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faking it again.

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haha sloppy vision.

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oh i’ll kiss you too. kissaholic anonymous. except VERY PUBLICLY.

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it’s a picture of me getting my way.

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so happy. this spring i’ma sell this one, it’s called london.

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so versatile.

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and i am skinnier than it. yay. oh hey jason wtf? it’s like i conjured up everybody out of a genie bottle by blasting those photos up from tarek’s birthday (obvs having most to do with all of this).

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oh yes now please help me fix this thanks. women, ahem, do you feel me now? now, pay attention closely please.

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comprende?

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how about now?

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understand?

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this is why we do the things we do.

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ahh gosh darn jeez.

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sometimes i feel like you aren’t even listening to me at all.

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so um, right here? mhmm. hahahah.

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oh i think we got it finally now, sorry about that colleague.

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liking the safety pin accoutrements. boy has a personal signature.

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not now april mom is busy.

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oh great, now you are fucked.

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i can’t handle it.

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so revealing.

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oh april hehehehh awesome.

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predatory. i need a madam name. too bad heidi fleiss is taken.

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the sweet onion hypnotizes tarek.

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i need a pantyhose hosiery tights socks sponsorship. winkity wink. i think i am canada’s most famous blogger WITH THE BEST LEGS since 2000. go ahead and dispute that.

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i love this guy. i molested one of those appleton modelservants too. of course i did. oh that’s right there was a chick who was like 8 feet tall walking around. it was amazing.

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photobomber.

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our butts should be touching.

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potatoface.

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wonder where these men went off to this night. i say no more. hehh.

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tarek got our girl this dress.

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i edie’d around the room.

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see how tall i am? stupid pose with legs (i will stop doing that eventually) making me slouch, she’s in heels and i am STILL taller. maybe i will start lying about my height. yeah. i am 5’10 guys. i am 5’8, photograph as 5’11. now spread it.

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appears as though i am about to be nexted but what is actually happening here readers is i am nexting a drink off her tray and seen.

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admiring my fall future with these nella purses. i informed some soshe media people, or reminded them that i am the reason they have anything to do with the tarek nella purse parties at all. i got there first then my coattailers beaked up. one kid in particular was like, oh, well, i see. the ball dropped that’s right you are talking to the queen bee. i handed my card to another and he’s like all these awards? when did you win them? ok we are putting you in the summer issue. another queen bee blogger reminder, NONE of my competitors have won any blog awards as far as i remember or know, and each award as you all remember, was weeks of abuse and torture and work and i always landed first place. they are achievements and i plan to never bother with them again hahaha. i just realized this evening that i have to play the game some more and i’ve been too lazy, though i’m afforded that luxury of not having to work myself to the bone as much as others have to offensively litter each post with insincere ads and links and circle jerks i get to do the lazy raymi self indulgent organic thing more so i should stop feeling so stressed and competitive and use this extra time to FINISH MY BOOK.

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holy tangent. also i will be speaking to a class at my old high school soon. i will be inspiring minds to not go to college or university to just party til they’re 28 WUHOO! no kidding relax there folks, i will be making it very clear that only certain people make it. i’ll be using talking points from my book. which i have done at all of my talks. i spoke to millionaire entrepreneurs, i spoke at ryerson as well, that was awesome. i’ll brag about these another time but i tell you nothing is more fulfilling than motivating others just by opening and closing your mouth a lot and talking about yourself. speaking to rich jet setters about blogging and making money on the internet, amazing.

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i want you now.

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tarek you are so balling guy! fuck! fuckin right awesome!

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raymitheminx needs its own font designed then i’ll get that tattoo’d down my arm.

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i heard all of this from the ladies. i had a shy bladder and was so infuriated with my timing. it’s a mixed blessing as i’m sure i would have heckled or said something dumb.

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cool shot. i love that you are standing on an actual soap box.

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doesn’t age.

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so it can be a clutch on its own the little guy or worn like tool time as jason showed us a few posts back.

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smart bag.

