http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495338500/

sharon stoner moment much. i don’t know why but when i look at myself in this headband i think of her. then casino. then all sorts of ridiculous irrelevant having nothing at all to do with my real life person type things. epic thoughts. charlie sheen-level. oh that poor bastard.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495339272/in/photostream/

guess who’s a Minx girl now? guess who already was a minx girl since 1983? these are lindsay lohan’s infamous decals, take on tie-dye. my brain was buzzing as these books were put in my lap and piles of designs so i’m not sure i heard kathy exactly but i piece together that she wrote the fuck you herself on the minxicure? either way cuckoo bananas yes please some more of that right meow.

oh no wait, this is the design she had.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495799702/

and look what i just discovered when you google lindsay lohan minx look for the picture of the black haired girl in the old man shoes in the diner third row down.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495339766/in/photostream/

you cannot pass these up once you see them. i can’t tell you how difficult it was to decide and narrow down.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494749371/

whattagwan!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495341702/in/photostream/

i want to find a picture of riri with these on so hype.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495809182/

woah thanks internet.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495217567/in/photostream/

that’s some surrious shhhhhit right there.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494750843/in/photostream/

diamond crystals on deck just in case you never know!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494751879/in/photostream/

here we go now.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494752253/in/photostream/

prep me baby while i rap to you.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495343882/in/photostream/

royal walking.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494753335/in/photostream/

my finger looks like it got in a bicycle accident like owen wilson’s busted nose then an idiot tried to realign it and this was the best they could do. don’t (do) be jeals of my endearing weirdism too much now.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495818120/

gaahaha look at that thing and oh my gosh could there be MORE pop culture references in this bloody thing can we just get through it already people jesus.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494753811/in/photostream/

thank youuu.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495345408/in/photostream/

reminds me of my ask zandar game. a wizard fortunes game. don’t ask.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495345808/in/photostream/

by the way i just got carded at the lcbo. NO IDEA WHY LOOK AT ME I AM 14 AGAIN. actually at fourteen i already looked thirty haha. all that 60 watt exposure from my bedside lamp reading christopher pike.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494755007/in/photostream/

this looks so intimate like we are talking about menstruation and feelings and barf, our sexuality. i wonder if rich people get manicures and massages because they are touch starved. how badly do i want to infiltrate a cuddle party anonymously and report back EVERYTHING to you people here!? 8:15 – donald “zanily” steamrolled claudia over to my comforter instantly erupting the secret farting nerds into resounding bouts of geeky giggling. i pretended i was in REM.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494755827/in/photostream/

being a girl is the best. being a girl princess waste of space, even better.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495348338/in/photostream/

you mean, everything i say is constantly hilarious always to you? no way! thanks! file file file buff buff polish. heheh.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494757523/in/photostream/

alexander mcqueen designed these. before he died obvs. kathy wasn’t sure if Minx would still release them. they did.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494758971/in/photostream/

on with the first. such an easy and interesting process. you can buy kits for your salon too, someone comes in and teaches you how to minx and off you go.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495350824/in/photostream/

while the nails are being cleaned and prepped for application, the minx decals sit beneath the heat lamp. then each one is individually adhered to a nail and fitted to size. then the excess sticker is filed off with a glass file. clean and tidy.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494759955/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495353204/in/photostream/

live minx reporting.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495353730/in/photostream/

i should put a photo up on pof with these and say i’m a huge soccer fan. gino jackpot.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495354696/in/photostream/

or i really love nascar.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495355160/in/photostream/

horrrrible posture. it’s better since TMR though for sure.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494764121/in/photostream/

i know the ones i want next if they don’t get new ones by the time i go back. pink/fushcia plaid.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494764825/in/photostream/

bla blah blah blah i am so important and hip and modern tra la luh social media blogging niche market honk honk yadda yadda. ahhahaa.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495356894/in/photostream/

i’ve never been so white in so long. i’m going to go alabaster to help stay forever young.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494766707/in/photostream/

ham attack.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495358828/in/photostream/

now for the fun part. zany posing.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494767697/in/photostream/

kiss the queen.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495360294/in/photostream/

underkill.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495360774/in/photostream/

bathing in the afterglow effects. don’t worry, this will be you too.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494769661/in/photostream/

and this.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495361908/in/photostream/

but not so much this you might not be cute enough for this.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495367072/in/photostream/

someone said i was a puppy that needed to be pet.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494778115/in/photostream/

