULD get sick because it makes them stronger, maybe not an 80 year old lady but you know a my age type person should still be able to get battered from a bad bug for a week and fight it out, it’s good for the soul searching even though in the beginning stages I was quite petrified I had meningitis (I am an alarmist through and through) and was going to die, I had horrible migraines all over my body and it felt like all of my organs shut off, pain everywhere like my own Trainspotting moment. I haven’t drank in days too I’m quite proud to say considering I treat all life’s ailments like a polish grandma’s and pour some vodka on it. Keeding just keeding. Tak tak tak. Lol. See I told you I am squirly so I can say anything I want today.
Chi Chi No No is the name of that cat making contact to her people via this photo. Yes actual name. Cat people are cray don’t forget. Make sure you see Puss n Boots, so many cat jokes and cute cats and it’s very clever. We watched it Sunday over Booger King as I began my caterpillar in to death sick town butterfly transformation on the couch. Dad you will like that movie.
I am brushing my hair with the cat brush, well pretend, I think my salon would flip bananas if that was for real and say hello to sergio who was a yay cray with us too he only innocently dropped in to something I forget and then was hypnotized by the almighty yay cray powers of our prowess and stuck around to bear witness to some seyances aka drinking potato vodka and dancing in shadows.
Look it’s my tupperware it never made it home and see by tupperware it’s actually a delivery container. I can make a to-scale pyramid out of my collection one of these days jajaja.
It’s weird how my head is shrinking right? Normally when girls get skinnier their head is a big bobblehead like Lindsay Lohan’s during her opening on SNL but not mine stay tuned!
Did you skin snakes with that?
I need a tan now. It’s ridinkulous.
That’s called dancing! I think?
Jules enjoys shakin’ her boot-ay it’s fun dancing with you kid.
It’s funny watching dude pervs in the room staring googly eyes at Jules and sorry for cock blocking you, it’s her choice too. As we left the party I was like now Jules, you can go back there and have any guy you want, is that what you want? We have a yay cray party huddle and continue off home, leaving 3 guys running after our cab. One girl at the party was like why is everyone horny? Ha I can’t wait to blog that we got a lot of great fun photos. I never go to parties, I miss a lot of events, and seeing as I make making a coffee an event can you imagine what cray of an event-event I can make? And by my own steed too, social relevancy is not my problem it is yours.
Directing these yay crays to stand in the light was impossible.
Nay cray I say.
Rebecca is just in her own world. What would we name this place?
Ok dinklings let a pro show you how it’s done. Sometimes I get a really nice photo of Rebecca only after telling her to just take my direction (she is stubborn) and then I have to talk in caps lock NOW %$#^$% LISTEN TO ME I WAS ONE OF THE FIRST GODDAMN PEOPLE TO USE ONE OF THESE FRIGGING CAMERAS STOP NOT LISTENING TO ME. Then she listens.
Oh right we are going to figure out the lighting in Yay Cray Palisades because you have to keep the kitchen light on which is too bright, you need better mood lighting. People afflicted with my special sensitivities are in fact allergic to bad lighting. Fact.
Okay okay lets Yay Cray it out and all is well again.
Jules bewbies make me want to puke so jealous.
Someone said I can get a doctor note basically claiming to be sad for being flat and get implants. Hmmm.
JAjajaja.
Oh but of course who do you think was taking all the other YC pics. Serge might let us tie him to a tree and throw painless objects at him for a YC ceremony.
Even though it is bad luck to have a man around for YC club like having women on board a pirate ship, or any ship? Which was just a lie to go off without women you jerks but yeah we let Serge in once he agreed to take our pictures.
Bech said she had tacos yesterday. Grr. Not that I had any appetite yesterday or today for that matter but everything made me jealous yesterday, good thing I stayed off the internet. I watched Anderson Cooper give away a bunch of stuff on tv and I was jealous of everyone in the audience who all looked healthy and vital and their lives were together and they were going places even though they were sitting in a tv studio audience like morons with nothing better to do and the show was all about the internet and viral youtube channel people, and a girl in the audience just started her own youtube (cool story get lost!) and they gave her $1k for new “equipment” (WTFFF) and lessons (?) plus youtube trade secrets (I am sure!) at youtube camp (making that up) basically with a crash course on how to do it right. Canada is holding me back I thought lying down 180 degrees on the couch as a sickness statue.