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i saw this photographer just itching to take my picture but not sure how to broach it so i looked at him and said you can take my picture like royalty. which was nice of me as he took the last rum cran off the modelservant’s tray before i could.

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and that’s me holding it for him.

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i gave him a few options to work with. i am generous like that.

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oh now what, you too?

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fuh-ine. actually i felt like i blinked a lot thursday night. i did. i ruined many pictures because as much as i am a poser, i am pretty au naturale too.

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this is before brock (20!) asked about my birthday and how i’m thirty now. see what happens on your 21st. kiddo. also, let me remind you about something.

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you may be younger but you cannot outlast me. also, this could’ve been worse. much much worse. can a blog slave somewhere mark a line down on the kill board for me please? thank you.

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i cock-blocked you from so much fug this night. you’re welcome. we invented you. haha. ok fine i am too hard on brock. beautiful people have it too easy i think so this is partly why i rib him maybe, or it’s too easy. i just remembered a funny thing, as i was leaving with my colleague brock went puppy dog face and said HEY i want one of those. yes, of course you do.

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even from afar the shit talkin’ don’t stop.

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am told that inevitably i will go in to PR. we’ll see. actually yeah i was thinking the other day i would totally be a stage mom, i know exactly what to do already to stand apart from everybody else, if i make a baby that is better looking than me and keep it better looking then i can be lindsay lohan’s mom and WORLD DOMINATE until it picks up a drinking drug addiction and then send it to rehab on neptune. though why wait until making my own baby, i can just take your little piece of sunshine and turn her into a monster right meow. you know my email if you need consulting or guidance. talk is cheap, my results are guaranteed.

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tweet tweet.

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here i am figuring out how to get that bag.

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my night began here though.

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here i am showing my class (upper middle stfu!)(and age) by exclaiming my amazement at seeing the year 1972 on a bottle of wine. oh just let me have a taste come on. you know everyone wants to specifically hear what i have to say about the taste of wine someone saved for over forty years (holy willpower) and not a sommelier, they already fucking know everything yawwwn. anyway, because i watched dirty rotten scoundrels during my formative years a billion times i know that people with real money buy wine they don’t drink, and donate gardens for hospital courtyards and um, wear a lot of white, so, i shut my trap for the most part at this wino auction party. i let the loudest coloured blazer (from my aunt thanks!) do the talking for me.

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fine i ‘ll even settle on a a fresh bottle from 1982, that’s good enough for my tastes. for now anyway.

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the red they were serving (trius i think) was surprisingly delicious. the white, not so much.

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the auctioneer host began with an irrelevant joke i can’t remember now but only half were listening. i laughed because i was buzzed. i liked when the next dude snapped at everyone drunk blathering too loudly by the bar and i was standing all pink separating the talkers from the bidders so i stood stark still and quiet while he tried to shut them up but they couldn’t hear him over their loud talking and no one jumped in to pass the lecture shush along, i was too scared, so i stood there in my elle woods blazer trying to become invisible. public take downs stain my cheeks fuschia. i had already just blocked the view of several fat cats as well and was sternly told to move so, no more trouble outta me.

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my pals from cheese boutique had truffle infused burrata on site, i died. also my retest would be the following morning. wuhoh. must steer clear of this area.

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that jacket is pretty tiny and i felt bloated so i think i’ll have to bring it out again with a different bottom. we’ll see.

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i floated over to these five bottles, my friends, i’ve had you before. lets bid!

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women were staring at me (which i interpreted wildly in numerous ways as usual) and it was freaking me out so i made fat smile faces a lot. i need to mellow out.

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this is where i tried to be invisible. i cannot tune out anger or stress, like, at all. what a difference in the two functions i went to hey. i’d never been in crush before, i know a chick who works in the kitchen, they’re connected to all the usual suspect industry type restos i (have)(and do) giv’er at so it was nice to slink in there in-hot pink blazer-cognito.

