may save this beast for tomorrow nite instead, it’s kinda chilly out, feh we’ll see how lazy i am. cut dress shorter now it’s all punk slobrock frayed.

how we dry our hair

hi guys we stayed in with my eye sty last nite and watched tv in bed and then saw a commercial for irish cream blended with ice and peeled it to the wine store (they sell a bailey’s rip-off there) and fil made me go in, i felt sheepish like hey yeah saw you yesterday ungh anyway fil drank the entire bottle mostly, i should’ve gotten wine instead i can’t deal with the creamy. i also saw a commercial for creme brulee and so i went into dominion but couldn’t find any and it smelled bad in there too so i grabbed a tiny piece of tiramisu (terrible) and a bottle of caramilk chocolate milk! i’m drinking the rest of it right now in my espresso, best idea ever!

this was the loser outfit i was actually going to wear out in public yesterday to see eliz (bailed out we both feel sick, we as in me and fil):

nothing says hi i missed you like greasy piece of dick ensemble.

this is me right now:

i know you geniuses are frothing for an update so i’ll hit publish now then add some more garbage to this in a second.

fil brought us home some pasta and risotto and a chicken/brie kaiser sammich last nite, we fight about how he doesn’t bring me home snacks while i sit around starving all day long and he says it’s cos there are only pasta dishes and sandwiches to choose from (raymi diet no-no’s) but last nite i said fuck it and chowed down, i swear i haven’t had pasta in over a year (vermicelli doesn’t count that’s rice noodles) anyway holy crap i forgot what it tasted like, it was like, a buttery explosion in my mouth jeez louise i was going OH MAN OH MAN the entire time sitting up honest injun in bed and fil was flabbergasted oh what a show like this chick seriously gave up pasta for a long ass time. then of course ten minutes later i felt completely sick cos i was also shot-gunning risotto and that sandwich too, no matter, the cabinets here on penis lane are fully stocked with eno.

oh look more rain on the agenda today!

ungh my fucking EYE people! it’s been hurting since yesterday, i thought i blew it out or something from crying my head off sunday nite but i just deduced now that it’s possibly from a bug bite, yeah thanks a lot little fucker you know i rented BEE movie last week and this is the thanks i get for it? yeah thanks a lot seinfeld.

it hurts if i blink too hard or squint or think about it god i’m hideous. it itches and it’s right on the border where i put mascara all over my bottom lid where it meets EYEBALL holy hell is that ever convenient.

UPDATE: it’s a sty! fuck! i also think i’m getting sick. life rules right now!

anyway, here i am taking myself extremely seriously as usual:

jesus, i hope nobody watched that. you can see the massive bruise i have on my right thigh. i am falling apart.

and this was my disgusting lunch, veggie “hamuburger” thing:

me: sigh

me: EWWWWWWWw

and will you look at this sloth?

two words: EXER and CISE.

thingsididlastnight

BURN!

she looked so damn good when she said to me “its not like they said it would be, loneliness is beautiful strange and free”

central is closed on mondays so we went to the butler’s pantry instead, it’s cozy and nice enough i guess, kind of a lame scene though.

headed inside cos it kept raining on and off, sat side by side watching this couple feel like they were being scrutinized by us, both a bit dowdy and unhip, made me feel a bit sad. not that being cool is the focal point of my existence or anything, but happiness is, and these dudes didn’t seem to be brimming with either of the two. they barely spoke to each other, and seemed tired. when i eventually stopped paying attention to them i caught the chick staring at me porn all over my meal, our table was right under a spotlight too, pretty funny.

biryani 7.95 very tasty.

this is supposed to be their show stopper dish, the “bibim bop” i forget what they called it i know there’s different names for it, anyway, i don’t see an egg on top of this shit or a hot clay pot so i call bullshit, the bulgogi beef was good enough though, i deduce it’s the most popular meal cos all the squares get a kick out of pronouncing what it is, i dunno, i was pretty underwhelmed.

i like that they plated this like that cooking mama game.

people in the annex dig this get-up, people as in pervy dudes checkin’ out my pud, fil says i can’t say that word PUD PUD PUD haha. it’s not as lippy looking as fil makes it out to be, it’s just, you know where to look and if you’re lucky you may glimpse an outline of some sort. ungh you guys are sick. fil says if he dressed like a slut maybe he’d get checked out as much as me.

our pal chris handmade some obscene amount of these pins. yeah i bet his wife made them all nice try chris.

that’s it for now kids, we rented the grand which is good enough for you to rent, funny. according to sass we are so OLD and hetero, just like that butler’s pantry couple. le sigh.

+++

all these nerd losers are debating my mariokart wii penis video STILL like go out and get laid or something am i right?? anyway here is a new video from the original perspective, still proving that’s a giant fucking cock.

A LAUNDRY STORY!

guess what, my laundry nemesis is at it again today, three washing machines for a teeny amount of clothes, she separates like this: whites, whites with tiny little colour embellishments (so unnecessary to separate that from whites), and colours. meanwhile i stuff 200 pieces of laundry into one machine (they actually work best when they’re full as hell) anyway the best part of this story is another woman came in a minute after me with laundry and tsk’d when she saw all the machines were taken and i got the adrenaline surge shakes and jumped on this chance don’t you worry yes i did! i said, yeah it’s the same person who does this ALL the time no wait i said i KNOW who it is, takes up three machines for a tiny amount of clothes, what a waste of water and it’s totally rude too. the woman is pretty miffed and in agreement and notices the over-flowing amount of suds in two of the machines and says yeah she uses a LOT of soap too and i say yeah, does it all the time (repeating, driving point home) and i have this huge basket of clothes and it fits into one machine and i mix colours and whites no problem and so now i see that i have successfully got her going i add well she’ll be back down in 20 minutes (pointing to the machine time counting down) heheh. the woman says YEAH AND THEY WORK THE BEST WHEN THEY’RE FULL (something we don’t really know for sure but were told this in a memo and it’s something we like to repeat out loud to each other a lot) i get someone else to deal with the problem that’s been irritating me forever. i was this close to saying someone should really write a note about this (people LOVE writing notes in buildings!) though i did add hey isn’t there a 2 machine limit? woman says yeah but i guess if you’re alone you can use three? i shake my head, implying that’s not the point AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO CARES ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT HERE PEEEEOPLE? i think laundry nemesis is a maid for someone in the building, her laundry obsession leads me to believe this, like always there, and she dresses like a maid would, plus she’s eastern euro and scowls a lot.

god i love the laundry drama llama ding dongs.

no YOU get a life!

ok now i have to run down and swipe a dryer, if she has separated her clothes for drying this time i’m going to speak up! oh i hope i do!

**update**

i went down and there was soap suds all over the floor and laundry nemesis was there too AND the woman and the woman was complaining over the sink ringing out a cloth saying OH JUST TOO MUCH SOAP over and over then sees me and says LOOK! and gestures with both arms to the machine that’s stuffed with soap suds and the nemesis is lookin’ real sheepish, collected her clothes and left looking over her shoulder at me on her way out HA! then i asked the woman if that machine was hers (nemesis’s) (FULL of soap suds like someone dumped soap in a fountain or hot tub scene in a comedy) and the woman says oh no she knows better she has worked here for years and years um yeah sure but you missed the total guilty look she gave me when you weren’t looking. i just shrugged and put my clothes in the dryer and the woman says wow you weren’t kidding that is a LOT of clothes.

ME I WIN!

Ryan:today is powerfully uncool i’m watching golf
help

me: yes
hahahhahaha nice one