alicia’s old tights

i’ve threatened and promised many a time to share this little something with you, and now finally, withouth further ado…

yup, his mom kept it!

what is this coming to america?

fil claims it still smells like outrageous. um, it doesn’t.

maybe when i am feeling creative i will tap into the wank bank reserve and picture this and well, maybe not.

back in the zip-loc bag it went. his hair was actually down to his ass, this braid was braided from the forehead back, if that makes sense, his hair was all one length and curly!

HAHAHAHAHHAHAHAhDSVBDRLIGBDR;IGHDFBGDF

i am trying to remember what fil’s mom said he looked like when it was down, a magician? oh man i am convulse laughing right now and shaking the couch. fuck what did she say!??? fabio? a composer? mermaid? single?

i am trying to imagine dating fil with long hair, i mean, we already look like each other enough as it is, god, two sensitive long hair ponytails hahahah. his ex before me had the exact same hair as him when he had this long hair, kinky curly too. man i am so fucking happy i missed out on that time. I LOVE YOU HOW YOU LOOK NOW DINKY.

yep, it’s that time again kids!

barbie’s answer to antm, you know i am pretty feelin’ those thigh highs but you also know i am like 25 years old and not 8. ha even though i had thigh highs when i was in grade six.

what the fuck barbie? that hair isn’t even remotely close to being fashionable right now and why is it necessary to have MORE of IT? you are so desperately off your game i am wincing right now.

and now america’s next top model’s answer to america’s next top model, we couldn’t figure out if these were based on actual contestants or just invented non-existent chicks? what’s the point of the fake photo-shopped natural mug shot down there looking absolutely nothing like the actual doll? why bother? oh right, to SELL these things, gotcha.

looks like steph!

meet “madison” and “delancey” ugh, i gather named after the area of nyc each tramps around in. their BUY ME shtick is that they are digital camera pose-ready. a sad common theme throughout is the 2-for-1 packs of these beasts.

tres subtle.

fuck ugly boots check, red carpet cross-over pose check, oh look you and your real life friend can give each other piggy back rides what?

the next obvious move is tattoos of course.

i dug on this cos i remember that the accessories with my barbies were not on the electronic or technological side unless you consider an egg beater tech-savvy or oven mitts. it’s just neat to see and amusing picturing all that useless plastic in the belly of a vacuum.

why?

LETS GO FOR A LESBO BEACH CRUISE K? MMM’K! PUMPED? SO PUMPED! i am going to file this one under realistic. they may as well be driving a cloud.

speaking of reality here we go, pediatrician barbie. you know how they say the top whatever jobs are garbageman, doctor, old people and funeral parlour whatever cos ugh i cannot finish this, basically y’all a bunch of knocked-up ho’s!

see.

see. anne geddies barbie?

FACEBOOK PROFILE BARBIE I DON’T CARE HOW FAT MY ARMS LOOK IN THIS THING I HAVE ARRIVED PEOPLE!

TODD MARRY ME SO I CAN MAKE A FACEBOOK ALBUM AND GET WALL CONGRATS POSTS FOREVS. ugh listen chicks from high school i could barely stand, you are making the internet cringe one picture at a time, it’s not a donkey race to betroth just to impress me cos i can see it in your fiancé’s face, he’s not into you and you aren’t into him, so don’t do it you stupid fucks! what comes after marriage? babies. i think it should be made law that you must learn how to spell if you want to procreate. you were the dumb kids in school STOP MULTIPLYING and i’m not talking math here!

(no i am not harshing on my friends who have recently married, i love you guys, you’re the real deal)

GAH! 2-for-1 make-up busts, how is it supposed to be fun to paint the face of something that is already painted? you just can’t be natural can you barbie, because that would be revolutionary and would sell, for sure. i’m pretty sure every store in the annex would stock au natural tree hugging hemp sweater diva cup barbie dolls.

EWW. so it’s cheaper to manufacture entire feet instead of going the distance and making extra heels?

sickitating AND racist, why are the black feet basketball player shoe-sized?

super duper harsh sigh.

ok if that thing roller-bladed into the living room right now i would barf and shit myself and faint then launch it as hard as possible off the balcony.

WHO BUYS THESE THINGS? they may as well be troll dolls.

what happens next year how do you top this one bratz? a hot air balloon?

see how ugly (and tired) i am in comparison look what you are setting your daughter up for ya fuckin’ geniuses.

whore speakers for web-camminz’!

hahaha that’s what your bangs look like when you wake up in the morning after they are newly cut. this is a head on a vanity for some stupid novelty reason that wears off immediately so save your monies.

and that’s it, i avoided an entire aisle of teeny weeny bratz things cos this got really depressing and boring and tired and fil had to pee.

here are the two other times i did this before, here and here.

two things i forced fil to text me last nite cos there wasn’t a pen in my side drawer and i was already on my way to lala land:

1. CAN I ASK YOU A SECRET (ripped from snl)

2. KIND OF LIKE SCHOOL FOREVER

very deep in these here parts i tell ya.

Novmeber 2007 archives cont’d.

if you want your eyes to get a blowjob and your ears a rimjob, listen to the pinker tones.

why girls are sluts right now.

