To see many places and hide in ditches

i rode my bike for the first time and it was terrible and horrible and amazing. it was raining. i have to break half a block before needing to stop otherwise i plow into people or have to perform bike “tricks” off curbs which is pretty awesome if you’re standing around waiting for whatever to happen to you and then i come along and happen right in front of you. i like to check out my reflection a lot while zipping around but i realized today i probably shouldn’t be doing that while drag racing taxis and arrogant dudes in beamers. especially in the rain.

it’s not that i’m conceited it’s just, i put effort into my “look” and i spend a lot of time alone and i’m sort of insecure and agoraphobic, so then i finally get out of the house which takes piles of effort and makeup and hair being did and a cute outfit, maybe i should get to check that shit out a little too, no?

the first dealer i dated, one of his friends commented that this girl (me) looks in the mirror A LOT. i didn’t know i did that until it was pointed out. then i was like, fuck, he’s right. that dealer spent a good portion of time making me feel like shit about myself to keep me in line (try it dicks, it works) and so every time i’d get up off the couch at whatever party we were at i’d pass the hallway mirror and be like, blown away by how cute i was. not saying i was totally babely (even though i was pretty on my game at the time) or anything i was just so dominated mentally i forgot that i looked pretty at all so it would be a major headfuck being confronted by my appearance every time i took a piss. i’d come back into the living room a whole new person. confident. then i’d start engaging with others in the room, abandon my wallflowerishness for an hour or two.

so, these are my thoughts when you catch me bewildered by my own reflection. i am bipolar. i feel ugly and beautiful at the same time, all of the time. i am vain and i am humble. barf barf barf when i sat down this was not the vision i had for this whimsical little post.

had an inspiring lunch with an old hombre at il gato nero. talked some business. exchanged ideas. things keep snowballing. momentum building.

i have an earache from the windy cold bike ride home. almost rode into a woman outside the lcbo on brock. treated myself to a bottle of jamesons (for the house) and some red wine, chit-chatted with the clerk who used to work out of the liquor store i used to go to in the annex, i figured he got fired for sexual harassment or something cos he flirts a mean streak. nope, just transferred.

i have no plans for the evening.

i need to go to the dentist my teeth are hurting. i drink way too much coffee.

thanks for subscribing to the raymi times. xo for now.

eye makeup slightly fucked. i think i have hay-fever. what’s that shit called when your eyes water up when spring hits? allergies, hay-fever? blah. i’m pretty sure there isn’t any hay in toronto.

our waitress was a bitch. he said it first, i’m just backing it.

fresh in from mexico. ugh.

ate like pigs.

il gato nero is a funny spot for me personally. one, it is on the street where my toronto residing life first began and two, because of this and how lazy i am, it is the scene where i first ever met with a venture capitalist who wanted to make bank off me (didn’t happen).

i’ve met with several venture capitalist types over the years and it’s all fine and dandy until contract time comes along. essentially, they want to own you and the rights to everything you invented. so deals fall through but at least you got a panini out of it haha.

this time around shit’s different though. have you heard of a life rights option agreement? i sort of had before but today it makes way more sense. ok that’s enough teasing for now.

Good evening Lauren!

P.S: pour te faire une idée, je fais partie de ta liste de contacts facebook et nous avons nos initiales en commun.

please learn english you say such beautiful things! on fridays at work there is french club and i get guys to translate your comments to me and then they fall in love with me over what you say about me. haha.

babelfish says this:

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