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Watch what you say the devil is listening.

the kerouac bar with the classic “mad ones” quote in the middle of the bar on a chalkboard.

“The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars and in the middle you see the blue centerlight pop and everybody goes “Awww!”

now being a relative (and for some reason not being allowed to talk about it cos of the snotty ways of others) and having a drink here, it was pretty neat. more so from the stir i caused walking in all long legged and boogie nights. i changed in the bathroom. i don’t care if it’s a kerouac-inspired bar, i didn’t see one bohemian, maybe some local hipsters with a better than you vibe emanating around them like a forcefield. the only person i wanted to talk to was whomever put the quote up, named the joint, actually gives a shit and is the kerouac fanatic.

lots of eligible dudes in thunder bay, ladies, not bad seeming catches either, though in every town, in every “best of” watering holes you’ll find these people during happy hour on a friday. i have more pictures of dude clusters staring at me but yeah, no need.

what am i supposed to do though, say hey i’m your girl everywhere i go? i think it’s tacky. i know many other big mouths who scream that they’re a blogger a mille down the road before you even meet them, talk themselves up waaay bigger than necessary or is even factual as for me, i’m ten years patient with this racket. in slow towns the only concern there is is survival so take your social media and fuck right off. i figured the owner might be slightly stoked to have a legit living writing kerouac bumblemouth in the house but we didn’t have much time nor will. i don’t like that mad house quote much anyway, i did as a juvenile, and i fully wholly get the blatant meaning behind it but i am hesitant to pay too much homage to the frivolous mad ones cos i respect hard work which is more than required to get your mad little art out into the world, recognized, and influence and i’m talking influence supreme not circle jerk ass kissing your way to the top and fangirling everything.

i knew if i revealed myself as a kerouac looking the way i do, it just isn’t fair. it’s crazy. sometimes you feel bigger than yourself and you can see their mind made up about you before you cross the threshold and you have to make a choice to either sequester in the corner or own it. i typically choose corners where i can watch them back and make up little stories, vignettes, and be amused by their banal observations and incorrect facts. the dawson’s creek theme song moved a woman to say that it reminded her of dawson’s creek. i think i am just addicted to fucking with older men and am endlessly attracted by them and so, every move in life i make revolves slightly around that and women get caught in the crosshairs. i started this blog to allure men, (minx duh) make money off them and then by 21 i’d be a rich p0rn mogul but then women started reading my blog and hating on me, so i fought with them and ughhhhhhhhhh hahaha. teacher and i are both insane today cos i’m moving in. he just had an anxiety attack up on the deck and i am paralyzed in fear with piles of stuff to bring to adventurehouse to sell where melodie is waiting and my aunt is coming too. i will be drinking coronas until the 12 pack is empty. come have a drink and leave with some gear. for the addy we we will be accessible by internet why am i writing like i’m going to narnia?

i am a little glum today, and excited, as a chapter of my life is closing in form of a room i had that aided in my re-emergence to toronto from my hiatus from all that other stuff of my past. when i read kerouac as a teen it wasn’t until i had moved on did i learn more and more facts about the dude, like, he had a wife the entire time, he never really wrote about her, the books i bothered to read or it wasn’t made apparent. he omitted people from his life when he wrote and i chose to do the opposite and because of that i have a growing, evolving, ever-expanding cast of characters to work with. i can exploit my relationships and home life with men, scandalize my comings and goings, make fun of my mom, i have an entire army if i want of real people you’ve seen over the years. you can choose sides when we divorce. you can creep these people and steal my contacts and get under my skin. i’ve been hurt and fucked over over the years cos of how naive i am with people. i think i know them all, i let them in, and then they take from me and i never learn but at least i get to write about them, that’s their value and currency to me. some, their blog shelf life ends v quickly for various reasons and some get so wrapped up in this bloggy game they begin to think that my blog should feature them MORE when “xyz” event had absolutely nothing to do with them. they’re so caught up in this world, more so than me, it kills friendships. this “it’s just a blog guy, take a relax pill” is so much more than a blog now.

thanks kris!

Hi Lauren –

You, if anyone, would appreciate this:

i get kerouac emails daily. i’m not going to censor myself about my own bloody blood relation cos some dork hipster or shitty troll who has been reading forever already knows the inner depths of my soul: kerouac, omfg went to school in england blalbbhala because some people DON’T KNOW, haven’t been following along and you know what, it means something to people, kerouac does, and so do i. plus, in my business, you never pass up an opportunity to self-promote, even and especially on your own damn channel. yes i am a damn good writer and can write circles around you if need be. how many blog style articles to you read weekly in magazines, who do you think started that, made it ok and enjoyable to read and write like you speak? writing is not only an art, it is a power and a friend. it will take you away from your foul life and mood, shunning boyfriend in a coffeeshop for a good half hour, whether you are reading or writing so don’t undermine it. do you care about hashtags or hash? hahah kidding.

i am 21 here.

and here. no wait, 22. when i published my first book.

some photos of myself break my heart and i can’t tell you why. not here on a shitty blog at least. it isn’t worthy ahah not worthy of my precious secret endearing thoughts.

see you at the yard sale. head for parkdale. look for the beatniks. no, look for caribana hot babes i am staring at PACKS of them out the window. hmm maybe i’ll run to advhaus.


15 thoughts on “Watch what you say the devil is listening.

  1. can’t believe you are 21 in that b&w photo. i am 22 now (whoa time flies) and i look like a child compared to you. my fave photoshoot of you (besides the one of you in brooklyn with a knife to your mouth, know which one i’m talking about?)

    i’ve just realized that I’VE BEEN READING YOUR BLOG FOR 7 YEARS.

  2. As for Kerouac
    you have some similarities in writing style and insecurities
    but completely different at the same time

    He did love the mad ones, the passion people, but who doesn’t with ADD?

    What I loved the most about Kerouac is that he was so great but didn’t express it, or even know it. Which may have been a double edged sword.
    His uncle, My grandfather Kerouac was the same way. Didn’t know how great or really loved he was. Especially by me.

  3. By the way, did you catch the Lois video chronicles? She had another episode with Jack Daniels. Check the photo of her in the back seat with the red hat on.

  4. hes coming tomorrow. alison was a great help packing while i tended the sale with melodie. was fun. tomorrow is the real move but reality has def sunk in. i have too many clothes.

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