NO ONE ALICIA KEYS RAYMI CLUB

the aftermath of the santa claus parade was so disgusting, fucking families and their mcdonald’s trash, chip bags, candy wrappers, pop cans, tim horton’s coffee cups scattered from bloor all the way down to fucking queen, just everywhere (check the comments of that post if you’re bored).

meet fredrique, he lost his eye in a fishing accident three years ago and is quite sensitive about it

i feel like i am friends with mario and i can’t stop thinking about playing it god i need friends.

haha he was reading VICE, what a phony, a real punk would have kicked my ass for taking their picture.

Love the website so I thought Id send you a pic I drew

rented live free or die hard last nite, i already saw a bootleg version of it, anyway it is great except for all the totally impossible things that happen which i still enjoyed. feh.

we HAVE to beat this fucking game so we can move on with our lives!@!!!!!!

a plethora of my shitty homemade vids.

i will destroy all the floor tiles around your feet and send you into another dimension with my moves

i wonder what it’s like to not be an individual. to live your life as somebody else’s idea of fantasy. for some rich golf playing douchebag to check off on his items to buy list. what a hollow life.

i am an artist. fil was like a pet gerbil yesterday, he didn’t leave the condo at all.

ok so here is my muchly anticipated irritating movie theatre experience post. (which i got paid for BURN on you!)

she‘s still out there.

no one enjoys french rap more than i do.

let me know when i should turn this into the drawings of me by other people blog.

it was good that we were dressed like slobs last nite, i like doing that when i get vip for some launch event, cos all the others take it really seriously they’re like ahmagod all day long in their offices, sharon i have to go to a launch party tonite whatever will i wear??? SERIOUSLY SHARON! then i roll up and eat infinity free hamburgers and drinks and breakdance (i did) and people loved it (they did).

what the hell i quit dancing why? oh right, for weed and boyfriends that’s right. GO ME!

whoever leaves me the BEST drunk dial email/comment tonite or starting now, gets a christmas card!

i asked fil to take a picture of me being domesticated and he asked why because i am an animal needing to be housebroken? i meant domestic.

TWO BEEFS! not one, but two, TWO!

that’s how artists make it, you just do art and nothing else basically so you are forced to succeed. there, and thus the cycle of lazy continues on a little further.

ahh man it is going to be a loooong winter judging by how today went. i bought this stupid game for wii called balloon pop hoping it would be akin to that arcade bubble bursting game. it isn’t. i put it on thinking YES cutesy engrish explosive technicolour action packed puzzles galore will take us into snl home free wicked! i lasted two minutes then fil gave it a go and played 168 levels and could not stop. i read for a bit on the couch beside him silently thinking i fucking hate you so much (kidding) and kept pestering him to finish and just die already (in the game) anyway fuck that game i should have bought the golden compass or that animal crossing city folk one ARG. so i am already in i feel too fat for the outside world phase, cannot be bothered to humour any person place or thing with my usual witty repartee so we are insville tonite, rented a movie and if it blows we will hopefully get in a fight to pass some more time. ha one nite a few weeks ago in the lcbo fil picked up a nice bottle of rye and i said oh so ya want to get in a fight tonite? (fight juice)

i bought my dad the making of plastic ono band dvd for his bday next weekend after bugging all of hmv with the wrong name of it every young dude was beyond confused then a ponytail boomer comes up like pushes this emo haircut out of the way and exhales in one breath UGH JUST LET ME SEARCH IT bingo found it. funny.

we looked at new spectacle frames for fil, i picked them out, actually chose the best most pleasing pair my first selection, kind of a clark kent meets buddy holly meets wall street meets boner in my pants.

if i just keep blogging i keep the crazy at bay what else i am runnin’ out of ammo here.

oh right i have some swank tickets to give away for this xmas party at the windsor arms dec. 20 when i think of something humiliating enough for yiz’all to compete over winning my love for i shall let you know for now here’s some copy and pasted media release deets on it:

Smirnoff Vodka hosts RED HOTEL at The Windsor Arms

http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=99739748

ok ADD kicked in time for something else have a good nite.

Steph: haha i wrote back
ahaha aww your chair. you drew that old fashioned guy so good tho

me: huh
its bad on the canvas
the back leg is in the wrong place pointing the wrong way

Steph: well im just saying you drew the other one good so dont give up. and dont you even CARE that fern is thriving? did you see those buds???

me: yes!!!
so happy

Steph: ok goof
d
ahha
what are you doing today

me: that was gonna sprout up anyway i saw it before u took him i was monitoring it
dunno
u have wedding right

Steph: oh ok fuck u

me: HAHAA
are you saying you created life

Steph: theres 2
im saying im a good nanny gimme some credit

me: thank you horticulturalist

Steph: AHAHAHAHAHA
thank you

me: are you going to stick some weed seeds in there
hahaha

Steph: AHAHAHHAA

this regular douche brought paris in just to show her off bahaha.

awesome picture what a little grunger.

brooke shields had a cream cheese bagel here we were told. we were told a lot of things actually. the owner/servers are the nicest people ever, go there and see for yourself.

haven’t had one of these in ages. so so sososossoosoo GOOD. i got it w/o fries to feel less guilty about it.

mmm jerk turkey w/ potatoes. sigh carbs i hate you so.

then we watched new jack city and hugged with our pants off.

hey Canaduhians have you heard of zoomit? they linked me and are basically like Digg or StumbleUpon or Delicious.

Not for the faint of heart – Raymi blogs on almost anything – she has won numerous blog awards, written a couple of books and even been interviewed on CBC Radio 3 – just goes to show you that a manic depressive agoraphobic with bipolar disorder can still still [sic] make a living – thanks to the internet. There is hope for us all.