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ok so every summer when i was a kid we went away for a week to sauble beach or wasaga, or to the cottage, sometimes we did all three in a week. the older we got the more beach it was over the cottage. anyway, before each trip my grandpa would give us (my brother and i) a couple twenties to spend on our vacation. thanks grandpa! usually i blew it on truly ridiculous shit like whoopie cushions, water guns, a plastic switchblade, inflatable toys, whatever. i remember i had this teeny little cushion shaped like a heart that my grandma made and it had a little pocket on it, it was a tooth fairy pillow thing, she made one for my brother too, very whimsical and it had lace trim, pretty gay actually but very sweet. anyway, i decided that this thing was going to hold my forty dollars, so in my 2 bills went and where did i decide to keep it? i hung it off the dry cleaning hook in the back seat of the car above my head and stared at it for the majority of the ride to sauble beach. i remember at one stop my dad was like what the fuck is that and unhooked it and i flipped out. seriously this thing was probably the least stealth flimsiest dumbest money hider ever. anyway, i only lasted maybe a couple hours having it hanging there, why i couldn’t just put my money in my pocket to begin with? as i stared up at it i fantasized over all the things i would spend that money on.

i didn’t end up spending my money until after we got back from vacation and i bought two huge trolls of course, with purple hair, in wedding attire, one groom one bride. they were the monster-sized ones. prior to vacation was my uncle’s wedding and i was a junior bridesmaid and my dress was purple and i was OBSESSED and CONSUMED with weddings now cos i had so much fun that nite and i felt heartsick about it being over oh man so gay i know. i even bought a flower girl and ring bearer troll to complete the set. i also had like 30 other trolls.


ok i will go get my journal and transcribe all the entries that revolve around that wedding it’s pretty pathetic. oh wait i did spend some of that money on a beavis and butthead t-shirt that made me wicked fucking cool once september rolled around.

i seriously don’t know how parents can keep a straight face when their kids are being total morons. my kid is going to be so over the moon oh man can’t wait for the zingers.


ok and remember i said i am never blogging about diets again? well i still get asked about it a lot, i found the post i wrote finally when i did phase two of dieting and lost more weight. here it is FUCKING BOOKMARK IT THIS TIME.



me: no
when did u do a troll thing


i didnt write about it
i just found them with my barbies and took them out

me: aw
mine are the big obnoxious ones
i wonder if i can sell them on ebay for some good coin

Highwaisted: maybe
that is fucking hilarious
we should play with them

we should make a skit and film it for my blog
because i dont think all of toronto is convinced that i am a fucking lunatic enough yet

Highwaisted: um that would be amazing
im in

me: it will end in sex and violence obvs

Highwaisted: amazing

One thought on “STORYTIME!

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