snowshoes and hunters
meredith was enchanted by melodie’s vitamin 101ing me in the kitchen and said we should recreate it so this farty barely-audible awkward clip is awkward for reasons. i was having anxiety this day, lack of sleep, can’t remember what was bugging me, and i didn’t have much time to fuck around before work so here i am putting back 8 pills at once with a grolsch. i make a stupid http joke ughhh i wish i could control the stupid things that come out of my mouth.
i’d just like to jay and silent bob a motherfucker sometime, from the bottom of my cold black heart, i mean that. i’d like to know who the giant loser is who one-stars all my videos before i even blog them. cool life guy. nah it’s probably an ugly girl but it’s not like my videos are cannes-worthy or anything here, get real. i’m trying to wrap my head around what it’s like being a net lurking hater. do you know what it feels like having to deal with little penises at your heels every fucking day? i’m good for weeks and weeks but once i hit pre-menstrualtown you all start looking like violent strangle fantasies of mine. not you all the OTHER you all.
oh here’s a way to describe it. every time i sit down here i know i’m writing to two sets of people split right down the middle. one half really digs me, the other half does not. so i’m like trying to play into that every post i post, which is why i cop this snarky defensive back is up tone quite often. i have to stop that. it isn’t healthy. this is what the internet does to you. i’m not complaining i know i KNOW it comes with the territory but i’ve said this before, just because you can do something, access people, harrass the shit out of them, doesn’t mean you should. you shouldn’t stop being a human, being normal, because an invisibility cloak is doled-out with every fucking modem.
the worst part is, the little skeeve who leaves the shit comment, one-stars my shit, whatever, is getting a huge thrill off all this negative attention too, like right now they’re psychotically cracking their knuckles staring into the monitor, grinning like the grinch, masturbating with onion skins. sickitating. so you can’t win if you make fun of them and you cant win if you let it go because they still “got to you” in some way. however, they’re nothing special, at all. which is why they do what they do. they’re nameless faceless spineless little wieners who just want some recognition and nothing they do is original. sorry guy there’s more where you came from. my favourite brand of hater is the one who puts some effort into it, knows why i suck and the reasons why i do not suck, and is not just jumping on the bandwagon for company. this type is, while borderline insane, rather intelligent, self-aware, misguided, deluded, and hurting for some reason. i become their punching bag as i am a force and they feel obliged to reckon with me all the way.
one more thing about my videos, some people don’t “get” them and have expressed this to me in the past. why did i film myself putting on makeup for 5 minutes, it doesn’t go anywhere. it doesn’t matter what the video is of, the point of it is that it exists period. we’re all islands out here, some people live in total isolation and therefore appreciate a little vapid vignette now and again. someone, somewhere, will watch it and like it. i’m doing a fucking service here.
alright i’m exhausted by this now, did i tell you guys i tinted my eyebrows? 26 going on a 46 year old orange county cougar xoxo.