I hope my jet lagged heart don’t fail

oh man what a weekend. so many cool things, so many uncool things. definitely running on steam. empty. almost fainted at dance today, well practically did. luckily and coincidentally it was during this part of the do your duty dance where we take a knee so i was all wobbly weak teetering and had to put my hand on the floor then i timed it with the canon arm circle wave and went to have a time out. i was so weak from exhaustion heat stress starvation dance dance dance physical activity in the heat and anxiety. had an attack, took part of a chill pill waited out the panic attack (typically 20 minutes) then it goes away and then you turn into a zombie from the ‘pam. yesterday i ran on empty too and the day before that and the day before that and pretty much every single day before that since back to i don’t know when. it just feels like i am going from one hostile environment to another and there’s something stressful behind each corner some of it you can predict but can do nothing about. cannot adequately vent about it here.

my cousin came out of the closet and family things for him are not good. this was my phone call en route to dance, sort of a mini-crisis sponsor chat during the 15 min ride of meditation i had planned for. then attack at dance. then some shit after dance. and some shit yesterday. guh. anyway. there i mentioned it, released it and now can carry on with the week.

my nap was great. i always feel victorious when i nap like when i blow my nose properly (i am nose blowing deficient) as i never nap, feel like losing the day is a horrible offense.

the first date i went on friday was a bust. not to dog him, but no chemistry. he talked about his sister too much and was a little rigid. very cute though. jewish. photographer. errr. anyway. i took him to watusi and wouldn’t you know it our girl the waitress was there and this time we did our secret spoke club wink wink at each other. quick changed in the bathroom off to czehoski and pass date one on to date two on my bike practically in front of czehoski’s ahhhhhhh hi ding ding just meeting my gf meet ewan mcgregor looking guy drag to harlem underground where THAT waitor says to me at the bar in front of erin who i bump into that this is the third time now he’s seen me with a third guy. that guy needs to learn the spoke club code of mistress silence like my watusi girl hahaha. date two was better than date one. walked all the way home in the rain. late. woke up early for work. and so on. saturday nite made up for everything though.

rob is on the way over to look at how bloodshot my eyes are from bawling them out.

here i am in date two outfit.

date one does not know about my blog. date two is an architect.

pretty indulgent. afterward went to sweaty betty’s where i tried to be a baller and bought 18 year shots of jameson. kind of a dumb $30 last call thing to do but funny, sort of? i live like a begger, tips to tips mostly, no savings. out of control. i don’t think i can even afford to be blond anymore how tragic is that. hilarious almost. i have to stop slacking now i have so much opportunity here i’m done being a child.

this store confusd my brother.

you can buy me one of these any time now.

guess which one i picked out for kamila.

my brother is a hunk and hailey is just gorgeous.

oh crystal. slammin’ outfit.

right down to these puppies.

dr. robert killed it. we want them back.

…as Gord has said “It’s not like it’s some big mystery, it’s practically on display”
The world loves a fighter, Lady. Keep fighting.