we’re going to trim the tree. then britt wants to play home maker some more i dunno, shopping? seems about right. we told ghost stories in bed last nite and then got spooked like teenagers i am a total wimp. britt said she heard a woman laughing or crying. my dad saw hoodlums huck a rock into the bus shelter down the street and it exploded into glass. all still there. cool move burlington. we ate an apple pie at like 11 and watched a special on pbs too the ed sullivan rock and roll video thing. so nostalgic. why is pbs always begging for money? paul schaffer needs to stop being paul schaffer though i kind of relate, appreciate, and accept it. loved the animals footage and the herman and the hermits kid. he was 15 during that performance, what a ham. awesome.
this isn’t the sullivan performance but it’s still impressive. the british are so advanced and pristine. pip pip!
hi guys it’s time for an I AM DOING $!!T SO YOU DON’T HAVE TO blog post and today’s activity is one of my weekly training sessions at The Motion Room. can you believe i get my ass handed to me three times a week? did you know that i am actually more of an animal go-getter than you thought and now i am stronger than you to boot? you must feel really out of shape right now. it’s ok i do too. i think as i get older i am turning into a bloated pillhead (even though i don’t take pills) like how beverly d’angelo’s turned out except premature. if i miss a couple sessions my lifestyle totally lets me pay for it. insert three nights in new orleans missing my friday and monday sessions and also monday of the same week from being deathly sick and now my arms are super chunky.
anyway i was really happy to get back in here. i have a new goal in mind to be fit as a fiddle for NYE with a sprinkling of playboy on top for good measure. snap magazine came by to shoot the motion room and used me as a model. they have no idea who i am either. i jokingly said NO FAT ONES OR I’M NOT SIGNING ANYTHING and the guy took a step back and kept directing us how to work out. it was funny. it was also funny wearing those shorts and socks and i wonder if he was hoping to not have my tattoos shown. can’t wait to see it haha.
there is no way i could knee him in the face by this point lifting my knees is a chore and i’m doing it as fast as i can. the guy behind me has been training for years. he’s doing the dog walk or baby crawl it’s tough. try doing that back and forth 3 times.
joseph stepped in and made me do lunges. trainers are perfectionists. just as you are doing the move and wincing through the pain they tell you to re-align your feet then your posture is crap. it’s a constant mind ^#&^. i wonder if it’s an intentional distraction meant to help your focus constantly shift alleviating stress and intimidation from the task. i think i am giving james too much credit hahaha.
sometimes i show off my form and pretend that i am not. in my head i’m look who is this graceful statue of perfection? what delicate and casual rhythmic isolations. oh yes ten years of dance has paid off oh what’s that? good form? hmm, barely even noticed. you’re not the only ones who get to mind ^&$%# around here.
today’s (these are wednesday’s) session as i was lifting the ball over my head on the astroturf lying down and totally wavering, james was trying to motivate me and he achieves this with little quips like THIS IS NOT YOUR BLOG. ahahahaahaha then i die laughing and almost brain myself with a ten pound medicine ball.
maybe once i am super duper DUPER insanely fit i’ll make a raymi exercise video for lazy at home bloggers. NEXT UP IS HE SOCIAL MEDIA STRETCH! i’ll strike it rich from inventing a form of push up that doesn’t make your carpal tunnel flare up.
squats and ball raises. back that ass up. bend with the ass, sit, not with the knees. don’t forget your abs too. SO MUCH TO THINK ABOUT. don’t worry though james will remind you. trust me.
today i sweated so much all the make up came off my face in two places only, the moon beam part beneath each eye. perfect for my eastern euro purple skin right there i looked like i got punched out after a serious vodka bender.
i know i am horrible at them but i do want to get better because i know then i will get ripped. it’s simple. if you can’t do something, learn to do it.
there’s astro on my shorts. that’s the plank. it has destroyed my abs since wednesday and reappeared today to delight my pain receptors yet again. i feel torn. that’s a good thing. torn = progress.
oh my god my beastly arms. can i get an arm liposuction sponsorship? i’m serious. then i’ll pull a legally blond and go on an exercise before/after tour. LOOK AT THE AMAZING RESULTS! i have cankles. ON MY ARMS.
finishes you off with an amazing stretch out. people like athletes get this royal treatment or in luxury spas post-massage. incredible. some people actually black out from it too cos they’re not used to the motion of stretching. that’s hilarious to me how out of shape and incredibly lazy does one have to be to not handle someone stretching for you and then you pass out? you’re already on the ground DOING NOTHING! you go limp and james does all the work and it feels fantastic.
