my other life

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ok, here we go.

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last nite i was pretty knackered so i thought to myself, date with a fish or emma’s backporch with my mom and co. and be somewhat mellow about it. the proof of my decisions are as follows…

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we kinda hold court when we party here. it’s wing nite. they all come out. also it was the game. went to tin cup first, wasn’t feeling it.

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look how much i am being stared at here. everyone who goes to emma’s in burlington are pretty rural, or even more so than that. those guys were from ancaster? alliston? whatever. they are beguiled by me big time. these guys both couldn’t get it together then one of my requests (they played every single one) came on and i said excuse me gentleman i have to go dance slutty with my mom now thanks.

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some were better dancers than others. me? shithead through and through.

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i am never wearing those pants ever again. mom called them jc hammer pants. cousin jeremy and i died laughing at her and insert the mention into regular conversation.

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see how i have to show my entire outfit? see my future over there top left? (we’ll come back to that). lois in the pink shirt is my new little doll. we swapped headbands. see how i am turning everyone around me into me? she brought that headband specifically for me. i love it.

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the young crowd came out. i am the older one lurking the youngers getting a taste of my own medicine.

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this is my stressed out gossip intake face. stroking my locks obsessively.

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the dudes cockblock the girls. everyone wears black and has light blond/white hair. including me. awesome.

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girl with the gloves kept asking me to take her picture. we started the dance party. we always do. or i do. wet blanket girls were scowling at me. i so don’t care. the guys were loving it.

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yeah yeah come fuck with this ol’suburby really what you should be doing is dancing with me you stupid assholes.

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i hawk-eyed the room and put phil to work. he did up my shoelace a few times. one of my game move strategies is doing up my shoe or getting a guy to do it up for me. everybody wins. you’ll see.

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maybe i should wear a crucifix and dine alone in a swank italian restaurant.

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this outfit is kinda skinheady. if i put the yellow laces in will i look like ronald mcdonald? i knew the avante garde pants would look great with these boots and fake out into visualizing suspenders.

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i don’t even need to take my camera out of the car when i go out with mom.

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uh, future much? she bee-lined me. gravitated. oh hi there. she’s an ex model. she was givin’er.

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totally normal pose, nothing’s going on here.

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amazing.

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he’s 20.

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raymbo bright attack.

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i ate the fuck out of those nachos.

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this guy gets it. he’s one of the regulars too. they rip me hard.

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this outfit is so nineties. it’s tripping me out.

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i was pretty tired. and pretty.

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i snapped at this guy. he cupped my ass. he’s going to be on the food network on that show, food wars? i fucking lost it. they weren’t going to use the footage cos they were trainwreck drunk. i was like they so are and he said yeah they called the following week. got them wasted. he was blotto too. dude if you fucking ever touch me again i will throw you down some stairs you can’t do that. i walked away to phil and said i’m taking a time out right now otherwise i cause an enormous scene.

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i’ve never gotten so many hugs before in my life. it’s the hair and the overall personality mellow out i think.

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the guys behind us were dying over our antics.

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inflatable bopper fight. i got my mom in the face so many times i can’t wait to tell my brother.

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this is just a normal night. seeing the kardashians with my mom last nite on the people’s choice awards was like watching us.

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oh hey jeremiah. haven’t seen you since last christmas when my life was in a complete mess for other reasons.

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very, very much cut from the same cloth. this is the kerouac side proper.

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and speaking of eerie future this is your boat cruise captain contest winners from my tenth anniversary party at wrong bar. there are many things to take note of in this photograph. the similar allignment to my mother and i, and hair, my cousin and his dad (my mom’s brother, my uncle) and the necessity of his shirt removal to neurotically showcase his work out progress. we’re on our way over to his place now to have steak and escargots and a hot tub while the snow falls on us. i never see these people so when i do we um, do these things together?

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my favourite. jeremy and i know how ridiculous this is but normal for us. this is the reality show right fucking here. there is so much more backstory too. it just keeps going.

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my uncle is two years older than my mom.

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on our way to my dad’s.

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showing my uncle my cafe du lac review post. he won dinner for two there at my party.

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awkward family photo.

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HOT TUB TIME MACHINE TIIIIIIME!