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don’t worry i’m not going to exploit you. yet.

dad bought a dufflet cake and didn’t understand the “big deal” as my aunt and i were gushing over it.

i love sb and i love that it’s just up the street. i walked in asking for anything beatles and he had nothing so i figured f that dad for once is getting something else. he could put beatlemania out of business. wait, isn’t it already? haha.

tin tin dinky car. not cheap.

mom got him this. shawn and i ripped her and made candle jokes. things do not change.

beer tour.

grandpa’s favourite post meal sipper.

also got him these novelty tea bags of famous composers.

it’s weird to see your brother do domesticated things.

my brother and dad dress alike. so funny, meanwhile they make fun of me for all my wild outfits. do you want me to dress like you guys too then? their fashion idol is seinfeld for christ sake.

they even have his shoes and fight over them. every time my brother gets a new pair my dad eyes them covetously and cos my brother is anal once he gets a few scuffs he buys a new pair and now my dad has like 40 pairs of weird futuristic space shoes.

show-stopping denim fave. watching seinfeld with my dad while he is dressed like seinfeld is a hysterical laugh-inducing meta explosion.

ooh, experimental, stripes. out there. ok back to me now.

i wore a weird outfit that didn’t photograph very well. we’re eating chili. FASCINATING REAL LIFE.

it was really rich. had i not been sick i’d have had two slices.

he said he can re-use the 5 for next year. mentioning next year you just lost a year dad.

fish eye.

people look like they’re up to no good in fish eye. criminals.

smirnoff party face.

he loved it.

i said he could re-gift these, he said no way. put it on the kitchen shelf along with the queen i got him from sb. i’m going to load him up with so much sentimental nostalgic crap that shelf is going to fall off the wall. my aunt was able to get him a beatles quadruple disc he didn’t already have. everyone always double buys him stuff.

these are from germany. they also had a set with john wayne, audrey hepburn, warhol etc etc. funny. if some snoot comes over to tea whip one of these out.

wagner was kinda hot.

shulgan‘s book is intense. reading it while on cold medicine and sketchy hung in the bath is an effort. he is a fantastic writer and i can visualize all the settings of toronto this book takes place in and now i know how to make a crackpipe. wicked. his tmi puts MY tmi to shame. for anyone not paying attention, shulgan is the idiot who bamboozled me for the globe and mail exploiting the end of my engagement a year ago thus igniting a media trickle down effect which thwarted me under the microscope that much more but i got his agent out of it and now we’re pals so, thanks buddy.

nails are getting wicked long i am being very good and i am stoked for my next manicure.

hand model coming right up.

love my new tartan jacket. it is wicked tiny. i will make it form to my ribcage.

snuck out to my shitty date bar. i was stir crazy. almost canceled as once i got out of the shower and put on a shirt i sick sweated soaked right through it and envisioned myself sweating by candlelight. not good. i needed to eat though and was too sick to make anything.

that drink took forever to get through. so did the second one. by the third i was good to go for a fourth. sometimes you have to get slaughtered to deal with how terrible you feel as a sick person. i feel on the mend today but still in the thick of it.

david bowie labyrinth outfit, same hair too. yay. pretty delirious at this point in time not going to waste getting dressed up.

told you we were going out again ahah smooth.

normally i don’t take any pictures on a “date” he said it was his first time experiencing anything like this and cos my mom and i had been snapping like crazy last week i figured he already knows i am insane what’s the big deal. also, it’s a good thing if i take pictures, it means i feel comfortable and you’re not a fucking asshole. anyone who makes a stink about photos ever, red flag.

watusi has the best menu. i want them to make a raymi tapa.

requested loads of jalapenos. heat is a drug.

it’s the best date bar cos it’s so dark and you can share mini portions and the cocktail list is expansive and fun plus they’re two ounce drinks. mustache had 5 manhattans. he’s a suit so it makes sense. i had four different things. we were there awhile and took our time.

i took advantage of the setting.

someone on fb is already making ass quips. why do i have to cover up? yeah it’s pretty blatant but so what? good genes and i work hard and you don’t live forever. hearing people gasp when you walk by is funny. what’s the matter? oh someone just fainted cos they looked at my ass.

buttons are dying to explode off me. oh my boobs have gotten perkier since personal training too i noticed yesterday, slight lift. james is sculpting me into a trophy and then he is going to sell me to rome. i told britt i’m going to get super fit and make this one asshole we know take me out to a really expensive restaurant and then not have sex with him and eat like a total pig because he said that girls he knows don’t eat at restaurants while we were in the middle of a Smörgåsbord at a resto i was featuring, like guy, this is my job to eat this shit not pretend. texts me once in awhile to visit him at his condo. britt’s like yeah fuck him over. oh, don’t worry.

must prepare for a meeting for a new project i’m apart of that is going to be wicked spectacular i can’t wait to start hyping it.

piece of fish message:

Hi Lauren,

You seem like such a unique person based on your comments yesterday. I admit I had to pack late last night, but did get a chance to read a couple articles on your blog. I hope to get a chance to here the real side of you…the smart woman who does not need to act platinum. I would never want to hear about someone’s life over the computer, that is what intimate talks staring into each other’s eyes is for. I hope that when I get back from Mexico we can share a drink and some smiles.

I am curious when the last time someone blogged for you was. Water polo with the kids and a great dinner out with the family (13 friends and family enjoying laughter over dinner). They have all gone to bed and I grabbed a drink and am sitting by the ocean in complete darkness in solitude. The stars seem so big and bright here. Staring clearly at Orion. And the millions of stars in between ( and a few obvious satellites moving across the sky). It is amazing how clear the meaning of life is not work, clients, the haters on competing blogs who don’t even care to know who you are before making comments. We are about more than 3 weeks vacation and a 500K mortgage, 2 cars and a competing with your neighbor about who has achieved more. Picture this…you are in a deserted beach by moonlight, starring up at the stars, holding someone tight for warmth in the cool evening sea breeze, no cares in the world other than finding love in another person even if for just a brief moment. To know that nothing else matter but memories that you are creating for yourself. Finding inspiration in each other. Imagine us together for a brief moment in the earth’s history, our lives intertwining and holding each other in the starlight.

OMFG…just saw a meteorite burn up in the earth’s atmosphere…lol. Sorry for the interlude. And sorry about the long winded message but do see the catharsis and enlightenment you can get from writing about you life and dreams to another person.

I do hope you are having a great day. I think I will enjoy this moment for a while longer before turning in for the night…plans to go out drinking with the locals tomorrow, which will be a great adventure.

Talk soon.

Don’t knock my online personae I work super hard and it’s not like this blond me is a long time ingrained thing, I was part speaking in machiavellian jest. I have struggled for many years to get where I am now and I’m exhausted. I’m sure if I had the money to flit around the world I’d write whimsical messages so cavalierly from beaches myself. To date I haven’t had the time to take a break from hustling.

19 thoughts on “don’t worry i’m not going to exploit you. yet.

  1. “His TMI puts my TMI to shame” — Oh my god I am totally going to put that as a blurb on the hardcover edition of Superdad. If and when that ever comes out. Thanks for the mention Raymbo!

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