i asked him if we were going to do the the tractor where i launch him up into the air and boost kick him. we used to do that all the time on the hill as stupid kids. amazed none of us got broken necks. pretty close some days though bahahaha meanwhile everyone is busting up laughing on the sidelines as you fly through the air. you time it so they don’t know when the launch comes. i said i bet i could do it to james. i know he’d fight it though. we’re the same age if you can believe it.
i gave her kudos at the end there because i am all about positive reinforcement. she thanked me later by telling me to MOVE out of her way so she could ass shake some more. no problem! this was going on in pretty much every single bar along bourbon street. or versions of it. pure bliss. chicks would randomly get up here and out dance one another i almost did it but was too busy thinking about karaoke plus i wasn’t hosed enough and yes that MC is in fact a total dink. the band was rolling their eyes big time. a lot of people on bourbon seem to be forced to be tacky and zany, totally exploited. after this we went to the sex club. we saw no sex but the chain smoking preggo stripper made a lot of money. how enterprising.
que pourrait-il être? how good is your french? something tells me i’m gonna have to bone up on mine very soon. que pourrait-il être ? is français for what could it be? see american buddies, raymi’s got your back.
i’ve heard of this mobile before, the INQ Chat 3G it’s the hot social media gadget of the cool kid set, my junior counterparts. their demo aligns with the vice crowd, which’ll come in handy for the latest event this low-budg paris hilton blogger shall be beaking off about right up to New Year’s Eve. i almost fainted and fell down some imaginary stairs in my head when i heard the news.
thousand dollar shopping spree at Style Exchange! ok i am going to puncture these statements with flaming exclamation points now and maybe a penis emoticon or two. 8=====3—
breakfast, lunch, and dinner taken care of. oh right i forgot: !!! ! high-end places too not talking no restaurant chains, high roller royalty shit we all know i have much experience with.
the main event though, will be taking place at a massive night club, replete with our OWN reserved VIP bottle service section. ok i’m not doing the exclamation thing anymore it’s too hokey.
line-skipping for…. all the contest winners! yep. you have a chance to get in on all this too. just hit the CONTEST TAB on the INQ facebook page and 1. be of legal drinking age 2. be canadian 3. show us your most wild photo. who, in this day and age, doesn’t already have gobs of wild and seedy photos stored on their hard drive? simple. get on it kids it’s NYE taken care of, how stress-relieving in the most ballingest way ever.
your prize also includes this phone (free) plus three months of FREE service with koodo. (it also comes in pink!)(for pink i will shout out loud because i am a a secret fruitcake).
so now my profile is raised so much so i get to live out my paris hilton fantasy dream life for a weekend. i don’t have to pay one dollar. i’m going to film it and exploit the ever loving $&#& out of the whole spectacle. clubs are open til 4am there too. the location is TBD but i hear it’s going to be one of the major ones. i don’t know much about the party scene in montreal so your guess is as good as mine as per which club.
i’ve already chosen my entourage and i’m sharing the shopping spree with them so we all have nice outfits because i am the mother theresa of perks and selflessness.
and along with this new year’s eve party of the decade taken care of for you, you get a free phone for three months. you keep the phone AND they pay for your service. when i opened the box, i just dialed my own number and straight away learned the raymi date line # from call display. it’s like some bizarre dream where they’re like and then you get this, and that, and this, oh don’t forget THAT but there’s MORE too just keeps getting better. i’m told there’s more surprises on the horizon too. if it’s some ridiculous celebrity partying with us i will die.
so i’m taking melucas (that’s two people) and stewart. we all get phones so you can follow the entire jet set spree unfold over the wires. our hotel suite is going to look like the morning after in the movie the hangover. pumped.
any other questions you have regarding all things THIS AMAZING CONTEST feel free to drop in the comments otherwise, the power is in your hands to get’er done.
and if you get the pink phone i will trade you. though i do really love red too. i was going to invite sjm to film it all but i didn’t want to use up one of my spots i’ll just borrow a video camera somehow. they might have professionals and speaking of, the venue is going to be decked out by pros as well. i better be on my best behaviour. at 1am it’s a free-for-all i’m off the clock by that time i’ll be swinging on a trapeze no doubt.
what ridiculous thing should i get funky touque to do to my hair? i already did marie antoinette. hmm depends on the outfit. maybe a huge barbarella braid big bombshell hair but then i’d want a sexy furry ewok type number and i doubt style exchange carries those.
