it’s not a family gathering til the cops come

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i now bring you fireworks, white family style, as captured by a person who had been drinking in the sun since 4.

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some are great some are crap.

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what is this a kanye west video? i WISH!

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omg call the police.

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i like that i told her i was a firework expert while teacher was lying about having a permit. he is way snottier than i am, we are going to have to have a discussion about how we deal with people in drunken situations where we are in the wrong (despite the other party just being a busy body) cos you never know right.

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in the end when they don’t get their baby ass way, they will 100% call the cops for no fucking reason, honestly, really? you did that?

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she’s prez of the condo board (i thought these were townhouses) and her dog is gay with curly poodly hair. i also loved the timing of her approach especially when i go it’s not even pointed at the houses (meanwhile i was pointing EVERY firework directly AT the houses, i couldn’t stop hahaha i didn’t want to point them up at my face as i was lighting them) one lit up and fired a huge plume of red rockets over at the townhouses AS i said they aren’t being directed over there. great. she just looks up at my fire arc and says nothing ahahaha. i think she might have been a comedian cos every thing i said was punctured by an example of the opposite of what i said. perfect comedic timing, that.

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this is public space, city space, the condos do not own the park. that’s the point teacher wanted to make but he was too busy arguing physics (seriously let me handle it next time babe) she realized her arguments with us were futile so she left, but not before she said I AM PISSED.

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uh cool thanks for letting us know, i’ll put it on my blog. WOMAN: ANGRY. anything else? two seconds later KABOOM! shawn blasts one off right behind her back. fucking beautiful. what actually happened was, the cops came to CONGRATULATE US for being ha-la-ree-us. they did. i’m going for my medal tomorrow. it’s true. i swear on the rapture.

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how much did you guys spend on the fireworks, all in? they brought a burning school house for teacher ha get it blahahaa.

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i set off THE huge firework, maybe next time i will read the label first cos i didn’t know it was the finale firework. it was one of those asteroid white sparkle propane factory explosion sounding beasts and it scared the shit out of everybody, total deafening silence then the entire neighbourhood cheers like wild. makes ya feel awesome. followed by wimpy zingers and roman candles, one blasted a parachute of silver rainbow ribbons, so pretty. that’s when the cops came we were dancing and running with it then it’s in my dad’s hands and i go haha dad the po po is here and he splits! classic.

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champagne fireworks are the best kind.

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yeah there’s a bit of a mischief streak run through our family.

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there’s a bit of sand in the front of the house now, what are we a full on beach house?

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it got a little manic. one after the other after the other. mom you would have been proud (and freaking out).

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haha dad you f–!

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there’s an accidental 11 minute audio recording of our kitchen hi-jinx. in it, my dad is messing with the cat, gets attacked, admits it was his fault, we eat cake, drink veuve, everyone is talking at once. i say (in mega-slurry voice) dad you’re a shit show, brother (inebriated) says, “dad, linda’s driving.” dad goes how am i a shit show? there’s tons of scary pocket rustling noises, cheersing, gibberish, music, yelling, laughing. it’s cool actually i may use it at some point for something.

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and the cops are watching all of this. UH OH LOOKS DANGEROUS CARL, BETTER CALL FOR BACK-UP.

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it was cool when we were all holding it like a flag/banner, the wind caught it like a sail. so pretty. no photos of that perfection obviously (thanks). sometimes fun time turns into not fun time when i am like TAKE A PICTURE why can’t everyone be on the ball about things like me? then you start recording and it’s all crap. get the moment and don’t make me have to ask, just do it. GOD PEOPLE. sometimes at the gym i’ll yell at my colleague to come take my picture when he’s off capturing astroturf or other stupid shit no one cares about HELLO OVER HERE ME! FLEXING! SWEATING! DUHH! i am surrounded by idiots.

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that’s the popo’s headlights back there haha.

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i guess i was so stressed out i crumpled all the evidence (fun and joy).

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i need stress pills. i am going to an early grave by way of heart disease if i don’t lighten the hell up. back with more shortly. melodie is on her way over! back from gay paris! haha that would be perez.

four day work week!