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this guy pushed so much f–ing chocolate on me. coffee bean chocolate, cranberry, just straight milk chocolate. he was great. from stratford. i told him i’ve been there many times before, and to st. mary’s lots too. he was intrigued, i had intrigued the independent chocolatier and speaking of independent, i will be the brand spokesperson big wig independent business pusher for a new virtual marketplace soon so all that pr-baloney business speak i was mentioning up above is actually semi-starting, not exactly in terms of pr though, but business. i’m going donald trump and less donald tramp like i said before. baby’s branching out.

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well, at least i will look hot pregnant. girls it is impossible to suck it in when you’re wearing a spandex tube, you cannot feel anything. so always wear pants if you can. however, the fact that i am wearing that dress means i am in skinny zone cos it’s tiny, was britt’s and that pink blazer is wicked petite too so i’m a giraffe trying to stuff myself into thumbelina’s wardrobe.

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but the night wasn’t finished yet. had to drop in to the gladstone to love up a prospective client to-be. was right gunned by that point so i think raymi rubbed her the right way.

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and she had more food for me to eat. i sped-talked the table to outrun my eating and luckily they finished them before i could have a chance thank god. no, the cosmos. things may be gettin’ a l’il hippie ’round these parts puh-retty soon.

today’s agenda, get everything needed for brother’s birthday tomorrow. go for convertible ride with Duncs. eat on a patio in the sun. go for convertible ride with Duncs. cave and have teacher over. might go see a fleetwood mac coverband tonight so anyone wanting to give’r tonight you know what to do.

BURNOUTINGTON IS OUTINGTON!

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going through the reel of last night wooh fun times. bit by bit by bit i’ll scatter breadcrumbs here we’re on burnoutington time now. i’m eating handfuls of kashi and drinking guilty men malivoire, gonna be an early night my eyes are already squinting hardcore. thanks again tarek! and the rest. tonight i will be adding my dad to facebook. MAYBE! maybe tomorrow, who knows! he just called me down to the tv to see what was on and i’m thinking obviously the apocalypse from the tone in his voice. nope. just an immaculate to scale airport on discovery channel with an old white geezer sitting beside a model airplane. hahaha. i almost had a fucking heart attack. now he’s going on about it more. ok i’m sold. payce.

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had my retest today at tmr. overall great improvement. lost inches, lost weight, i’m stronger, can do shit longer and better. so yay. i am winning so my lifestyle is being attacked now by my fitness person, i have no idea how to word this shit but essentially that means i’m more than maintaining. i’m in the fitness area, meaning i am a legit fit person now. it’s real guy.

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omg these chicken soft tacos are the best. this is the soundtrack to my summer right here. i love the brazenhead.

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nails are long still. crap job of them though.

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got dtd yesterday. day time drunk. i was stressed about the three events (i’m a baby) i had to do in one night. i keep saying i am coming out of last week’s bday mess. i went hard the last two weeks actually and now i am shifting gears into fitness and health and beauty. i’ve been inundated with so much fucking gossip and rumours and have learned some hurtful things people in this stupid fucking neighbourhood have been piping up about me, people who’ve never even met me. simultaneous to that is my regular blog trolling nastiness. it is never-ending. i am skimming out the fat, all of it, the useless drama. from now on if you hear something about me don’t waste my time with it, simply tell the teller to go fuck themselves and thank you i am too busy to be dragged down by this drama.

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right, so i was defending DTD.

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i’m going to my dad’s for the weekend. it’s my brother’s 30!th birthday on sunday so i figure i have earned my little burnoutington bubble, it’s been over a month since i last went. shocking.

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i’m stressed to the max and i need space, i need a break. i’m money stressed life stressed status quo stressed gAAAAAH BLAAAAAAAAAAH!

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i’m not ready to be accountable for a relationship yet. i am and i’m not. i just need to drop off without question or explanation like that, defiantly, without the person feeling like i am doing it purposely to them you know? i told the teacher i’ve had my heart broken so many times this past year. it’s steeled me now and made me oh so gruff so when i’m ready to run i just run and i’ll see when you when i get back. i need my distance otherwise i’m going to just be a bitch forever. i don’t even know what’s meant to be private anymore. people say so much shit about me or share all my stories with their own circle and i never get a fucking say but then when i have the audacity to tell their stories it’s meltdown time. arg.

