anyway last nite, in-between flicking back and forth from revenge of the nerds and something else what currently escapes me right now we caught not one but two different infomercials for the exact same product that is essentially just fine grey sandpaper, k not essentially, try IS just fine grey sandpaper with (assumedly) cardboard-backing, palm-shaped (the bigger ones) and also nano (hahaha) and it’s for sanding down your leg hair, thigh hair, chest hair (dudes) etc BUT they say it’s super fine crystal technology (seconds after i screamed out it’s purely super fine sandpaper) and they’re selling it for NO not for the $40 value it is so (isn’t) equal to, just 16.95 or some such garbage. i don’t want to give these rip-off artists traffic directly from my site (speaking of direct, one of the infomercials mentions the buy-direct price ie. AMWAY) but i want you to see this for yourselves. i just checked buysmoothway.ca lo and behold it’s bunk. the other url works tho http://www.sheerskin.ca/ and i know what this shit is because:
1. in grade 5 i slept over at my friend’s house and she showed me a folded into quarters piece of super fine grey sandpaper and demonstrated how she “shaved” her legs (her mom taught her). i too tried it and gave myself the wickedest rash ever no matter, it works after just a little bit of sanding you do not need to go to town like i did. (also this chick had thicker dark hair so apparently if you’re one of those prone to more stubble this is what you do?) you’re supposed to do it on dry skin and because it was winter my legs were so parched it fucked them up for a week, gym class was embarrassing thanks.
and 2. cos i worked in a hardware store i therefore know for fact you can just buy a sheet for a dollar IF THAT and cut it to these stupid shapes, or just fold it into fours. point being you are a buffoon and dead to me if you order this crap. xoxo
ps. datarock ripped a sample from revenge of the nerds in their song computer camp love see if you can figure out what line it is.
under a year ago i did a dumb dance video to this song. it garnered many views and stupid comments (as do all of my videos and yes the fact that people are searching for the song on youtube does not escape me). anyway here is a video of me dancing to the black keys’ cover of wicked messenger again in all its retarded glory. i put it up on youtube again cos i am a glutton for punishment like that. slightly better video quality on vimeo.
industry night chez second city. yeah next time you tell me it’s industry nite please be clear about how all drinks are free for the duration of the show and how servers will constantly be walking around with trays of snacks courtesy of m&m’s. sorry pals i didn’t know. fil was irritated that he drove. oh well. we took alicia she has the best cackle to bring in-tow for comedy. good good funny times ’twas.
fil has been using my jergens tanner lotion (so doesn’t need it) and i obvs have not been. time for ghostface to get on that.
all inside jokes from various skits.
guy in front of us was solo and i imagine was totally diggin’ on alicia’s stories. oh yeah there was a nice oakville burn in one of the sketches. plenty of oshawa and etobicoke ones as always.
admiring the drink names.
mmmmm&mmmmm’s alicia called it before i had a chance to.
a million pictures of the same view during intermission. they’re very strict with the no camera during the show policy (even w/o flash yeah yeah i get it) and there are a million eyes on you just waiting to tell you off. fine. FINE. oh man one guy had half-wood during the little red riding hood puppet skit, awkward.
so amazing words cannot describe how good these are. i’d never had any dessert from m&m’s before. impressive.
after the show you can stick around for improv and even after that you can go to the bar and drink with the cast where things get redonk. funny we didn’t stay though, next time. they’re trying to convince them to do a blogger nite so they can rip us to shreds. our own section and everything. oh man i hope that pans out. last time fil and i went there was an entire section of lawyers that were targeted all nite, so hilarious cos they were all wasted (of course) and just rollin’ with it.
i feel like spring shopping really bad the last spree i went on was at buy the pound that was two months ago at least no? i’ve been good.
oh gilda. why is it so much more heartbreaking when comedians die? that’s rhetorical.
lets see how long it takes for the crotcheties in our building to rain on my happy face sticker parade. i plonked it there sunday nite.
woah jungle hair. you know when you have long hair and you’re just like yeah it’s long, could be longer, not there yet. well last nite i finally realized how long it is and felt fully engulfed by it. that is all.
late start today. i haven’t slept in so late in awhile, i blame the clocks. i had a really crazy dream about lost.