i wandered on downstairs in the half buff a little stressed out about this post, as all things laptop were not good in the hood at the time. i knew i’d sort it out. i’m kind of a workaholic. kind of a sloth but the workaholism makes it so i can be sloth-like. i know casie is the same. work super hard, play even harder and vise versa. my mind is constantly chugging about the deals, jobs, the whatever you as a blogger call the things you do. my friend was complaining about some hilarious deviant thing that had befallen him in vegas last week, then i complained about my (life is so hard easy) little stresses and he basically was like fuck you i want your life. i am constantly reminded of sean ward’s song i was made for this (essentially paid to party). i fucking love it, couldn’t be more apt. i have a penchant for white guy rappers, my brooklyn ex bf is one. more so beastie boys style. one of his friend’s was in kindergarden with ad rock too. oh man i got older guy glory days stories for miles, summa my own too. raymi is an original vice kid too you know. that was my scene when i was 18. i should have walked around with a camera more often then. but i digress.
suffice it to say, i. am. stoked. this is going to be a dream NYE for once. i earned and deserve it as last year my new year’s eve was a vomitous nightmare. read the post if you have the stomach for it. if anyone gets me sick this holiday i will break their legs.
been sitting on this news for a little while now. sorry i look all rumpled here i was doing some serious musing. my hair was kinda dry, no products with me. i am addicted to unite (they have it at my salon, i highly endorse it).
up for another random photo dump? when events pass the way you’d divulge them changes. you can spill more with more time put between you and that thing.
a date. i don’t remember his name. i don’t know if he reads this. i don’t remember where i was going to after this or the lie i told to cover it up or who i was off to see even. it’s been a frenzy. a frenetic date machine malfunction.
i know it wouldn’t work out. we pretended maybe it could for an hour and a half. he paid. he tried to call me a few times i’d just reply by text saying i was busy (i was) and i don’t talk on the phone (i don’t)(but if i do it’s something special).
he is severely intelligent. a would-be passionate lover. but he has an accent. i told him i am not attracted to accents, only a specific tiny circle of accents will i allow myself to be drawn to. they must be drunken and unintelligible.
i just couldn’t get over the accent i am so jerry seinfeld. i knew immediately when we accidentally passed each other downstairs by the bathrooms. it was really cold outside too, the restaurant was dark, candlelit. our weird energy was vibing out everyone in the room. i don’t normally do dates at to be-seen type establishments. a place i’d likely review. too many lookers in this town. curious eyes. or i am just hyper-sensitive and shy and i think like the entire world knows i am on a date and they know the deep shame i feel that i am pretending my way through it.
apparently this was to be their last toronto show in a while. i could be at bss tonight at the sound academy but i am favouring being a shut-in too much.
after wolf parade we went to this party at the legion on niagara. a guy screamed out camel toe at me. i walked over to him, and by this point i had just about enough of peanut gallery commentary and opinions from every direction in life (internet, everyone, everywhere, non-stop!) so i walked over to the drunk guy sitting in a chair with his back to me. i bent down so my face was in his face. his friend is waving his arms across his chest back and forth like a runway navigator and apologizing profusely. i was alone standing awkwardly in this empty room, after making the dance party happen with melodie spreading cheer and glee and making it fun for the last twenty minutes and then some guy screams out CAMELTOE at me. if he’s man enough to do something like that then he’s man enough to own up to it no matter how much his friend is trying to backpedal for him.
i said excuse me did you have something to say to me? he garbles some wasted nonsense so i lean in a little closer and raise my voice a little and say because i have something to say to you (i’m getting goosebumps right now as i type this i fucking hate confrontations but sometimes if you’re loaded enough and someone thinks they can go all lower east side on you then you gotta fucking let them have it) it’s not that this (gesturing to my crotch with both hands in that WWF v-placement) is a camel toe, because its not, then i spread the material of my onesie to demonstrate that the material isn’t even touching my privates, and as we’re all now staring, down, at me, the person in the huge wizard of oz gatekeeper hat, legs spread wide in this guy’s face, i say, because THIS is not a cameltoe, it is where i am fucking SPLIT up the middle you fucking ASSHOLE now is that ok with you?
stunned silence. if someone is going to be crass to me then i am definitely going to be vulgar right back. i said this before, with me, you are never taking me lying down. ever. i’m from falconer, guy.
the promoter chick comes over at this juncture in time and says to the drunk guy, what’s this chick beaking off at you for about? AS IF! i look up at her and say this has NOTHING to do with you meanwhile melodie goes yeah what does it matter to you? she immediately is siding with this drunken piece of shit at her failure of a promoted party like she’s going to fuck him and threatened by me. wrong move girl. also, girl on girl crime too.
she seriously took that street tone of voice too like she was “backing” her crew. the moment ends, that circle of people move toward the door, melodie is asking me what happened, i’m telling it then the guy who called me camel toe screams at me from across the room a whole bunch of shit starting it up all over again, saying it’s not russia (my hat) and calling me a stupid bitch. the girl is smirking and waving sorry sorry and shrugging he’s an idiot. so i say yeah, and so are you.
melucas are off in la la talking land i’m left to own big mouth devices again. the circle by the door opens up, a clearing is made for this diva now, hands on her hips, now, what did this bitch say to me??? so i start marching on over whipping my head over my shoulder with a finger at melodie and hissing COME HERE MELODIE IT’S ONNNNN. ahahhaha.
she didn’t come so i had to keep going right up to this crowd of people all intent to bully me. i was just loaded enough to have the nerve for it. i said excuse me what is your name i want your contact information. by this time i’ve learned she’s in charge of this event, helped promote it (terribly) and its come to my attention that maybe you shouldn’t step on the toes of others in the city if you’re in PR and one of those toes is attached to the author of the largest-read blog in the same city.
i did absolutely nothing wrong, i enjoyed my night, i took care of my own. why does this happen all the fucking time? yeah i could let things go, and i so do, but after awhile there’s just some things that you cannot let go. i was trying to help that idiot know that it’s not ok to yell camel toe at last call at a girl and it’s not ok to tag team her when she justifiedly sticks up for herself about it.
and while i was trying to let that girl know she was in the wrong just a little but whatever it’s ok the friend who was initially apologizing to me about the camel toe idiot had decided that i was now a, and i quote “disgusting fucking bitch”. amazing.
that bento place on king. it was empty. the service was slow. wasn’t in a hurry but man, kinda figured out why it was empty. when you’re in a restaurant and start noticing things that’s not a good thing for that restaurant, sometimes a dining experience shouldn’t be an experience at all it should just add to the experience one is already having. this lunch is about lunch, it’s just lunch. someone out there surely knows what i am talking about.
back in my tickle trunk cave. melucas are away in edmonton for a wedding til sunday. hmm what trouble should i get up to. cleaning? pahaha. probably head to burlington.
at the airport pretending to be demure. i think i pulled it off. especially while chugging a cold pre-made starbuck’s mokka frapp and chasing it with a cup of crappy hot coffee.
i just roll my eyes back at people who make funny looks at me when i take photos. i still get super sheepish and shy but i fight it. look at me, i’m by a gate IN A FUCKING AIRPORT i am on vacation, it’s called documenting memories and does it look like i have a travel companion with me taking my picture for me? just go back to your shitty overpriced airport bookstore hardcover about romance and heartbreak while your husband eyes me up and down secretly beside you, being bitchy won’t solve anything. sorry side rant. it just boggles me that people are still so agog over digital cameras. still.
i’m going on a blog spree tonight and then i’ll finish my laundry and work on this bottle of red wine (can’t remember what i grabbed from the wine rack) and i’m going to work on some writing too and ten thousand other loose ends one day all this small time shit will just make me giggle.
sometimes it’s like, i dunno, i play these imaginary interview questions over in my head, obscure bits of information i think one might want to glean from me and my overall experience and philosophies from this life i lead. i meet a lot of big players and they all spout wisdoms i never asked for but they’re still entertaining and actually really good advice, or a story. i just wanted to say that half the time you never know if you’re doing it right or what you’re writing, was it good or was it crazy, does it sound crazy? i feel as though sometimes it doesn’t even matter what i say or do here period as long i say something because you see your traffic numbers growing daily, or at the very least remaining consistent and it’s like this hungry beast in your cold room waiting to be fed and you can feed it anything, anything you want. it’s a special kind of power. a unique power over a monster you created. this is the jive you rap with eloquent types about one in the morning. someone whose known you for awhile and reserved opinions, years over. it’s interesting and always funny when they get this look of awe as they come to realize you have opinions about all this too. hit ‘em back with some self-awareness give ‘em a one-two.
therefore sometimes i just allow myself a good self-indulgent blog ramble and i stop caring or thinking about how it is perceived. i extend myself the luxury of doing what it is i most enjoy and why i started this thing in the first place. i thought i would be a famous writer with twenty books. shulgan said maybe i should just be a blogger maybe that is enough for me. that really pissed me off. not that he said it but i see it as defeat. despite my many accomplishments and the raymi empire i have built. this girl set out to write and publish books and i will get one out into a bookstore if it fucking kills me. hahaha.