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i liked this vantage, so quarry and it’s so not.

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the guy in this hippie van flashed me a peace sign as he was waiting at the light. should have posed with him. i was too shy.

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guess who left with the flower purse…

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went to crush for a wine auction. taking this photo made them think i was bidding though i was immediately outbid thank goodness, it was up to $890. proper pics of this in my next post.

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tarek’s party was great. i had a lot of mai tais. the appleton dudes were there too great to see them again. i did some cartwheels. stupid fucking brock asked me if was thirty (he was joking) i should have pushed him through a window or left with kevin and brought only kevin to cut copy. pics on this also in next post. saw anita and was like heeey how long have you been here, she’s like, 15 minutes and i quip that’s an hour in fashion world eh? she laughed. touchdown.

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yesterday the city was a moor, so foggy. loved it. look at the cn tower if you can SEE N tower it.

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these baked jerk wings are super duper hot.

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trying to get myself with my mirror, the other shot the teacher took of me doing my behind the scenes self photog diy trickery. no more face lotioning i am breaking out. what do i do?

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my mystery designer specs.

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i did a late night guilty work out to cancel out the cheese wine mai tais and DTD.

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alright alright sorry for the sloppy post off to a meeting.

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holy eight years later much? the teacher dropped me off here, this was weeeeks ago when everything was in its infancy of driving him insane stages.

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took hours to translate the vision of put this in front of your face tarek.

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hi this is me. i’m here. check my name off please. i am in attendance. validate me now.

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this is how we got dranks.

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i’m a great kisser. april was crap.

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lesbo bait.

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tarek you are the best can’t wait to see you tonight.

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that was a fun party. i lost ten dollars and made a joke about that all night to april. maybe i should call and ask if they found my ten dollars? then i found it the next day in the form of toonies and loonies in a tiny inner purse pocket hahaha.

oh and ladies and gents this is the hottie behind the camera of these photos. yuh-um.

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jason is seen here modeling one of tarek’s bags. i want one of those.

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i think i could pull it off for sure also perfs for this summer.

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this was a test for me. look at me smacking my maw. i only succumbed to a bit of icing. just a bit. jason was like a diabetic fat fuck on these we were concerned. he had ten pieces. it reminded me of my sugar binge of last spring. girl is watching her figure now son. i’m going to be in a shoot for a big brand clothing company (as background)(ha but STILL) soon, so.

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maybe see you twerps tonight at this? socialite thursday in effect.

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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YUSQ4f2NTXM

1.30 for the win.

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yesterday was oh so magical. lookit me. i was born for ornate marble elegance. i look like i’m about to tap my way into your cold dead hearts.

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or tap dance my way down stairs and drink martinis out of those funny retro glasses the ones strip tease chicks slosh around in. mmm yeah that’s the life.

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and i was meant to sit and wait patiently for my hot euro scarf wearing husband with our 3 kids and my collagen injected matriarch lips. ok i’m just going to go in the order my mom has these on facebook.

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my mom went on and on about the opera yesterday i was pretty impressed that she has the attention span for it at all. she must be thinking about other stuff at the time though.

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mmm i looove mercatto. they’re expanding and branching out how do i get in on that? i stared at this one guy like i had staring problems while waiting for my moms to show up. i think he was the owner. i became very shy when they all rubbernecked me once i pulled my camera out after taking pics of the buildings outside so i didn’t take any i let my mom do it. i was really wound up yesterday. this is the burrata and beet salad. yuh-um.

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mom is sick. had a tea and grand marnier. two of them. oh yeah. i was cocked by the time they showed up off one sip of chianti. part of why i didn’t want to take any more pics to draw attention to myself.

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see us in the mirror up there?

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nibbled on these while waiting. my mom tore hers open with her teeth i was like, why did you do that you could just open it with your hands? she said oh, not ladylike kind of chuffed, no not my point it’s just, you learn people’s mannerisms when you actually pay attention. it was kind of animalistic, barbaric and funny. she did it without breaking any of the bread sticks that were so totally delicate and fragile.

