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good old fashioned raymi bullshit post

so, sass‘ roommate gunther and i have been getting on like houses on fire cos he’s a lazy bored pothead like me (has his own company in jamaica, a skydiving company at that). we’ve been having loads of stupid pointless funny stoner conversations too ahhhh flashback. shit like bacterium being a universe unto itself never questioning why, why life, why are we here? there is no reason basically, this is it. we’re a fluke of nature. then there’s people who do question it but are too lazy to bother offering one goddamn guess at the big question they endlessly pose. go on, one guess, just one, since you care so much! then gunther’s gf turns and says HOW DO YOU KNOW YOU’RE BOTH NOT BACTERIUM EXISTING IN YOUR OWN UNIVERSE RIGHT NOW.

woah, faith, don’t take advantage of us cos you’re the straight one here. not fair.

anyway, i’ve been one-hitting it all week not really getting high but noticing everyone around me so is and i was worried that i had crossed the weed line into chronic town, but then gunthy rolls a spliff one toke and four hours later where did the day go? so i think i have to break up with the one-hitter and just suck on a joint from now on.

i wrote down two important topics on the dry-erase board that i wanted to discuss with you guys.

1. corn nuts
2. aggressive teeth brushing

i guess i’ll begin with how sometimes i’ll come out of my teeth hygienic reverie and realise i am brushing my teeth like i am trying to murder someone. like i am trying to kill somebody. that’s as far as that joke got. i often come up with tidbits i find could be usable in stand-up, but they don’t really go anywhere and i figure i have terrible stage fright so it won’t ever happen. maybe if i was blackout drunk.

now the thing about corn nuts is you cannot enjoy eating them yet they are SO enjoyable to eat. they’re so fucking loud though. you have to go down to a room in a basement with no windows, turn out the light and maw on them in privacy but that can never be the case, not possible, cos there are always people around when you want to eat corn nuts, and usually the corn nuts belong to them so you can’t very well take the bag and run. that’s rude. even if the corn nuts belonged to you, you can’t do that either because exiting a moving vehicle is dangerous so you have to suffer eating each corn nut one by one and one corn nut just simply isn’t enough. nowhere near it. you need at least 3 or 4 to get your satisfy on. but again, so loud. i tried eating sneaked in corn nuts in a movie theatre when we went to see youth in revolt. nice try. can’t even hear the movie over the sound of my own crunching plus the entire dialogue to that film is spoken in whisper so that you know it’s hipster-friendly. yes this is the right one because everything is in pastel. anyway, my ex fucked me up on this loud crunching thing, he has mad chewing issues and because of that i too have them. thanks!

if you were to find yourself happily alone finally with your bag of corn nuts you would instantly find yourself unhappy at the realization that you are alone, stuffing corn nuts into your mouth at lightning speed. alone. for some reason eating alone is the saddest thing in the world to me. i find many things sad but for the moment this is the saddest of them all.

ok i have to fucking go now what the hell am i doing.

it will be nice when i am able to make coherent thoughts happen again or regain the ability to have fully-open eyes like the rest of humanity. if i lack sleep that’s when shit gets crazy.

i have a post in the bucket that i want to share but i fear it might be the apex of too much information, which normally wouldn’t stop me but i already feel under the microscope enough as is presently, trainwreckage-like so maybe i ought to hold off for a little while.

guess the chick who tossed her craft magazine finally got a boyfriend hey?

went to the in crowd party with sass and the ten million people she knows. i felt extremely extremely awkward. i have never been with a guy who dances, or goes dancing so i’ve been out of the loop. i know, why did i suffer so? maybe if i dressed less like a simpleton and more like an adorable slut pilgrim (oh wait i do do that, just not that nite) i’d be more on my game.

don’t even think of sweating in that thing.

bottle service vortex!

and then i sweated.

good nite dancing. i love dancing. incidentally, i am an amazing dancer. it’s good to be back.

16 thoughts on “good old fashioned raymi bullshit post

  1. i sneak corn nuts into every movie even though i always say i won’t do this next time!! they are SO unenjoyable to eat in there… i put them in my mouth at the loud parts and then if/when it goes quiet i have to hold them in my mouth/suck on them and try to wait until it’s loud again. but even then SO loud. i end up stoned eating the rest when i get home with the tv volume cranked to compensate for the crunching. won’t learn.

  2. Don’t brush too hard, you can cause your gums to recede. That in turn will make your teeth super sensitive. A gentle massage is all you need to keep your teeth clean!!!

  3. aggressive teeth-brushing, corn nuts, so funny, so true, such great writing
    all that hard work in dance classes as a kid looks good on you too.
    have fun! xx

  4. Corn nuts taste like crap. Same with Bits ‘N Bites. It’s cat treats in different packaging. I feel very strongly about this.

  5. Ooops? Somehow you blog appeared on my screen? AGAIN. So I had to read. (Karma?) Corn Nuts are too hard on my teeth. Almost painful. Are they real corn, or some kind of a nut? Looked at your pics. Oaky, but more smiley pics of you. tata

  6. A couple years ago I cracked a filling and had to get a root canal due to excessive corn nut crunching.

    Glad you are back in town, your stories are waaay more fun here!

  7. I probably only eat corn nuts once every like.. two years.. but when I do I enjoy the hell outta them.

    I am insanely curious about what the post that you’ve got in the ‘chute is about!!

  8. I think the happiness of corn nuts would out weigh the unhappiness of being alone eating them.

    I like these types of posts and man oh man I want to go clubbing now. so bad.

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