While Serge and I were discussing a-holes, these guys were re-inventing the jean short.
Well, at least my eye makeup looks good.
I look like I am in a cottage. That’s my MO/how I live my life anyway, like it’s a cottage and always drinkin’ on tha porch time.
Just because we like to dance doesn’t mean we always get it right and at the same time.
Phewf, saved by this gem.
What’s that move called again?
Girls see how intricate I am at all times? SEE!
And this is a dance representing degrading whomever is dancing nearest to you it’s hip hop’s version of capulet vs montague thumb biting or whatever they did.
The Yay Cray Beam passes through the center of our pentagram I can’t wait to watch this in movie form.
See her scar? Once in awhile we get to hear I SHOULD BE DEAD proclamations. Chilling. I won’t know what she’s talking about and will apply it to no no you’re just having a bad week lol then clue in oh right, that, yes totally but you’re not yay cray power was watching over you.
By the power of yay cray it was not your time to go to kokomo yet so that means you probably have to “make something of your life” boring worthwhile stuff like that see I told you there was a lesson somewhere in all of this.
It’s nice to have a yay cray in your life, more people should embrace their quirks, dedicate blogs to them, start your own thing and forget about memes because we get it already.
Uhoh sexy pants time def time to go home ps serge’s eyeballs the YC worked on him.
It would be funny to share the funny reaction Serge had to bech’s sweater when she showed it to him but I can’t, sorry!
But I will do this little dance for you to apologize instead.
Brad Pitt has ruined these hats for everyone.
This is what you have to look forward to btw!
Sorry for dying
My friend screetus shoots for the derby league and so of course I struck a pose or two for him. Raymi Town is a ghost town today guys sorry I am sick as a dog, I haven’t been sick in a long time much less as sick as this. Not fun.
THAT IS ALL FOR NOW!
I am a genius
31 ways to die is being put on hold for a few days jajajaja. There’s a lot more stuff to blob as always but this should do for now, from my crapp-ay phone. Ps. here is the facebook event for the Junko Mizuno burlesque/art event I am dancing in. Will be fun fun and yay cray. That is why my party dare death wish is being put on pause, also because I am coming down with something and maybe dying, I felt it wash over me yesterday as we were heading to the canlit thing in the cold wind of course dressed as a stupid shivering girl and no hat or mitts. Time for more eating.
Dumbelina
How’s about that wind, Toronto? Once I struck that pose urryone started doing it. One guy in a beamer crawled slowly through the light cellphone pic’ing it I thought it was hysterical. The driver was fine, we thumbs upped each other.
Fun times. Tell you all about it tomorrow.
Lots of funny things and jokes. Slipped on cinnamon, on water, balloon and nerf darts in the face wearing helmets typical harth/bnotions shenans.
Everyone played with the wings.
Fans were here I spaced on the email, I skim, and barely. It was very fun and interesting and a great idea for a party I was like Jules wait until you get here jajaja.
Matt and I are going to do a shoot together. He is a Matt the minx.
Matt you broke the chain. You should never break the chain. That is when I slipped on water and cinnamon and it was hilar city.
Heavy Metal HAIR!
Move please you might get hurt.
Worst headache ever bye!
Yay Cray
Club Yay Cray official member salute. Stamped it.
This is the story about how language goes to die. One innocent girl’s night out quickly turns into a bunch of squeaky shrill cackly witch hooting and prehistoric verbage skills giving even cavewomen a bad name. Wait that sounds wrong, I mean we don’t talk good no more. What am I talking about I don’t fucking know read on dudes, secure and happy in the thought that it’s TGIFuckthisshit day!
The theme for my blog and life for the month of March (my birthday month as we all know and ignore) is 31 WAYS TO DIE. My bday is at the tail-end of March, on the thirty-first. I am that close to being an April Fool. My life would be forever changed for it, that, but anyhow I have 31 nights of partying in store and I think by my champagne birthday (I love these invented party justifications)(that’s turning 31 on the 31st btw) all my Minx hi-jinx will be about done. I’ve effectively forecasted and packaged the next three years of my life for prospective reality whatever the hell persons and tv outlets to start mulling over. However, lets get through this month first shall we and see how good I do at my own invented dare. Yes the stupid crap never ends.