SO PET MEEEEEEEEEEE.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495374312/in/photostream/

i was doing gary oldman doing jesus in the professional when he walks through the beaded curtains before they gun that family down. gary oldman, guy. incredible. bound to go say and do nutso things counter on that guy for sure.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495375108/in/photostream/

oh right we’re here about nails i should show them ha.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495377626/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494787513/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494788405/in/photostream/

yeeeeugh.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494789987/in/photostream/

just kidding guys everything’s fine and normal and dandy.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495382638/in/photostream/

oh backlighting.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495383512/in/photostream/

i went on a date with a photographer couple months ago. he snapped at me for being late (genuine time to meet up confusion)(it was only by half an hour) but anyway when he started about photography when i had to ask to pretend to be interested to get out of the being late doghouse immediately i was like oh my god shut uuuuup about photography and cameras. NOW. probably about the same feeling some may get from hearing about bloggers or blogging outside of me. melucas’ blood pressure must hit the roof there’s only so much we can taaaake enough enough. yeah well this bullshit got you vip baby.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495385792/

time to go.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495386582/in/photostream/

love the font, very harrod’s. see you in knightsbridge.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495388654/in/photostream/

i could get used to this. oh wait i already am and have.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494799429/in/photostream/

maybe my next brand name will have swarovski in it or hawaiian tropical resort billions of dollars and spanish villa and those guys will email me to collaborate too.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494800199/in/photostream/

close your eyes. make a wish.

SIR-MINX-A LOT OUTTIE.

oh check these photos of the Thierry Mugler fashion show in Paris yesterday with Minx Team USA and UK also Minx Canada is on Facebook, Like them so i can go through minx finishing school.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495892598/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5495892732/in/photostream/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494176531/

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494176105/in/photostream/

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Dear Raymi;

-Gabrielle

initial response You sound v smart and riddled with potential and only eighteen wow impressive. Gab away gabe. Why did u move to mtl? And how, parents?

but then, 18 year olds exist? why am i boggled by this at all, 18 is the year i graduated high school and fucked off to new york fucking city. vice printed my story about it, i was working for them. hanging with ex strippers, degenerates, rock n rollers thirty year olds and older everywhere i looked i was the youngest and dumbest but i played it pretty cool though you wouldn’t know my age really.

this was the hottest summer, the summer of 2001 in new york city, brooklyn. you can’t say new york city and brooklyn in the same sentence can you? well i do. cos that means something to canadians and especally hipsters haha.

matt good wanted to use this for an album cover some day. this might have been the time he was going squirrely because that is way too flattering for me. anyway nice haircut. ugh. the humidity and growing out my hair just did a number on that mop top. this is when you must invent yourself a personality.

that’s the WTC still standing behind me btw.

that’s me in laura’s orange stripper wig and tight snakeskin stripper dress. this is normal, i was eighteen you see? she danced at pumps. does it still exist? my dad would die if he saw the neighbourhood it was in. i’m a tough chick. touch stupid chick. would i do half the things i did back then today? no chance.

me (back turned bad hair) singing on a rooftop in greenpoint the night they dynamited those water towers. had a massive party. we didn’t last that long though for the explosion but heard it in park slope. my ex is the guy with the plaid pants on bass. shannon my other roommate is the blond. she worked for mtv. amazing chick.

our livingroom the easter (april) prior to my moving here. i took the bus easter weekend to check out the apartment, i was still in high school. scandal! suffice it to say i had zero in common with anybody in my high school and made little attempts to relate. i had friends, i was cool blah bla liked etc etc but i lived in a dream internetland that emo kids today probably dwell in, friends afar. i mean, i fell in love with someone over email and then i moved to his city. it happens.

this is from my archives of that summer

went to lucky cheng’s last nite and sang karaoke with anita cocktail the transvestite. she grabbed my boobs a lot and danced when i sang VOGUE and FERNANDO. she told me she weighed 217 lbs and called me a superstar. i am hungover.

this is me at 17.

williamstown mass., the week following 9/11 when we were finally allowed to leave the city we drove to new hampshire to see his sister, then in on cj in mass then to maine, to stay at the house. we would come to live in this house together, for three months, january to march. i flew back to canada on my birthday telling my dad my next plans of moving to toronto finally. a sparkly bruce lee is on my tshirt i bought at black market. i dressed like a dumpy hobo slob hippie. always in flip flops. i was stopped once by a UK fashion magazine once for a photo i swear i am not lying hahaha.