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i am kind of adorable here no? i’m having a vodka soda so that means this is during intermission of course i was wondering if there was even going to be an intermission cos the first act was soooo long. i didn’t get to pee cos of the massive lineup i chose a drink over the line. lois went though, she is so polite, waiting at the end. i grabbed her and walked her cutting in front of thirty women and plonked her at the head. zero people noticed. win.

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teacher asked me if i thought i was masculine last night after i showed off how i walk sometimes, my strut. my vibe. he said there are elements to me that are masculine maybe, aggression, can be taken as masculine. there was another word too. meh. yeah i’m kind of tomboyish.

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some men have less testosterone, some have more. some women get a little too i think, or a little less estrogen? part of it is nurture too, i have an older brother so that is who i naturally mimic or imitate as a kid, i had all male cousins, and all the women in my family are bitches. haha kidding. no they’re all pretty dominant, type a personalities. yeah my mom was definitely not a wall flower.

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mom 2 is awesome, so sweet but i can see there are more layers to her as i get to know her better. she lets out these little revealing personal factoids, which is helpful. she knows how to read between the lines of my blog writing, very decent. i leave tons of breadcrumbs all over the place this is like a csi-enthusiast’s wet dream and new year’s eve for trolls world wide web wide.

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slammed that pose right out tha mawfuhckin ballpark i did.

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pretty.

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i look like a big black potatobug. some man called my mom a cougar last night as she bobbled on by i heard and looked back and they looked scared. lois heard it too. didn’t tell mom til a bit further on. i felt bitchy all day so i didn’t want to make more bitchy happen so i didn’t flip out on him. she looked hot and had lots of cleavage and a leather coat beige polkadot shirt, total coug ground zero outfit what do you expect? also what would i have done, that never ends well. oh did you call her a cougar? yes, yes we did sorry. ok then doot dee doot. ya right.

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lois had crazy high heels on i was nervous a lot but she truckered through awesomely.

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my cab driver over was like what is the deal with moms and daughters and mr. green jeans (resto above mercatto) once i saw mercatto i was like there is no chance in hell we are going to mr. jeans, not now or ever again. i went up the escalator and saw the bummed out expressions on all their staff’s faces, called my mom and was like change of plans girls.

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got away with this one. there is something kind of bath house to this. cool. my second finger is made of titanium that is also pretty baller.

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yes mom i will always be your little angel. why the gay soft effect? ha.

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someone tattled on her for this one and she got told off. we had amazing seats. thanks lois! hug hug kiss!

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another reason i couldn’t pee was cos of my jumper. the show was brilliant. tons of swearing and smoking, made me want to take up smoking again. made me pine for dancing again. maybe one day i’ll get in super super shape and somehow get to perform again. i dunno. if d list stars can do it… one day i’m going to have to leave toronto to make it bigger. groan.

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taking a photo of my wine glass i liked the gold on gold. no i was not busting lines i don’t think anyone could handle a play on blow. though if you could do let me know and good luck with that.

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i can’t remember if i’d ever been inside there before.

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wow face what are you doing now?

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one second wait for sloppy jacket bad posture woman to get out of my way.

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mmmmm.

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birthday gelato. peanute butter caramel and fluff mmmm.

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clams are adorable and remind me of alice in wonderland.

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hot fairy godmother.

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i’m sulking cos she wouldn’t listen to my vision and lois had to break us up ahhahahaha. my mom asked teacher if he would watch a show on us. he goes, yes, i would. oh man. that guy is super fucking popular at his school now with all his stories and photos of his new minxy pal. so, what did you say about me today? mhmm. mhmm. good. i see. nice nice. yep. right. ok, and then what did they say? hahaha.

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this is me waiting for you for forever but still smiling and happy to see you once you finally arrive. vive le chianti.

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cougar crossing.

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arrivederci!

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OMFG i was JUST talking about the secret garden!!!

ps. blog post title is a lyric from one of the songs in billy elliott. i memorized it specially. achievement.

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