lifted this from ryan’s but the idea is all mine, well not really, just the idea that a ton of canadians would and could respond to these like he did and then it’ll just spread like a rash, smart guy sometimes that rye. you’ve likely seen the molson canadian spots currently in-rotation, they’ve always had consistently clever ads i thought. anyway, here’s the spiel broken down sentence-by-sentence and i will respond to each one as it does or doesn’t apply to me. at the bottom of this post i’ll have it again blank so you can just straight copy/paste it into your own blongs. (blong is the new word of the day ps. and non-canucks can play along, i mean ablong too if you’re feelin’ left oot)
There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are; You’ve left your coat on some pile, and knew it wouldn’t get stolen. this reads like pile of snow but i imagine they meant pile of coats cos who the hell would leave their coat on a pile of snow also, it brings to mind rich oakvillian/manhattan beach kids who just ditch their expensive bikes wherever the fuck and how smug it comes off to me though i think the world should be able to just leave their shit anywhere they like w/o having to worry about it being stolen. but yeah i’ve only ever left my coat in places i know it won’t get ripped off ie. people’s houses i know or the local pub where if anyone so much as considered taking my purse or coat there’d be some serious hell to pay where people are just waiting for a chance to defend your honour. ok this one gets a checkmark yes.
You’ve never made a move on your buddies girlfriend. uuuuuuhm…errrr no comment.
You know that on a road trip the strongest bladder determines the pit stops. meaning the guy who has to piss the least gets to call the shots? fuck that. however, for some reason you acquire an ability to hold it a little longer when you know you’ll be at the lake in just an hour.
You’ve kept all your hockey trophies. never had any to keep, a measly soccer trophy though.
You’ve replaced someones pint if you’ve knocked theirs over. i don’t recall being that much of a drunken retard though it’s happened to me plenty and i’ve let it slide many times but yeah canadians love to show off our generosity and our most favourite way to do it is with beer.
If your buddy’s in trouble, you’ve got his back. brosz7kowski i’m lookin’ at you and the fox n fiddle last summer.
You’ve clapped for a dancer even though she shouldn’t be a dancer. HELL YEAH THOSE ARE MY FAVES!
You’ve used a blow torch to curve your stick. no i haven’t.
You’ve used your arm as an ice-scraper yes but i like watchin’ dudes do it more.
and, you’ve grown a beard in the post season can’t say i have but if i were a guy i would.
This is our beer, Molson Canadian. according to ryan it’s american-owned now so no it’s actually not but i’ll drink it when nothing better is on tap which is rarely and again independently of ryan i’ve been on the OV wagon for awhile so close enough.
next commercial
There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are; You have a hockey scar somewhere. do liver scars count?
You’ve gone on a road trip with a car that had no business going on a road trip. not really but kinda sorta? bit of a princess over here suffice it to say.
You’re proud to know a girl who got jiggy with a pro hockey player.knew her, not proud maybe just jealous purely out of egotistical reasons. these are dude questions tell me she blasted Robert Downey Jr then i’ll give her a standing-O.
You feel kinda bad reclining your seat in an airplane. yes but only temporarily though and then i keep it reclined anyway during take-off and landing you can get away with it if it’s just slightly set back the attendant never catches it but everyone in your vicinity does and the air all around you gets really tense. how annoying the person behind me seems quantifies the level of guilt i feel over my seat being reclined.
You’ve used a cheesy pick-up line because your buddy dared you. only after the fact when it was pointless just to be annoying.
You fill your friends pint before your own. OF COURSE. we love doing this it’s almost as satisfying as picking up something that fell out of a stranger’s pocket you’re like the superhero nobody asked for. we are serious about our manners here.
You think hockey tape can fix anything. after duct tape yes but only because it’s typically the only tape left in the house. nothing says i love you like a gift wrapped with hockey tape. how much did the NHL pay molson for these spots enough with the hockey already we do do other things you know.
You’ve gotten kicked out of somewhere can’t say i personally have but my friends have so by association yes, again this is more dude-oriented. i have been secretly asked to help escort so-and-so out of the bar then gone back in after they were sent in a cab.
and, you’ve turned down a booty call in the post-season. this one makes absolutely no sense to me.
This is our beer, Molson Canadian. more like this WAS our beer brand and it used to mean something to us.
There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are; You’ve driven an hour for 19 minutes of ice time. fuck no as if.
You’ve been to a bar that starts with Mc or ends in Annigan’s. yeah like a million billion times.
You appreciate a woman who’s into sports. more like retardedly annoyed by one especially when it comes off as phony, boring get-a-long gang type or a puck slut. don’t think all those photos of me at games were specifically out of interest for the sport, check what’s in my hand.
You’ll call anyone with goalie equipment a friend. yeah yeah zzzz maybe if said friend’s lady has like a minibar and wifi and a room like kelly ripa’s in hope & faith.
You know what a J-stroke is. only because i saw this commercial i learned what that canoe stroke was called, before that i just knew how to paddle (shittily so according to fil)
And sometimes, figure skating is worth watching. SO SO SO IS!