i look super happy.

and here i look like the kid from the shining. this is when my hair was finally starting to grow.

we had a going away party for me. so many people came. hot guys everywhere and the random assortment of misfits i had gathered during my time in NYC. one girl with massive fake tits and a killer body. i looked very cool, total champ. jamie and i had just missed being friends with one another at this time. that sucks. who knows how the universe (known universe haha) would have panned out had we met back then. oh yeah i am on vicodin in this photo, other shit too. wild times.

ok back to that email i barely scratched the surface i got all nostalgia jones.

brbrbrbbrbrb

then i started looking like this.

during the april visit ha.

in maine. three months before i turned 19.

this is what i was wearing when that uk mag stopped me. same day. bartending a vice boozecan in-store, soho. i’m inebriated here. you can’t see the arch of my back so i look pregsalot. i was definitely rocking baby fat. this photo was in a show of some sort or other i think.

ok back to email sorry sorry.

This is going to sound ridiculous, I know you’re a twenty-something, but I always feared that people, in essence, were built to recede.

you sound like glass half empty girl. doomed from the start. stop it. wrong approach and outlook also a backhanded compliment. you’re old but you keep getting better and more prominent. exactly. it never occurred to me that i might turn into an aged rocker who just won’t let it go, or the dream die. your shelf life in canada is shorter i think and you spend more than half the time at work on it.

you need a degree of arrogance, skill, confidence and the ability to always be right. righter.

eventually i’ll recede, but it will be the good kind of fade, the hippie sort, still there kicking it around in some bizarre swirl of habitat or other typing out nonsense to whoever is still listening.

like willie nelson in half baked, people will come for miles to pay their respects to me in the form of delivering weed and i’ll say shit like those were the times maaaaan and i’ll finally let that one lone chin hair grow in, nice and long and wiry.

it could go that way OR i will recede into psychotic stepford anal-retentive dying on the inside-repressed housewife. my utopian domestic fantasy would be a combination of dharma and greg (my last one was pretty much exactly that haha) meets i dream of jeannie. YOU GOTTA RUB ME THE RIGHT WAY.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494249755/

i’ll do anything for you as long as i get to wear this and be stoned the entire time.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494249707/in/photostream/

rrrrawr. pink and red? perfect. weird pillbox hat? divine.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494842036/in/photostream/

in cartoon jetsons form replete with mc hammer pants, sign me up.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494841998/in/photostream/

yuppie and the trophy, works every time!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494841876/in/photostream/

this is melodie and i working on adventures or she’s trying to study or do biology stuff and in i come and make it all about me and take over completely, take zero of her advice and leave when it’s her turn to talk. hehehhee. no wonder she tells me off.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5494279573/

who doesn’t (in their head) live in a pink sultan’s abode within a gaudy magic lamp?

how fitting is this? liz made it. i love her. we’ve been blog buddies for years. she is a magical sparkle insane princess bizarro version of me somewhere in america. she went to burning man and i read her blog obsessively as she prepared for it, go look through her archives. addictive.

oh my her hair.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5492643105/

hey buddies ol friends ol pals ol chums, how the heck are ya? me? oh fine fine, thanks for asking. this is me an hour ago waiting for the train. what else is new. we STILL do not have our internet fixed. the variety of excuses we’ve received from our internet provider is at this point, actual comedy. remember the other day when i said they think they are comedians? strike that. try, ARE comedians. yesterday’s reason, IT’S TOO DARK BACK THERE (no flashlights!?!??!?!)(!!!!??!?!??) and then this morning THERE’S A TREE (how did you install the shit then!?!) i’m not mentioning their name yet until the problem is once and for all resolved and THEN i will tear them a new one. i realized via dooce’s blog post about maytag that it could be an abuse of power to start slagging and really at the end of the day, they do have us by the balls. we are nothings. i have never felt so homeless and insane like i have the past 3 weeks because of this. one disruption in the cosmos and everything can and for surely will, go to shit. just watch the rest of this post, you’ll see. for my every victory i am met with nine tall-ass hurdles that i can’t jump i just walk through them hitting my forehead into each fucking one. i really won’t be surprised the day i break a bone (knock on wood) get hit by a car (knock knock) you know? as i was sitting on my bed today sighing out loud into the room about having to go annoy everyone at poor john’s for the third day in a row now (wifi) or meet melodie wherever she was at and then click, power in my room goes out. all is dark in the tickle trunk. well, i had many more hours of daylight but i knew that i’d be stuck in the dark, with no internet if i stayed the night, or go out, in search of trouble. i could hang in the other part of the house but i am in the wombat stage of my winter stir crazy marathon of wanting to be in a tiny dark bunker alone until my pmess goes away but then i lost light, and power and heat and it’s freezing. i have a baseboard heater but i wanted to crank the other one cos i’ve had a chill the last two days. just picture me though is the funny part, woe is me down on my luck and then the heater made the funny beep when the breaker blows and the power goes out. what’s next!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5492642949/in/photostream/

