free hit counter

i am personally offended by everything

OBNOXIOUS WATER! if some asshole came to my picnic and revealed this little treasure oh man, get the FUCK off my blanket immediately. i mean obvs i will have a buzz on at any picnic duh (so it’s opinions time) but seriously THANK GOD FOR THIS TINY FUCKING GLASS THAT CAME WITH THIS TEENY LITTLE BOTTLE I MEAN, I JUST WOULDN’T KNOW WHAT TO DO WITHOUT IT HOW DO I DRINK THIS UGH WILL IT STILL POUR? SO PEDESTRIAN. oh and of course a woman at this high-end market was like have you ever been here before? me no funnily enough i haven’t. i’ve gone passed it the past 26 years of my life but never actually been inside but relax lady stop dying all over yourself about it this isn’t the cheese boutique, jesus.

thank god for these tiny little apples too and their tiny little individually cellophane bagged bags, sigh, such dreamy little life savers. (in case you can’t tell anymore i am being disgustingly sarcastic right now. these apples make me want to puke diarrhea)(oh my god it’s bed time).

ok now for the reason of this late nite post:

Markus why don’t you apply this fire and brimstone to your precious Catholic Church?…your priests and bishops certainly know a thing or two about blowjobs and pilfering cash.

wuh-oooooah gnarly burn dude!

oh i just remembered i dreamt (nightmare!) that i had a $450 phone bill. i’m going to check my bill summary online right now to see if my dream was true. this post was going to be longer. internet has been spotty here at my dad’s. watched some planet terror with my brother earlier, holy sickitating.

update: it’s $122. not great but not $450 either so, good.

7 thoughts on “i am personally offended by everything

  1. I was going to respond; but felt like, none of my business. Which is what probably should be the response from all of your loyal readers.
    So, instead i’ll just say, I hope this finds you well. Robt.

  2. lol@ the water! I used to work at the Starbucks in Oakville and some of the customers were really picky (read: snotbags) – they HAD to have their San Pellegrino as opposed to SBux’ tap water, which, in fact, is fresh Dasani water. Obviously they weren’t buying my story because they’d be like “ME? Drink TAP water?” Oh my goodness, be happy you’re living in a country that has clean water to begin with, never mind worrying about stooping to the level of (gasp) tap water.

    Ok rant over. Love this post!

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *