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what cleanse?

oh my god fuck this cleanse and fuck you. i am basically in a fight with everyone now because i opened my stupid mouth about it. i put it on hold three times now i should have just waited like a smart person until after the weekend. however i’ve successfully gone through a couple entire days without cheating (aside from coffee which i don’t count BECAUSE I FUCKING SAID SO) so i have felt the effects of frustration and rage and sadness and boredom and i kind of get off on it maybe a little? serving food on an empty stomach makes you feel like a little asshole elitist prick. fun! try it!

i’ve experienced the worst of people too. people who pay you no mind for weeks on end then all of a sudden they all come out to beak at you and think that you’re talking specifically to them on your blog? holy christ leave me alone. i have no time for this.

i blew it last nite because i wanted to go on a date and eat cheese and drink wine. i got my period (hurray) and knowing that that leans me out enough as is the cleanse can wait. why did i go on a date? well, my romantic/relationship life is a fucking joke mess at the moment. it is up and it is down and then up again then down again and because i have this blog and somewhat allude to things, people make up their own minds and fill in the gaps about it. it’s trying. say it’s down again i’m online playing catch up and a few friends will start to chat me up on gchat to get the rest of the gossip fill on my dating life, by the time they come around to ask questions i’m already in the downward spiral part again, cos there’s a blog lag in time. it’s depressing and infuriating. like i know you’re only talking to me right now because some girl you know thinks she knows the guy i’m seeing so what is the point of asking me about it now? nosy. everyone is fucking nosy.

it has added a lot of pressure to it too and in a way fucked it all up. fucked something that was fucked from the start anyway. so thank you toronto.

here’s the shit i am allowed to do in this city/on the internet without anyone getting involved or having something to say about it: N O T H I N G.

here’s how many people i can date without a hundred pr chicks losing their minds: NO ONE.

i think i have to give this whole “online persona” thing another thought because lately too many times i’ve been getting wow you are AMAZING in real life i cannot believe you aren’t raymi the minxing all over the place. jovial. damn fucking straight i am jovial. i am kind and i am sweet and disarming and charming and i am better than you. the ones who talk the most shit about me being crazy are balls to the wall lunatics which is most hilarious of all. yeah i come across scattered but i live my life pretty regimented, wild when the wild is necessary, controlled when i have to be stuffy raymi. ok check out this email. one of hundreds that came pouring in when i had the audacity to say i was going to drink cayenne lemonade for a week.

Hi Lauren

I was recently introduced to your blog through a mutual friend. The city has a weird way of making everyone mutual one way or another eh? Anyway… I’m not usually someone who writes emails to people I don’t know, but your latest post made me want to say something. And I figured I’d rather send you an email which you probably won’t read instead of commenting and having people comment on what I say – people are ridiculous. But on the off chance you read it, that maybe you’d appreciate someone who’s been there…

You have the kind of courage and “jump-first-think-later” attitude that many people only dream of having. Your unapologeticness (that’s a word, I just made it one!!) is so refreshing because so many people tip-toe around everyone else and so much drama is caused because of that. You seem to have a great head on your shoulders and you steer clear of the crazy which is so refreshing in a Toronto blog (there are soooooo many fake back-stabbers). Women in Toronto get crazy because of the men they know – it’s insane that we’d rather rip each other apart because of a good lay than realize it’s the guy that’s a doucher and not the other girls… but anyway – off topic!

The diet is your choice and for that reason I know you’ll succeed. You’re super right when you say that the world is cruel to fat women, but I think the world is even crueler to women who have been skinny and are now a little “bigger” – people notice when you go from 120lbs to 140lbs so much more than someone going from 200-220lbs. You have to do what’s right for you and fuck everyone else. The haters just want a reason to hate and be mean-spirited.

Know that there are people out there in the world that understand and appreciate what you’re doing. I think we could be fantastic friends if we didn’t know the mutual people that I know we know. I steer clear of the drama as much as possible, and I know there are people who would hate if we got to know each other. So I will continue to cheer you on from afar. And maybe one day I’ll get the courage to say “Fuck who we know, we’re going to be great friends” – but until that day… just know that I know exactly what you’re going through. Use the blog as an outlet for yourself – fuck the haters and keep doing what you do because it works for you – no one else.

