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ugh another old biddy down in the laundry room gave me some fresh ‘tude just now. once the microwave timer went off down i went to my washers and the same lady from 34 minutes ago says to me I LIKE TO GET HERE RIGHT WHEN THEY GO OFF. implying i had left my clothes rudely for houuurs without a fucking care in the world. so i just said YEAH. then pure silent treatment. in my head i’m like ok if i stuff her in a dryer i bet she’d fit she’s pretty tiny-like and why the fuck are you wearing a bonnet seriously bo-peep is in now i missed that memo. so i’m lugging my shit to the other side of the room over to the dryers, i used two washers today cos i had to do the onesies which is basically like washing an orangutan or whatever. so then biddy puts it together i’m pretty miffed at her scoldy schoolteacher passive aggressive reprimand (fuckin’ hate that eh? teachers indirectly pointing out your flaws with “I” statements) and switches her tone to the nice meter and asks me all in awe of how much clothing i am stuffing into the dryer like that and does it reeeally dry? shut up phony cunt i know what you’re doing. like how you get trapped in a public bathroom with a scary chick and a bunch of pointless verbal diarrhea compliments come out and you are like why did i just turn into a different person there oh right that surly chick gave me the heeby jeebies.

in summation, no one was waiting in line behind us for the washing machines, there was still an extra one, so do yourself a favour next time DON’T CORRECT ME COS I WILL PUT YOU IN YOUR OCTOGENARIAN PLACE AND YOU WILL POSSIBLY HAVE A CORONARY ON THE SPOT.

also, i whipped in and out of there at lightning speed while she was still getting her bedsheets into a dryer. so you like to get there on time cos a fucking snail can spin cycles around you?

i told her yeah all these clothes will dry cos i put ‘em in for 90 minutes then come down in an hour to take out things i don’t want to shrink.

don’t impart your laundry-wizardry then ask the dumbest question ever.

i should keep a chart of all this harassment then send out a newsletter and threaten an ageist lawsuit, why the fuck not these guys live for building drama and complaining, gets them going good.

in the time it took my clothes to wash i brought down three loads of recycling, unloaded the dishwasher, cleaned the kitchen and made myself look less like a slob and still STILL i beat her with fifteen minutes to spare to dick around on the internet.

look it’s me as a floating muppet now why would anyone want to be mean to that?

Elizabeth: I would lose it on those old ladies in the laundry room
Id make N move
or buy me a washer and drier

me: you love laundry posts

Elizabeth: yeah
I cant relate
since Im the one who does the laundry in my house

me: like what is the point of opening your mouth to a stranger
if you’re going to say something shitty
some fucking balls granny

Elizabeth: yeah

me: and immediately busts herself with the guilty back-peddling
seriously it’s the only way i know it here it’s fucking laughable at this point

Elizabeth: yeah for sure

*update: i just went to collect my dried goods and a chick roughly my age was there also and was sensible enough to ignore me and i followed suit. why don’t the cronies get it?

8 thoughts on “ohnoyoudih’nt

  1. where did you get your new keychains?
    …and since they remind me of such…
    How come you and Fil (to my knowledge) never do road trips to Pacific Mall? Lots of weird shit there to photograph, non? Ohhhhh mama.

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