You know the sippy cup lid isn’t as dumb as it sounds. you have to go to the ACC to learn this.
You’ve worn a canoe as a hat. fil wouldn’t let me come for the portage trip cos i’m a wimpy girl, what a dick eh. i liked ryan’s answer how the soberest takes the lead or you walk into trees hahaha.
You’ve assembled a barbeque thank you home hardware. also lawn mowers, seed spreaders and other miscellaneous ridiculous outdoor/lawn/furniture things.
and, they’re not dents, they’re goals. cutest part of the commercial you have to see it to care and yes.
This is our beer, Molson Canadian. ok fine.
*******AGAIN here it is blank******** be sure to link back to me you ingrates.
There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are; You’ve left your coat on some pile, and knew it wouldn’t get stolen.
You’ve never made a move on your buddies girlfriend.
You know that on a road trip the strongest bladder determines the pit stops.
You’ve kept all your hockey trophies.
You’ve replaced someones pint if you’ve knocked theirs over.
If your buddy’s in trouble, you’ve got his back.
You’ve clapped for a dancer even though she shouldn’t be a dancer.
You’ve used a blow torch to curve your stick.
You’ve used your arm as an ice-scraper
and, you’ve grown a beard in the post season
This is our beer, Molson Canadian.
There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are;You have a hockey scar somewhere.
You’ve gone on a road trip with a car that had no business going on a road trip.
You’re proud to know a girl who got jiggy with a pro hockey player.
You feel kinda bad reclining your seat in an airplane.
You’ve used a cheesy pick-up line because your buddy dared you.
You fill your friends pint before your own.
You think hockey tape can fix anything.
You’ve gotten kicked out of somewhere,
and, you’ve turned down a booty call in the post-season.
This is our beer, Molson Canadian.
There’s an unwritten code in Canada. If you live by it, chances are; You’ve driven an hour for 19 minutes of ice time.
You’ve been to a bar that starts with Mc or ends in Annigan’s.
You appreciate a woman who’s into sports.
You’ll call anyone with goalie equipment a friend.
You know what a J-stroke is.
And sometimes, figure skating is worth watching.
You know the sippy cup lid isn’t as dumb as it sounds.
today is so totally laundry day and look what fil left in my inbox. i’da laughed more if there wasn’t mt. fucking everest waiting for me to take it down a flight of stairs in my hippie clogs oh and if this didn’t have that stupid FAIL/WIN shit involved. stop trying to make fail happen thanks.
there was a crazy points day going on at shoppers, if you spent fifty bucks you got 20x the points, which we did and holy that was the nerdiest rush ever. also i had a voucher mailed to me for my birthday month that if i spent $50 i’d get 7000 points on the spot, i had forgotten it and asked an employee if the two promotions were able to coincide she was iffy about it but said bring it back later and maybe we can scan it after the fact. so i did yesterday and a different employee scanned it. more nerdy rush ensues. ahh man so next time i go i can get $25 dollars off my bill. all this came to $65 btw, shoppers inflates their prices ridiculously so. oh and my hair is super greasy from doing the VO5 treatment (clearance rack!) as well as using that fancy restorative pantene conditioner. fil also used the VO5 yesterday so we both had seinfeld hair.
then off to the hippie store.
and to another one. they have huge containers in the back to refill our hippie detergent, laundry soap, hippie glass cleaner and many more natural liquids. we didn’t bring our bottles though cos i wanted to show it off to fil first so he could beat off hands-free.
food/booze shopping. i started numbering each item so i could do a detailed boring list of everything but then i remembered i’m not a loser. full size version of this photo.
k bye! seinfeld hair!
Dear Rayray…
I forgot how much you made me laugh. I used to visit your page everyday for a dose of silly. Being that you’re on my facebook you came up on my page and I thought wow! long time, so i came on board again for a treat.
i also forgot how much i love you. i see you’re engaged now. isn’t that just lovely.
btw, my fav pic from your more recents (i obviously don’t have time to go through them all)is the kitty pic on the toilet where you said he looks like an egg? hahaha, yeah well, it’s so adorable, it is perfect.
WELL BABY ANGEL, I want your legs. But I won’t eat all that weird healthy crap you eat so i guess i can enjoy my fat thighs for a while longer. I JUST FUCKING LOVE HAVING A LITTLE WAIST AND BIG THIGHS. it makes jean shopping a blast. LIsa
what the f are you talking about i just lurked your fb and you dont have big thighs at all
i want a teeny weeny waist too sigh
thank you for the nice email
ps i eat like a pig a lot too