Thanks for taking the time to read this,


my response which received no reply,

Um who do we know? The sad thing is you’re pandering to whoever these people are and I have no idea about whoever it is out there being secretly mean about me. What the fuck have I done to deserve that????

sorry didn’t want to make it seem like i was swearing AT you. anyway, this email pretty much sums up my life in toronto. there’s the tall poppy syndrome handful of bitches and we all pretend to be nice to one another for some stupid reason and then there are their friends who can’t be friends with me because of them and they all talk shit about me but then to my face it’s all smiles. why??? what did i do to you again please refresh my memory. for the sake of this rant lets say i’m a celebrity, a minor celebrity, fine. if you are a celebrity in toronto you are fucked. people yell at you in the street and snicker when they see you, no matter what you did or how you became famous you are somehow a loser to this nobody assclown simply because you are WALKING on the sidewalk drinking a coffee like a normal person. muchmusic vjs get it the worst like they’re jokes because they’re on tv for OMG muchmusic. do you know how cut throat competitive it is to land that gig and here’s some fucker heckling you down queen street? where is the logic?

with me it’s a special brand of haterade. i get around, people think they know me when they don’t. people who’ve never met me or fuck it, SAW me at a party for 4 minutes declare me as this or that then retreat back into their dank little caves of wallflowerness to write a shitty comment about me on the internet. COOL LIFE SON.

i feel like i am drowning in bullshit and i can’t escape it. it’s never going to change. even when i evolve to the next level of whatever retardation is coming my way the negative hearsay will only increase and who can date their life through that nonsense? i can’t get within a foot of a guy without a chick throwing up a thousand disclaimers about me, whether she knows about my blog or not. the pressure of that of course makes the raymi cocktail all the more appealing for a while.

i do not know what the solution is. i am just on my period hahaha.

look at how dewy my skin is and how shiny my nose is and this is the worst screenshot ever try talking with the sun in your eyeballs.


Morning Raymi,

Just wanted to say: people are dicks. Especially the ones on the internet.

Wanna bet that if you told everyone you were planning on gaining 10lbs, people would start congratulating you, encouraging you, saying “Good for you!!”

Sometimes I tell people I’m purposely gaining weight. So they’d like me.

It works!

But yeah, our society is still image obsessed and this IS, in fact, IN and that hasn’t gone anywhere. Sure, some might say “No, no, curves are back. Men like meat on their women – look at Christina Hendricks (Joan from Mad Men). Look at her GIANT TITS!!!!!”

If there was any sandwich in the world that would magically grow my tits that large, dammit, I’d be fucking eating it right now. Alas, no one likes “curves” unless they are in all the right places, and if you have more of a boyish, short-waisted, petite frame, as I do, gaining 10lbs makes you look like everyone’s favourite human sausage. No tits. Boo.

So, whenever I’ve gained weight, I have tried to lose it right away. If I don’t, I get depressed, then I eat more. When I’m lighter, I’m happier and am more active and I eat better. It’s a chain reaction.

And it’s only a fucking cleanse for 10 days. Not 10 years.

People are just bothered by the fact that you are already perfect-looking. But it seems perfectly clear that you are about to make yourself look like a supermodel, and that sort of thing can be threatening to others. I also suppose that people like to live in this bubble-world where beauty effortlessly “just happens”, and if it doesn’t, it makes no difference.

No. Looks are important. Not saying it’s right, but that’s how it is. However, society doesn’t want to hear about the amount of work that goes into it – I mean, if already beautiful people have to go to such lengths for beauty, what are us mere mortals supposed to do? They call these pursuits shallow. It’s like those guys who say “I prefer women who don’t wear any makeup”. Nope, wrong answer bud. What you meant to say is “I prefer women who were born with the perfect skin, body and set of genes so she doesn’t need any enhancement whatsoever.” Yeah, not all of us are so lucky in the genetic lottery.

The reason why, when you talk so openly about your diet, the internet gets angry is because when people see a beautiful person put actual effort into their already-fine looks, it sort of makes them feel like they are not trying hard enough. They want the bubble-fantasy that you were just born perfect, so lucky you. While you know I think you look perfect as it is, I know what if feels like to know that if you tried harder, you could be a little better.

And all the assholes out there who are emailing you death threats or calling you a crackwhore or whatever, they just want a rise out of you. No one in real life pays them any attention, but they are also kinda bored and hope that you’ll have a public meltdown, which will entertain them for fifteen minutes before they can catch the latest animal sneezing viral on youtube. Dear edgy (read: derivative) internet trolls: How original is it to sense that someone is feeling a little down on themselves lately, currently being teased, harassed, and called names, only to jump on the bandwagon of kicking someone when they’re down? Congratulations on being as edgy as a spoonful of marshmallows. You stole this idea from 5 year-olds.

Sometimes Raymi, you just gotta say Fuck the World. Then carry on and live in it, because it’s kind of a fun place too. And you’re amazing in it.



32 thoughts on “what cleanse?


    I have no opinions on cleanses, except that I try to wash daily.

  2. i hate when… when people put their opinions before their compassion. sometimes a person’s opinion shouldn’t matter as much as their love for their friend, but that is not the general consensus.

    good luck in whatever you do, eh? ehhhhhhhh!