i will just keep rambling if i don’t interrupt with photos. holy buzzkill up there much eh.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5492642779/in/photostream/

gandalf spicoli oh yeah.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5492642629/in/photostream/

my newest friends, minx nails oh what a match-made in brand cross-promotional heaven this is gonna be. i loved absolutely everything about my experience being did by kathy (who was summoned to lady gaga’s hotel room when she was in town for the mmvas) was, kind of surreal? magical? yes. totally both those things. icing on the cake? this girl is an old school hardcore girl. i hope she comes to our adventurehouse party i know melodie will adore her and i’ll get left out like the little simpleton sister i get treated like by those two all the time hahaha. by the way i hope YOU come to advhaus party too. salvador darling. 9pm. SHITSHOW. it’s our second one.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5492642439/in/photostream/

i wanted burberry plaid. i wonder if they will get it or can or if it even exists at all, maybe i hallucinated it? very likely.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5492642235/in/photostream/

i feel like i have discoball soccerball nails and that the entire universe is looking at me, oh wait it’s because i do and they are. on the go train here i felt like a spotlight was pointed on me. i already look the complete opposite of every single person on the train all the time enough, but add my nice huge steve madden hobo chic bag and wacky laptop bag my hair and look at me vibes, these nails, taking pictures of myself. hahaha. i used to longboard all over the oakville go train station in the summer in my bikini top, good times.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5493234518/in/photostream/

taught myself how to longboard on the beach strand in los angeles. i was insane. i asked my dad what he thought about charlie sheen right now and he said so what (so right) if he had money he’d be insane too, then he started joke babbling while driving and saying nonsensical shit and i busted up laughing. totally. i wish people wouldn’t grant him interviews right now though, i feel that’s slightly (egregiously) unfair. nancy grace? of course. poor taste pays that woman’s bills yo.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5493234326/in/photostream/

now that i’ve seen them in action i see that the biggest is the bestest way to do it if this is available to you why would you get a simple design? boring. i want hamburgers and rubies and sparkles and cotton candy tufts little lulu’s candy dreamland cartoon, so ancient that reference is, anyway. cute it up.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5493233948/in/photostream/

whoopsie-doo. how good was hamburgers and rubies though, i know right.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5493233768/in/photostream/

reminds me of pravda, absinthe bar in new orleans.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5493233566/in/photostream/

cutesy props. wonder what the next one to go around for girly songstresses will be? hmmmm. trend forecasting hat on.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5492641011/in/photostream/

i played in these. remindded me of pee wee herman’s salon in the movie blow, located in manhattan beach where i lived for a month. amazing to stick your head in that window and see the scenes from the movie while kids go by on skinny boards exactly like the knife heartbeats video.

The Knife – Heartbeats from Johannes Nyholm on Vimeo.

it was an interesting time that’s for sure.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5492640829/in/photostream/

this was an amazing panini. the super nice kid put pepper flakes and some hot powder on it, salami and roast vegetables, spinach. yum. he was really nice. i said i was crazy and liked a lot of heat. then i sat in the sunny window and almost had an anxiety attack from the heat in my black jumper haha. not really but i am so extreme and high maintenance. ridiculous. so is melodie. i joined her over at her desk and put my elbow into my plate and catapulted my sandwich scraps onto my arm, they all stuck, everything else machine gun splatted onto my pants. white sandwich crumbs popping off my black one piece. perfect.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5493232874/in/photostream/

