anyone can tell you there’s no more road to ride
doctor seuss rainy afternoon. thing one and thing two afternoon. it just occurred to me that i associate rainy grey do nothing saturdays with children’s stories. i am a nostalgic child. terribly sentimental. it runs in the family.
it also occurred to me that i am lucky and borderline hedonistic. selfish and whiney. i have practically zero responsibilities aside from requiring money for rent and therefore working a few days a week, but really i have demanded of myself a life where there is ample room to do pretty much anything i want at the drop of a hat. someone else in my position might just fuck the dog a little harder (um sorry that figure of speech got a little out of hand)(rhonda my garbage truck mouth kills yours) and be a little more, lazy? self-indulgent?
the point is i just had one of those a-ha! moments i’m somewhat forcing upon myself to snap out of this bullshit funk that i am in. oh my god it is so tough sometimes, being resigned. it’s an awful way to be but it’s ok (SEE, being resigned again) bad shit just speed bumps off my head and i get over it quicker, that’s one bonus of being a depressed sort. when shit goes bad you do not wig out cos you’re always expecting it to be bad anyway and it kind of always is. when those lucky sod idiot types who are blessed to not know what depression waves are get dealt some bad luck they just crumple to fucking pieces. i almost love it in a way. well, i feel smug is all. like i could deal with that misery in a heartbeat many times better than you’re handling it you pussy.
and so, i think it’s humourous this life i have. my dad always says i WISH i had your problems kid. maybe i’m just not driven enough. or i am but too lazy to push it a little bit further. i feel like time is endless sometimes. or i’m filling it up with the wrong things. oh man is that ever the truth.
someone’s raymi stash.
i think i am going to piss away the afternoon. i hear and see helicopters going overhead. it’s kind of interesting in a boring clipped should i be on edge about this manner. also, a little similar to 9/11 for me. yeah yeah we all know i was living in brooklyn at the time and i’m slightly demented now because of it. sorry maybe experiencing fighter jets in an urbane setting, kinda sorta hardcore? top gun off the top of my brownstone rooftop. you can see the wtc in the second photo of this post, i am 18 and i look like a mod dyke.
I’m sorry you’re so blue, and I’m sorry it’s raining. helicopters are an awful overlay to life, the ultimate sound of power and anxiety (the anxiety of power?). rattling disruption. things with this beast fellow sound like a heartbreak hanging fire and that makes me worry about you. that tumblog is wrenching.
yeah well, what can you do? nothing.