here i am totally ubelievably candle burnt at both ends and to top it off i decided to go to new orleans. worth it. i definitely feel more revitalized and relaxed and the away from my city and jobs anxiety has vanished.
went out for family dinner before i went to meet a piece of fish. we had met earlier in the day at spice safar. LOVE that place it’s so weird and obnoxious, pretentious, creative just totally my kind of place to make fun of yet totally revisit again and again.
oh i love this picture. anyway, so as i was at the salon with mel, after cabbing home to grab the crinoline to return to shannon, some quick biz discussion, then some hot texts were exchanged, i had to get my boom post out before my super early flight (and pack) but also the pics wouldn’t be in til later so looks like i’d be doing an all nighter. the piece of fish says too bad you have so much on the go ******** and i go, i’m coming over. like that. so i got all that done plus my extra-curriculars.
grabbed some wine. some nice wine. said you better be worth it. i didn’t want to go away obsessing about this guy. we had attempted to see one another the day prior, one of those we really really want to meet but can’t co-ordinate it. too busy. can’t reschedule more important things. i am super impulsive and i like to see how much i can fit into a day until i have a nervous breakdown and can’t even say words without exploding.
so i went out to bar salumi instead. at the bar i showed darius my flight confirmation email. i felt insane. i went with it. this is the last month of insanity i am bestowing upon myself. personal treat.
i couldn’t go away without knowing. i’d see his mysterious face all over new orleans. i am a muse to many and the muse needs a muse. sitting across him at spice safar i laid it all out. no responsibilities. no debt. no kids. my tenure with dating is pretty much out of my system. i’m a go getter achiever devoted all that crap. he said that he liked that i laid it all out like that. we’re the same kind of pretentious i feel. he’s older. they always are.
it’s almost like a business exchange and exactly like a job interview. this is all the shit that i am willing to put up with, that’s the area i am unwilling to compromise in, and these are all my faults and glaring pluses not to mention i’m a demon in the sack. you say that without saying it. it’s in the beginning coy stage.
when you go on a lot of date interviews it eats away at you. you see how there are many fish in the sea. many damaged fish. all men are the same after awhile and you, you are nothing special to them either. everyone wants to change everyone else too. i am not going to change for anybody or insert myself into a life or a world that wants me to be what they want me to be so if this means i am destined to wander the earth a spinster eccentric barren bat then, fine. at least i have you guys.
i covered my teeth because i thought they might be really yellow in that lighting also i was whispering because well, the woman across the aisle was an annoyed by everything in life bitch. listen lady it’s not every day you take off in a plane.
this double shirt could have been yours. one of my raymi party leftovers. still haven’t had a chance (made time) to sort through everything. getting through it bit by bit. while i was away the office got tidied magically so i think that’s my cue to pitch in.
i didn’t wear it because i felt like a cow in it all summer. if you feel bigger and you wear bigger then you look bigger. you need to be a waif to wear big billowy gypsy shirts.
ugh i just got a huge cramp. this period is going to be a doozy i can already tell. blah. i don’t feel like doing anything fun for the next week. i want to live in a shed in a forest far away from the world.
the new cheese boutique cheese truck is on the way to pick me up they decal’d it out in cheese hole graphic can’t wait to ride around in it wave to me if you see us we’re the ones in the hunk of cheese i’ll tweet a picture in a sec when i see it. i am getting a sneak peek at a new venue in town, you already know about it. i say no more. also i am excited for the next post i already have in the pan i wrote it last night. i say no more.
that madonna song was stuck in my head all night it took forever for my brain to wind down from like a prayer. the video failed during initial upload so i fought sleep until it finished. i like loner nights, catching up on internet world. a huge part of my life is devoted to spending many hours alone like a shut in, a pretentious grandiose hunched over charlatan uh oh i just made all the characters in my flickr chinese? 설명을 추가하시려면 여기를 클릭하세요 fuck help! i’d change it back except i don’t speak 누구나 이 사진을 볼 수 있습니다 dammit.
and no, not everybody was this good. the karaoke hostess is transfixed by me. i killed it. people danced, made love in the streets, were totally inspired by my shit right up to the part when i screamed out go canada! i don’t think they were expecting that. i also asked if my shirt was see-through enough. people in the front sitting down were totally hypnotized. it was hysterical. KARAOKE ATTACK! i always throw in some classic madonna moves too. look at the self confidence. i should give you little raymis a seminar in self confidence. i’ll get rob to come in for a portion of the lecture. totally serious. this will change your life. then we’ll break for 1pm bourbons out on the terrace.