the guy sat down and flirted with me a bit. i assume everyone in parkdale thinks i am insane for just like, being. there are a lot of characters in our midst. you get a contact buzz just from living there, not a buzz exactly, like a, if you spend 3 weeks without the internet shuffling to and fro from your dads and coffeeshops, yeah you certainly do start to feel insane.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5493232694/in/photostream/

i asked melodie where i was so i could text/tell my colleague. she’s like, can you ask someone else?? in front of the entire coffeeshop. i pretended to be passive aggressive about it. she didn’t notice. a guy laughed though cos i kept it comical and really, i am a clown, an adorable shambles of a person you so totally cannot be mean to me. really, it’s like swearing at a puppy. you may as well be satan.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5493232528/in/photostream/

i was walking to i don’t know where, it was cold i was going to hit whatever looked the most inviting. then i saw this hunched over extremo-stressed out looking girl with melodie’s haircut, no wait, that IS melodie. i went in and was like, you look scary. hahaha. she was on a deadline. school is scary man. no way thank you i’ll stick to backflips and high kicks in stupid useless loser bubblegumdropland.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5492629757/in/photostream/

went to cafetaste with courtney last night. i love hanging with her, she’s so feisty and unpredictable. i’m glad we’re friends. she has good quotes. her last one i want to go on our next advhaus party flyer I ALMOST DIED BUT, I LOVE ADVENTUREHOUSE. hahahhaa. wonder what she’ll say next friday.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5493222224/in/photostream/

my dreamy walk home. ahhhhhhhhh.

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oh stop girl why you bein so shy now.

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water closet. piss room. you can hang out in the hippie commune while people walk by or have a lovely chat while they boil the kettle (my new nemesis) in the kitchen.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5492629523/in/photostream/

kathy says i have amazing nail beds. model nail beds. demo nail beds. ooooooooooh la la. she screeched in glee when i came in, she’d already looked over my blog. insta-friend.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5492629437/in/photostream/

you look 4000% hotter holding things with these on. candles. bananas. oranges. cucumbers. haha.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5492629349/in/photostream/

they last ten days. do not at all damage your fingernails. i went to this place on dundas, heartbreaker by barbarella 889 dundas st w, 4 1 6 8 6 9 0 4 4 0 (when i type phone numbers i get blasted with skype spam wtf? so i have to space type out the phone number. cool!)

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5492629277/in/photostream/

very gwen stefani lately.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5493221640/in/photostream/

i look like the geico gecko. gnecco? jimmy gnecco ghecco? whatever.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5493221524/in/photostream/

sponsored by vans.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5492628991/in/photostream/

avril lavigne approved.

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nice face crazy. CRAZY HOT MORE LIKE!

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5492628819/in/photostream/

the ones in the packets are the newest designs. they have the ones alexander mcqueen designed. silver monochrome. mmmmmhmmmm gerl. i got my nails did so i talk like this now alright accept it. holy fuck look at that coug print. check out their photo album. i am going to have my toenails done for summer then i’ll be a bubblegum princess nightmare forever and i’ll start partying with charlie sheen.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5493221140/in/photostream/

RiRi had these Benjamins. yuh yuh! i will get them next time and gold fronts.

http://www.flickr.com/photos/raymilauren/5493221020/in/photostream/

and then next i’ll go baby doll pink something or other. kathy brought out this little display as we left and the nails had rainbow donut sprinkles covering EVERYTHING. i died.

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a chick (hey amanda) at the station saw me taking a picture of my nails and chatted me up then i noticed her bag and said no wonder you were drawn to me and my nails. i don’t believe in much in life but i do believe in subconscious instances, people’s vibes and energy. ok whatever.

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cafetaste‘s cavernous underbelly. i had to leave the city. i’d go out and be a wastecase if i didn’t, no internet for me is satan dropping pandora’s box on me. i mean come on, look at my “work life” can you even begin to imagine what my secret real life is like? yes and yes probably i bet.