  3. I’m on day 4 of the Wild Rose cleanse, have a period I am not supposed to get and don’t even know how to start dating again so I can empathize with you. In that I-don’t-know-you-but -am-going-through-something-similar-kind of bs.

  4. im starting the cleanse up again today even tho i know ill die at work tonite and willgo off it this weekend likely anyway and the batch i made has too much cayenne in it so it’s adding more cramps to the period cramps i already have EVERYTHING IS FINE IM OK ITS COOL AAAAAAAAAH

  5. when a girl falls in love,she always wants to lose the extra weight. its like that whole fitting into the Wedding Dress Routine.

  6. You look great in your photos.
    I’d nix the cleanse since “your friend” has arrived
    you need the extra iron now

    And why do you need iron?

    If you have enough iron in your system, your muscles and bodily systems will function as well as your level of physical fitness allows. Iron increases energy levels and your ability to learn. Sufficient amounts of iron in the body can help eliminate fatigue and muscle weakness. Iron also benefits the immune system, thus people who consume enough iron tend to have better overall health and immune systems

  7. I don’t understand how ppl can’t just read your blog. Just read it, enjoy it, the end.
    They should take their unwanted opinions/advice and blog about it somewhere and then experience the backlash from ppl who disagree with their post and enjoy e-mails from ppl with “good advice”.
    I know they won’t :(
    Be as skinny as you want, it doesn’t affect me in any way at all, I don’t know you, whatever you do I’ll still read and enjoy your blog.

  8. Rhonda is so right on. Living life and looking good while doing it takes actual effort; and most people are too fucking lazy and want to wish themselves into a world where things just “happen.” I guess I “get” it, haters make the world go ’round (whatever) but it’s very sad and quite pathetic actually that that is how people actively choose to spend their time. what a monumental waste. it’s precisely those types who wallow in self-disgust with their computer monitor tans, stuck in a perpetual cycle of doing and being absolutely NO-THING. cheers to you for always kicking ass and taking names.

    Fuck Toronto, move to Hawaii!! ;)

  9. “here’s how many people i can date without a hundred pr chicks losing their minds: NO ONE.”


    Fuck, for some reason I thought that was comedy gold right there.

    Keep on rocking with the cleanse, btw. Forget the weight loss, we (you, me, everyone in the Western world who isn’t a crazed hippie) eat and drink and smoke and snort a lot of things that aren’t very good for us. We could probably all use a good clean out now and then.

    In fact, I know you DON’T want to talk about it because people are being dicks, but if you could, let us know how it’s making you feel besides losing weight.

  10. nah, not currently although i wish i was. my entire family is there (scattered all over the islands) so if you want any tips/info i’m more than happy to share!!

  11. You do more in 24 hours than i do in a month.

    Cause i am a looser.

    Maybe you could travel, go to Europe for a while, get a different perspective on things. And no, im not bashing you. I dont care what you eat or dont eat. You just sound like you are about to explode or collapse or something.


  12. I would if i could. India is at the top of my list. I think i would try Ireland.. Actually i would try the Ukraine, go check out the Gypsy’s.

    Sorry, no help, you go first. Im not sure my India trip will ever happen.

  13. Rhonda is spot on. I recently lost 20 lbs and people act like it’s damaging or you’re “obsessed” with dieting just because you quit eating so much crap and exercise while they sit on their asses. The lemonade fast is no big fucking deal. I like you. You like what you like.

  14. I just want to clarify so that I’m not jumbled into the crazy pr girls group that the mutual friend we know is your “beast” and not any of the crazy girls… also, I really didn’t mean to be bitchy in that email – I didn’t know it would turn into such a big deal. Sorry Raymi, I was just trying to be nice… back-fire!

  15. woah. you are amazing. as for the blog hits, might have to do with people wanting to see how you are carrying your new weight with the same confidence as you have been lately. sort of like a guide as to how they can break out of their own shells. when i say “new weight”, i mean what you keep acknowledging on your blog, because i never even noticed until you wrote about it. so its a mental thing. i did feel that you didnt need to be as skinny as you were before, taller girls weight more too, bone and water mass. you look perfect right now. and i love the way you talk. i also notice friends and my mother making it nearly impossible to maintain a skinny body and for that reason alone i support you in your diet.

  16. I did a week long fast/cleanse thing last year. it was meant as a de-tox thing and i lost so much water weight doing it. i remember telling people about it and they were all WTF THATS SO UNHEALTHY YOU CRZY. but it’s not. this has all escalated into all kinds of crazyness. it’s just a fucking cleanse detox thing. everyone needs to get over it. after i did the cleanse i felt, for lack of a less cheesy saying, like a new person. i’d love to do it again.

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