And then I will pass the party wand on to Jules while Bechnique and I go off to our moon hut on a hippie cray farm compound and make our own manure from compost (wait that’s not how you do it lol) and make sun-catchers and have scraggily hair and be bitter about my entire fucking life in the form of book. OR we will be in Hollywood Hills with Blowhan, take your pick.
Hey it could happen. Shyea right Wayne and monkies could fly out of my butt. Hey wait a minute if we’ve ever learned anything from tv, in Wayne’s World every one of Wayne’s dreams come true AND happy ending always. Plus they got Farley in WW2. Ha ha Wayne’s War World Two. I just blew my little woman mind o_o. Speaking of SNL allumnai, Bech’s bud Serg knows Norm Mcdonald’s niece and so we talked about SNL for a good twenty minutes. I am like I must meet her. Hi if you are reading this tell your uncle what’s up.
Now where was I, oh yes. I introduced the Yay Cray Society to the by the way game. No one was at all drunk at this point so it wasn’t funny at all but then that first drink on an empty (waiting to eat tacos) stomach started happening and we applied BY THE WAY after every single sentence and it was funny. Sprinkle lightly throughout the night randomly and the more gonged you are the funnier the snort laugh HEE-Haws come out and whatever the fuck anyone was talking about is immediately forgotten and abandoned. Yay Cray is low on attention spans.
I made ten thousand Wicker Man jokes about us. Those stupid girls had no idea what that meant. Oh my god I am so glad it’s not witch burning times, this guy right here I like to call me? So burned like years ago. (ps yay cray club your yay cray homework is reading my wicker man blog post and we will have to watch the orig together because I haven’t seen it and we will need a big bag of old man popcorn too).
This is why I need plastic surgery her name is Jules, I am hanging out with a 20 year old. We only let her drink water and eat candy. True say. Before anyone starts ripping on me for corrupting this protege, you cannot corrupt the corrupted. Oh snap. I mean, we are protective of her that is all she can fuck up all she likes (no she can’t!!!) I also hung out with older chicks my entire life and now I am the age of the chicks who liked to tear it up and the dudes I blasted/dated, it’s strange but nice and now I “get it”. We tell her not to be us every four seconds and she’s like noo whyyyyyy lol.
You look like a baby adorablah giraffe thank you for that.
And here is when sexy died. I asked one of the waitor guys to take this picture of our Yay Cray society official handshake. Picture it with more girls SO Wicker man. I am going to get us all to do it tonight obvis and then all guys will be scared and know not to fuck with us ever. FUN!
Yay Crays eat a lot of tacos. We abstain to better harness our yay cray powers so no pink ones yet, only once it’s the solstice hey guys do you think I can earn witchcraft klout points? Yay Crays talk about funny things like pink raisins. Think about it. Lol.
Yay Cray came to me in a Penny Packer induced lucid waking dream, maybe a taco arrived? I expressed the two most beautiful words in english history yay cray and the rest is history. No seriously I am not saying yay cray ever again after this fucking day for at least a week and then only in secret, to my yay crays.
Our friends in the underground send us secret messages like this druid candle, what it’s no coincidence that it was on our table and that there is a big curtain cloak when you walk in there? Oh and look at the red light on my hand, I am a wizard. Is that an Exit sign? BUT WHAT DOES IT MEAN. Probably a reflection from the candle/light flash OR, wait for it, contact from Zul?
Pictures galore. Photo cred big-ups to my girl Bech who takes care of all of that. I drove life documenting second nature obsession home so hard my best friend toilet paper does it for me. This is like Andy and Edie now haha you are a skinny artist Rebecca and I get to be the trainwreck muse.
And payment is fifty pictures of her and Jules doing facebook selfies on my blog. Whatever man they’re good for business, guys are fan-girling the Yay Crays like Cray. Jules got tons of friends in the night they’re all jocking her hard. Oh, wait a minute here comes another movie analogy (metaphor? what?) I am Regina Gorge and Jules is Kaddy, Kady? and maybe if we are lucky some day down the road I can scream in to the night I invented you. Ha nah, mean girls don’t win so f- that s-.
We were waiting for one more photo (a flattering one for once jeez cray get it together) and she was ignoring us so then we were like WAHH won’t do it in baby mocky voice and this is the photo of it thanks.