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but then to balance everything out in the cosmos, when you’re up, ya cannae bee tee up there lassies. ok i am irish now but anyway, i had horrendous cramps and practically sob marched all the way home in the dark at midnight hoping i wouldn’t get jumped and i looked all over the house for this water bottle, the kids weren’t home to take care of me i texted to see if they could tell me what vortex black hole sucked up the water bottles (for some reason we have a lot of water bottles here) and they said on their bed and then in my over-eagerness to pour the kettle into the water bottle i poured a liter of it onto my entire hand where i was holding the lip of the water bottle open. i scalded myself. badly. it’s scarlet red today, no blisters but close. it was burnt so badly that cold water stung it. no relief. even now it still stings, feels so dry and sore i may as well have slammed it in a car door. i said to kathy my canadian celebrity nail minxologist how great would it be if i had come in with a cast mitt on this one hand? no kidding right. so then i had an even worse problem than the cramps which let me tell you, were significant enough. enough to warrant a fucking hot water bottle after sharing wine and having rounds of vodka sodas and a bit of pot, still not enough but then i got to sleep with ice packs and this stupid hot water bottle too. i woke up at 6 in the morning to pee and clutching the water bottle and the freezer pack was now room temperature and i was like, what the f–? then the pain came back to my hand. oh, that’s right i forgot, my life is awesome.

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blue eyed silver fox gave me the furry buffalo freebie that came with the bottle of sweetgrass vodka he brought back from amsterdam. we mixed it with pear and san pel. SO GOOD. i rejoined pof and within 24 hours over 200 messages. he was the first date i went on. beginner’s luck. i’m afraid to go back on it.

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i dressed like kevin smith today.

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jeremy (cafe taste) chose this for us. nice white. the kitchen was closed so i didn’t pig out at all yesterday. it was trying especially when i’m pmess and have no internet. i don’t grocery shop i just live off of coffee and weed but when you spend hours in a coffeeshop with a delicious menu and great coffee, good luck will power. i have successfully avoided the two adorable craft beers on tap though. day time drinking is for yuppies.

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my aunt’s trench. melodie loves it. i knew she would. now i can use this to barter something out of her collection. i’ve never had a sister before but i am learning. i get kind of incredulous about how we treat each other or make jokes, we are severe. i realize that everyone else who isn’t us, is a legit sensitive pussy. so maybe i need to watch my mouth a little more hahaha.

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i have two tickets to this i left them on their bed. i will be missing it (thanks bell!) so go tell them raymi says hi, find louise. i mean it. get me a gift bag too melodie.

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i’m in a league with lady gaga and katy perry now, rihana. yeah i know i know i am nothing compared to them but still, “it’s all happening man.” kathy was very impressed by me. she had a great song selection on her ipod. so whatcha want came on and i casually said i could rap the entire song and then i did. she told me about every minx design she did on friends and celebrities. girl nail pr0n is great in photos but in action, wow. you go into that world and you don’t come up for air until you are done. royally. photoman was there but he so wasn’t you know?

alright meow going deeper into the vortex.

homelessly yours, your pal raymi.

xo

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have no idea what we’re eating here. might be blue menu veggie chili. boring!

breaking in my burlesque shoes and dancing self consciously while lucas pretends to ignore me on the computer. it was also boiling hot this day i believe. those are steph’s teeny tiny shorts. i am a whale.

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me yesterday. i think rhymes with Hell internet service thinks they’re comedians or something. ARRRRRRRRRRGH!

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i wore obscene pants and i walked half the city in them and i may or may not have been purposely moving in sync with my music jutting my hip bones to and fro, practicing my catwalk. ladies you never ever know when that comes in handy. along king street to niagara. done.

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some film PA guys with gear on the sidewalk saw me coming for ‘em just before bathurst, three of them, cute, scruffy, my docs and thoroughbred legs, stomp stomp smile, pretend they are invisible too shy to engage.

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pretty good view. of the water and the island, the skaters on the harbourfront kind of like disneyland lit up at night and in the morning super early a few ice skaters. that’s sort of insane but admirable all the same.

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where do you find ‘em haha. i dunno, just do.

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turkey thing. matched my nails.

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then i gave up on walking.

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i don’t even think this cabbie got the irony of these mats.

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hilarious and unexpected.

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some more crap i’m getting rid of. my burlesque bottoms. they’re clean, relax.

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matching nipple pasties too, rose petals. you can be an anne geddes baby slut.

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if you can make it out it’s my infamous courtney love trainreck dress. size 6. conceals everything.

jesus christ hahahahha.

i’m a method actor okay. this could be you.

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this peachy pink thing, size eight. i wore it once. for an hour.

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bought this in vancouver at a vintage store. good for stacked chicks.

and in action.

CUL8R!

oh wait please tell me how to check my voicemail. i don’t know the number. there’s a 2 in my password. two button doesn’t work. this is like one of those problem solving riddles FROM HELL!