Jules thing is “weird shoes” girl. Get a parrot next and wear it on your shoulder, then a fancy hat. Then walk around Parkdale for a little bit. Yay cray Hazing is never over. It’s like a gang. There is no getting out either except for the witness protection program because once you’ve been blogged your entire life is ruined anyway right.
Longboarding accident so I wore a tensor bandage. Kidding it just looks like that.
Get your Yay Cray on quick seats are filling up fast. There is no shortage of cray girls in the city.
Best friend TP needs a mirror flash photography intervention. You will never make that happen ok, it will never work out for you, I love you and that is why I am telling you to never take a picture in the mirror again with the flash on there is no Yay Cray in history who has ever been successful in this endeavour no matter how much Witch craft they source from watching Nicolas cage get burned alive inside the wicker man *spoiler*. Thanks be to Cray + a Yay Cray handshake. There there.
There you go now (said in Stella baby voice) good girl aaand it’s too dark in here lets go to the lcbo Yay Cray allons-y. (unrelated, how much faking of knowing how to speak french would it take to get hired as a flight attendant, I wonder).
I brought my own tupperware to Grand Electric but then I forgot to order some to go and I wanted to keep it there (seriously I will be back next week to eat more) but our waitress did not take me seriously (who does?) and so I walked it to Yay Cray palisades and left it there after threatening that I would get this tupperware home safe and sound. I failed. That was a Nay Cray. Lulz.
They wore normal outfits and matching druid-like adult jackets. I dressed like Jimminy Cricket. Well, guess who is the founding father of Yay Cray society (aka Club Yay Cray) after all, ah-duh. I think we should have Zissou Society style rings for the Little Raymis all over the world and we will individually type our adorablah Yay Cray member letters on type writer now who wouldn’t want that in the mail? You are stupid and go back to bed if the answer to that is no.
Yay Cray commentary on the above photo that I can remember: making fun of my scarf like I just left an Italian restaurant ayyyy! Jules hair and face obscured by my tups got the most laughs. My stupid thigh highs. Jules is too close to the curb, we yanked her from near the edge of the street a couple times and yelled HEY I CARE ABOUT YOU! At the same time. Barrel of non-stop laughs.
Oh wait, now one for the older ladies yeah guy!
Hi!
We watched (tried) to watch Jersey Shore. Will have to re-watch again tonight before going out. Again. Zzzz.
HAah these are the worst pictures. Blog it!
Here we go now that is more like it. It’s a catch 22 to get a Yay Cray salute going because of all the yay cray in the room GUYS no this way, or Rebecca is ALWAYS holding something in one of her stupid hands and she delays a yay cray NEVER delay a Yay Cray EVER. It’s ok this post is a rule guide meant for learning. If you have to drop a glass full of water and shatter it for a Yay Cray DO IT. Okay you can put it down first but make it speedy or perform the Yay Cray with said object in hand too.
I need to go drink some gingerale all this trying so hard is making me thirsty. Thank god it’s over. Yay Cray meeting adjourned.
Taking over the world looks like this.
Question of the day
Here is a question (I want it to be answered free of age bias and not turn in to a haha fuck you raymi get a job and grow up answer) okay here it is: How do you effectively get rid of party guilt? Like, any kind of drug and booze concoction party guilt, maybe you talked some shit or inversely learned some shit talked about you and now it’s the next day and you’re drinking a bowl of hot coffee soup and you feel like apologizing to everyone? Or your boyfriend? What do you do other than world’s biggest doobie? This started out jokey and got retarded sorry but I kind of had a jokey vision for it anyway. Like Ho-hum deet deet dee Raymi no problem! All ya gotta do is dance a jig in your livingroom or something stupid so you can just talk about simple bloggy things but now I am sorry I even asked.
Love you bye.
ps. I was actually going to send this in to a hipster blog magazine instead but knew I would just be made fun of so may as well keep it all here in the winner’s circle. Brb with some Yay Cray.
pps.
I am becoming a member in the hopes that, oh I dunno, maybe get the cosmos rolling and in the event that I somehow have the dough for the other half of a secret sexy procedure. Maybe my mom can do it first as guinea pig. Yes plastic surgery “is gross” and unnecessary but I am pretty sure every single celebrity you love has had something done and am I a celebrity? Not with this fucking face no. I am taking matters in to my own hands now or the surgeon’s. Ok shut up whatever it’s just a fantasy blog okay girls in the next post we are riding unicorns together. Thanks be to cray, amen.
